tv Charlie Rose PBS September 14, 2013 4:00am-5:00am EDT
invading iran. oh, uh, before you go, i'd like you to put this on. sheinhardt wig company? what's this? a way to show support for our parent company, which is having a little p.r. hiccup right now. all right. thanks. picked up your tuxedo from the cleaners, mr. donaghy. just like you asked. thank you, kenneth. let me just take this plastic off. 'cause i saw on martha stewart how we're all doing everything wrong. where are the pants? sweet peaches! what have i done? somewhere along the way, they must have slipped out the bottom. it's all right, kenneth. these things happen. [sighs] uncle butch was right. i'm just a stupid country bumpkin with great skin and soft hands. i'll just have jonathan bring over another pair. no, sir. this is my mistake. i will replace your pants. they cost $2,500. i will find your pants! all right! my prescription shampoo! oh. (angry man) who is it? hi, i have your mail.
i live across the hall. h-hi, i didn't even realize anyone had moved in over here. welcome. [ominous music] i'm...liz. what's your name? raheem. raheem. that's-- that's my mother's name. no, it-- no, i'm just kidding. give me my package, please. oh...okay. well, it was nice to meet... (woman on tv) coming up next, candace van der shark, a lifetime intimate portrait. have you met the guy across the hall? raheem? yeah, he's a good egg. he's wei. he wouldn't shake my hand. and i think it's because i'm a woman. and get this--he's got maps all over his walls. maps. maps? you mean like that one? that's different, that's-- that's an antique. and i'm a white lady. what are you saying there, liz? pete, you know me. i never make assumptions about race. remember, i asked that black guy if he had seen sideways? but this guy...
i don't like him. you're being paranoid. raheem is a really nice guy. and he's always helping. he rewired the toaster oven, and...he showed me a back way to the airport. listen to yourself, pete. i don't want to sound racist, but that pita pocket might be a terrorist. that sound racist? (donaghy) this rich chestnut color is natural? [laughs] excuse me. whiskey, straight up. i'll have a white rum with diet ginger ale and a splash of lime. wow, i never would have pegged you for a university of tennessee sorority girl. well, you've got to pace yourself with these things. we go all night. that's good advice. unfortunately, i promised bill frist the next slow dance. i'm c.c. jack. nice haircut. sir, here's your nancy drew. for men, it's called a hardy boy. [traffic noise]
hey, kk, how's it hangin'? very low, sir. very low. i lost something real important. you know what i do when i lose something? i yell real loud until i find it. so what is it that you lost? pants. pants! pants! pants! pants! pants! pants! how 'bout the sean johns? were you chafing again, tray? i don't think that's gonna help me find mr. donaghy's pants. well, did you retrace your steps? or go back to the drycleaners? yes, obvious twins. and i tried looking in the last place you'd ever expect. and, no, mr. donaghy's pants are not in the ladies' room at that laser tag place on 12th avenue. it's no use. i'm just gonna have to replace 'em. but where am i ever gonna get $2,500? well, why don't you just do like i do and sell your autograph at the car show? [piano playing] ♪ what the world needs now ♪ ♪ is love, sweet love ♪ it's the only thing ♪ that there's just too little of ♪
♪ what the world needs now ♪ ahh! go! come on, go! [grunting] go, go! go! come on! gah! [both shouting] what the what?! [siren] [giggles] [mumbles] oh, my god. [romantic jazz] thank you for an incredible night. really? did you have a good time? 'cause i really did. unbelievably good. and thank you for letting me try the thing i tried. i'm...sorry i dropped you.
oh, no, it was great. i mean, who knew that ottoman had wheels, right? well, i gotta get to work. uh, en can i see you again? anytime. you name it. (male interviewer) congressman cunningham, it is a pleasure to have you on our program. hi, dan. thank you for having me. celeste cunningham. c.c. you didn't tell me you're a congresswoman! i just ended my first year. (newscaster) but also on some of your constituents. "d"? vermont? big business is out to get us again. the sheinhardt wig company has dumped thousands of gallons of auburn fantasy dye #260 into the chickotagua river, turning the children of chickotagua orange. and i will not rest until this company and all of its subsidiaries are held financially responsible! [grunts]
why do you have this? i run a sheinhardt wig subsidiary called nbc. oh, my god. you're jack donaghy? what were you even doing at that party last night? oh, my god. this was a mistake. forget about what i said. i can never be seen with you again. you're right. we have to pretend that this never happened. yeah, i have to get out of here. damn it, the worst part is... [crying] i really liked you a lot. [sighs] i gave her the ottoman, and she walked out. [sighs] even when you don't now yhave time for a break break with new kit kat minis. poppable, bite-sized minis that let you make break time anytime. laura's being healthy and chewing her multivitamin. with one a day vitacraves for women. it's a great-tasting gummy multivitamin designed for women
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esurance. insurance for the modern world. good evening, this is flo. [laughs] yes, i'm that flo. aren't you sweet! licensed phone-ups available 24/7. call 1-800-progressive. sir, i typed up that letter. hey, uh... what do you need, lemon? nothing, i just, uh... it can wait. lemon, there's nothing you could say to me that you can't say in front of jonathan. i think my middle eastern neighbor is a terrorist, and i don't know what to do.
that's ridiculous, lemon. some of our greatest patriots have been of middle eastern descent. and i'm appalled to hear you engage in racial profiling like that. i'm kidding. be an american--call it in. this is the number of a friend of mine in a very high-level position at homeland security. oh, no, not-- now i don't know. maybe i'm just being paranoid. if a bleeding heart liberal like you has any suspicions... i know, right? [jefferson airplane's somebody to love ] nice ring tone, jack. that's not my ring tone. i hate that san francisco sound. how am i calling myself? this isn't even my phone. [beep] jack? c.c.? i think i have your phone. yeah, you must have grabbed it by accident. [whispering] after our night of doing it. take the freight elevator to the sixth floor, and i'll be right down. uh... are you all right? well, last night i... never mind. these verizon wireless phones are just so popular. i accidentally grabbed one belonging to an acquaintance. well, sure, 'cause that verizon wireless service is just unbeatable.
i mean, if i saw a phone like that on tv, i would be like, "where is my nearest retailer so i can...get one?" can we have our money now? come on...big money. [coins jingle] [sniffs] whoa. this ketchup expired two years ago. hmm. dude, how much would i have to pay you to eat this whole bottle? honestly? $1,000. $400. i got all the way to harlem when i heard wagner coming from my phone. harlem? i'm working out of the clinton offices for a few weeks. i'm helping hillary retool her universal health care platform. god, i wanna kiss you on the mouth to stop you from saying such ridiculous things. here's your phone. obviously, we can never be seen together again. obviously--i'm up for the chairmanship, and i don't wanna risk that. they give you a helicopter, you know. what about me? how can i look those little orange children in the eye? they have no other documented health problems, you know. they're orange! this is why i got into politics--
to stop big companies from hurting the little guy. what happened to you that made you this way? in 1998, i got shot in the face by my neighbor's dog. oh, c.c., i'm so-- wait, what? my neighbor had a riverton hunting rifle with a faulty trigger safety. one day, his jack russell terrier started chewing the area, the gun went off, and shot me in the face. no. a terrier? so i did what was right: i sued riverton, my neighbor, and the dog. c.c., i'm so sorry. well, don't be. after six reconstructive surgeries, i'm much better-looking now than i used to be. plus, they made a lifetime movie about me. (female announcer) tonight on lifetime, candace van der shark stars as celeste cunningham in: you know, i thought you made love like an ugly girl. so present, so grateful.
who's that?! nobody. don't lie to me, jack. i've had plenty of women mad at me the morning after. just don't let her light your sneakers on fire in the bathtub. oh, she would never do that, tracy. she's a very special woman. so then what's the problem? well, we're just on opposite sides of a feud. oh, i get it: romeo and juliet. capulets and romulans. mm-hmm, i've been there. i'm black, she's white. i'm black, she's light-skinned black. i'm black, she's 17. hey, listen, if she's your soul mate, you go for it. tracy, i don't believe in soul mates. i worked too hard to get where i am to sacrifice it for some woman. i don't care if she is beautiful, brilliant, and she does it like her dad's a minister. [sighs] [all cheering] sir, that was impressive! ugh. my feet are puffed up real bad. dude, let us give you the rest of the money
for donaghy's pants. no, mr. rossitano. we parcells are neither wealthy nor circumcised, but we are proud. i have to earn that money. all right, i got a job for you. every night after dinner, lutz falls asleep on the couch in our office. mm-hmm. [knock on door] can i help you? pete! pete! pete! [friendly] raheem! ready to go? you guys are going out? yeah. my buddy, raheem, invited me out with him to celebrate. he just completed some big project he's been working on. soon everyone will know the name raheem haddad.
[buttons beeping] hi, i'm not sure, but-- (man) who is he, and where can we find him? [dog barking on tv] hey, c.c. we're having a barbecue tonight. you're welcome to come. thanks. maybe i will. [dog barking and growling] get the gun away from the dog. hey, hon, have you seen my hunting rifle? last time i saw it... the dog had it. what is wrong with you people? [growling] [gunshot] i'm going to get into politics! [sighs] [traffic noise] aaaargh! aah! aah! aaaah! [screaming] aah! got him! gah! [screaming] [choking]
oh, god, oh! whoa! whoa! ape attack! ape attack. smarts! [whimpers] are you okay? okay, that went too far. i still need $700. what's next? you know that old lady in accounting... who thinks you're her husband who died in the war? what about her? i do believe in destiny. and i know that i should hate you, but i can't. i love you. and i don't care what people say. we were meant to be in each other's lives. [whispering] you're right, c.c. [whispering] some dudes took raheem last night. huh...sounds like an american hero saw something and said something. elizabeth lemon, i can't believe you did that. raheem is a good guy! you seem to be defending raheem an awful lot. i'd hate to have to make another phone call. no, we're cool.
uh, i renounce raheem. raheem's a bad guy. usa number one! [slams door] tracy, i need your help. i've gotta go somewhere, and i can't be seen, and cabs don't go there. sure, where is it? clinton's office in harlem. i know where that building is. i get my jamaican meat pies there. finally, my scalp rx. oh, my god. i am raheem haddad. and this is my brother hakim. and these are the reasons you should choose us to be the next contestants on the amazing race! amazing what? [computer music playing] uh-oh. we love to travel. look at all thplaces we have been: toronto, munich, london, the hoover dam, the cleve. oh, boy.
where teams compete to make the right decisions about safe food preparations. our challenge in this round -- read and follow package cooking instructions, and use a food thermometer. let's see how our teams are doing so far -- team 1? we just got 100 points. we separated our raw food from our cooked food. team 2? we got a 100-point green card for proper hand washing before our meal prep. referee: we've reached a critical safety point in the challenge. okay, team 1, let's check this out. uh-oh, not a safe internal temperature for those hamburgers. that puts everyone at high risk for food-borne illness. you get a red card -- undercooked. always read and follow the package cooking instructions and use a food thermometer. let's see how our winning team cooked it safe and avoided problems. well, i just kept focus on the four food safety steps -- clean, separate, cook, and chill. and we followed the package cooking instructions
oh, actually, i'm running to the airport to get her. can you bring it over? i'm sorry, did we get married when i wasn't looking? it's just that jen's meeting my mom for the first time. it's--it's pretty exciting. how so? well, i mean i just think that she's lucky she's not getting one of those meddling mother-in-laws. i mean, my mom's really cool. well, i'm sure it'll go smoothly. i'll bring the bed over. oh, hey, thanks. "my mom's really cool." kid's priceless. hey, the tv's not working. did you touch the remote? not since i saw you scratching yourself with it. well, check the bedroom tv. i'll call the satellite company. let's go.
oh, great, a recording. (audrey) bedroom's not working either. technical difficulties? what did i call, the 1960s? how hard can it be to keep a satellite in geosynchronous orbit with the earth to receive and send images to a dish out outside of our window? i mean, what's so difficult? honey, there are plenty of other things we can do besides watch tv. all right, maybe "plenty" was a reach. this is like an episode of the twilight zone. a show i wish i could watch right now. dvd? i'm not watching braveheart again. how about we have a little conversation? sure. [exhales] my favorite part is when mel gibson keeps yelling "freedom."
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after growing up with four brothers, it'll be great to have another female in the family. i'm so excited to do girl stuff, like go shopping and talk about the wedding. oh, great idea, yeah, let her hijack the wedding before the date's even set. she didn't hijack-- nothing. fay's not like that. she lives in sedona. she's new agey and creative. i bet she'll have some really cool ideas. hmm, still gave birth to adam. yeah, she's gonna be judging everything you do. and trust me, nothing will ever be right. that's great that it doesn't still bother you. (adam) hey! we're here! jen, this is my mom. it's so nice to meet you, fay. oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes! man, i wish i had a camera. we have a camera. oh, i wish i hadn't broken the camera. hey, mom, these are our friends from down the hall. that's audrey and jeff. hi, it's so nice to meet you. audrey! okay, we're doing this. hi. and jeff. easy, lady.
oh! okay. it is so nice to meet all of you. and, jen, adam's father really wanted to come, but he's on the second day of his colon cleanse. and you wouldn't want him here on day three. hey, mom, what do you think about the apartment? jen did all the decorating. well, it's, uh, not really an apartment. it isn't? what you've created here is a home. and adam has never looked happier or healthier. and it's all you. oh, thanks, fay! oh, how was your flight? ugh, nightmare city. at the airport, the security chick got real frisky with me. and, you know, i mean, sure, i've gone that way, but get to know me first, right? [laughing] look at 'em. it's like they belong together. yeah, like my thumb and a remote.
hey, man, how's it going? keith partridge called. he wants his shirt back. i got it from your mother. hey, watch it. no, literally i got it from your mother. she gave it to me as a birthday present. what is it with you and my mom? if i had a dime for every time i heard that question. i mean, you've only met her a couple of times, and now you act like you've known her all your life. i'll lay it on the line. fay's the mom i never had. but you have a mom. but yours is better. she's so warm and caring, and she accepts me for who i am. when i was born, my mom demanded a dna test. there she is. fay! how's my little rustling leaf? oh! ooh! oh, my shirt. i wasn't sure if a child's large would fit, but it does. [laughing] like a child's large glove. hey, sweetie. hey. hey, how was the rally? oh, fantastic. climate change is pushing the polar bear
towards extinction. ooh, really? i did not hear that on entertainment tonight. yeah, and who'll help the polar bears if we don't? oh, not the black bear. they're all like, "yo, take that, whitey." oh, and i met some really, really interesting people who invited me to join them at a spontaneous public art project. oh, would you like to join me? oh, i'd love to, but we have to work. you mean, you have to work, mr. corporate sellout. no, we work together. ah, i'm gonna need you to stay late and pick up my slack. hey, i found someone to cover for me. i can go. good! hey, i just thought of another one. magnum, p.i. yeah, yeah, that was a good show. good stories, good scenery, good mustache. [chuckling] it's fun thinking of tv shows that are good. but i'm now i'm gonna go count how many plastic containers we have in the kitchen. 14, but only 9 lids. what's up with that? come on, there's gotta be
something interesting we can do that does not involve tv. well, we could play monopoly. [laughing] oh, monopoly? no way. you take it way too seriously. it's just not fun for me. well, you know, it's not fun for me to always have to watch you being a sore loser. oh, all right. you're on. and this time the little shoe is gonna kick the thimble's ass. i'm not sure the thimble has an ass, but... let's do this. ah, pennsylvania avenue! home of jeff's hotel and spa. a wholly owned subsidiary of jeff-co. tell me how much. well...$1,400. well, i only have $1,200. love to let you slide, but corporate's been riding me about comps. but you know? i'd say that shirt and bra are worth the $200.
i don't think so. but i do think it was kind of dumb of you not to get earthquake insurance for your properties. uh-oh, uh-oh. uh-oh. looks like it's gonna be a big one! ooh! now it's fun. 400 bucks. 400 bucks for the shirt and the bra. oh, here's a film i've been dying to see. oh, great. hey, let's all go tonight. sounds fun. let's do it. okay, i'll just take a quick shower, and then i'll be ready to split. split? far out, man. [chuckling] isn't she great? she is a trip. i knew you'd love her. (fay) oh, where's my head at? don't mind me. i just forgot my loofah and my kelp shampoo.
trebek's wrapping up the first round on jeopardy! what is "this blows?" [telephone rings] i'll get it. no, let me get it! hello. is it the satellite company? it's jennifer. jennifer from the satellite company? from down the hall. oh. ask her what's going on in the outside world. has the country gone metric yet? (jennifer) what? no, it hasn't. still not metric. heh! suck on that, europe. anyway, fay's not judging me, but she's kind of weird. she thinks it's okay to walk around the apartment naked in front of us. really? naked? how's her body? smokin'. but adam didn't even flinch, so, you know, i don't know if i'm overreacting or if-- oh, i gotta go. okay, bye. hey. wow, prime location. it's a documentary about che guevara. i didn't exactly have to put a sweater over a seat.
where's your mom and russell? oh, still getting popcorn. mom's talking to the manger about the trans fat in the butter. well, i hope she doesn't see my nachos. the ingredients are chemical and yellow. [chuckling] come here. ugh! oh! what? oh, you're a little, you know, b.o.-ey. did you use deodorant? oh, yeah, i used this natural stuff mom gave me. do you know there's aluminum in the kind we use? yeah, i believe it acts as a stink shield. this deodorant's better for the world, so... not the world downwind of you. so you don't really think it's weird that your mom walks around naked? no, not at all. i mean, it's how i grew up. everyone comes into the world naked. yes. mm-hmm. and then we go to macy's. the manager ignored me. i only wish i could show him pictures of people's arteries after they eat that popcorn. i didn't get any popcorn. [classical music playing] ♪
so, fay, i thought tomorrow we could head out for a big fun day of shopping around 11:00. oh, man, i totally spaced. i-i know we made plans, but i can't go. i got really involved with this art project. oh, that's too bad. i wanted to show you some wedding things. oh, honey, you and adam don't have a date set yet, do you? no, but don't worry. when we do set one, i'm really excited to have you involved in all the planning. you guys are so great together, to be really honest, i'm totally cool if you don't ever get married. huh? i mean, you guys are already living together. you don't need government permission. who needs a piece of paper to prove anything? i kind of do.
and i thought adam did. i mean, no disrespect to you. i know you and shep never got married. that's true, but we had a wonderful navajo ceremony. oh, i thought that picture of you in the squaw outfit was from a carnival. with the peyote, it sure felt like it. got you all set up in our bedroom. oh, thanks, baby. i think i'm gonna crash now. good night, mom. good night. oh, and i know it's a small apartment, and sound really carries, but feel free to make love. it won't bother me at all. i was at woodstock. you heard the woman. come on. yes, i did. and, ew, i am not doing it with your mom in the next room listening. (fay) oh, and if you want, there's a book on tantric sex in my carry-on. tantric sex? it's okay, mom, we're good. no, we're not good. we're freaking out! shh! go outside!
god. hey, why are you being so uptight? you need to mellow out. oh, i'll mellow out once nixon gets our troops out of 'nam and i spark up a doobie. why are you making fun of my mother? hey, i have been very patient with her, but you have to admit she's a little bit kooky. she's not kooky. she's passionate. not about waxing. okay, forget about the fact that she backed out of our shopping plans and that she's practically a nudist. she just told me that she doesn't even think we need to get married. she thinks it's just a piece of paper. well, technically, she's right. oh, so that's what you think too? now you agree with mother nature? oh, yeah, like your family's such a treat. my family? at least my family has a god-fearing love and respect for clothing. shh! down the hall. see that? a couple days without tv, we put together our honeymoon photo album. something we've been meaning to do for 13 years. more you than me, but it's fun to see the old mullet again. (adam) this is not that big of a deal.
i mean, we used to all sleep in the same bed because we didn't have any hang-ups. (jennifer) hang-ups are good. i was raised with a healthy dose of shame and guilt and all that other good catholic stuff. adam and jennifer are having a huge fight right outside our door. oh, this is juicy. what abot your mother and you snuggling in the movie theater? what's wrong with that? nothing, in the hills of west virginia. oh, snap! what about your four animal brothers wrestling every night after dinner in the living room? they were having good clean fun. oh, even when they pulled you into it and almost gave you a concussion? i don't remember that. what about your family opening your christmas presents a week early? oh, we did that to stick to the man. the man? who's the man, santa? this is my new favorite show. i am really psyched about this. you know, it's one thing to look at art, but it's a whole other tr to be art. [chuckling] actually, my mother is art. her face was sculpted by a plastic surgeon. [giggles]
true story. and i really tried. i wanted to go shopping. she made other plans. i wanted manicures. she wouldn't because of the chemicals in the nail polish. she only eats gluten-free foods, and i don't know what gluten is, but i know i love it. wow, she certainly is different. i know, right? no, i was not backing you up there, sweetie. i mean, to her, you're different. the only thing is, she's not judging you. all right, i get it. but she doesn't even care if adam and i get married. she'd be fine if we lived together forever. but that doesn't mean that's what adam thinks. look, this woman is gonna be your mother-in-law. you are gonna have to deal with it. you're right. and trust me, i would trade her for mine any day. my mother-in-law treats jeff's father like a king, which gives jeff some pretty hilarious expectations. i just don't get it. i mean, growing up, all my friends loved my mother. well, imagine that. teenage boys loving a naked woman.
yeah, but my mom's so nice. i can't believe everything about her bugs jennifer. i've been married for 13 years. i minored in psychology. let me explain why. your mom is cuckoo for cocoa puffs. what? seems like a nice lady and all, but come on. crystals, burning sage in the lobby. hugging me. you know, i see nothing weird about any of that. well, that's because you were raised by granola-chomping tree people. look, you're not alone. at first, audrey and my mom didn't get along at all. yeah? what did they fight about? well, my mother feels that a wife should devote herself to her husband, get him with a martini when he comes home, whereas audrey... is wrong. do they get along now? i stay out of it. the guy who tries to break up the fight always ends up with a knife in his chest. everyone's family seems crazy to an outsider. i mean, who opens their christmas presents
the week before? wait, how do you know about that? last night's episode of the adam and jennifer show. my wife and i are big fans. so what's the theme of this picture? are the overcoats supposed to symbolize the conformity of modern...something? only the artist knows. ah. okay, people, let's do this quickly before security comes. this is so exciting. you know, i know we're not related, but whenever we are together, it really feels like... (photographer) one, two, three! to me that you're my mother--aah! aah! no! no, no! mommy? hey. hey. i'm sorry. me too. ooh, you smell good. what is that?
aluminum. thank you. so you still want to get married with a piece of paper and clothing and stuff, right? yes, i don't agree with everything my mom thinks, but i still love her, because she's my mother. you know, i should be more understanding and accept her the way she is. she'll grow on you. kind of like those mushrooms she used to keep on the window sill and wouldn't let me eat. oh, god. now that was a good ending. i wonder what's on next. eh, that boring elevator show. you know, we should finally get a telescope. that high-rise across the way? that would be like a hundred different stations. didn't i tell you we could have fun without tv? yeah. we could've even made it as a couple back in the golden age of radio. oh, thank the good lord. (audrey so what do you want to do the rest of the night? well, uh, satellite's still out,
well, it says so many things, but i think what it really symbolizes is the conformity of modern... something. i knew that was it! that's what i said. anyway, i don't think i can look at... your mom as my mom anymore. just because you saw her naked you lost the feelings? oh, i still have feelings. they're just in a new category. don't. okay, do not. train's already left the station, brother.
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to me. >> i love my hair. i love how i feel about my hair. >> i'm 52, and i look better now than i did when i was in my 40s. >> hi. i'm tom wainman, and i'm here to talk to you today about a company that has helped thousands of people look and feel great. for more than 30 years, hair club has offered hair-loss solutions to men and women who are fed up with thinning hair, hair loss, and the low self-esteem that can come with it. hair club is the leading provider of proven hair-loss solutions in north america. although many companies on tv and the internet claim they can regrow hair with miracle cures, are focused on only one product or solution, most of these claims are either biased or unproven. hair club is not about one product, one shampoo, or a miracle cure. hair club is about all proven hair-loss solutions. hair club is a real company, and they guarantee their work. hair club staff includes researchers, world-class hair stylists, a network of physicians, and trained hair-loss consultants, experts.