hey, rollo, i see you got yourself a few new threads. no, baby, this is the whole spool. hey, man, what's the occasion? hey, well, i won so much playing poker the other night that it burned holes in the pockets of my old one, so i had to buy some new ones. i bet it cost a lot of bread. hey, i was handing it out by the loaf. hey, but lookie here. the celebration has just begun. whatre you doing tonight? nothing. wrong. you talked me into it. hey, we're gonna have a ball! i got it all laid out. hey, baby, i'm all ears. you better be, 'cause i got 2 wild ones in just from detroit. ooh, sin city! yes, indeed, these 2 gave it that reputation! they are 2 sisters who are thirsty, sexy, and ready to enjoy. you better get on out of here. just tell me the where and the when,

i'm with you, brother. the when is tonight. i'm still with you. the where is here. you just lost me. i knew it was too good to be true. what's wrong? hey, man, how come we can't have it at your place? oh, man, we can't have nothing like that, you know, at my place. it's too small! yeah, but it's not going to work having it here, rollo. man, sure, it will. you got the kitchen for the booze and the snacks, you got the big living room for the party, and you got all other kind of room for...privacy. privacy? you can't have no privacy if you locked yourself in the closet and turned out the lights, you couldn't have no privacy. he'd be spying on you through the keyhole. i got it all planned out. what is this? it's for a cruise, you understand, up and down the coast. a cruise? yeah. it takes all night and ends up in catalina. for some early sunday morning fishing. we can put your old man on the boat and forget about him until tomorrow. hey, rollo, it just might work, man,

well, go ahead, then. man, shoot, this is going to work. hey, look here, what's going on in here? uh, it's rollo, pop. yeah, no kidding. i thought it was a bedspread. hey, man. you better be nice, rollo's got some good news for you. you're moving to australia? no, no. oh, that's the only good news rollo could have for me. go ahead, rollo, tell him. hey, look here. pop, rollo has got some tickets i got 2 in case you want to take a friend. what's all this talk about a cruise up to catalina? well, it's all right here in the brochure. just listen to this. yeah, listen to this. "cruise the colorful coast and fill your night with hours of concentrated fun." you hear that, pop? hours of concentrated fun! yeah. play shuffleboard under the stars. hey, shuffleboard under the stars. right on, yeah, see the flying fish. hey, see the flying fish! uh-huh. watch the big dipper.

yeah! yeah. hey, that brochure must have came with echo. hey, pop, look here, man! you're gonna love this! yeah, pop, you can end up in catalina for some early sunday morning fishing for yellowtail. let me ask you a question. while i'm out there on the boat, chasing yellowtail, what y'all gonna be chasing? well, see, pop, rollo and i are gonna level with you now, we are celebrating a little good fortune that he just recently came into. e 2 chicks lined up, and we want to use the house here for a party tonight, you know? is that all it is? rollo: hey, that's all. well, listen, why didn't you say so? you mean, you don't mind? no, i don't mind. you hear that, rollo? pop don't mind. hey, this calls for a toast, man. hey, right on, pops, 'cause you are the tops. we gonna drink you a toast. yeah, well, i'll drink to that. i drink to anything. hey, all systems are go.

and help out. all systems just stopped. no, man, that ain't what we had in mind, pop. we only got 2 chicks lined up, yeah, and we really didn't plan on you being at the party. well, it's my house, i should be at the party, and i got a pot of stew and some ripple. rollo: ripple? uh-huh. are you kidding? i got a fancy wine! called "beaujolais." all right, then. beau-jo-who? beaujolais. well, we'll just pour it in the river le." and we don't want no onion stew. well, we got to eat something. come on into the kitchen and smell it. hey, man, we don't want to smell no stew! we talkin' business here, we're not smelling stew. we got something to eat. we got snacks, we got potato chips, and peanuts, and clam dip, and all that kind of good stuff. well, it might give you appetite for some of this stew. smell it. [sniffs] eww!

at important. fred: it's not? no, see, this is the 20th century, man. food is out, love is in. well, i thought you needed the food part to have strength to take care of the love part. all right, let me put it another way. you see, pop, what you like and what we like is 2 different things. um, you wouldn't fit in at this party because you don't have nothing in common with the chicks that we got lined up. well, i eat and drink, and i dance. what do these chicks do? well, they do stuff like that, too, it's just that you from another generation, man, od that you eat and the drinks that you drink and the dances that you dance, are different from what they do. i mean, you'd be out of place at this party. no, i wouldn't. yeah, these 2 are live wire with no installation. they're red, hot, and ready, you know what i mean? yeah, you just wouldn't fit in. why don't you just take these 2 tickets and go on that boat ride like a nice old man and watch the big dipper? man, i ain't going nowhere. i'm staying right here. damn a dipper!

going to mess it up. party pooper. come on. look, here, baby brother, let's just go ahead and have the party at your crib, man. no, man, i told you it was too small. [mumbling] i ain't going on no boat ride, went on a boat ride when somebody fell off the boat. some sharks eat me up, ain't nobody find me but jack cou-- jack gusto. you had to do it, didn't you? you never want to cooperate. it's my home, i can stay if i want to. yeah, pop, but all we wanted to do so you gonna call it off, huh? oh, no. we're not calling it off. we're going to have it at rollo's pad. it's a little small and inconvenient, but at least we'll have some privacy. oh, you're just having it there so you can get away from me. if you want to put it that way. [inaudible] if that's what you're doing. "oh, i don't care, you don't make me angry." listen, you go ahead to rollo's. stay all night if you want to. you can stay there forever if you want to. i don't care. you don't think i could? i don't care. hey, man, rollo has asked me plenty of times to come and live with him,

i know one thing y'all got in common. both of y'all are big dummies. go ahead, who needs you? all right, i'm going! i'm gonna pack my things, and we gonna have the party there, and after that, i'm gonna stay there, i don't need you. good, good, congratulations. get to moving. i don't need you. i mean, who needs an ungrateful son around them? after all, i built this empire here for you. and look what happened. look what happened! the first time you run into a guy with 2 chicks,

would you say no to a lot more money? [excited scream] you just won a million dollars! no thanks. nice balloons, though! or no to more vacation days? janet, i'm giving you an extra week's vacation! what? no way. who says no to more? time warner cable's all about giving you more. like the most free hd channels and virtually unlimited movies and shows on demand, so you can binge all day. call now. and don't forget the free tv app. get ultra-fast internet with secure home wifi to connect all your devices. saving on mobile data fees, helps big time. switch to time warner cable. for $89.99 a month you'll get free hd channels,

half the world. we can call aunt rose as much as we want now. switching is easy. get our exclusive 1-hour arrival window, a money-back guarantee with no contract to sign. plus get free installation, tv equiment and epix included. really? honest...no.

is there anything you want me to do before i split? yeah. here, take this with you. what is it? it's something that you can remember me by, 'cause you might forget what i look like. hey, come on, pop. see here? it's a picture of you when you were 5. that's me standing next to you, with my head cut off. what do i need a picture like that for?

and a mother, and an uncle, and an auntie. and a cousin, and a nephew. i've been a whole damn family to you! here, take it. ok, i'll take it. yeah, take it. maybe you can pin it up on the wall, and when somebody asks you, "who is that?" you can tell them, "that's my father and mother "and brother and uncle and aunt and cousin and chauffeur all right, all right! and cook and landlord." all right. now look, i'll just be living with rollo. now, i'll be coming here everyday just like a regular job. it won't be the same, 'cause you be looking at me like i'm the boss. it won't be like we're partners no more. and the next thing you know, you'll join some union. what union? i don't know. son of a junk dealer's union. then you'll go on strike. and you'll be outside there with signs saying "sanford and son unfair." no, it just be "sanford's unfair,"

the picket sign. hey, man, i don't wanna hear no more of this. well, listen, you don't have to go just because i said you couldn't have the party. what if i said you could have the party and i didn't mess in it? hey, what you say and what you do are always 2 different things. no, really, i won't interfere. you go ahead and have the party with the pretty girls, and i'll go upstairs. and i won't even peep. and if i do peep, i won't laugh. hey, pop, i'm not just leaving because of the party, man. i think i'd be better off if i was living with somebody closer to my own age. well, i'd like to be closer to your age if i could, but i can't. see, in order for me to be closer to your age, i'd have to marry your mother when i was 7, and i couldn't do that, 'cause she wasn't born yet. well, so long, pop. i'll see you later. well, listen, son, wait a minute. what if i have a heart attack?

to dial with this arthritis. you're not going to have a heart attack. but what if i do have one, and i can't reach you in time? we might as well say good-bye now. hey, pop, you're gonna be fine, man. i told you a long time ago, let's get a dog. if we had a dog, i wouldn't be alone. hey, man, i'm leaving, pop, and that's all there is to it. now, if you need me for anything, i'll be at rollo's. bye, pop. yeah, go ahead, then. bye. i don't need you. i have plenty friends. i've got friends i've had all my life. i'll call grady. grady never let me down. own family let you down. [mumbling] shucks. i know i've got a friend. grady is wonderful.

hello. hello, grady? hey, listen, grady, i'm having a party over here, and i got a big pot of onion stew and some ripple, why don't you come on over? would you like to come on over? you can't? you what? has she got a girlfriend? come on over here and we can celebrate over here? oh, no? well, listen. suppose i come over to your place? see, i can get over to your place in about-- hello? hello?

and i know where i'm having it. hey, partner, this is gonna be great, huh? hmm? oh, yeah. yeah, i guess so. what do you mean, you guess so? what's wrong with you? well, i keep thinking about how my old man looked when i split, you know? aw, man, quit thinking about that. most cats cut out when they 16, you gotta cut out sometime. how old are you? 31. what you waiting on? medicare? come on, man, get your mind off your old man, and come on over here and put it where it belongs, on the chicks. right, on the chicks. hey, now that we're roomies, we can do this stuff all the time, huh? hey, yeah, this calls for a toast. right. here's to us and the girls, angel and della. and here's to me, a mellow fella.

oh, yes. how am i looking? ooh, mmm! right on! come on in here! [knock on door] [no audio] hey, hey! come on in, girls, beautiful. hey, meet lamont, my friend. this is angel, this is della. pleasure's all mine, ladies. nice to know you. would you ladies like to step this way, and we can sit down and get cozy. all right. here you go, ladies. what's that? uh, peanuts, potato chips, and clam dip. dig in. peanuts, potato chips, and clam dip? you're kidding! hey, that's the stuff you take to the zoo to feed the animals! [laughs] hey, baby, that's all we got.

o some eating, drinking, and dancing tonight! i did, mama, but i didn't mean we was going out, you know, or nothing like that. you know, i just thought we'd have, you know, a few drinks and a few snacks here and stuff. honey, if this is california living, i can't wait to get back to detroit. wait, wait a minute, wait a minute. wait a minute. i got an idea. uh, do you like to dance? i love to dance. why? well, uh, see, we can dance now and worry about eating later. well, where we gonna dance? right here! you must be kidding. this place is too small to dance in. well, we could do the slower dances. the old belly rubbing kind? uh-uh. della: let's go! i got an idea. why don't we have a few drinks? lamont: yeah. and then we can make plans as we go, huh? well, i could use a drink. oh, me, too. i could use a bunch of them.

what is this? beaujolais. this stuff could gag a maggot! what is it... what is it? furniture polish? uh, no, it's french wine. i'd rather have ripple. yeah, bring on the ripple! ripple? we ain't got no ripple. he ain't got no ripple! ain't that nothing! ain't no party with no ripple! dig it! hey, this is insane, let's go! [knocking on door] [both talking at once] wait--wait a minute. wait a minute! wait a minute! why don't just have a sit down, you know, and just relax for a minute. and lamont, you know, keep them happy, man. oh, no! hey, lamont, man.

hey, man, what are you doing here? i brought you dinner. you know how i hate to waste stuff that i cooked especially for you. yeah, well, why don't you take it home and put it in the freezer, all right? no, this is stew! this ain't ice cream. you eat it when it's hot, not when it's cold. and there's enough here for everybody. hello, rollo. how's my good friend rollo? and hello, ladies. uh, who's this? uh, this is fred sanford, lamont's father, of sanford and son. oh, what you got in the pot, pops? oh, it's just some stew that i fixed, and i was sitting at home alone and i thought i'd bring it over. y'all didn't eat yet, did you? uh, no, uh, all we had was peanuts and potato chips. oh, that ain't no good food. that's the kind of stuff you take to the zoo to feed the animals. look here, smell this.

yeah. ooh, i just love onion stew! oh, and i'm hungry enough to eat that whole pot. that's good. it's a good feeling to know somebody's enjoying your cooking while you at home, all alone, lonesome, and by yourself. well, wait now, you can't just leave all this here and go home alone and sit! yes, he can, girls. you love doing that, don't you, pop? well, good night, pops. no, wait a minute, wait a minute, look here, wait a minute. let me serve it, and then i'll leave in a little bit, and i'll just serve it to you. y'all got anything to drink? ench furniture polish. "bourougoleg" or something. hey, look here, reach inside my coat here. reach right in there. both: ripple! yay! this is what we was asking for! yay! oh, ripple! thanks, pop. ok. well, i'll just leave this here and you young folks enjoy yourselves. yeah, you do that. well, good night, pop. rollo: yeah, good night, pops, and thanks for the food.

well, what would i do here with you young people? well, we was just about to dance. couldn't you stay and have a little dance? you young girls wouldn't be interested in my kind of dancing. yeah, old stuff like the boogie woogie and apple jack... and...trucking. uh-huh! come on, show us! yeah, give us a demonstration! no, you don't want to do that. good night, pop. wait a minute. let me go! these girls want me to show 'em, i gotta show 'em. della: that's right. first, i'll show you the boogie woogie. see. [humming] whoo, pops, go on, get down! oh, yeah! inch by inch. wait a minute, is this how it goes? yeah, that's it. yeah, hey, let me try that! yeah, this is the boogie woogie. this is trucking. say, man, he's doing it to us again, ain't he? sure is. so, what we gonna do now?

[humming] hey, lamont, what are you doing home? what do you mean, what am i doing home? i thought you were staying at rollo's. yeah, i was, but i decided to come home, man. i thought you'd be glad to see me. you are glad to see me, aren't you? well, yes and no. what does that mean? yes, i'm glad to see you,

about seeing you right now. why, you and rollo gots nowhere you can go? why, what's going on here? what's all this? well, see, grady and i, we're gonna have a little party here. we're expecting company, and we wanted a little privacy. hey, you don't have to worry about me, i'll just go on upstairs and stay. no, no, no i'd rather you go out-- [knock on door] it's my company now. oh, i'll just sit right here. no, no, you can leave as they're coming in, that would be a better way. come right in, ladies. make yourself comfortable. hey, darling. ladies, i'd like you to meet my son, lamont. he was just leaving. hi, ladies. well, can't i just stay for a little while? and watch? just go ahead, son. everything's lovely. i'll see you later on. these girls don't drink your kind of drink, dance your kind of dance, eat your kind of cooking. bye. lamont: i know, but see-- no, bye, nothing. good-bye! well, now, ladies, we have a great dinner

let's work up a little appetite. would you like to dance? i'll you show you that boogie woogie stuff, ladies. come on, darling. [singing] ? yeah, boogie woogie ? [crash] lamont: sanford and son is recorded on tape

? good times ? ? anytime you need a payment ? ? good times ? ? anytime you need a friend ? ? good times ? ? anytime you're out from under ? ? not getting hassled, not getting hustled ? ? keeping your head above water ? ? making a wave when you can ? ? temporary layoffs ? ? good times ? ? easy credit rip-offs ? ? good times ? ? scratching and surviving ? ? good times ? ? hanging in a chow line ? ? good times ? ? ain't we lucky we got 'em? ?