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[humming] yeah. happy, happy, happy. today's the day we get our social security check, isn't it? you got that right. it's the only day of the month that the we become i. [humming] well, look here. why don't you take some of that money and buy yourself some singing lessons? ha ha! and some lavoris. you'll not anger me. today's the day that i gets $255.40. good ol' uncle sam. good ol' uncle sam? what are you talking about? that's not his money he's bringing me.

that's money that i worked for for 40 years of my life. yeah, yeah, yeah. all those years putting it in in one big lump and getting it back in dribs and drabs. dribs and drabs? that's right-- 255 dribs and 40 drabs. yeah, well, enough about the check for now. what'd you fix me for breakfast? oh, flapjack. oh, flapjacks? no. not flapjacks. flapjack. jack. when it's one, it's jack. and when it more than one, it's jack-es. you mean to tell me all you fixed me was one little flapjack for breakfast? no. i fixed you one huge flapjack.

uh, lamont, uh, did you ever see one of those movies where people eat in those fancy french restaurants right out of the frying pan? well, bony appetity. [knocking on door] uh, uh, don't. hold it. i get it. i get it. hold on. i am coming. i'm--hold it. who is it? mr. postman! yay! well, welcome, welcome, welcome. good morning. good morning. now, where is it? where's what? my check. oh, all right, here you go.

well, good-bye, youngster. you finish that flapjack? i didn't have to. that flapjack was dead on arrival. well, that's all right. don't worry about it. tomorrow i fix you a whole stack of flapjacks with oatmeal. hey, grady, i can't eat flapjacks and oatmeal. that's too filling. not flapjacks and oatmeal. flapjacks with oatmeal. flapmeal. is there any mail in there for me? well, now, that depends. on what? on whether you the occupant or resident. i was the occupant yesterday. today, you be the occupant, and i'll be the resident. ok. i'll tell you what. you be the occupant and the resident. and i'll be the recipient.

a couple of 6-packs, and some sweet lucy. hey, grady? huh? i think the government made a mistake. oh, that wouldn't surprise me. they're always making a mistake. well, what happened now? well, they sent you an extra check for $255.40. and they never wrong. well, now, that calls for a couple of drinks. i don't want a drink. 't counting on you. hey, you not planning on keeping that money, are you? oh, no. i'm planning on spending this money. yeah, grady, but that money doesn't even belong to you. oh, well, who does it belong to? the united states government. that check says grady, and the united states government's name is sam.

makes a mistake. and when they do, they got a whole system to cover 'em up. grady, the government doesn't have a system for mistakes like this. oh, yes, they do. they send out millions of checks a day, so they bound to make a mistake. so when they send one extra check here, they balance it off by sending one less check there. and that's known as the system of checks and balances. so you see, this is one of the checks, and i intend to keep the balance. grady, if you keep those checks, man, you're gonna land in jail. oh, no, 'cause i'm not gonna keep these checks. i'm gonna cash 'em and right now. oh, terrific. terrific. terrific. and what do you think the teller at the bank is gonna say when you hand her 2 checks from the government in the exact same amount?

all right, go ahead. go ahead. i ain't-- i'm not gonna try and stop you. just go right ahead, but i never thought i'd see the day when a man as basically as honest as you would do something that's wrong against the united states of america. america is not america. it's the people who live in america that make america america. america was just the name of the man who discovered us. and as a matter of fact, his last name wasn't america. it was vespucci. the point is that it's the people that make this country what it is. now, who are the people? you and me, that's who. so who's gonna send me to jail? you and me?

where could he be? he's been gone for 24 hours. hello, bubba? how you doing, buddy? this is lamont. fine. say, listen, uh, is grady over there at your place? well, have you seen him? well, see, we had an argument yesterday, and he stormed out of the house, and i haven't seen him since. i was wondering if you had seen him. huh? where? of course i looked in the house, bubba, he's not here. [knock on door] oh, wait a minute. i hear a knock on the door now. that's probably him. thanks a lot, bubba. bye. all right, i'm coming.

ere yet? no, aunt esther. i thought you were him. don't make matters worse, lamont. well, where could he be? i have no idea. he could be in a million places. have you looked there? he's probably out sinning with that ill-gotten money. well, just promise me one thing, aunt esther. just promise me that you won't tell grady that i told you about that extra social security check that he got. don't worry. i won't say a word. good. hey, good morning! hello, lamont. hello, esther. grady wilson, where have you been? uh, uh, excuse me, but i haven't had too much sleep. uh, is this your aunt esther, or is this king kong after he fell off the empire state building? where have you been, grady wilson? you had everybody worried to death. oh, me and otis, we were out having ourselves a time. we sure were. if you'll excuse me,

yeah. the john is upstairs, first door on the right. you were out reaping the fruit of your undeserved check, weren't you? yeah. we were out ripping off the government. how'd she find out about that check? i told her. i told her everything. i figured the truth was the best way. that's right. you can't get the lord to work for you by telling lies. yeah, well, i sure wish you'd tell him a few truths, so he can start working on that face of yours. watch your-- now, grady wilson, where have you been? oh, me and otis, we did the town. all night long? uh-huh. what could the two of you possibly find to do in this town all night? nothing. but you just said-- i said we did the town. i didn't say this was the town we did, did i? well, what town did you do? las vegas, nevada. you went to las vegas?

and we had ourselves some dinner and did a little gambling and caught 2 great acts at caesar's palace and the flamingo. sodom and gomorrah. no, no. nipsey russell and harry belafonte. i bet you spent every penny of both those checks in las vegas. i sure hope so. well, you still not through spinning, 'cause you still got the devil to pay. oh, no, i paid him last night. it for him on the hard 8. [telephone rings] oh-oh. somebody hit the jackpot. that's the phone, fool. hello. who? oh, yeah, just a minute. it's for you, grady. [humming]

yes, this is grady wilson, sir. oh. y-you'd like to come over. w-well, when? oh, that soon, huh? well, well, yeah, ok. good-bye. when is he coming? he said any minute now. h-he went over to my house, and when i wasn't there, he went to the corner to call. they gonna ask you for that extra check back. well, they're gonna be out of luck, 'cause i ain't got it. you mean you done spent both them checks already? all except $8.20. which i will pass on to a hit man if you don't get outta this house. well, i have stood amongst sinners too long. oh, good googly goop. now, what's the matter? i just pictured her

and i got sick to my stomach. wow. lamont, you know, i'm really in trouble now. well, i told you not to cash those checks. i told you it would get you in trouble. that's right. but, you know, last night was the first time since i've been receiving those checks that i felt they provided me with social security. you spent over $510 in less than 24 hours in las vegas. no, i didn't. after i left the bank, i got a load of groceries, and i paid the water and electric bill for the month. all right, that only adds up to about $50. you still spent over $400 in las vegas. yeah. how? happily. now, you gotta come up with that money, grady. now, how are you gonna do that?

m-maybe i can borrow it. well, look how time flies. i guess i'll be running along. hey, hey, wait, wait, wait a minute, otis. now, you got some money put away. i can't give you that money. i've been saving it for 20 years. well, what would i do if i get sick? or get senile? if i can't make money, who will i turn to? who's gonna help me? why, i'll help you, otis. how you gonna help me? you gonna be in jail, thief! [door closes] th-that guy's something. i thought i could count on him through thick and thin. well, i'll stick with you through the thin, grady, but when it starts gettin' too thick, you're on your own. [pounding on door] you're on your own. answer the door, lamont. come in! that's the wrong answer.

hey, how ya doin'? i'm lamont sanford, and this is grady wilson. well, how do you do, mr. wilson? oh, y-yeah, gosh, gee whiz, i--i feel a touch of pneumonia coming on. i've been very susceptible to pneumonia ever since i had a tooth taken out, see? and the cold air keeps rushin' up to my lungs. oh, i'm sorry. well, that's all right, mr. haystack. hastings. oh, that's all right. well, as i'm sure you have already discovered, a mistake regarding your social security check. huh? uh, wait a minute. i can't hear you. i'm sorry, but, you see, uh... the water in my lungs keeps rushing up to my ears. and it makes everybody sound like they're gargling. i'm so sorry. oh, well, that's all right, mr. haystack. hastings! oh, leave him alone. can't you see the man is sick?

for him seeing his friend die with water in the ears. i understand, and i'll try to be as brief as possible. now, as you are aware, our computer made a terrible mistake this month. hold it. there goes that gargling again. oh, it go hhrrrrrggh! like that. everything sounds like hhrrrrrggh! our computer made a mistake. it will eventually be corrected. however, during our read-out, we discovered you did not receive your check this month. i am very sorry. and i personally would like to present you with this one. oh, ho! not only did he receive-- lamont! lamont! lamont!

, i think-- lamont! to err is human... and to keep talking may be fatal. yeah, but, see, i think-- lamont! lamont, will you please go in the kitchen and get my miracle drug that i keep in the aspirin bottle? what? in the kitchen, lamont! you goin' to jail, chump. now, i hope the delay in this check did not contribute in any way to your sickness. we all make mistakes. well, here's your miracle drug. oh, why, thank you. i got the money for the social security! are you all right, mr. wilson? he's gonna be fine. are you from the social security? yes. i'm mr. hastings. how do you do? my name is otis littlejohn, and-- don't say nothin'! dr. otis littlejohn. doctor, i'm certainly glad that you have arrived. you see, i've been having trouble with my lungs, and i'd like for you to check me out.

open my mouth, and you can listen down my throat. [whispers] sounds good! his lungs sound real good! yippee! well, i guess i better be going now. i'm glad to see you're feeling better, mr. wilson. oh, hey, mr. haystack, i feel like a million dollars. as a matter of fact, i feel like $255.40. , good-bye, mr. wilson. yeah, yeah. yeah, take care of yourself, mr. hayseed. good-bye, mr. hastings. good-bye. well, i guess you won't be needing this anymore. oh, wow. y-you was gonna give me your whole life savings. i sure was. hey, well, that's very nice. i'm really very grateful. that's what friends are for. gimme that $15 you owe me, and i'll go. well, what-- why do i owe you $15? for my house call!

and, by the way, your lungs didn't sound all that terrific. [humming happily] you're not honestly planning on keeping all three of those checks, are you? well, no. not honestly. that's not what i meant. i know what you mean. and--and, yeah, i'm gonna keep 'em. yeah, i figure ty'll find out their mistake sooner or later. and, when they do, i'll settle up then, but, until that time, i'm gonna keep 'em with a clear conscience. grady, how can you have a clear conscience? well, i'll tell you how i can have a clear conscience. i'm 65 years old. now, 40 years ago, when i first complained about them takin' social security out of my check, they told me i'd get it back when i retired. well, when they took $1.00 out of my check 40 years ago, it was worth a dollar. now, when they givin' it back to me,

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i can't stand it anymore! well, stop shoutin'! i can't stand it, either. i'm talking about those checks, grady wilson, and what you're doing is wrong, and in my heart i know it's wrong, and i'm gonna call that mr. hastings and tell him. all right. well, you do that! i mean, a man must do what he knows in his heart is right. that's correct. you know, i got to thinkin' before, there's a good chance that they might not ever find that mistake. oh, they'll find it, all right. uh, may i please have the telephone number of the social security administration office. and what i mean is that it's possible

and 3, if old haystacks keeps coming by. thank you very much. well, but now figurin' i only get 2 checks a month, that's $500 a month. hello, may i speak with mr. hastings, please? and that adds up to $6,000 a year. hello, mr. hastings? this is lamont-- that's 3,000 for you and 3,000 for me, but you do what your heart tells you. lamont cranston. who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men? no, i can't do that. that's dishonest. oh, i'll be doggoned! that's right--you just call the government. 3,007 million crooks in the world,

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