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no, son. the best friend i got in the entire world in this hemisphere's coming. don't tell me bowlegs is coming here again. if he hadn't introduced me to your mother, you might not even be here now. i might not be your father. somebody else could've been your father. you even might have been white. [knocking on door] that's him now. i'm ecstatic. that's him, son. wait a minute. [knocking on door] bowlegs! fred! bowlegs! fred! ohh! hey, you... you still look the same. oh, no. i had my legs straightened.

ha ha ha! man, it's good to s-- oh, excuse me, bowlegs. still playing them games. no, i wasn't-- i was just cooking in the kitchen. al! hey, what do you say, fred? listen, you all come on in and make yourselves at home. now, listen. i want you to know this. my house is your house. and my son's room is your room. you remember where lamont's room is. yeah, i remember where it's at. well, good. i'll take this on up. good. hey, bowlegs. yeah? how was your trip? oh, fred, my trip was fine. only had one flat tire, and that was it. i the morning, i'll get you a brand new tire. you don't have to do that, fred. i want to thank you, though, and my partner wants to thank you. hey, lamont! hey, bowlegs. what it is. oh, i'm fine. i want to thank you for letting me use your room again. it's my pleasure. i've just been looking forward to it. look here. guess what we're having for dinner. don't tell me. you made my favorite. baked potatoes... uh-huh. mustard greens... uh-huh. and prime rib. yeah, right.

ttle thing between my son and i. see, ever since he was a little baby, he'd say, "pop," and i'd say, "goes the weasel." oh, i see. if you folks don't mind, i'd like to go wash up and get out of these tired clothes. yeah, bow. listen, go on upstairs. some soap up there and some towels. and if you want to put on one of my suits, go on, hear? and look in his drawer. he just bought a new sweater you can wear. pop! ? goes the weasel ? oh, thank you, man. thank you. i just hope you had enough. oh, sure. i had plenty, plenty. yeah. you know something, fred? huh? that was the thickest piece of prime rib i've ever ate in my whole life. right. and do you know that's the first time i ever had stuffed turkey for dessert? yeah. well, i just hope the stuffed turkey and the prime rib and the mashed potatoes and the cornbread was filling enough for y'all. but, you see, we had our big meal at lunch.

yeah, is he bothering you, bowlegs? 'cause he can get on out of here, you know. pop. ? goes the weasel ? hey, listen. how is the act getting along? oh, the act's doing great. you know, we got a whole new number now. you haven't caught the act lately, have you? oh, i haven't seen you in about 3 or 4 years. al, shall we sing for our supper? you sing. i'm gonna dance. that's a deal. uh, lamont, hand me my guitar over there. fred: give him his guitar, dummy. hey, fred, first, we used to do years ago? you remember that number we used to do years ago, huh? i don't want to sing. you're too good for me. i don't want to sing that. all of me in "a" flat. all right. i'll tell you what i'm gonna do. i'll give you 4 bars. as long as it's free, give me 8. you got it. [scatting] ? here's your 8 bars now ?

not take all of me? ? ? can't you see ? ? i'm no good without you? ? ? take my arms ? ? i'll never use them ? [scatting] ? take my lips ? ? i want to bruise them ? ? your good-byes ? ? left me with eyes that cry ? ? how can i ? ? go on, dear, without you? ? ? you took the part ? ? that once was my heart ? ? why not take all of-- ? [scatting] fred: yeoww! [both scatting] both: ? shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up ? [scatting]

? do be do, you got it fred, take it, baby ? ? your good-byes ? ? left me with eyes that cry ? ? how can i ? ? go on, dear, without you? ? oh, this is the big one comin' up now. ? you took the best ? ? so come get the rest of this mess ? both: ? oh, why not ? ? why not ? ? why not take all of me? ? [scatting] ? oh, yeah ? [both laughing] feels just like old times, doesn't it? [indistinct] all right, al. it's your turn. all: all right. lamont, could we get some surface? could you get some what? some surface. you got it. fred: yeah, son, make some surface. i'll help you pull the rug back, see. fold it right down and pull it on back here by the couch. that's it. i'll give you a hand there. all right. now, al, you do something.

well, go ahead and do something. [tapping] [scatting] ? al, you gotta do something ? ? i ain't been hugged, i ain't been kissed ? ? just want to see what i have missed ? ? al, you gotta do something ? ? there's a time and place and place and time i know ? ? oh, come on, al, don't you be so slow ? ? oh, while other guys are making haste ? ? i'm standing up there going to waste ? ? al, you got to do something ? whoa! he fell down over here! wait a minute. wha-- al, you all right? what hurts? i think i sprung my back. well, just lay down there till we find out for sure. don't move. don't move. oh, and the last time, i couldn't dance for 2 weeks. fred: 2 weeks? bowlegs: 2 weeks! man, we open this week! we got a contract! the zanies comedy and dance. fred, you got to do something. you got to help me. you got to help me. i'll do anything in the world for you. you know that, bowlegs. al, look here, come on. dance, fool!

fred, i really want to thank you for helping me out. you know i'd do anything in the world for you. you know that. sure. hey, uh, mr. stone, i gotta catch my bus, so could i have my money now? hey, kid, can i give you a suggestion about your act? sure. get out of here. hey, now wait a second, mr. stone. and i expect 2 weeks' pay. look, kid, you worked 2 weeks. you got 2 laughs. that's a laugh a week. for a laugh a week, i pay a buck a week. now take your 2 bucks and get out of here before i break your legs. hey, hey, now wait a second. uh, listen. i don't have to stay here and--

hey, you, you! you, come here. both of you, come here. come here. come on! hey, are you bowlegs? no, i--i--i--i-- i'm knock-kneed now. [chuckling] that's funny. that's funny. that's what we need around here is more funny, huh? oh, boy. yeah, yeah. yeah, sure. take a look at them legs. of course, you must be bowlegs, right? that's right. i love it. i love it. hey, do that thing for me again, will ya? what thing? that funny walk you do, you know? what funny walk? heh. you kill me. ha ha ha ha ha! go on, do it. heh heh heh! he's walking! [laughing] he's walking! i love it! he's walking! ha ha ha! oh, yeah. yeah, that's perfect. yeah, you're the zanies, all right.

ere. now, this is my song. yeah. and these are the tunes we do together. yeah, well, where's the rest of it? the rest? the dance numbers! oh, the dance numbers. yeah, the dance numbers! look, i bought the zanies-- comedy, song and dance. now, you better show me a dance, or you ain't gonna be able to show me a walk. wait a minute now. uh, wait, please. what happened to your sense of humor you had a minute ago? look here. watch me do this. look. [laughing] he's walking! ha ha ha ha! he's walking! oh, i love it! i love it. ha ha ha ha! yeah, you know, you kill me. now explain to me why there's no dancing. oh, oh, that's very simple. uh, tell him, fred. well, see, the dancing zany, he's at the rehearsal hall-- bowlegs: and he'll be here tonight. yeah, i swear. he'll be here tonight, or else my name is not fred zanyford.

wait, wait. look here. look here. watch this here again. look. yeah, he's walking! [laughing] fred, i know lamont ain't gonna want to do this. i know he ain't gonna want to do it. well, listen. i don't have to ask him what i want him to do. i'm gonna tell him what i want him to do. he is the dancing zany. [al groans] hey, he's sounding much better. think i'll go up and see how he's doing. [al groans louder] now, listen, lamont. i'm telling you i want you to do something. listen, lamont. would you do something for me? lamont, do me a favor, son. please? listen, i got something to tell you. now, when i'm talking to you... pfft! pfft! pfft! i want you to listen to me when i'm talking to you. when i tell you, this is what you do.

that's all i want to hear. all right, pop. you got that? lamont: got it. oh, hi, son. uh-- what you doin' walking around talkin' to yourself like a fool, fool? come here, son. huh? don't move now. don't move. just be calm. don't get excited, and don't move to your right. because i'm positive there's some fungus growing over there. watch it, sucker. i don't have to take no insults from you. you sure don't. just look in the mirror. pop, do you always have to attack aunt esther like this?

here to ask you if you want me to cook dinner for you and your friends. but now i wouldn't do nothin' for you or any of your old, sinful friends. lamont, you always welcome to my house. but you, fred sanford, you old fish-eyed fool... don't you ever set foot in my house again. oh, glory! you old heathen. back to your cave, you old bat! listen, let me tell you something right now, pop. yes, all right then, son. ok. huh? yeah. anything you want me to do, i'll do because i want you to do anything i tell you to do. what's the matter with you, pop? well, see, it's like this, son. let me explain.

like what? how's this sound? now, you've heard of the zanies. song, comedy and dance. lamont: right. well, bowlegs and i, we're song and comedy. and you are dance. pop, i-- popeye ain't got nothing to do with this. see, bowlegs is in trouble, and we're not gonna let him down for no reason. he needs us. and listen, i owe him a favor for the rest of my life because he introduced me to your mother. i didn't know that. you didn't know that? i could've swore i told you. ? the way you treated me ? ? i know i'm not to blame ? ? oh, jelly, jelly, jelly ? ? jelly stays on my mind ?

? jelly roll killed my papie ? ? it run my mama stone blind ? ? whoa, yeah ? thank you. thank you, pretty people. thank you. do--do i get... wash up and get your money, huh? forget about singing. [inaudible] and now, ladies and gents, without any further ado, here they are--the zanies! [zany music playing] ? hot ginger and dynamite ? ? that soldier's gonna serve tonight ? ? back in nagasaki where the fellers chew tobaccy ?

? would hurry a hurricane ? ? back in nagasaki where the fellers chew tobaccy ? ? and the women wicky-wacky woo ? ? in fujiama, you get a mama ? ? your troubles increase ? ? in some pagoda, she gets a soda ? ? earth-shake milkshakes, ten cents a piece ? ? how they hug and kiss at night ? ? fred, you know that it's worth the price ? ? back in nagasaki where the fellers chew tobaccy ? ? and the women wicky-wacky woo ? [scatting] now, wait a minute. come on back here. come on back! keep it movin'. you ain't seen nothin' yet, folks. hey, zany, where are you? get out here! [audience laughing] walk, walk, walk! ha ha ha! he's walking! he's walking! i love it. ? in fujiama, you get a mama ? ? your troubles increase ? ? in some pagoda, she gets a soda ? ? wake up in the morning, find your bed soakin' wet ?

? oh maggie, oh shaggy, oh maggie, oh shaggy ? ? oh maggie, oh shaggy ? [scatting] [audience cheering] go on. go on. where's the dancing? hey, you ain't seen nothin' yet, folks. wait a minute. wait-- all right! where's the dancin'? hey, hey, zanies! you ain't seen nothin', folks. wait till we show you the dancin' zanies, huh? hey, where's the dancing? hey, dancing zanies, where's the dancing? no, no, i'm not going out there! listen, i'm not gonna come out here and make a fool-- i'm not dancing, and that's all there is too it. and i don't want to hear anything from you. i'm getting out of here right now.

hit it. [jazz music playing] walk! ha ha ha ha!

bowlegs: yeah, take it home. [audience cheering loudly]

fred and lamont, we were great. uh-huh. even better than me and al. you know something? terrific. these next 2 weeks are gonna be the happiest weeks of my entire life. well, that's easy for you to say, bowlegs, 'cause you ain't got nothing else to do, man. but i got to-- wait a minute now, son. now, that's enough. see, for the simple reason he introduced me to your mother. say what? yeah, see, bowlegs, every now and then, i just feel sentimental, and i'll be forever grateful to you for introducing me to elizabeth. i didn't introduce you to elizabeth. huh? i didn't introduce you to elizabeth. yes, you did. don't you remember? it was in st. louis, and they were having a bond rally.

wn the street-- and elizabeth came along with her sister... right. and i knew her sister. uh-huh. and i introduced you to esther. and she introduced you... you introduced me to esther? to esther. and esther introduced you to elizabeth. now, if you owe me anything, you owe me for introducing you to esther. that you did for bowlegs here was pay enough for him introducing you to aunt esther, pop. no, son. i haven't given him enough for introducing me to aunt esther. bowlegs, i'm gonna give you something extra special. oh, fred, you don't have to do that. what? look here. now close your eyes. now open 'em. now, which hand is it in? that one. no. that one. no. well, which one?

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? good times ? ? anytime you need a payment ? ? good times ? ? anytime you need a friend ? ? good times ? ? anytime you're out from under ? ? not getting hassled, not getting hustled ? ? keeping your head above water ? ? making a wave when you can ? ? temporary layoffs ? ? good times ? ? easy credit rip-offs ? ? scratching and surviving ? ? good times ? ? hanging in a chow line ? ? good times ? ? ain't we lucky we got 'em? ?