look what's happened. we're not good parents together. this is all my fault. nonsense. you're just one of a multitude of things we disagree on. i've already picked out a lovely townhouse. i loathe townhouses. see? we even disagree on that. you'll come and stay with me this weekend. well, see you, zeldy. bye, hildy. i can't believe this happened. i can't believe you tricked me into letting you go to that party. why don't we just blame it all on her and call it a night? ( half-hearted giggle ) welcome to chez hilda. it didn't look like this when i moved in. i did a little remodeling with magic. you are aware this looks exactly like aunt zelda's place? it's the exact opposite. plus, i added a doily. i hate it. i'll show you your room.

and it smells like sweat and spit. that's you. oh. oh, hi. hey. what are you doing here? just checking out your new digs. can't quiz you if i can't find you. mind if i use your shower? go ahead. just don't use my razor again. hurry up and unpack. i'll take you to school and then i'll get ready for the party. party? yeah. i'm having a housewarming. i'll need to zap in chips, decorations, guests... don't forget the quinine water. a fun party. could this get any worse? sure, it's a little weird but, you know, moving between two houses has its upside. i hear travel broadens you. ( sobbing ) i'm a latchkey kitty. ( blowing nose ) hey. hey, that's my lunch!

i wanted to run an idea by you: reserved seating in the cafeteria but-- here's the best part-- only for cheerleaders. now? but i'm at... ( echoing ): school! fascinating. i'll have to get back to you on that. my ex-wife is behind this. i just know it. why am i here? oh, parking ticket? beheading? i didn't ask. this custody hearing regarding sabrina spellman will come to order. i'm already in custody. my parents turned my witch training over to my two aunts, and i live with them. your aunts are kaput. the witches' council insists you reside in only one household. why? check article 12, section 15.

u have to choose which aunt you wish to live with. this choice will affect the rest of your life, so choose wisely. we'll reconvene later for your decision. ready? you're going down this time, man. come on! come on, then. oh, that's it? no help? i hope you both get... squash elbow! ( soft classical music playing ) ( upbeat rock music playing ) whoo! oh, my... this -- that's -- you should -- you should -- ha ha ha ha. ( upbeat rock music playing ) whoo!

( upbeat rock music playing ) ( soft classical music playing ) ( upbeat rock music playing ) so, sabrina, i trust you've made up your mind which aunt to live with. i can't decide. we'll have to forget the whole thing. we should grant you a "what if" spell. what's a "what if"? it allows you to look into the future and see what might happen if, say... you never brushed your teeth, or if dogs took shorthand. i see, like what if keenan and kel won the lottery?

what -- what are you doing?! i got hungry. keep looking! ooh! oh! oh, uh, yes! hey, kel! kel, man, i found the ticket! ( scatting ) hey, kel! man, i found the ti... ( sobbing ) bite? okay, let me try a "what if." uh, what if...? excuse me. this is the remote. we've gone digital. okay, let me try again. uh, what if i went to live with aunt hilda? harvey! hey, grab some wheels out of the dining room. let's mountain bike up the stairs. no, thanks. i just wondered what happened to you. we were supposed to get married, right? i figured you forgot. no, no, no. you gave me a license to sign.

oh, here it is. sorry about the gum. it's not too late, is it? yeah. i gave you that three years ago. man, i'm so disorganized. well, you're here now. let me grab my coat. sabrina i've moved on. i married someone else. and you didn't call? i did. you told me you'd call me back after you finished your game of tetris. how's that going by the way? i came here because i wanted you to meet my wife. honey? ( shrieking ) all right, she's alive. can we go now? you want to meet our little one? eww! i don't think i need to see what would happen if i choose aunt zelda. let's assume it'd be better than that. never assume. two parts citric acid one part noodles... sabrina?

i've come for my weekly supply of your anti- aging cream. sure. here you go. what do you say? sabrina's the best. i'm a freak. okay, i'm helping mankind and keeping libby on a short leash. there's more. kraft: sabrina! come in, mr. kraft. i've come for my weekly jar of anti-aging cream. here you go. thanks so much for letting me be a part of your experiment but now, you be honest with me now. i'm in the placebo group, aren't i? not necessarily. you could be part of group "c." they're getting aging cream. but probably not. if you were, you'd have suffered some loss of hearing. oh, thank you very much. i just got these shoes. okay, well... see you next week. hopefully. say hi to sabrina if you see her. so, my science is going well,

if you're not busy? harvey and i are together! i'm definitely voting for aunt zelda. no problem, honey. you know, as soon as i finish these next 49 experiments i'm going to find out not just how but why you dissolved. no rush, but i would like to be let out of the anti-aging experiment. why? because i think it's keeping me alive. you've seen both scenarios. what is your decision? i definitely don't want to live with keenan and kel. i don't know. i'll give you one day, but that's it. if you haven't made a decision by then i'll be forced to pick for you. salem, i can't just choose one! i have to find a way to get aunt hilda and aunt zelda back together. is there a spell that would force them to share a spleen? okay. how about if i find something that they both love and cherish and put it in danger?

not you. me. oh, thank goodness. but i am willing to help. i could push you down the stairs. aunt hilda?! aunt hilda, i think i might be sick. that makes two of us. oh, let's get you to zelda. crisis management is not my strong suit. do you mind riding in the back? well, the good news is, no lice. the bad news: not even enough hair for a decent comb-over. aunt hilda, will you stay the night? yes, honey. oh, not at all. i'd appreciate it. i'm going to go make you some nice noodle soup. i put that under "c" for chicken. or was it "p" for poultry? i'd better help. salem, it's working. they'll be back together in no time. i've been sizing up their spleens just in case. zelda: thank you for coming so quickly. we need a specialist. oh, no, they called the doctor!

hilda: she is-- a specialist in hairdressing. she thinks you have a follicle problem. i think my brain might be sweating. ahh! are we in the neighborhood? no! it's horrible! oh, well, listen, don't worry. it can be fixed. listen-- i'm going to need a bucket of ice, some antiseptic ointment, and i need sabrina to sign a release form. it helps drown out the screams. stop! i can fix it myself! would restraints help? it was a spell! i was just trying to get you guys back together because i don't like us not being a family. you did what?! look, if i were sick, could i do this? ( laughing ) okay, so i'm no ken berry. sabrina, we have a confession to make. we didn't really split up. you live in two different houses because...? we pretended to split up to help you learn

you shouldn't pit us against one another. you couldn't tell me this because... we did, and you responded by sneaking off to the science club party. i have no response for that because... you know we're right. but why did the cat have to suffer, huh? ( sobbing ) wait, this couldn't have been a ruse. i was called before the witches' council. and we were happy to help. it's been a slow month, and i've got teenagers at home. your full-service organization. and now, if you'll excuse me i've got to go deal with a little boy who won't wash behind his ears. this time, i get to be a matador. well, i've certainly learned my lesson. but are we all aware that he did not fix my hair?

thank you for returning sabrina's book. it's kind of funny. my grandmother's been wanting me to see someone. i'm sure you'll meet someone nice when you least expect it. no. this is "see someone" as in psychiatrist. admittedly, i have been seeing quite a few strange things here and there. mostly here. i don't know what you're referring to. well, strange sparkly things and a townhouse that looks identical to this victorian home. oh, you don't need a psychiatrist. you just have a wonderfully active imagination. you probably feel so free to let yourself go around us because we're so relaxed and comforting. and normal. good, so we're normal. sabrina: quit complaining, salem. i think you look cute. anything else? uh, no.

so you're a freshman at ucla? yeah. uh-huh. that must be fun. it is fun... sometimes... really fun. and... you're a doctor? yeah. yeah. you're bored. no, no, i'm not. i'm boring you. i can tell. no, really, you're not. it's o.k. you can tell me. i'm not going to be devastated or anything. if you're bored, just say so. but i'm not. i'm not bored. i'm not. o.k.? o.k.