tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC November 12, 2014 12:05am-1:08am EST
and now, here's jimmy kimmel! ♪ it's "jimmy kimmel lilililili [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you, cleto. well, that's very nice. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thanks for watching. thanks for coming. right back at you. well, i -- first i want to say, today is veterans day. it's a day on which we honor the men and women who serve and have served in our armed forces. on behalf of all of us, i'd like to say thank you for your service to our country and the sacrifices that you made. so, thank you very much. [ cheers and applause ]
alsososososo want to say, to po i'm talking about actual veterans. call of duty does not count. i don't care how many missions you've completed. [ laughter ] also want to mention that sesame street turned 45 years old. and that is a big deal. [ applause ] if you are not familiar with it, sesame street is how we entertained our children before we could just hand them an iphone and take a bath. 45 is a lot of years to be on television. of course, things have changed on sesame street since 1969 when it went on. the street oouitself is totally gentry if ied. it's all muppet hipsters now. oscar's garbage can is a fair trade coffee shop. mr. hooper's store is a lululemon. cookie monster is gluten free. and the long wait is finally over. the mcrib is back at mcdonald's and it's mcribbier than ever.
the mcrib is the punxsutawney phil of sandwiches. it comes out of its hole for a little while and then it disappears. and it's made out of groundhogs. ground hogs, right? i don't know why this sandwich ever goes away. it seems to be popular. for some reason, it comes and leaves without any kind of warning at all. >> now at mcdonald's, for a limited time, the mcrib is back. the mcrib is -- gone. you missed it. you'll have to wait until next time it comes back, which is good, because the mcrib is back again. so get to your local mcdonald's and get one before it's gone, which is now. and now it's back. and now it's gone. back. and now it's gone again. the mcrib. back for an extremely limited time. get to your local mcdonald's in
four, three, two, one. and now it's gone. but back. >> jimmy: the punch seemed unnecessary to me. [ cheers and applause ] this is a little bit crazy. you know, now days product placement is everywhere, in movies, on tv, sporting events. it now has come to books. there's a new novel called "find me, i'm yours" that is filled with brand name referencececece links to websites of corporate sponsors. the author, a woman named hillary carlip was able to secure a lot of money for this. the company that makes sweet and low invested $1.3 million in exchange for several positive mentions of the product in the story. which is crazy. and now the publishers or some classic books are going back to add sponsors to their titles. books including "gone with the w windex."
another eat, pray, luvs diapers. the red lobster of courage. of mice and mentos. we have oliver twix. hansel and mcgriddle. there's three e e e e e e e e e. the capri sun also rises. and this is a good one. the great gats-beats by dre. [ cheers and applause ] ho here's something to keep in mind. for the first time ever, radio shack will open at 8:00 a.m. on thanksgiving morning. [ laughter ]
which raises a very important question. and that question is, radio shack is still in business? [ laughter ] how is that possible? [ applause ] how many aaa batteries do people need? even the ceo of radio shack has no idea how they're still open. several retail chains have announced early openings. toys "r" us and jcpenneyyyyyyyy going to open at 5:00 p.m. on thanksgiving. radio shack -- 8:00 a.m. [ laughter ] does radio shack know they could never open and none of us would have any idea. the only people this d d decisi will affect are the employees at radio shack, who are -- aubrey? aubrey plaza is -- [ cheers and applause ] how are you doing?
can i -- can i help you with anything? >> ah, no, i'm just looking for a phone charger. i need an outlet for my phone charger? >> jimmy: oh, yeah, okay. >> do you have an outlet? >> jimmy: well, i mean -- there's definitely some, like, in the dressing rooms. >> i know. but mine are full because i brought a lot of panini makers. [ laughter ] and other things. >> jimmy: i don't know if there are any available outlets out here on our stage. i mean, you can look around if you want. >> thanks. i just figured there's a lot of electricity. >> jimmy: yeah, but it's mostly up in the ceiling. if you look around the thing -- >> okay, thanks. >> jimmy: okay, all right. [ laughter ] kind of -- kind of an odd thing. [ applause ] so, anyway -- what. >> reporter: we talking about?
guillermo, you're supposed to keep an eye on this kind of thing when people just came in here. >> i know, but she's a lady. she's okay. >> jimmy: okay. [ laughter ] >> found one! >> jimmy: you can't unplug the keyboard. it wouldn't fit in there, anyway. >> it's not one of these. >> jimmy: no, it's got to be the thing with the two and the one little one and the bottom. it's -- no, you can't plug into a saxophone, either. aubrey, it's -- really kind of disruptive -- >> oh, my god. i did it. >> jimmy: oh, yeah, there is one. okay. that's good. [ applause ] >> oh, i'm so low. >> jimmy: you know -- >> i hate that. >> jimmy: you can't really stand right here because i have to finish the monologue.
so -- >> okay, can you hold this for me? >> jimmy: okay. >> it's at 70%. >> jimmy: okay. >> just make sure no one touches it. >> jimmy: okay. i will. [ cheers and applause ] there's really nowhere -- not much plug -- all right. well -- i guess i'll continue -- meanwhile, you know, in new york city, the nypd announced they will no longer arrest people for possession of marijuana. they -- [ cheers and applause ] so -- so now barbara walters can finally enjoy her retirement. under the new policy, instead of arresting people caught with up to 25 grams of marijuana, police have the option of writing them a ticket or just smoking the marijuana with them, whichever. in case you're wondering -- how much pot 25 grams of marijuana is, the police commissioner of new york, bill bratton, held a
press conference where he employed some visual aids. >> this is what a free pass looks like. as the city moves to a more lenient marijuana policy this is 25 grams of marijuana worth $300 on the street. and for having this, you get a hand slap. >> the number of joints, if you will, that can be made from that, that varies significantly depending on how much they put in each joint. >> jimmy: how much they put in each joint. that's not his. he's not stuffing that down his shorts and stashing it under the barbecue in his backyard. you know, last year the nypd arrested more than 28,000 people for possession of marijuana. this will eliminate cost associated with that and they anticipate the city will make $30 million in cronuts revenue alone. what i'm about to show you is possibly the greatest clip of the year so far. it comes to us from st. louis, missouri, where a miracle occurred at the church of god in christ during their 107th holy
convocation. it was so miraculous, you have to see it to believe it and even then, you might not. >> the lord tonight has set you free. >> yes, sir. >> turn around and tell those people. tell them. >> i'm not gay no more. i am delivered. i don't like men no more. i like women. women, women, women, women. i like women. i'm not gay. i would not date a man. i would not tear apart. i would not put on makeup. i will -- i will -- >> jimmy: i will continue to wear bright frilly yellow bow ties, but none of the other stuff. i will not -- [ laughter ] that is so clip. [ applause ] i tell you what, his boyfriend is going to be furious when he sees that. [ laughter ] this is what's going on in
church, i'm going to have to start going more often. oh. hey, you a breie. you got a text. from guillermo. look at this. what is going on here? this is a selfie of you and guillermo. you -- >> that's me eating his face. >> jimmy: yeah. >> he's funny. >> jimmy: yeah. you know, he's right there, whatever you're trying to say, you can say to him there. >> oh, i don't think i should say this out loaud. >> jimmy: oh, okay. yeah, no, you shouldn't say that out loud, yeah. okay, um -- aubrey, you probably need to get dressed for the show, right? >> okay. >> jimmy: okay. >> whatever you say, jimmy. >> jimmy: all right. i think you should -- guillermo, show aubrey where the dressing room is and find her a power outlet. >> i'm just going to leave this
here. 95%. >> jimmy: i'll give this to you when you come back out as a guest. it will be right up to 100. >> all right. >> jimmy: all right. one more thing. i like to make sure if i phone is charged, too. if you watch the show regularly, you know that we will send my cousin sal from time to time out into the world with hissen cameras to confuse and torment people in a variety of settings. i thought it would be fun to change it up. i sent sal out to compliment pedestrians in the most aggressive and obnoxious way possible. what you'll see is sal yelling nice things at people in an aggressive way. and here we go. cousin sal shouting compliments at people. >> hey, george cloo nye called, he wants his looks back. >> yeah? >> yeah, you're going to give them back, because you're so handsome. you have to give some back. >> i will, i will. >> yeah, you're a good looking guy. >> thank you. >> that's why i'm saying all this. all right, handsome?
give me a hug, handsome. go on your way. so everyone else can see how handsome you are. hey, nice hair. i bet you condition, don't you? >> no. >> yeah, i bet you use conditioner. >> [ bleep ]. what are you doing? >> because your hair is so nice is what i'm saying. beautiful hair. >> hey, those are really nice shoes. i'd love a pair just like that. >> oh, got them at target. >> really nice. congratulations on having those. >> thank you. >> you're welcome. they fit you well. >> thank you. appreciate it. >> hey, let me ask you something. does csi stand for cute, sexy and interesting? you are all those things. you're all three of them. you really are, man. hey, that's a great beard, man. i wish i could pull it off, but i can't. >> you can try. >> no, i can't. i've tried and i can't, but you can. no, you did it and i can't. nice beard. he's got a nice beard. >> i know! >> you got a nice head of hair.
19-year-old would be jealous of your hair. it's that full and lush. >> i'm 71 years old. >> 71? someone much younger would like to have your hair, i bet. let me touch it. yeah. just like i thought. great hair! hey, are those good headphones? they're great. >> did you pay a lot for them? >> my friend can hear you in florida. >> yeah. let me hear that. >> hold on a second. >> can i talk to him? what's his name? >> michel, my cousin. >> hey, you're a good dude. i'm listening to these headphones your friend has. they're really good. you have the best friend in the world with the best headphones. sunglasses are great and his shoes and everything else, he's got really nice hair. yeah. yeah, you really know how to pick your friends. he's a good guy. yeah. he's actually letting me keep the headphones and now i'm going
to give the headphones to this homeless guy. here you go, guy. someone else can enjoy these headphones because they're fantastic, all right? yeah. he's the best. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you, cousin sal. tonight on the show, we have music from conor oberst. aubrey plaza is here. and we'll be right back with christoph waltz, so stick around. helps you find a whole range of coverages. no one else gives you options like that. [voice echoing] no one at all! no one at all! no one. wake up! [gasp] oh! you okay, buddy? i just had a dream that progressive had this thing called... the "name your price" tool... it isn't a dream, is it? nope. sorry! you know that thing freaks me out. he can hear you. he didn't mean that, kevin.
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>> jimmy: well, hello there. tonight, a very funny young woman whom you know from "parks and rec" and soon "grumpy cat's worst christmas ever," aubrey plaza is here. she's fully charged and ready to go. then later, he is from omaha, nebraska. his album is called "upside down mountain," music from conor oberst. tomorrow night, mike myers will be here, gugu mbatha-raw will be here to challenge my speaking abilities. and we'll have music from tears for fears. and on thursday night, we'll be joined by jim carrey, bellamy
young, and i made a special music request for my birthday. oran "juice" jones will be here. if you're not familiar with oran, and i can see that you aren't, the song that i love in the '80s called "the rain." do you know this song? it's not really a rap song. it's a talk song. [ applause ] all right. it's me and four plaque peopbla know this song. anyway, its the story of infidelity. he spots his girlfriend walking in the rain with another man and he's devastated. he sits her down and tells her -- can you give me a bit of the music, fred? yes, he says -- ♪ let me get into it. my first impulse was to run up on ya and do a rambo. i'm about to jam ya flat blast both of ya. but i didn't want to mess up this $3,700 lynx coat. so, instead, i chilled. and it goes like that. it good stuff. that's thursday night.
it's better when he does it. our first guest is a two-time oscar and a two-time golden globe winner, who, like schwarzenegger and schnitzel before him comes to us from austria. you can see him next alongside jamie foxx, jennifer aniston, and chris pine in "horrible bosses 2", which opens in theaters november 26th. please welcome christoph waltz. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: very good to see you. [ cheers and applause ] i have to say, i like your tie. i like your suit. i think you look very dapper. you got a little bit of a mustache going there. >> that's a movember mustache. >> jimmy: does that goes on in austria, too, or you picked it here? >> i picked it up here. you know about it. >> jimmy: sure, some people might not know about it. >> research in prostate and
testicular cancer. >> jimmy: right. >> they've raised more than half a billion dollars so far, so, they are actually actively saving lives. >> jimmy: and testicles. >> and testicles. >> jimmy: that's right. >> and that's who i owe my mustache. >> jimmy: you are -- there's a magazine that i had never heard of that might have the greatest title of any magazine ever. and that magazine is this one. "fantastic man." [ cheers and applause ] >> it's a different mustache, though. >> jimmy: and you are the fantastic man. right there. >> you know, i -- i get the strangest reactions. people actually take pictures of the picture and send it to me. >> jimmy: of course they do. it's "fantastic man!" >> i wonder what am i supposed to do? take a picture of the picture and send it back? >> jimmy: you can wind up in an infinity type of situation if you do that. that's pretty good.
did you know about that magazine? >> oh, magazine, no. but i've known about the fantastic. >> jimmy: you know about that, sure. you really are fantastic in it, i'll tell you something. look, there you are with no shirt on. [ applause ] how long does it take you to grow a mustache like this one? the big one? >> yeah, maybe about a month. >> jimmy: a month. >> and month and a half. >> jimmy: i could never grow a mustache like that. i'm not man enough. i'm really not. earlier this week, you were at an event that honored quentin tarantino that sounded like an interesting event to me, because, well, any event that he's at is an -- >> it's an interesting event. if it isn't, it will turn into one. >> jimmy: yeah. boy george was there. he reunited with culture club. was that for quentin? >> i don't really know. i felt a sudden urge to go to the bathroom. and then i was afraid to miss my bus. >> jimmy: you're not a culture club fan, huh?
>> no. >> jimmy: none of the fantastic men are, really. really, not even, like, "church is a poison mind?" nothing? >> it reminded me of whenever it was, you know, in the '80s, when -- >> jimmy: yeah, the '80s. >> i hated it then. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you hated the '80s. you're the only one. >> i'm the only one who remembers them. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you and quentin still socialize or is he so used to having you here now -- >> we're friends. >> jimmy: what do you do with him? >> with him? >> jimmy: yes. what do you guys do? >> oh, i see. >> jimmy: yeah. >> we actually -- sometimes we watch movies at his house. he has this wonderful little movie theater in his house. but sometimes we -- most of the times we just go have dinner and talk about the world. >> jimmy: he loves movies.
you know, he did a weird thing to me once. he was on the show, we had a screening of "kill bill" after the show. and so i went with the audience, we all, the whole audience went to go see "kill bill" and quentin sat in the lobby because he thought i was going to sneak out of the theater like 20 minutes in. he waited for 40 minutes to catch me in case i snuck out of the theater. >> and you took the other exit? >> jimmy: i stayed for the whole movie. that would have been great, though. he finally gave up and he realized i was staying for the movie and went home. what kind of a maniac does something like that? >> he's interested. [ laughter ] the best thing is, when he writes a new script and i am lucky enough to be asked to participate, i read it at his house but i like to do that. he puts the paper in front of me -- >> jimmy: he sits there? oh, that's great. is that right? really?
>> but it's -- actually, i like it, because it becomes part of the -- part of the thing. >> jimmy: but the first time it had to be unnerving. >> the first time, it was. >> jimmy: that's something else. people know you mostly, i think, in the united states from his muse v movies and these fantastic character characters. [ cheers and applause ] but you've been doing this -- you've been acting since you were a very young man. how old were you when you started? >> about 19. >> jimmy: it wasn't always this kind of heavy quentin tarantino type stuff. >> it wasn't that type stuff. it was always heavy. >> jimmy: well, we have something that's pretty heavy -- here. this is one of those things where from time to time on talk shows, they will find a clip of a guest and usually it's like, eh, whatever. but this one is -- i think this one stands on its own.
)♪ ♪on a tuesday, they locked me up in jail...♪ aunt: ....oh! ....it is you big grown-up! ♪...on a wednesday my trial was attested...♪ aunt: you look beautiful! ♪...they said guilty and the judges gavel fell.♪ irl: hey! uncle: he! girl: not yet! ♪...i got stripes around my shoulders...♪ (crying baby) ♪...and them chains... ♪...them chains... girl: hi! ♪
this is what got you here. we got -- >> they're not old. >> i thought that was pretty good. >> bottom feeder. i don't have time for this. either this ends right now or it ends with bullets in your skull. >> you don't scare us one bit. we got your boy. i bet that tears you up something fierce. >> how do i know you really have my boy? >> dad. dad, is that you? please, they're crazy. they told me if you call the police, they'd kill me. please, please do whatever they say, i don't want to die, dad. no police. ow! >> where are you? >> jimmy: that is christoph waltz in "horrible bosses" which opens on november 26th. that's quite a weird lee doreun.
>> i didn't have anything with him. >> jimmy: you don't have any scenes together. that's right. >> unfortunately not. >> jimmy: so, you guys were -- were you pals immediately upon meeting, jamie? >> jamie is unbeatable. he's -- invincible. >> jimmy: he's a lot of fun. >> he is the consummate entertainer. >> jimmy: i always think of myself as the consummate entertainer, but -- [ laughter ] yes, i see what you mean. >> you're all right. >> jimmy: did you follow american pop culture in austria growing up? were you involved in that? did you watch your tv shows, et cetera? >> absolutely not. >> jimmy: no? [ laughter ] really? >> i didn't even have a tv as a kid. >> jimmy: you were on tv, we saw you as a kid, so, you didn't even get to see that, huh? >> i was a grown man by then. >> jimmy: that was -- oh, you were -- [ laughter ] you look very spritely. >> look at that magazine. >> jimmy: sesame street. did they have that in austria?
>> not exactly. it's called -- >> jimmy: oh, that's -- -- >> it's dubbed into german. >> jimmy: it is? >> they all speak german. >> jimmy: is this a show that you -- >> absolutely. >> jimmy: watched? >> yeah, well, you know, i forced my kids to watch it because i thought, you know, they need to be americanized in time and they were. and, i mean, in all seriousness, i actually admired and loved it and the kids just loved it and -- >> jimmy: the kids did, yeah. it's a great show. >> fantastic. i still watch it. >> jimmy: you did do watch it? as an adult, you will watch sesame street? >> yes, as a spritely adult. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's interesting. why -- you are learning the alphabet? what are you getting from it? >> no, it's so entrenched -- it's raw, it's full of despair, it's poignant. deep.
>> jimmy: are you sure we're talking about the same show? sesame street? >> yeah, of course. js >> jimmy: full of despair? >> well, the theme song alone, it haunts me. my dreams are -- >> jimmy: i feel like we maybe have a different sesame street, because, like, do you know the theme song to sesame street? >> yeah, of course. >> jimmy: what do you think the theme song to sesame street is? would you maybe do a little of that? [ cheers and applause ] >> absolutely. >> jimmy: stand, if you want. yes. >> certainly. [ laughter ] please. ♪ sunny days
♪ sweeping the clouds away ♪ on my way ♪ to where the air is sweet ♪ can you tell me how to get to ♪ ♪ how to ♪ how to get to sesame street [ cheers and applause ] ♪ come and play ♪ everything is a-okay ♪ friendly neighbors ♪ ♪ that's where we'll meet ♪ can you tell me how to get ♪ how to get to sesame street ♪ how to get to sesame street
♪ how to get to sesame street ♪ how to get to sesame street [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: christoph waltz, everybody. "horrible bosses 2" opens november 26th. we'll be right back. ♪ mmm mmm mmm mm mmm mm mmmmmm here we go, here we go, here we go. ♪ fifty omaha set hut ♪ losing feeling in my toes ♪ ♪ nothing beats that new car smell ♪ ♪ chicken parm you taste so good ♪ ♪ nationwide is on your side ♪ mmm mmm mmm mm mmm mm mmmmmm
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>> jimmy: hi there. still to come, music from conor oberst. our next guest is a very funny person who happens to have the same name as the mall where my sister got her ears pierced. she plays april on "parks and recreation," and now, the voice of an ill-tempered feline in "grumpy cat's worst christmas ever." it airs on lifetime november 29th. please say hello to aubrey plaza. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: how are -- >> thank you. >> jimmy: how are you? it's very good to see you. >> it's good to see you. >> jimmy: all dressed up, no
robe. "parks and recreation," this is the last season coming up here. >> i know. >> jimmy: which is disappointing. do you feel like, i'm done, ready to move on or are you sad about this. >> i'm sad. >> jimmy: you are sad. >> yeah, i'm really sad. i think everyone's sad. >> jimmy: have you shot the whole thing yet? >> no, we have three episodes left and we're all trying to savor every last moment of it. >> jimmy: that's where it will really kick in when you are on set shooting that last episode. >> i know. i know. >> jimmy: parties planned? do you have celebrations in mind? >> we've all -- well, we've all really been trying to, like, tame time and have little gatherings offset so that we can all actually look each other in the face and just be like, this is happening. so, so far amy's done one, she had us all over and nick offerman did one. i don't know who is next. >> jimmy: it's very casual, it's not assigned. will have you one?
>> i would maybe do one, yeah. yeah, everyone's kind of, like -- it's like everyone's version of, like, having a little "parks" reunion kind of last gathering party and amy's was really fun. she did, like, she kind of pulled, like, a leslie knope thing. she had everyone sit around from her book passages she wrote about every one of us. it was really sweet. and it was weirdly -- we felt like we were shooting the show. she was like, okay, everyone gather around. it was really sentimental moment that was, like, really nice. and -- >> jimmy: will you steal anything from the show when you leave? will you take a memento of your time there? >> i don't know. i didn't think of that. >> jimmy: think about it. >> i didn't think to do that. but the other day adam scott was, like, ah, yeah, i'm taking
everything. i'm taking all of my clothes and i was like, i didn't know you could do that. we were shooting with henry winkler and he was like, yes, you can take things. just pull your car right up to the studio door, open the trunk and just load it all in. [ laughter ] and i was like, okay, i didn't know that. >> jimmy: yeah. well, gofonzi does what he want to do. what are they going to do with that stuff anyway? you might as well take it. >> i don't know. >> jimmy: i don't know, either. next, you're playing this youtube sensation. grumpy cat. how does this happen that a cat -- just a picture of a cat on youtube, turns into a movie? >> i don't know. [ laughter ] but the answer is coming very soon. >> jimmy: why do you think they thought of you when they thought, we need somebody grumpy. [ laughter ] >> well -- i -- the -- first of
all, the cat is a famous cat. far more famous than i am. and has millions and millions of followers and i was just honored to be asked to voice grumpy and i hope that i won't let people down because -- >> jimmy: was grumpy difficult to work with? what grumpy a -- did you actually work with grumpy? >> no, i'm the voice of grumpy cat, so, the movie was shot before and then i came in and i voiced all of the dialogue, but i did actually get to do one day of promotional shooting with grumpy, so, i had one day with actual grumpy. >> jimmy: well, there you go. that's nice right there. [ cheers and applause ] >> yeah, it was really interesting. grumpy had a bigger entourage than i did and a hard out, which
was really -- i didn't. and everyone kept yell egg, grumpy's got to get on an airplane at 4:45, we have to wrap this up. and there was just like a lot of rules about grumpy -- >> jimmy: what were the rules about grumpy? >> there's just -- like, grumpy's agent told me that -- [ laughter ] like, i had an idea to do -- i came up with ideas and one of my ideas was like, maybe grumpy should be in a litter box and i'll be in a human-sized litter box, because that would be hilarious and he was like, grumpy will not be associated with litter boxes. or any kind of, like, bodily functions and i was like -- copy that. [ laughter ] we'll take that one out. >> jimmy: so, grumpy really is kind of a nasty character, i guess. >> no, grumpy is a sweet, sweet little cat. that's a real cat. that is now the star of a film. [ laughter ] that i'm voicing and you should know that this movie is very important because it's the first
internet meme turned movie that has ever happened. >> jimmy: oh, well. >> and -- [ applause ] yeah. it's a whole new world. because of the internet. and it's really, like, i think the most insane thing i've ever seen. >> jimmy: really? >> yes. ever seen on page and ever seen come to life. >> jimmy: the script. >> it's not just for kids and cat lovers. it's for all -- it's for everyone, really. it's a gift to america. [ laughter ] and i think people are going to be blown away by it and i'm not kidding. it's really the weirdest thing i've ever seen. it's so confusing. it's -- it operates on, i think, many levels of irony, so many that i can't even tap into them all. [ laughter ] and i think lifetime is only really tapped into maybe one level. because they let me improvise a lot. >> jimmy: they did?
>> yeah, i did. i improvised a lot of lines after the movie was shot. >> jimmy: they kept those lines in? >> they kept it all. >> jimmy: they did? >> oh, yeah. >> jimmy: oh, well. >> and it's great. >> jimmy: you know what, i definitely have to see this. >> you should see it. and have a couple glasses of wine and -- >> jimmy: me, kathie lee and hoda. >> that's an assignment for everyone. get in the right mood. >> jimmy: get drunk. well, it's called "grumpy cat's worst christmas ever." aubrey plaza is here. watch it november 29th on lifetime. we'll be right back with conor oberst.
♪ i'm blessed with a heart that doesn't stop my mind is a weather vane it spins around ♪ ♪ just like a top knows what the winds of fortune bring in the season of the witch ♪ ♪ home is a perjury a parlor trick an urban myth ♪ ♪ oh how the circumstances change this world of smoke and steel and compromise ♪ ♪ and meter maids i'm going to leave here for too long zigzagging toward the light ♪ ♪ i'm off to sing my bounder song ♪ ♪ true love
it hides like city stars nothing to gaze upon or contemplate how near or far ♪ ♪ if it comes it comes quite unannounced a momentary glance ♪ ♪ lit up by sun or moon by bonfire or ambulance ♪ ♪ then how the circumstances change feels unmistakable with no idea from where it came ♪ ♪ but you will know it when it's gone zigzagging through the night half dead ♪ ♪ you sing your bounder song half dead you sing your bounder song ♪ ♪ half dead you sing half dead you sing ♪ ♪ save for the bounder whose word is never kept ♪
♪ a bandeau of flowers to stave his mind and bloom when he forgets ♪ ♪ it's true that shadows tell the time on sunny afternoons on crowded sidewalks passersby ♪ ♪ i'm in a queue that stretches out far as the eye can see ♪ ♪ it forms a figure eight and goes on for eternity oh how the circumstances change ♪ ♪ i fly by interstate across a purple mountain range i'll find a place to come undone ♪ ♪ zigzagging toward you
this is "nightline." >> tonight, shocking results. can strapping electrodes to your head really make you happier, healthier, even smarter? this doctor says yes. and so do fans of the controversi controversial treatment. she's using it to quit smoking. will it work? plus, million dollar horses. if these beauties look expensive, that's because they are. and not just for the people betting on them. the race to the triple crown begins right here. but can olympic skiing superstar bode miller bring his expertise from the slopes to the track? and, friendship under fire. they've been to hell and back, together. and tonight, these two american heroes are putting our michael strahan to shame. what can this guy do that he can't? but first -- the "nightline" five. >> progressive insurce
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