tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC March 13, 2015 11:35pm-12:38am EDT
i don't mean to stop the enthusiasm. but i got a piece of my tie stick out here at the bottom and it's driving me crazy. i don't know what to do about it. anyone -- do you have a pair of scissors or anything over there? okay, we'll get one, maybe i'll trim that a little bit. you don't have any, no scissors? no office supplies here? what kind of a show this is? by the way, have you bought your girl scout cookies yet? [ cheers and applause ] they're not on sale forever. if you did i hope you bought them from girl scouts. there's a girl scout cookie crime wave washing over america right now. in st. louis, $1,200 worth of girl scout cookies were stolen from a 6-year-old girl. in san jose a 10-year-old actually had cash taken out of her hands while she was selling cookies in front of a local grocery store. in spartanburg, south carolina 5,000 boxes of girl scout cookies were stolen from a warehouse. in other words, there are cookie monsters on the loose.
[ laughter ] either that or the girl scouts got tired of sitting outside trader joe's all day and dumped the cookie in the river or something. but guillermo, you haven't been stealing girl scout cookies? >> guillermo: no, jimmy, no. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: okay, all right. by the way, how do the boy scouts get away with not having to sell anything? sitting around in their neckerchiefs. tying knots. [ laughter ] remember that thing patricia arquette said at the oscars about women not getting equal pay? i blame the girl scouts. okay, we do our show from right in the heart of hollywood. visitors from all over the world stroll by our studio every day. over the course of the 12 1/2 years we've been working here i've developed a knack for determining who is a foreigner and who is not. and with that said, it's time to put my abilities to the test. it's time to play "foreigner or not?" [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: all right. so cousin sal is out on
hollywood boulevard. hi, cousin sal. how are you doing? >> sal: hey, jimmy. does this hurt at all? >> jimmy: yeah. >> sal: i'll get it right. >> jimmy: i'm the little one here, yeah. cousin sal, the weather is beautiful today, isn't it? >> sal: yeah, sure, it's always nice. >> jimmy: especially nice today. this is a simple game. sal is going to bring a pedestrian into frame. it will be somebody he rounded up from off the street. i will try to guess if that person is from america or from abroad. you have somebody standing by now. >> sal: i do. >> jimmy: you've instructed them not to speak? >> sal: you guys know not to say anything, right? yeah. they all said yes in different languages. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: good, all right. bring one of them in. let's meet our first pedestrian. and that person is? all right. okay. now, i have to again figure out just by looking at him if this guy is a foreigner or not. okay. so hey, how you doing? foreigner, foreigner? okay, let's see. all right.
so we got the big necklace chain. let's pan down, if we could. tilt down. okay, white jeans. okay, you know, the shoes are always like the big give-away. to me. and i am going to say that this gentleman is a foreigner. >> sal: reveal. >> jimmy: let's see. oh, i'm wrong already. where are you from? >> washington, d.c. >> jimmy: wow. and no socks? is it because it's so much warmer here you decided the hell with the socks? >> no need. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: and what about that chain? is that solid gold? is that real jewelry there? [ laughter ] >> sal: he's really pissed off at you for some reason. >> jimmy: i think you're taking this not talking thing a little bit too far. all right, you know, very good to meet you. thanks for participating. cousin sal has a gift to thank you for playing, an american apple pie. [ cheers and applause ]
>> jimmy: all right, look, wow. look at the characters strolling by. okay, a very attractive woman here. you know not to talk, right? okay. we know she speaks english now. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i'm very tricky this way. okay. all right. let's see. the jacket. okay, could be from anywhere. the purse -- i don't know anything about purses. oh, the nails match the dress. and then, oh, we keep going down. there's a tattoo on her foot. and it seems to be a little bird there. indicating peace. which is, let's see, i am going to say -- you know what, i have no reason to think that you aren't american so i'm going to say you are not a foreigner. and you are? oh! wow. what happened to me? i used to be so good at this. where are you from in england? >> new zealand. >> jimmy: oh. well, i'm good with maps and flags too. [ laughter ] is that near london?
>> disappointed. >> jimmy: well, it is all curled up there. you're from new zealand? >> yes. >> jimmy: are you here on vacation? >> yes. until saturday. >> jimmy: what's that? >> until saturday. >> jimmy: oh, okay. well, i wasn't looking really to hook up but -- [ laughter ] >> just letting you know. >> jimmy: give cousin sal your information, we'll figure something out. there goes mr. muscles out on the boulevard. there's an apple pie for you, enjoy. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: this is good. and this is from "wheel of fortune." they had a disney-themed evening highlighted by one of the best worst answers of all time. >> d. >> yes, three ds. >> i would like to solve the puzzle. >> okay. carefully. go ahead. >> dopey, grumpy, doc, bashful, happy, sneaky and sleepy. >> i'm sorry. >> jimmy: oh, no. sneaky and sleepy. now she's feeling dopey and
grumpy. [ laughter ] there's a new study out of canada that has found that human beings are relying now on smartphones to do their thinking for them. instead of thinking for ourselves. the study showed that people view their phones now as an extended mind and instead of thinking about things, we're just getting the answers from the phone, which apparently according to them is a disturbing trend. the fear that is our phones are becoming smarter than we are. which i don't know, if they're so smart, why don't they drop us in the toilet? [ laughter ] my phone can't even figure out that i never mean to text the word "ducking." there's never a situation. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: this is a great one. it made me think we aren't as smart as our phones. boston medical center found that 15% of 2-year-olds, children, in the boston area drink as much as
4 ounces of coffee a day. they analyzed 315 pairs of moms and infants. they found almost 50 of those children drink coffee. i wouldn't even think to ask a mother if she gave her baby -- i had no idea. i've never seen that happen before. i didn't know -- the parents claim they'll only give the kids coffee when they need it, like when the kid wakes up with a hangover or something. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: pediatricians say giving caffeine to toddlers can cause depression, diabetes, sleep disturbance, and obesity. but on the up side they do get a lot more finger painting done. [ laughter ] oh, look at this. someone has appeared. let me go back there. all right. hi. i guess can't ask what your name is. where's cousin sal? did he leave? sal? there you are. okay. all right. oh, yeah. we've got to figure out if you are a foreigner or not. now, the hair -- i don't know why, but i'm going to guess that you're british, i think. but let's take a look at the whole -- let's look at the clothes and the tattoos. what language are they in?
oh, the converse -- oh, yeah. you're way too cool to be american right now. i am going to say foreigner. >> sal: all right, show him. >> jimmy: nope. oh! what are you, like a singer or something? >> i am. >> jimmy: you're a singer. okay. all right. i should do get your profession instead of where you're from. >> i'm from brooklyn, new york. >> jimmy: are you here on vacation right now? >> no. i actually just moved to l.a. >> jimmy: why did you move to l.a.? >> to pursue my singing. >> jimmy: okay. well, sing a little bit for us. okay? ♪ we were sworn, babe, for a moment in time ♪ ♪ it seems to be lasting that you will always be mine ♪ ♪ but now you want to be free and so i'm letting you fly ♪ >> jimmy: wow, that's very good. [ cheers and applause ] discovery here. >> did you make that song up?
>> no. my mom, mariah carey did. >> jimmy: give her a record contract. >> sal: there's one in the pie. >> jimmy: all right. very good. by the way, i want to mention that tonight on the show vince vaughn is here. and mike tyson is here. [ cheers and applause ] mike tyson lives in las vegas. but he likes to visit us here in l.a. from time to time. because we have the best build a bear workshop. [ laughter ] . oh, okay, all right. here we go. hi, okay. i can't ask your name. but i am going to inspect you. i hope you don't mind. he's wearing a tank top. that's what the weather's like here. in english, endless summer, there's somebody talking to sal out there. you've got a lot of stains kind of on the shorts. oh. you know what? black socks with casual shoes generally indicates foreigners. but things are really changing now. okay.
i'm going to say that this gentleman is like scandinavian of some kind. i'm going to say foreigner, cousin sal? >> sal: let's see it. no. >> jimmy: oh! what about the guy behind you? >> sal: oh, no. this is a crazy coincidence. >> jimmy: mike tyson is going to kill you if he sees you! [ laughter ] >> sal: should i throw a pie in his face? >> jimmy: you better get the hell out of this neighborhood. all right. well, thank you very much. what's going on out there? the king and the queen, i guess. all right. all right. wow, this is a weird place to work. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] thank you, cousin sal. by the way, the state of -- we know it's weird here in california. but the state of utah, which you think of as a very conservative state, they're considering a bill that would allow the sale of edible marijuana for medical use, which is very good news for
people with imaginary back problems. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: but a dea agent is speaking out against this. he said it could lead to a lot of stoned rabbits. for real. he says rabbits will eat the pot that is grown at marijuana farms and then they start following the band phish around the country. [ laughter ] the agent said there's danger the rabbits might become addicted to pot and lose their natural instincts. which -- come on. i mean, how adorable would it be to walk in on a bunny sitting on your couch playing call of duty and eating papa john's pizza? [ laughter ] i don't know why this guy is so concerned about stoner rabbits but he's not the only one. in fact, there's a whole new fake ad campaign we made up specifically targeted at this. >> you love your rabbit. so learn to recognize the warning signs of marijuana abuse. is your rabbit listless? tired?
does he zone out for long periods of time? and binge suddenly on food? does he try to mate with other species? or inanimate objects? if so, talk to your bunny. find out what's going on. before it's too late. brought to you by floppy the crime rabbit. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: one more item while we're on the subject of wildlife and marijuana. we've been producing a very popular new nature series starring snoop dogg. snoop hosts his own show on his youtube channel called ggn. from time to time he teams up with us to host what critics are calling the greatest nature program ever. with that said i'm proud to present tonight's edition of "plizzanet earth." [ applause ] >> what it do? it's your boy big snoop dogg.
hey. let's look at another animal. these are -- beavers? those look like -- oh my god. that's a crocodile. look how they stand up on their toes. we got to get up out of here, cuz, come on. he got him cornered right now. oh! whoa! they're going hand up with him? they ain't scared of me. what is these animals? them the ones that eat snakes, huh? is it mongooses? oh. wow. it's about 12 of them. they done back the gator up. i ain't never seen no gator get punked by no mongooses. retreat. yeah, retreat, [ bleep ]. back up, fool. we dem boys. oh, yeah. hold up, hold up, hold up. we dem boys. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we have a good show for you tonight. mike tyson is here. we'll be right back with vince vaughn, so stick around!
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back. tonight on the show one of the most fascinating people in all the world. he has a new documentary called "champs" that comes out next friday. iron mike tyson is here. [ cheers and applause ] tomorrow on the show naomi watts will be with us, reggie miller and we'll have music from carly rae jepsen. so join us then. our first guest is a very funny and talented man whose extremities are still damp from placing them in cement at the chinese theater across the street from us today. you know him from many great
films, his latest is called "unfinished business." it opens in theaters friday. please welcome vince vaughn! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ very good to have you here. >> i watched the opening thing. it's tough to watch a slugger, a champion, have a bad outing. the best thing they can do is get back at the plate. >> jimmy: thank you. >> so i picked a gentleman off the street. [ laughter ] and i thought, it doesn't matter what the record was before. >> jimmy: okay. >> let's end on a win. >> jimmy: all right. >> that's what you want to do. >> jimmy: yeah. >> just let it all go. >> jimmy: okay. >> it's the next play that matters. >> jimmy: uh-huh. >> get to work.
>> jimmy: well, i mean, the fact that you're wearing a shirt that says usa on it would lead some people to think you're from the usa but i'm going to say you must absolutely be a foreigner. yes? is that a yes? >> he's actually guessing. if you can reveal where you're from, sir. [ laughter ] do you have a flag? let's hold that flag up. >> jimmy: oh, okay. i think i won. [ cheers and applause ] >> yeah! good job, good job. >> no handshake. he gets the pie and i get snubbed for a handshake. >> jimmy: he has no idea what's happening. >> he knows exactly what's happening. he got a pie. >> jimmy: he probably thinks this is a custom we have here in the united states. [ laughter ] >> here's what he knows. a lot of talk and he goes away with a pie. like they're going to believe him back home. >> jimmy: congratulations.
you're the recipient of a great honor this morning. you got your hands and feet pressed in cement. [ cheers and applause ] this is a big deal. >> yes. >> jimmy: really is a big deal. >> yeah. >> jimmy: they don't do that for everybody. there are a lot of stars out there but there are only -- reserved for the top movie stars and people i think the mafia are going to throw in the river. >> that's right. i don't know which one i land on. but it was nice to be included, absolutely. >> jimmy: is this a big deal for you? >> you know, it was fun. jon favreau who i did "swingers" with introduced me -- [ cheers and applause ] i know you're close to favreau. >> jimmy: yes. and i love that movie, too. one of my favorites. he introduced you? >> he did. he was saying it's funny, because that was considered the west side, for those familiar. we lived out east. that's where we could afford to live. now those neighborhoods have gotten a lot more expensive. >> jimmy: where did you guys live when you -- and how old were you when you -- >> i was 18. i met favreau doing "rudy."
when he came out here, he ended up in a neighborhood close to me. we used to go out in los feliz. and a lot of the ex-punk bands started to play live swing music. that was a fun evening to go to those places. i remember walking around. we would walk by the chinese. being kind of awe-struck by the hands and footprints and that kind of stuff. so to be included was a lot of fun. >> jimmy: who are your hands and feet next to you? >> i don't know my neighbors yet. >> jimmy: oh, you don't. [ laughter ] >> it's unclear. >> jimmy: they do it in a square, then they -- i think we have video of this occurring, let's show that. so people can see that we're not making this up. there you are. >> that's right. >> jimmy: and then really your shoe prints, not your footprints. >> that's right. my shoe prints are going to be there. >> jimmy: then this is the result of that. you sign your name in cement which doesn't look that easy to do because you mixed capitals and cursive. >> unfortunately, that's how i roll, cement or not. it's a little bit like -- i only get one chance because it's in cement. i can't make a mistake, what am
i going to do? go like this? and i'm kind of measuring the real estate that was there. and at the same time they're telling you to smile. so i was like, this could go very bad. but the capital the way i always do -- >> jimmy: yeah. you don't want to run out and you're vince vaugh. [ laughter ] >> yeah. this is actually for me pretty good penmanship. if the teacher was going to look at it i'd turn that in with a big smile on my face. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: congratulations, that is a very big deal. [ cheers and applause ] i imagine your friends -- was your family there? >> my family was there. it was actually my mother's birthday today. >> jimmy: oh, nice. >> very nice. i wanted to take her day away from her. i did. [ laughter ] i'm tired of it. every year. same time every year i've got to make a big deal out of it. let me step on these feelings. >> jimmy: your cake is made of cement. >> guess whose day it is now, lady. i love my mom. it was actually kind of fun that it fell on her day. >> jimmy: you were in chicago over the weekend. i saw something that you did. >> oh, man. >> jimmy: which was a very nice thing to do. >> oh, boy.
>> jimmy: you did it at the special olympics -- >> i like to put it out like i did it for the kids but it was a dare, jimmy. no, i did it for special olympics. it was great to do something for them. i wish there was other things you could do. versus being in the freezing cold lake for the winter. but -- >> jimmy: show that video too. the fact that they were playing bagpipes i thought -- >> if it turns into a funeral, everything is over right there. >> jimmy: and you marched into what appears to be a filthy frozen hole. >> that's right. the nasty plunge. >> jimmy: that's right. the nasty plunge. i forgot. >> i want it to look like i'm, hey, mr. easy-breezy. but i'm in a lot of pain in that moment. [ laughter ] hey, i'm from chicago, this is no big deal. i'm going this water -- >> jimmy: that doesn't look -- looks like it could be a more sanitary situation also. >> i couldn't even think about the hygiene, it was so cold. >> jimmy: you did a very nice thing. >> thank you.
>> jimmy: and you were rewarded with your hands and feet in cement, that's how it works, folks, it's called karma. vince vaughn is here. his very funny movie is called "unfinished business." we'll come back and talk about that. be right back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ ♪ only better because tastit's not the holidaysdays [doorbell rings]
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group. >> why? >> because -- i'm just going to be honest with you. i think when you say your whole name it causes people to lose focus on putting the business stuff that -- >> why would my name cause people to lose focus on business stuff? >> say it. >> mike pancake. >> ha ha ha! >> so -- yeah. that's all. >> jimmy: that is "unfinished business." [ cheers and applause ] dave franco, tom wilkinson. boy, i have to tell you something. i thought this movie was really great. i loved that. and dave franco's character in this movie is so odd and so funny. >> hilarious. >> jimmy: it's got a lot of big laughs in. >> it's our comedy. and franco's hilarious, and his character is -- he's very kind of a touched person, if you will. and very funny. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. >> can i bring up something?
from the are you a local are you a foreigner game. >> jimmy: oh, yeah. >> there was a lady who was insatiable. she had an insatiable voice. >> jimmy: the singer. >> i wouldn't be surprised if she got a contract or something after tonight, she had a fantastic voice. here's what i don't understand. this lady and the other singers. it's not only enough that they can hit every note. they have to point to them nowadays. they're letting me know? or what it is? it's crazy. like the first person that does that you go, oh, okay, that's how they sing. right? they're kind of a -- touch the note they're hitting. now other people do it. i don't understand it. i'm going, am i listening? am i following? it's crazy, right? >> jimmy: if you connect the dots you will see the constellation. >> i'm focused on the capital "a." i can't connect anything. >> jimmy: you could use some help. >> this note toucher, this beautiful note toucher is what she is. >> jimmy: people are too touchy with the notes, aren't they? >> it's complicated. >> jimmy: she mentioned mariah carey. i think mariah carey does that.
maybe she feels when she sings a mariah carey song she must hit the notes or -- i don't know what the hell i'm talking about. >> the most impressive part is the voice. she had the voice of an angel. >> jimmy: she was also pretty attractive as well. let's not pretend we didn't notice that just because we're married men. >> thank you. yeah. >> jimmy: you shot your movie, a lot of it, in berlin. which is in another country. >> yes. >> jimmy: yes? >> yes. >> jimmy: it -- >> actually, it was berlin, south dakota. it was right near laura ingalls wilder's house. [ laughter ] no, it was in berlin, germany. >> jimmy: how long were you there? >> we were there for about three months. >> jimmy: you really got to see the place. >> i got underneath the city. underneath the fabric of the city. yeah, we had fun. we went out. we went to a beer garden. which is fun. they still dress like they're in the mountains with the sheep with the clothing choice. >> jimmy: they do that for us, don't they? >> yeah. they're laughing at us. like medieval times. but they do it. they continue it.
but what is interesting was they had a band that played traditional folk music. and, you know, it was interesting. this is nice. then they started playing the hits and the floor went crazy. they started playing "i'm up all night to get lucky" and the place went crazy. >> jimmy: with tubas and everything? >> but i was like why at that point do we have the costumes on and the traditional stuff? let's just lean into this thing. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you and favreau could go over there and make another movie, this time with oompah music. that would be a lot of fun. have you ever met mike tyson? i know you're a boxing fan. >> i am. just today, because he's on the show, i had the pleasure of meeting him. boy, what a great fighter. >> jimmy: yes. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> he is. >> jimmy: he doesn't fight anymore. >> he was a great fighter. i mean, i was of that age, too, it was impressive what he did and the way that he did it. i was scared for the guys getting in the ring. intimidating. >> jimmy: he'd come out -- >> no socks, looked like you talked to his sister in a bad
way. it was just scary. >> jimmy: did you find him intimidating when you -- >> i found him lovely, very sweet and very nice. i was glad for that. hope it goes well. >> jimmy: because you're a very big guy but you don't want to test it. >> i think tall and professional fighter are two different things. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you did some boxing. >> i did a little bit to stay in shape. and yes. the other guys, we would put on head gear and hit each other. but you fight a guy who is a great fighter who knows how to fight, what you find is that you can't hit them. because they can move and roll and, you know, look at tyson. he fought a lot of guys who were taller with reach on him and he would kind of roll and go underneath and carve them up as they say. >> jimmy: will you go to the pacquiao/mayweather fight? >> it's going to be exciting. i'm glad they're finally fighting. >> jimmy: it's about time people are fighting. [ laughter ] >> it's about time, we need more fighting. i'm excited for the fight. i wish it would have been a few years ago. how do you take? >> jimmy: pacquiao. i go with pacquiao.
>> interesting. interesting. had a couple losses lately. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i know he's not the favorite but i like him. he comes here. he sings. i'm rooting for him. >> does he sing on the show? >> jimmy: he does. he's got a beautiful voice. >> i want to put him and that lady together. i've got to be honest. >> jimmy: with the gloves, would be the whole thing. vince vaughn, everybody. go see his movie "unfinished business." it opens friday. thank you, vince. be right back with mike tyson! [ cheers and applause ] ...unite us for a common good. ...and turn a simple video into endless laughter. strong can take you... ...all the way to the summit. oh my! so cool! think what strong can do for you. can i play too? at&t's network now has the nation's strongest 4g lte signal. i bring the gift of the name your price tool
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>> jimmy: our next guest is one of the most fascinating people in the world. he's a former heavyweight champ. new documentary called "champs" that opens in theaters and on demand on march 13th. please welcome mike tyson! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ i have a picture of you here. it's good to see you. [ cheers and applause ] how's life? >> spying around, huh? >> jimmy: i have a picture of you with madonna. you're on madonna's new album. there you are -- >> on the album. >> jimmy: -- getting ready to punch madonna in the face. [ laughter ] >> this isn't true, guys. >> jimmy: how did this happen? you're on one of her songs.
her song "iconic." you're on it. >> yes, yes, this is true. very true. it's really true. >> jimmy: she called you and asked you to do this? >> yes. yes, and when she calls, whatever she calls come, i guess. >> jimmy: you got to go, of course, of course. and you're kind of like -- you're definitely not singing. and you're not rapping on the song. i listened to it today. i wouldn't say narrating. how would you describe what you're doing on it? >> talking [ bleep ]. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: that should have been the name of the song, [ bleep ]. >> [ bleep ], [ bleep ], [ bleep ], [ bleep ]. >> jimmy: what did you and madonna talk about as you were on the couch there? were you there for a while? >> quite a while, quite a while. i have a daughter that attends the nyu school in new york. >> jimmy: right. >> and madonna spoke with her. they spoke on the phone. >> jimmy: oh, all right.
>> and she was very happy. >> jimmy: she was very happy, yeah. had you met madonna before? >> yes, yes. >> jimmy: you did? >> on a couple of occasions. one -- >> jimmy: you know what i'm getting at. have you ever made love to madonna? [ laughter ] >> no, no. >> jimmy: you have not? what did you guys do then instead? >> we saw "pee wee herman big top." [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] hey. with both of our significant others at the time. >> jimmy: you went to a movie with madonna for real? >> yes. >> jimmy: which significant others at the time? what year was this? >> in the '80s when she was married to sean. >> jimmy: oh, wow. >> and i was married as well. >> jimmy: that's a double -- that's the craziest double date i ever heard of. [ laughter ] >> me and sean fell asleep in the movie. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: did you really?
oh, peewee is going to be devastated. >> we like peewee. >> jimmy: well, sure, yeah. >> big fans of peewee. but we were slightly inebriated. >> jimmy: oh, you were. okay. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] madonna was able to make it up for the whole movie? >> i have no idea. i slept through it. >> jimmy: you were sleeping, yeah. wow. i guess nobody's going to go, "hey, buddy, wake up." that's not something that's ever happened to you, is it? >> no, no. >> jimmy: no. when you were first like becoming famous, which famous person did it excite you most to meet? because the world opened up to you at that time. who were you most excited when you first met them? >> i don't know, i can't remember. >> jimmy: you can't even remember, yeah. there's nobody that really stands out, somebody i really admired and they approached you? >> well, fighters. i wanted to meet roberto duran and sugar ray leonard. because i didn't really know if i was going to be a fighter. i was in upstate new york and it
was 1980. and i wasn't sure, is this stuff going to work? then i watched these two guys fight on the 20th of 1980 i believe it was. 20th of june. and i said, this is what i want to do the rest of my life. >> jimmy: wow. right that day. >> yeah. that's when it all clicked. this is what i want to do. >> jimmy: and then you certainly did it. >> i got a little carried away. i get carried away sometimes. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah. >> get carried away. >> jimmy: you get carried away a couple of times. but those moments are behind you. >> well -- >> jimmy: i think. >> yeah. [ laughter ] [ applause ] this stuff is starting over again. hi, mike, mike! and you have to work with temptations and laws and -- [ laughter ] rules. and stuff. never break the law, never break the law. >> jimmy: that's good advice for kids. [ laughter ] never break the law.
>> and say no to dope. drugs, i mean. >> jimmy: and say no to drugs. drugs, dope. dope. [ cheers and applause ] crime. i hope this is not a -- i know you'll talk about pretty much anything. but they were talking a lot about, it was the anniversary of your fight with buster douglas a few days ago. >> that's pretty interesting. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. do you remember any of that? >> why isn't it buster's anniversary? why does it have to be my anniversary? he won. >> jimmy: but he won under weird -- i don't think people remember. the circumstances were strange. because you knocked him down i think in the eighth round. and he got like a very long count. the officials get to count at whatever pace they choose, and you got -- it was like bam bam bam! they counted you out so quickly. >> that [ bleep ] happens, man. i was -- one of those guys that get hurt. i was a big bully back then. i didn't get too much of a
break. but it was good. it all turned out well. it allowed me to overcome adversity and become -- i'm here now. >> jimmy: well, yeah. [ cheers and applause ] i would have had you here anyway. >> yeah. thank you. >> jimmy: you were in japan at the time. were you -- were you like involved in parties? i heard you weren't focused, necessarily. >> well, i had -- i tell you, i get carried away sometimes. you know. i just kept -- so they wouldn't -- listen, i'm in this -- oh, man. i'm in the hotel. they won't let me out of the hotel. they expect me to go to training and come back like i'm some neanderthal that i can't associate with people. so i had to hit all the maids. and i guess hitting means having sex with the maids. >> jimmy: i know what you mean. [ laughter ] >> i didn't want you to say i'm hitting the maids hp.
i'm not hitting them. i'm hitting them. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: right. so naturally when one's put in a situation like that -- >> you're not going to lose -- >> jimmy: you've got to have sex with the maids. >> they were so [ bleep ] ugly, too. [ laughter ] stop, stop. i'm sorry. i don't want to be kicked off the show. no way i was -- >> jimmy: don't worry about it, we'll be fine. we'll be perfectly fine. you're having sex with the maids. and then they clean the room? how does it work? [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> you know. once i go, i'm gone. does that make sense? >> jimmy: well, it does. that's what happened in the fight, also. >> i go, i go. >> jimmy: i love the idea that
you can just have sex with the maids if you want to. >> yeah, because these guys -- we're not going to keep him away from everybody. he ain't going to have no sex. but i did. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you tricked them. you really did. mike, you made this documentary you're producer of this documentary. >> yes, yes, yes. >> jimmy: it's called "champs." very interesting. we all kind of know that boxers don't -- they're not as organized as other sports. because it's an individual sport. but boxers really do get the short end of the stick. >> this is the highest-paying profession in the history of sport. and they don't even have federal regulations. >> they don't have a union? >> no. union what? >> jimmy: they don't, yeah. you think they should have a union? >> no. they should have -- they should have a police system around there. really. when you think about it from the beginning of of time, even entertainment, the young kid that's a neophyte, then they
have the -- the seedy, sleazy, diabolical manager, promoter. this is what they do, they manipulate the kids, take advantage of kids. you know that stuff. you're in entertainment, you know that stuff. what you are, flesh. you go away, there will be another one. so i'm just really happy -- i'm really grateful that i didn't kill anybody. >> jimmy: yeah. that's good. >> i'm grateful. because a lot -- there's no doubt if i didn't have my family and my kids and my responsibilities and i held on, i didn't give in, throw in the towel of life. and i held on. and look at me now. but there were dark moments where i thought about some guys need to take a little dirt nap, you know? >> jimmy: right. >> and i felt really justified by doing that. >> jimmy: i want to first of all thank you for never killing me. [ laughter ] i appreciate that. [ applause ] number two, i heard people see this documentary -- >> a really riveting documentary. it's not about these
personalities. it's just about the idiosyncrasies, what these people did, what the whole system of fighting is. this is the majority of the vicinity of fighters that we see, they're not going to succeed. at the end of the game they're not going to want to look in the mirror. it's just how it turns out. >> jimmy: mike, you're doing your one-man show. >> yes, i am. >> jimmy: coming up here. [ cheers and applause ] that is in robinsonville, mississippi. >> mississippi, man. >> jimmy: mississippi. that is coming up on friday night. that's a great show if you want to see his one-man show. and "champs" opens in theaters and on demand on itunes -- >> "champs" is really cool. did you see "champs" -- >> jimmy: i did. march 13th. it's excellent. you did a great thing making it. mike tyson, everybody. be right back. [ cheers and applause ]
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>> jimmy: you hear that, manny? better do something. thank you for being here. >> it's taken them 100 years to fight. they should be fighting as senior citizens. [ bleep ]. >> jimmy: you should get in there we'll see what happens then. >> oh, gosh. >> jimmy: mike tyson, everybody. "nightline" is next. good night! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪
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