tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC March 26, 2015 11:35pm-12:38am EDT
>> jimmy: i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thanks to all of you for coming. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's very nice. i appreciate that. it's a special day today. you know what today is? today is the 20th birthday of the frappuccino. the starbucks frappuccino. which of course is the beverage that revolutionized the way women wear yoga pants in public. the frappuccino, i didn't know this, was invented by two baristas not far from here in santa monica, 1993. it became an official part of the starbucks menu in 1995. the ceo of starbucks howard schultz wrote in his book, he said the story of the frappuccino epit myselves the entrepreneurial spirit we still have at starbucks. it's experimental, it's adventurous, it fires people up and engages their imagination. does it, though?
seems like a coffee milk shake to me. anyway, to commemorate this momentous occasion starbucks is offering a birthday cake flavored frappuccino now until monday. go out and drink yourself a birthday cake. don't swallow the candles. speaking of celebrations i want to readdress something that i talked about late last night. there's a house, a nice house in a nice neighborhood a few miles away from our studio, that as of last night, march 25th, still had christmas decorations up. okay? and not just a few lights. big, inflatable, holiday characters. this is the house. this is their lawn. now, to do me is not okay. christmas is over. it's almost easter. after last night a lot of people sent me pictures via twitter of houses in their neighborhoods all over the country that also still have decorations up and there are a lot of them. let's go through some. this is from brian.
there's a house in west covina. this person never home, crazy people, needs a life. that is something else. somebody named jnn said, my fiance's mother. from norma, my tree has been up since 2007. take it down, norma, that isn't normal. this one is from beth hatchen. my sister needs to retire her christmas tree, yes, it has st. patrick's day stuff on it. i'm not too worried about what's goes on insued. this is the sort of thing. this is a house near us. one of the guys works here drove past it and took a picture of it today. this is a tweet from amy jg 24. christmas in march. look, they got the wire cutters there just ready to pounce. hate my ghetto neighbors. and this one is from sue mosh says, need a pass on christmas decorations, just finding them now under the snow.
you do get a pass but the rest of them do not. i've got a lot of pictures like this. it makes no sense. because if you were motivated enough to put all these christmas lights up, why are you now too lazy to take them down? i say that if christmas lights are still up by march, it automatically becomes a yard sale. people can show up saturday and sunday, take anything they want. let's have another look at the house we talked about last night. it looks like a used car dealership with these big inflatable things. these things need to be plugged in to work. last night we spoke to the woman who lives next door to the house. tonight joining us on our big cisco screen, the woman who owns the house from inside her little north pole, please welcome sheila fink. let's go to sheila now. hi, sheila. oh my god. >> hi, jimmy. >> jimmy: first of all, what is this? what is that terrifying animal? >> it's my baby possum. >> jimmy: all right.
>> miss name is gachinga. >> jimmy: what is going on with you, she'll may? sheila? >> i lived with this for over 30 years. i'm still collecting. i love all my babies. >> jimmy: it's time to stop, i think. >> i've almost finished everything in the house. >> jimmy: okay. it is almost finished. >> i like the tattoo. >> jimmy: you keep these decorations up year round, these christmas things on your lawn? >> usually i have monsters up. when i put them up the neighbors get really irritated. so i don't like to be told what to do, so when they complain i put more out. >> jimmy: oh, boy. what is all this -- you have chains? >> yes, i do, and diamonds. >> jimmy: i wouldn't peg you for a christmassy kind of person. >> but you didn't show my monsters. the monsters are up above on the balcony. so it's nightmare before christmas.
>> jimmy: oh. and so what is all that stuff behind you? from movies and whatnot? >> yes. >> jimmy: okay, all right. i have to say, now that i'm seeing the inside of your house, i wonder how you're able to show much restraint on the lawn. >> i have a 15-foot thing people didn't like too much, people used to throw things at him. >> jimmy: does this seem an inappropriate habitat in which to raise a possum? >> yes, i'm getting another one tonight. >> jimmy: tonight? >> a little girl from studio city pet hospital. >> jimmy: you know, the children in your neighborhood are going to know when to get excited for christmas. you may be giving them a seasonal disorder. >> they have lunch every day on my lawn. >> jimmy: they do? >> yes. >> jimmy: really? they're not scared of your teeth? >> no. >> jimmy: wow. what would it take to get you to
put all those lawn decorations in the garage where they belong, in march? >> no way. if they went in, the spiders and the skeletons, everything would come out. >> jimmy: oh, boy. all right. so maybe you're saying maybe we're better off just leaving well enough alone? >> right, yeah. >> jimmy: okay. wow. >> it's just like neutral, what i have now. >> jimmy: okay. this is neutral, i think we should just get the hell out of there. everyone should move. >> come back halloween. >> jimmy: no, thanks. thank you, sheila. >> thank you. >> jimmy: all right, thanes to your possum. >> say say good-bye. >> jimmy: good-bye. well, that was a surprise. boy. i have to say -- i didn't think it was possible, but the christmas decorations are the least weird thing about it. meanwhile, while the rest of us are celebrating christmas, a lot
of high school and college students right now are on spring break. i never went to spring break. i barely went to college. [ cheers and applause ] now, thanks to the internet, we don't have to go on spring break, we can share in the frivolity through videos like this one from porter ranch, texas. >> get him, brother! he set us up, he set us up! [ bleep ]. hey, dude, he's scared, he's scared, brother. he ain't going to [ bleep ] with you. [ bleep ], [ bleep ]. get him, get him! >> jimmy: run fast. spring broken collarbones. we have a special something we do from time to time during springtime here in hollywood. we have visitors, some of them are very young visitors, so they
will stay a couple of doors down from us at the hollywood backpacker hostel next door. beds at this hostel go for about $30 a night, very reasonable. you share a room, you share a bathroom. it's a nightmare, really, is what it is. so every now and then we give a pair of young people staying at the hostel a chance to compete for a free room in a swanky hollywood hotel. in other words, we will take them out of the hostel and put them into a hotel. it's in my opinion now to play hostel la vista! . outside our studio our contestants, hello, cousin sal. sal's dressed as a monkey right now. who do we have out there, cousin sal? introduce us. >> sal: we have natalie and edward. >> jimmy: natalie, where are you from? >> i'm from switzerland. >> jimmy: how long have you been here in the united states? >> i'm now been here a year. >> jimmy: i see you have your backpack, all your stuff ready to go in case we put you in the
hotel. what do you do for a living? >> i'm working at home as a pastry chef. >> jimmy: a delicious job. next we have edward. edward, where are you from? >> i'm from germany. >> jimmy: edward is from germany. what do you do for a living in germany? >> i'm starting mechanical engineering there. >> jimmy: mechanical engineering. and then what will you do once you graduate? >> i don't know yet. >> jimmy: okay. >> i'm stopped right now. >> jimmy: are you having fun in the united states? >> oh, so amazing. >> what is the most interesting thing you've seen so far? >> hollywood. >> jimmy: hollywood, yeah. have you been anyplace else besides hollywood? >> yes, las vegas and san francisco. >> jimmy: and hollywood's even stranger than las vegas? and san francisco? >> maybe more than san francisco. but not more than las vegas. >> jimmy: yes, yes. nothing is stranger than las vegas. all right, this is what you're playing for. a luxury studio suite at the w hotel down the block from us. good-bye, shared bathroom. hello, king-sized bed, marble bathtub, and a full wet bar.
but to win -- that's my brother by the way. i don't know why he's in there. to win you have to know a little something about the place you are visiting. our town. i'm going to ask some questions about our city and state. whoever answers more right gets the room. are you ready? let's -- you guys are fired up, i can tell. is there a gas leak in that hostel? >> sal: everyone's a little rattled by the crazy lady with the possum, i'm sorry. >> jimmy: all right, okay. whoever answers more questions right gets the room. it is time to begin. the first question is, at what california high school did sean penn have "fast times"? fast times. edward. >> uh -- l.a.? >> jimmy: no. natalie, i suppose you don't know the answer? >> i don't know. >> jimmy: ridge mont high. that was a movie that was popular here," fast times at ridgemont high."
do you know who sean penn is? >> no. >> jimmy: i'll take that as a no too. all right. next question. who originally sang the song "l.a. woman"? "l.a. woman." wow. i'll give you a hint. the name of the band is something you would open. natalie? >> the doors? >> jimmy: the doors is absolutely right. wow, all right, you're smart. natalie is in the lead. the next question, in what city would you find the famous santa monica pier? edward. >> santa monica. >> jimmy: edward. >> yes. santa monica. >> jimmy: santa monica is absolutely right. we have a tie game. all right. this question, there was a television show called "the oc." what does "oc" stand for?
>> orange county. >> jimmy: that is absolutely right, edward. very well done. edward has the lead. which u.s. president used to be a movie star and governor of california? edward. >> arnold schwarzenegger. >> jimmy: we have not elected him president yet. natalie, which u.s. president was a movie star and governor of california? >> i don't know which one was all of it. >> jimmy: it is -- the answer is ronald reagan. have you heard of him? >> yes. >> jimmy: edward? >> yes. >> jimmy: okay. edward, you seem like a lot of fun, huh? >> sal: i'll lead you to his desk in a minute, edward. >> jimmy: what famous hotel did the eagles sing about?
natalie. >> hotel california. >> jimmy: that is absolutely right, natalie! we have one more question. the tie-breaking question. which l.a. neighborhood is dr. dre from? natalie. >> crenshaw? >> jimmy: no. edward? he is straight out of which neighborhood? >> compton? >> jimmy: compton is absolutely right! wow. congratulations, edward. but don't worry, natalie, you're not going back empty-handed. for you we've got a bucket of toilet paper to bring to the hosel. edward, bellhop sal will take you and your luggage to the w hotel. thanks, natalie. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: all right, there he goes. well, we have a good show for you tonight. we'll check back in with edward when he gets in his room.
we have music from charlie wilson and snoop dogg, from "scandal" jeff perry is here. we'll be right back with zooey deschanel so stick around! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ (spoken in japanese) (spoken in japanese) reliability, is now an american thing. introducing the all new chrysler 200 america's import find it at chrysler.com
nexium 24hr. it's the purple pill. the #1 prescribed acid blocking brand. available without a prescription for frequent heartburn. get complete protection. nexium level protectiontm. discovery in human history! the fountain of youth! even more exciting, with net10 wireless and rent-a-center, everyone can get the best samsung smartphones. really? really. on the nation's best networks. with no long-term contracts or credit checks. wow, that is big. get the latest samsung smartphones at rent-a-center with net10 plans on the nation's best 4g lte networks that start at just $40 a month.
hp instant ink can save you up to 50% on ink. so print all you want and never run out. plans start at $2.99 a month. ♪ "what is it that we can do that is impactful?" what the cloud enables is computing to empower cancer researchers. it used to take two weeks to sequence and analyze a genome; with the microsoft cloud we can analyze 100 per day. whatever i can do to help compute a cure for cancer, that's what i'd like to do.
>> jimmy: tonight from "scandal," which many of you saw earlier this evening on abc, jeff perry is here. then later the album is called "forever charlie," charlie wilson formerly of the gap band with snoop dogg from the at&t stage. by the way, this is something i keep hanging in my car. it's a snoop dogg air freshener. it smells like gin & juice. i like to have snoop watching over me when i drive. next week we have quite a week of shows with vin diesel, dwayne johnson, kurt russell, jason statham, jeffrey ross, nicole ritchie. plus music from brian wilson, death cab for cutie, and monday and tuesday nights van halen live on hollywood boulevard. [ cheers and applause ] david and eddie together for the first time on television ever. if you'd like to be here to bear witness to music history get
made, go to jkltickets.com. the tickets are free. so enjoy them. our first guest is an emmy-nominated actress and grammy-nominated singer-song-writestress who is with-child, but that will not stop her from letting you know about season four of "new girl" which airs tuesday nights on fox. please say hello to zooey deschanel. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: congratulations. >> thank you. >> jimmy: either you're pregnant or you smuggled a cantaloupe out of the green room. >> i'm pregnant? >> jimmy: that's very nice, i'm very happy for you. >> i knew i was pregnant. >> jimmy: wouldn't that be something. >> i found out on the show. everyone was like, you look pregnant. and i was like, oh my god, i am. >> jimmy: that would chop those
tlc shows for sure. >> you'd get huge ratings. >> jimmy: maybe next time. >> maybe next time, yeah. >> jimmy: do you know the gender of the baby? >> we are going to be surprised. >> jimmy: good. that's what we did too. i like that. >> yeah, yeah. more fun, you know? >> jimmy: it is more fun. >> you get into a game. >> jimmy: do you have an inclination one way or the other? >> i mean -- i go back and forth. >> jimmy: you do this thing when you go to get the ultrasound where the technician, you're like, oh, she said -- >> >> don't tell me, don't tell me! >> jimmy: sometimes you feel like the technician slipped and you analyze. i would go like, she said he, she said she, something like that. >> yes. >> jimmy: and we'd be certain that accidentally revealed it. >> yes, actually. but the last time the technician was like, just so you know i always use the pronoun "he" and it's just my habit. >> jimmy: did she say that before or after? >> that was before. >> jimmy: okay. >> before. she set it up. >> jimmy: otherwise -- >> we didn't want to find out. >> jimmy: otherwise it seems like she's covering her tracks.
>> apparently not that many people are that sort of -- you know, most people want to find out. >> jimmy: i know. that makes me feel like we're better than other people. [ laughter ] >> we are. >> jimmy: now we're not as good. your sister's pregnant right now too. >> she's pregnant too. >> jimmy: that's fun, right? >> yes. >> jimmy: your sister is a vegan, are you a vegetarian or vegan? >> i'm not. i eat some vegan meals, though. >> jimmy: it's okay occasionally to eat vegan. >> sure. >> jimmy: but, you know. >> sometimes you're hungry. you want food that's not vegan. >> jimmy: what i was wondering, thinking about this today, i was thinking about the fact that your sister is pregnant, if the baby is to be raised vegan, breast-feed. >> oh. yeah. >> jimmy: because it's an animal product. >> yes, animal product. i mean, we're animals. >> jimmy: it's a really good point. >> yeah. >> jimmy: i'm going to bring that up with her. >> yeah, bring it up.
>> jimmy: i was going to say, have a few drinks and bring it up but don't have a few drinks and bring it up. >> you know, that's really interesting. >> jimmy: i know, a lot of the things i think are very interesting. [ laughter ] >> you can't eat so many things when you're pregnant. if i was vegan i'd be like -- >> jimmy: what are you not eating, what are you bummed out about? >> you can't have sushi. you can't have cheese that tastes good. >> jimmy: right, the soft cheeses. >> yeah. which taste good. >> jimmy: no coffee. >> you get a little bit but you can't like -- i would have like four cups a day. now i can have a half cup. >> jimmy: yeah, that's got to be a tough one. >> a total joke. >> jimmy: alcohol? >> no alcohol. yeah, you can't have alcohol. i miss that. i like wine, you know. >> jimmy: yeah. >> you know what, your child won't appreciate it at all. >> jimmy: right, yeah. >> you can bring it up -- do you know why i went months without getting hammered, for you?
>> every week i find out something else i'm not supposed to eat. what? sprouts? which is on everything. people put it on things willy-nilly. >> jimmy: yeah. >> sprinkle sprouts. >> jimmy: none of the places i go to have sprouts. that wouldn't be an issue. sprouts, yeah. when they tell you why you think, i should never eat that again. they have like e. coli or something horrible in them. >> well, not always. >> jimmy: but sometimes. >> yeah. they tend to be a little bit of a magnet for that. >> jimmy: yeah, they're like filthy sponges. >> yeah, gross. >> jimmy: of nature. >> let's back up. >> jimmy: on "new girl" will your character be pregnant? >> no. >> jimmy: just be pregnant? >> no. which has gotten more and more difficult. we're still shooting and it's getting ridiculous. >> jimmy: you have to stand behind plants and things like that, right? >> yes, and you have to -- i've been carrying a lot of bags very
awkwardly. last week i had a grocery bag and i was carrying it like this. >> jimmy: this is from a few weeks ago. was this designed specifically to disguise you? >> you know, that's the suit -- actually, shockingly, no. we shot that before christmas. so i didn't even look pregnant. nobody knew i was pregnant at the time we shot that. but when i saw that, like in my costume one, i'm like, yes. >> jimmy: yeah, really. this might be nice to wear around when you get closer to having the baby. >> oh, hell, yeah. >> jimmy: is the swoot available for sale? >> i this it should be. >> jimmy: jeremy, we've got to get you a swoot. >> guillermo: yeah, yeah, sure. >> you'd look really good. >> jimmy: you'd look really good. guillermo's in a bad mood because he's not drunk right now. >> are you pregnant too? >> guillermo: no, no, no. >> jimmy: he's not pregnant.
♪ ♪ vo: after years of being treated like she was invisible, it occurred to mindy she might actually be invisible. ♪ but mindy was actually not invisible. ooh, what are you doing? can you see me? she had just always been treated that way. yeah. you don't have to look at me like that. there are worst things than an attractive woman touching your body. i'll go. join the nation that sees you as a priority.
together. >> what are these rules? >> just don't go. >> i'm going. it's the right thing to do. >> so if i don't go i'm a bad person? >> uh-huh. >> i'm surprised. i thought you of all people would want to accompany your best friend to the funeral of a guy she teched. >> jimmy: zooey deschanel. shot from here up. >> from here up, yes. >> jimmy: your character is now vice principal of the school. >> yes. big job. >> jimmy: were you -- i would imagine you would a very well behaved student. >> well, i was. from seventh grade up. >> jimmy: before that? that's how it usually goes. >> exactly. i'm just generally the opposite of everything. yeah, no -- i was kind of a little bit of a troublemaker in elementary school. >> jimmy: what would you do? >> well, i didn't think i was being particularly rebellious or
anything. i just would bring up, you know, points without raising the hand, you know. >> jimmy: you have to raise your hand, wait for your turn. >> you really are. >> jimmy: you're a real monster. >> i've got a loud voice. i remember specifically in third grade, the teacher, we had this art project and the teacher was talking about this art project and he's like, you have to paint it orange! and just so you know, it's very important that we paint it orange! and finally, we have to paint it orange! and i raise my hand. do we have to paint it orange? they're like, office! you know, i just was asking a question, i wanted to make quadruply sure. >> jimmy: sure, you could never be too sure. >> you can't. >> jimmy: sounds like they were in the wrong in that situation. >> after a while i got sent to the principal so much they were just like, just don't send her in, just leave her in the
waiting room. >> jimmy: we have brian wilson here on the show next week. and you recorded a song with brian wilson. >> he's the absolute best. i'm like the biggest brian wilson fan. i got to work with him -- >> jimmy: what was that like? he seems like an unusual character. >> he is an unusual character. it's like he knows exactly what he wants. and you go in and he'll tell you, like you could be like, uh, uh -- if he doesn't like that uh, uh he'll be like, stop it! stop, that's not it! >> jimmy: really. >> yeah, yeah. he'll just stop it right in the middle. >> jimmy: kind of like the teacher with the orange stuff. >> exactly. >> jimmy: you've come full circle. >> if he loves it, he loves it. if he doesn't like it, he doesn't like it. it's very -- so it's actually really clear. >> jimmy: i guess so, yes. >> it goes by really fast. >> jimmy: it must be alarming at the beginning, no, stop right there! yeah, the first time it happened, i went in the vocal booth and then i start to sing
and he goes, you're rushing! and i was like, uh, uh -- then i realized it just kind of -- that's his way. >> jimmy: i never would have guessed that he was decisive in that way. >> yeah. when he likes it, he'll like -- he'll be like so excited. >> jimmy: oh, really. >> so, you know, you get the reward. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. >> once you've made it through. >> jimmy: so you're a baby, really. >> yeah, exactly. >> jimmy: oh, good. >> well, i am. >> it's very good to see you. >> great to see you too. >> jimmy: next time we see you you'll have a child. zooey deschanel. "new girl" tuesday night on fox. we'll be right back! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by at and s. mobilizing your world. ...and turn a simple video into endless laughter. strong can take you...
...all the way to the summit. oh my! so cool! think what strong can do for you. can i play too? at&t's network now has the nation's strongest 4g lte signal. when you take advil you get relief right at the site of pain. wherever it is. advil stops pain right where it starts. relief doesn't get any better than this. advil.
iand i'm jerry bell the third. i'm like a big bear and he's my little cub. this little guy is non-stop. he's always hanging out with his friends. you've got to be prepared to sit at the edge of your seat and be ready to get up. there's no "deep couch sitting." definitely not good for my back. this is the part i really don't like right here. (doorbell) what's that? a package! it's a swiffer wetjet. it almost feels like it's moving itself. this is kind of fun. that comes from my floor? eww! this is deep couch sitting. [jerry bell iii] deep couch sitting! the new, twenty-fifteen ford focus believes in "more." more to see. more to feel. ♪ more to make things really, really... interesting. ♪ the new focus. from the auto brand more people buy, and buy again.
you're not mr. craig. yeah, i'm confused, where's mr. craig? well, i'm sorta mr. craig. we're both between 35 and 45 years old. we both like to save money on car insurance. and we're both really good at teaching people a lesson. um, let's go. cool. sit down! alright. sorta you, isn't you. only esurance has coveragemyway. it helps make sure you only pay for what's right for you, not someone sorta like you. i think i blacked out from fear... did we ask him where mr. craig was? we did. esurance. backed by allstate. click or call.
>> jimmy: welcome back. jeff perry from "scandal" and music from charlie wilson with snoop dogg is on the way, but first, let's check back in with the friendly foreigner edward from jernltny, who won our hostel la vista game show tonight. i heard you got locked out, is that true? >> yes, yes, it's true. >> jimmy: it is true.
it looks like you're in there enjoying yourself. >> oh, yes. oh my god. it's all that. >> jimmy: why do i feel like i'm watching pornography right now? all right, edward. >> it's great to be here. i have my own bathroom, it's great. >> jimmy: your own bathroom, feel free to use that. don't take a shower or anything, though. we have a water shortage. >> all right. >> jimmy: we got the idea. you know, it's thursday night. we have a tradition, we bleep and blur the big tv moments of the week whether they need it or not. it is "this week in unnecessary censorship." >> march madness moment with some muscle. and do you have a picture of your [ bleep ] handy? we want to see it. >> a member of the cast who blew the most [ bleep ] over the past seven seasons. >> oh my goodness. >> you had the most. >> live within your means. don't bankrupt our kids and grandkids.
[ bleep ] the constitution. >> we've got snow, mother nature [ bleep ] the memo. >> [ bleep ], [ bleep ], [ bleep ], [ bleep ], [ bleep ], [ bleep ], [ bleep ] weeknights at 10:00. >> a waitress in anaheim cannot believe she is alive after what happened during one of her [ bleep ]s. >> today is national [ bleep ] day. >> some environmentalists are not happy with you because of [ bleep ]ing, that you've allowed [ bleep ]ing to go on in california. >> first of all, [ bleep ]ing in california has been going on over 50 years. >> a transient gets in a fight with the owner of a cafe then bites off the tip of the man's [ bleep ]. >> that's why you have to [ bleep ] me. >> with you? >> i hope you choose our firm. [ bleep ], [ bleep ], [ bleep ]. call us, 472-[ bleep ]. >> jimmy: be right back with jeff perry from "scandal!"
[ cheers and applause ] jeff perry from "scandal!" [ cheers and applause ] ♪ proof of less joint pain. and clearer skin. this is my body of proof that i can fight psoriatic arthritis from the inside out... with humira. humira works by targeting and helping to block a specific source of inflammation that contributes to both joint and skin symptoms. it's proven to help relieve pain, stop further joint damage and clear skin in many adults. doctors have been prescribing humira for nearly 10 years. >>humira can lower your ability to fight infections, including tuberculosis. serious, sometimes fatal infections and cancers, including lymphoma, have happened, as have blood, liver and nervous system problems, serious allergic reactions, and new or worsening heart failure. before treatment, get tested for tb. tell your doctor if you've been to areas where certain fungal infections are common, and if you've had tb, hepatitis b, are prone to infections, or have flu-like symptoms or sores.
don't start humira if you have an infection. >>visit humira.com and talk to your rheumatologist. humira. this is a body of proof! calls remind me to tell her happy anniversary.wife next time you talk to caroline, i'll remind you. oh, and remind me to get roses when i'm near any store. sure thing. remind you when you get to store. cortana, it's gonna be a great night. oh, wow! thanks for the traffic alert. i better get going.
snoop dogg are getting ready. our next guest plays the plays the conniving, calculating, blackmailing, election-fixing, prostitute-marrying white house chief of staff cyrus beene on one of the craziest tv shows ever. "scandal" airs thursday nights at 9:00 here on abc. please welcome jeff perry. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> how are you? >> jimmy: i'm good. i almost tripped as i came back to the chair, it was embarrassing but what are you going to do? how are you? i have to say watching "scandal" and seeing your character cyrus on the show, getting to know you in person, you could not be more different. i don't know if i've ever met an actor who's more different from -- with the exception of like murderers, you know. than you are. you must be a good actor, i guess. >> i don't know, most actors
love playing kind of opposite. my wife linda lowey who casts all of chanda's shows -- yes, you do need know who to sleep with. [ laughter ] she has a nickname for me of mahatma patton. she says, it's usually gandhi, but once in a while it's general george. >> jimmy: oh, really? >> then you want to hit the hills. >> in real life? >> in real life. >> jimmy: sometimes it's required. sometimes you have to take charge. >> sometimes. they're misbehaving. >> lead the family over the hill. >> i'm saying. >> jimmy: you play this character that is -- how do you even -- do you have to do anything to get there? or can you just do that? >> kerry washington has a very funny imitation of me. i'll do her doing me. if there's a particularly emotional scene, you know, it's [ bleep ], [ bleep ]. come on, come on, come on, come on. [ bleep ]. come on!
[ bleep ], [ bleep ]! oh, you [ bleep ], [ bleep ] son of a -- okay, we're good, can we go? ready. >> jimmy: that's what you do? >> yes. >> jimmy: wow, like a baseball player. [ cheers and applause ] that was a little bit scary for me. this is a photo of you as a very young man, or woman, i'm not sure exactly, what's going on here? >> this is franny the transvestite. from lanford wilson's balk and gill yad. we did it when we were kids, laurie metcalf, gary sinise, et cetera, et cetera. john malkovich loved -- he could tell that i had proclivity for wanting to fit in. kind of like woody allen's "zelig." legal be okay, let there be no confrontation. and that was like, you know, peck where there's blood for young malkovich. he said, i'm casting you as every freak i can think of. you're going to be the
transvestite. then you're going to have brain damage. then you're going to do something else. >> jimmy: did you have to go through the process of shaving your legs and really getting -- seems like it would be a pain. >> my daughter zoe perry was about 2 1/2. and she'd be playing around on the floor of the theater. my ex-wife is laurie metcalf. and a good buddy of mine, a great woman actress, rest in peace, is gone, she did my makeup. man, she was great at it. she did everything. now we're shaving the legs, doing this. zoe's looking at me. in my mind i'm thinking, hm. you know, 15 years from now, ish, what kind of psychiatric bills are going to be coming my way? oh, well. >> jimmy: and she's okay? >> she's okay. she's decided to be an actress. >> jimmy: there you go. >> so there you go. >> jimmy: when you were working in the theater, did you get paid doing these shows? >> no, no, man.
we work in mall food courts and people would be secretaries. john malkovich drove a bus for solomon scheckter day school. >> jimmy: wow. >> outside of chicago. and gary sinise would steal toilet paper from the festival while working on the grounds crew so our theater would have toilet paper. and one of my jobs was selling ice cream out of a truck. i grew up -- >> jimmy: you were an ice cream man? >> i was an ice cream man, yeah. >> jimmy: what was the song that played? >> the children would all come running. >> jimmy: they would. >> it was a ring tone, man. >> jimmy: it doesn't haunt you? you don't remember it today? >> no, no. but there was a lot of -- well, marijuana in those days. >> oh, there was? >> that's why i don't remember. >> jimmy: i see. that's a bad combination with ice cream. >> with ice cream, yeah. thank god the boss was strict about inventory or there wouldn't have been anything to
sell. >> jimmy: yeah, right. so the kids would come running up to the truck. >> kids would come running. or they wouldn't be kids. there was one guy who came. he had this old great beat-up caddie. he had one leg out of the car, he pulls up -- >> jimmy: what do you mean he had a leg out of the car? >> the window's down and it's summer, the leg hanging out the car. you've got one foot working the gas. >> jimmy: classic. >> he's got a young lady next to him, a couple of gals in back, dolores, imogen, somebody and somebody. he says, give me three malt crunch bombs and a bomb pop. nah, four bomb pops. girls? and i've been taught, don't hand over the produce until you get money in the other hand. >> jimmy: oh yeah, right. >> so i've got the malt crunch bombs and the bomb pops and i'm waiting for my money. he looks at me, jimmy. oh, man. oh, man. i'll pay you.
oh, that hurts, man. i'll pay you. my liberal guilt. i'm so sorry, i'm so sorry, here, here, here. i give him the ice cream. he passes on it it out. dolores, you good? take one of those. here you go. everybody okay? okay. good. bye-bye, sucker! and he takes off. [ applause ] >> jimmy: a lesson was learned, that's the important thing. well, it was quite a night tonight on the show. i know people in the audience haven't seen it yet. but to save face, you had to marry a male prostitute. >> yes. >> jimmy: based on a true story? >> i don't know if chanda stole that from the headlines. >> jimmy: that one may have been ripped from the headlines. thank you for coming and bring ice cream next time. >> i will. >> jimmy: jeff perry, everybody. "scandal" airs thursdays at 9:00
>> dicky: the "jimmy kimmel live" concert series is presented by at&t. mobilizing your world. >> jimmy: i want to thank zooey deschanel, jeff perry and apologize to matt damon, we ran out of time. "nightline" is next, but first, this is his album "forever charlie." here with the song "infectious" with a little help from snoop dogg, charlie wilson. ♪ good god y'all the selection with perfection is more than affection ♪ ♪ are you infectious yes you are uncle charlie do the honors baby girl ♪ ♪ lips so red they call you maybelline
hey how you doin rock my world ♪ ♪ looks could kill you knock me off my feet hey how you doin' ♪ ♪ can you get em on the runway yes you can ♪ ♪ can you hurt em with the bong life yes you can ♪ ♪ can you make em have it your way yes you can yes you can ♪ ♪ yes you can she's so infectious she's dancing reckless she's shaking baking ♪ ♪ good lord ow she's so infectious she's dancing reckless she's center staging ♪ ♪ good lord ow get it baby get get it baby get get it baby ♪ ♪ one time ow get it baby get get it baby get get it baby ♪ ♪ two times ow diamond girl eyes so white they shine like tiffany's ♪ ♪ hey how you doin' such a flirt teasing when you walk
in front of me ♪ ♪ hey how you doin' can you get em on the runway yes you can ♪ ♪ can you hurt em with the bong life yes you can ♪ ♪ can you make em have it your way yes you can yes you can ♪ ♪ yes you can she's so infectious she's dancing reckless she's shaking baking ♪ ♪ good lord ow she's so infectious she's dancing reckless she's center staging ♪ ♪ good lord ow get it baby get get it baby get get it baby ♪ ♪ one time ow get it baby get get it baby get get it baby ♪ ♪ two times ow ooh you look so stunning you got my engine running baby girl you know ♪ ♪ you're only mine you know you're so infectious blowing up my senses baby girl you're ♪ ♪ playing with my mind to kiss your lips dip slip into a zone 2 1 3 5 4 home alone ♪ ♪ infectious gold tips with the chrome nick nack paddy wack give me my bone ♪ ♪ i want you and
i know that you want me too so let's just do once ♪ ♪ own your mind take your time girl and put that thing on me i never wanted ♪ ♪ to fall in love but who's to say you never wanted to fall in love ♪ ♪ but you fell for me anyway i'm this i'm that i'm back on point heat by my thigh ♪ ♪ you by my side for sure you go uncle charlie let em know ♪ she's so infectious ♪ she's so infectious she's dancing reckless she's shaking baking good lord ow ♪ ♪ she's so infectious she's dancing reckless she's shaking baking good lord ow ♪ ♪ she's so infectious she's dancing reckless she's shaking baking good lord ow ♪ ♪ she's so infectious she's dancing reckless she's shaking baking good lord ow ♪ ♪ get it baby get get it baby get get it baby one time ow ♪
♪ get it baby get get it baby get get it baby two times ow ♪ ♪ get it baby get get it baby get get it baby one time ow ♪ ♪ get it baby get get it baby get get it baby two times ow ♪ ♪ she's so infectious she's so infectious ♪ put your hands up ♪ everybody get your hands up put them up put them up put them up ♪ ♪ yo ho yo ho ♪ watch out [ cheers and applause ]
this is "nightline." >> tonight, kilner the cockpit. the midair mystery now deepening. why did one of the pilots allegedly guide the plane into that terrifying ten-minute descent into death on purpose? tonight the police swarming the home of the 27-year-old at the controls. the new video from the remote mountainous debris field. and the rules designed to avoid exactly this kind of disaster here at home. plus, she won the bachelor's heart. now she's revealing a radical step for ensuring she can have his baby. tonight we go inside a lucrative business. what is an egg freezing party? and the critics who question the costs anth