tv Late Night With Jimmy Fallon NBC February 10, 2010 3:05am-4:00am EST
>> jimmy: hey. all right, everybody. thank you for coming. thank you for coming to the show. welcome to "late night with jimmy fallon," everybody. happy tuesday. are you guys excited? it's groundhog day, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] yeah. i feel bad for squirrels on groundhog day. it's like being jewish on christmas. [ light laughter ] well, the oscar nominations were announced today, you guys. best actor nominees included george clooney for "up in the air," jeremy renner -- [ scattered applause ] jeremy renner for "the hurt locker" and president obama for the state of the union. [ laughter and applause ] it's going great. it's going great, you guys. i read in "the new york times" that the obama administration is planning huge changes to president bush's "no child left behind" law. the new low will be called, "let's face it, some kids are just duds." [ laughter ] that doesn't seem right at all. listen to this, there's a goodwill store that's having an
anti-valentine's day donation drive where people can give away clothes that belonged to their exes. [ laughter ] i swear. in fact, tonight, i'm wearing one of john edwards' old suits. [ audience ohs ] [ applause ] real cheap. meredith vieira is on the show tonight, you guys. i'm so psyched. i love her. [ cheers and applause ] i love her. i don't know if any of you saw the "today" show this morning. they showed a live c-section birth on the air. viewers called it the all-time weirdest installment of "where in the world is matt lauer." [ laughter ] this is pretty cool, it's doppelganger week on facebook, where people replace their profile pictures with a celebrity they look like. and then people's friends go, "yeah, right. [ light laughter ] i guess fred think he's looks like george clooney." this is just weird, this thing. a funeral home in denver admitted to misplacing a woman's body last week and dressing another corpse in her clothe
i guess they are just hope the woman's family will be like, "that's weird. i don't remember barbara being asian. [ light laughter ] it is her shirt, though. sayonara, barbara." [ light laughter ] here's a cute story, an 8-year-old cat in britain just became the world's first cat to have an artificial knee replacement. vets say the cat should be up and doing nothing in no time. [ laughter ] a new study found 2% of the population suffers from a disorder that causes them to think that they're ugly. the disorder is being called being ugly. [ laughter ] can't think of it anyway, right? got some more tiger woods news for you guys. a company in canada is selling a set of golf balls with pictures of tiger's mistresses on each ball. after inspecting the golf balls
himself, tiger said, "yeah, i'd hit those." [ laughter and applause ] whistler, that one, yeah. [ light laughter ] thank you, sir. check this out. police in indiana are searching for a man who robbed a tobacco store with a pair of scissors. they said the guy could be a real danger, unless you have a rock. [ laughter ] i don't even know what to make of this. a woman was arrested at jfk airport after officials found 54 pounds of cocaine in her suitcase and a bag of marijuana in her bra. i wish i could have been at her house right before she left. she's like "all right, i got all my clothes, got my phone charger, 54 pounds of cocaine. what am i forgetting? oh, yeah, my bra weed.
[ light laughter ] i forgot to take my bra weed." researchers in china have discovered that a dinosaur that lived 125 million years ago was covered in reddish-orange feathers. sounds crazy, right? maybe that's why they are calling it the tyrannosaurus gaga. [ light laughter ] finally, more than 24 employees have beeinvestigated for looking at pornography on their government computers. they've been charged with wasting government dollars and stimulating their own packages. [ laughter ] ladies and gentlemen, we have a great show tonight. give it up for the roots. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, man. oh, man. what a fun thing. "stimulating their own packages."
[ light laughter ] oscar noms, oscar nominations are out, you guys. let's pick some winners. let's do it. what do we g? achievement in directing, that's best director. why don't they just call it best director? achievement in directing, you've got "avatar," james cameron. kathryn bigelow, "the hurt locker." quentin tarantino, "inglourious basterds" -- inglourious is kind of spelled like it's from england -- "inglourious" and basterds with an "e." >> steve: that's out. >> jimmy: out. "bterds," it was too confusing for me. "precious" based on the novel "push" by sapphire, too long. [ light laughter ] "up in the air," jason reitman. "avatar." right? [ cheers ] "avatar" is going to win. "avatar" is my pick on that one. performance by an actor in a leading role. jeff bridges. he was awesome in "crazy heart." i'm not even going to look at the other ones. [ laughter ] i think i'm up for an oscar for not doing any more movies. >> steve: are you serious? >> jimmy: yep. [ light laughter ] >> steve: the whole industry got together and gave you that? >> jimmy: they gave it to me, i won. yeah. they gave it to me. >> steve: oh my god. >> jimmy: they go "just, please, don't do any more acting." >> steve: good for you.
>> jimmy: performance -- thank you. i want to thank my agent and my wife. >> steve: so it's a different kind of oscar nomination. >> jimmy: and for mom andad. wish i could have got you better seats. but, you know -- [ audience groans ] that's a groaner. it's a groaner. >> steve: that's a groaner. i think you won an oscar for that one. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you get it now, though. it's kind of funny now. >> steve: yeah, yeah. they're up in the balcony. they're way, high up. >> jimmy: yeah. when parents pass, you can show it in black and white. >> steve: you're on fire today. >> jimmy: yeah, i'm shooting blanks. [ light laughter ] performance by an actress in a leading role. you got sandy bulls in "the blind side." >> steve: right. >> jimmy: helen mirren in "the last station." >> steve: yep. >> jimmy: never heard of that movie. [ laughter ] what's that about? >> steve: probably the last station. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: "there is officially no more stations after this." [ laughter ] >> steve: maybe like thomas the tank engine or something like that. >> jimmy: is it animated? thomas the tank engine? >> steve: it might be.
i didn't see it. >> jimmy: i like helen mirren, but i never saw that. is she playing the queen or something? >> steve: she might be, at the last station. >> jimmy: carey mulligan, "an education." >> steve: oh, yeah. didn't see it. [ scattered applause ] >> jimmy: that was good. gabourey sidibe in "precious" based on the novel "push" by sapphire -- [ light laughter ] she was phenomenal in that. >> steve: she was great. that's a tough one. >> jimmy: meryl streep in "julie and julia." >> steve: she was great in that, too. that's a toughy. [ scattered applause ] >> jimmy: that's a toughy. >> steve: you know what, if they can pick 10, you can pick five. >> jimmy: there's only -- what do you mean? >> steve: pick all of them. i mean, they're all god people. god bless them. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: all right. they all win. there you go. [ laughter ] >> steve: they do. >> jimmy: i'm just going to do just so i -- i think i'm going to say meryl streep is going to win. >> steve: yeah, well, she was
great. >> jimmy: right? just because she's cool. sandy bulls is pretty good, too, though. >> steve: it's a toughy. >> jimmy: i know, it's a toughy. that's the one that's going to kill me. i'm going to say meryl streep. >> steve: all right. >> jimmy: i'm not betting on this, i'm just saying. best motion picture of the nominee, ten nominees. what didn't get nominated? "avatar," no, there's "nine." oh, "district nine." [ light laughter ] >> steve: "district nine" or "nine?" >> jimmy: it's a different "nine." >> steve: wait, i thought you said there were ten. >> jimmy: the musical with aliens coming out of people and stuff. "avatar," "the blind side," "district nine," "an education," "the hurt locker" "inglourious basterds," "precious" based on the novel based on the novel 'push' by sapphire -- "a serious man" -- >> steve: yep. >> jimmy: tom ford. yeah, a good dud "up" and then "up in the air." that's going to be a bummer for those dudes. because once they say up, you go "huh?" [ light laughter ] >> steve: knock you to the ground, yeah. boom. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: and they go -- "in the air." this. i want to thank my agents. i want to thank mom and dad up there. wish i could have gotten you better seats. [ light laughter ] ♪ >> steve: just as good the second time. >> jimmy: no, it's not good at all. [ laughter ] someone actually let crickets into the studio and let them movie. just changed the face of everything. i thought that was an awesome movie. yeah, that's it. the groundhog came out of his hole. where does he live? [ light laughter ] >> steve: which one? staten island chuck or -- >> jimmy: no, staten island chuck is not working anymore. punxsutawney phil, he lives in a
tree stump, right? >> steve: punxsutawney phil? >> jimmy: yeah. >> steve: he lives somewhere. >> jimmy: a cage? >> steve: i saw the documentary on him that bill murray made. that was great. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it was a good documentary. itas good. we've got a great show tonight, you guys. the lovely host of the "today" show is here, meredith vieira is here. [ cheers and applause ] i love her. oh, this guy's funny. from "modern family," jesse tyler ferguson is joining us. [ cheers and applause ] and we've got some good music tonight. motion city soundtrack is going to be here. [ cheers and applause ] play the rock 'n' roll music. they're really good. as i said earlier, today is groundhog day. >> it sure is. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: anyway, thousands of people traveled to gobbler's knob in pennsylvania to see the groundhog, to see if he saw his shadow. >> oh, yeah. i know what you're saying, jimmy. i catch your drift. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: sorry. captain kirk, everybody. kirk, what are you talking about? >> what? i just love groundg day. in fact, i wrote a song about it. would you like to hear it? >> jimmy: no, no, kirk. you do this with every holiday and it always ends up being something sexual and i don't want this -- [ laughter ] >> i know, i know, jimmy, but this time i promise. of your body ♪ [ laughter ] ♪ and if he does not see his shadow i'm still gonna see your body ♪ [ laughter ] ♪ i'm coming out of hibernation time to make some sweet romance ♪ ♪ with the groundhog down at gobbler's knob aka, the groundhog in my pants ♪ [ scattered cheers ] >> jimmy: anyway, thousands of people traveled to gobbler's knob in pennsylvania to see the groundhog, to see if he saw his shadow.
>> oh, yeah. i know what you're saying, jimmy. i catch your drift. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: sorry. captain kirk, everybody. kirk, what are you talking about? >> what? i just love groundhog day. in fact, i wrote a song about it. would you like to hear it? >> jimmy: no, no, kirk. you do this with every holiday and it always ends up being something sexual and i don't want this -- [ laughter ] >> i know, i know, jimmy, but this time i promise. this time it won't. hit it! ♪ ♪ make sweet, sweet love to your woman on this groundhog day put the kids to bed ♪ ♪ break out the wine put on some marvin gaye make sweet, sweet love to your woman ♪ ♪ this february 2nd it's time to emerge
from your hole and announce that ♪ ♪ my spring has sprung if the groundhog sees his shadow, thers six more weeks of your body ♪ [ laughter ] ♪ and if he does not see his shadow i'm still gonna see your body ♪ [ laughter ] ♪ i'm coming out of hibernation time to make some sweet romance ♪ ♪ with the groundhog down at gobbler's knob aka, the groundhog in my pants ♪ [ scattered cheers ]
♪ ♪ i'm gonna cast the longest shadow 'cause winter makes me horny so come a little closer now ♪ ♪ i'm gonna "phil" your punxsutawney make sweet, sweet love to your woman ♪ ♪ on this groundhog day i said make sweet love to your woman on this groundhog day ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: kirk, come on. that was sexual. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy, it really depends on how you look at it. [ light laughter ] >>immy: captain kirk, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] happy groundhog day. we'll be right back with more
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it's time once again to play "competitive spit takes!" ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome to "competitive spit takes," the game where we get audience members to tell a punch line to a jokend their friends respond by spraying them with a mist of lukewarm backwash. [ light laughter ] and you, the audience, votes on which team performs the best. now, let's meet our first pair of audience volunteers. ♪ come on over. hi, buddy. how are you doing? welcome to the show. what are your names? >> trevor. >> martin. >> jimmy: barton? >> martin. >> jimmy: martin? barton, i thought, like, "barton fink." [ light laughter ] uh, you should think about changing it. it's pretty cool. [ light laughter ] so, now, one of you will be doing the spitting, the other will be doing the receiving. do you understand that? >> uh-huh. >> jimmy: okay, cool. [ light laughter ] you guys just buddies, friends? >> no, actually -- >> yes, we're good old friends. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: okay. >> we'll go with it. >> jimmy: okay, we'll go with it, sure. are you actors? what's going on? >> we -- my wife didn't want to
do it, so him and i were like, "hey --" >> "we can do this." >> jimmy: all right, so you've just met tonight? >> yes. >> we became friends today. >> jimmy: and one of you will be spitting on the other's face? [ laughter ] >> we've been texting each other all night about it. >> jimmy: great, now, it still hasn't been decided who will be doing what. does that make you nervous? >> yes. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: all right. now, you know what a spit take is, right? it's when someone says something shocking or funny, while you're drinking water and you -- spit it out. all right, now let's find out who will be doing the spitting and who will be doing the receiving. let's bring out the die, right here. ♪ very, very nice, here we go. now, on this die, you have three sides that say "spit" and three sides that say "take." who is going to be doing the rolling? >> that would be me. >> jimmy: there you go, martin. [ drum roll ] give it a good roll, pal. ah, you'll be spitting! that means you'll be receiving. [ laughter ] how does that feel? >> it's -- much colder in a little bit. >> jimmy: okay, very good. all right, here you go martin. hey -- how are you doing? >> not bad, good. >> thank you very much, here we go. >> you're welcome. >> jimmy: here's your glass of
water, please take a sip and get as much water in your mouth as you possibly can. [ audience groans ] here's your punch line of a joke. please read it as best you can, because the audience will be voting on the delivery of the joke, as well as the spit take being spit. here you go. [ light laughter ] whenever you're ready. >> lou rawls? i thought you said "blue balls." [ laughter and applause ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: like a double-whammy on that one. let's see that in slow motion, that was interesting. ♪ [ laughter and applause ] that's excellent, very, very good. thank you very much for playing. wait over there for a second, we'll find out who wins. come on over, second team. very, very good. [ cheers and applause ] how are you doing, buddy? nice to see you. hey, how are you doing, pal? what's yr names? >> my name's ryan. >> jimmy: ryan? >> chris. >> jimmy: ryan and chris, very good. now, are you guys -- do you guys know each other?
>> yeah, we're from high school together. >> jimmy: oh, yeah? best friends? >> not best friends, we're good friends. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, he quickly answered "no" like -- >> no, no, no. >> jimmy: "not even close." no, but you're friends, you're pretty good friends. all right, good. so now, do you -- one of you will be doing the spitting, one of you will be doing the taking. so, let's get the die over here and see what's up. thank you very much. now, very good, who is doing the rolling? >> i'm going to do the rolling. >> jimmy: all right, my friend, go for it. give it a good roll, give it a good spin. [ drum roll ] you'll be receiving. you will be doing the receiving there, very good. you're really happy about this, aren't you? >> oh, yeah, definitely. >> jimmy: here you go, buddy. there's your water. thank you, jen. >> welcome. [ light laughter ] >> is it a different joke? >> jim: it's a different joke, yeah. all right, get a good mouthful of water, there. keep going. yeah, that's a good one there. here you go and read the joke whenever you're ready. give it a good delivery. >> doogie howser? i thought you said "sploogie trousers!" [ laughter and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: you're covered. oh, my god.
let's check it out one more time in slow motion, everybody. [ laughter and applause ] >> that was awesome. >> jimmy: that was very good. hey, you guys, do we have time? do we have time? let's switch it up. [ audience oohs ] let's switch, yeah, this will be fun, yeah. >> is there another joke or --? >> jimmy: you know how it works, right? yeah, absolutely. yeah, here you go, here's another joke. there you go. deliver that and take a mouthful of water and you know what to do, right? revenge is a bitch. [ laughter ] here you go. whenever you're ready, guys. >> super bowl? i thought you said "oper hole!" [ laughter and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: oh, my god! >> what the hell?
>> jimmy: oh, my god! [ laughter and applause ] let's see that in slow motion, that was -- ♪ come on over, come on over, guys. very, very good. let's see who you guys voted. is it am number one, right over here, everybody? [ applause ] or is it team number two? [ cheers and applause ] congratulations. you guys won a set of "late night with jimmy fallon" towels! there you go right there, you can dry yourselves off. here you go -- >> thank you, so much. >> jimmy: and the losers, you guys get a couple wet towelettes. there you go, moist towelettes. thank you so much for playing. that's it for "competitive spit takes." we'll be right back with meredith vieira, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ imagine a whole new life for your hair. aveeno introduces nourish +. a transformation in hair care that harnesses...
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our first guest this evening is a multiple emmy award-winning journalist. you see her every day on nbc's "today" show as well as the long-rung syndication of "who wants to be a millionaire." she's also one of the faces of nbc at the upcoming winter olympics in vancouver, canada. please welcome a very pretty, very smart, very talented lady, meredith vieira. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] jimmy: very, very nice. >> i want to make sure my punxsutawney is not showing. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: kirk -- >> he started something. >> i don't know what you're -- >> by the way, "the hurt locker" will win best picture. i believe it. [ scattered applause ] i'm telling you, there's a momentum right now. >> jimmy: really? >> can we do a bet? >> jimmy: if you want to do a bet? i will totally bet you. it was a good movie. >> it's a great movie. >> jimmy: it's unbelievable. >> it's a great movie.
>> jimmy: that movie frightened me. >> now that the director won the dga last weekend. >> jimmy: kathryn. and she also was married to james cameron. >> and he wants her to win, sort of. >> jimmy: what? sort of. >> jimmy: the fun of her winning, doesn't it? that's like a passive aggressive way of winning. >> but if it is "the hurt locker" and not "avatar," can i come do a spit take and spit at you? [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: then if i win -- >> bring it on. bring it on. >> jimmy: if i win, i get to do a spit take on the "today" show. >> absolutely. it's a deal. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: done. oh, i love it. that's totally a deal. love it. now i know that -- oh, please. i'm honored. i know you have a son, gabriel. >> gabriel, yes. >> jimmy: he's very nervous you are on the show tonight. >> he's a huge. like every college kid in this country, loves you to death. they all love you. college kids -- and he's embarrassed that i'm going to do something lame like say i'm hiding my punxsutawney. [ laughter ] that will just humiliate him.
>> jimmy: gabriel, you're the coolest. she'll be fine. poor guy, he's probably flipping channels right now. i'm sure he's watching something else. he's like, "yeah, this is too embarrassing." >> and he loves you guys. the best. the best right there. >> jimmy: the roots. [ cheers and applause ] can't say enough great things about the roots. >> i know. >> jimmy: i grew up in saugerties, new york, upstate. i used to go -- my parents would take me to -- >> i didn't know you grew up there. >> jimmy: i went to hyde park they have the franklin roosevelt museum, which is awesome. the mansion is just so cool. we used to go there on trips. that was vacation for me and my family. >> that's sad. >> jimmy: "look, kids, that's a mansion." [ laughter ] it was so cool. >> "don't touch anything." >> jimmy: yeah. "don't touch anything. get off of there, jimmy." yeah. thoswere my parents. [ laughter ] >> god bless them. >> jimmy: yeah, they're just sitting out there in the lighting. but anyways. it was one of my favorite places to go. and you do a bit at the museum. you do a -- >> i narrate. >> jimmy: you narrate the whole tour. >> yeah, i do. i narrate the whole tour. >> jimmy: i love that. that's so cool.
>> you know, it's funny, because you mentioned gabe. when they dedicated that, you know, whatever you call that thing, that tour, i went to talk about it. and i'm standing there outside. for those who haven't gone to hyde park, it truly is beautiful. >> jimmy: i love it. >> and the history behind it. there's a serious tone to it. and i'm there. we brought our children with us, richard and i. gabe is maybe 2 at that. and i'm speaking. he suddenly comes up and stands beside me in front of this huge audience outside on the grass. and so sweet. i think my little boy, proud of me. he pulls down his pants and pees. [ laughter ] w. >> jimmy: he's just changed channel. "oh, my god. mom! mom!" >> i think he was copying his dad who was doing it on the other side. [ laughter ] but can you imagine? >> jimmy: urinating on the lawn? >> well, you know what. because we sort of taught our kids when they were little, we'd let them pee in the yard. [ laughter ] come on. you've all done that. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: he's going to kill you! he's going to kill you. >> lots of little boys do that.
you grew up in saugerties, you definitely did that. [ laughter ] you definitely did that. >> jimmy: i was on a leash, too. [ laughter ] >> no. >> jimmy: my mom let me pee in the yard. took me for a walk. >> no. no, no. >> jimmy: you just let him pee in the snow? >> of course, little boys. what your talking about? >> jimmy: i grew up like a "little lord fauntleroy." [ laughter ] >> well, i think most boys at some point or another, done that. >> jimmy: yeah, i think so, too. probably, yeah, yeah. >> how many of you have done that in the audience, boys? [ scattered applause ] ah, that's pathetic. they're lying. >> jimmy: there were some women clapping, too. [ laughter ] we have a rough audience. hey, you are great to on the "today" show. >> thank you, thank you. >> jimmy: i love you. i watch you all the time. and then "millionaire" on top of that. >> i love doing "millionaire." >> jimmy: you are busy, busy, busy. >> yeah, yeah, yeah. but you know, "millionaire" is one of those that we tape 200 shows in a three-month period. so it's intense when we're doing it, but then you're done. and a lot of game shows are like that, actually. it's not a bad gig. >> jimmy: are you like -- are you like alex trebek? like are you smarter than every human on the face of the earth? do you know all of these --
>> no. people will often say to me, contestants, "your poker face is unbelievable. you don't give away a thing." and it's because i don't know anything. [ laughter ] i literally have -- i'm terrible at trivia. >> jimmy: you don't remember those things. >> i don't remember anything. >> jimmy: well, we're going to test you right now. because these are questions from february 2nd. they aired today. >> they aired today. >> jimmy: they aired today. they are questions that you should be familiar with. >> so we taped this a long time ago. >> jimmy: let's bring the lights down. ♪ [ laughter ] >> oh, man. [ as regis ] >> jimmy: "question one. for $12,000 -- [ laughter ] category summer blockbuster --" what summer blockbuster opens with the line "before time began there was the cube." is it a, "x-men," b, "the matrix," "c," "terminator 2: judgment day" or "d," "transformers." >> oh, god. was this really on today? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yes. it was on today. you asked this question. [ laughter ]
>> "transformers"? >> jimmy: is that your final answer? >> yes. >> jimmy: correct, for $12,000! [ cheers and applause ] >> all right. >> jimmy: for $25,000, category spell-check. is that a category? >> don't make fun of my show. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it's all right. i love your show. >> you never watch it. you watch it? >> jimmy: i don't. [ laughter ] yeah, i do. i'm a huge meredith vieira fan. laodicean. the winning word in the 2009 scripps national spelling bee, an adjective meaning what? >> oh, geez. >> jimmy: "a," cluttered, "b," indifferent, "c," young, "d," deceptive. >> was this honestly -- this one was, too? >> jimmy: laodicean. >> deceptive. >> jimmy: is that your final answer? >> yes. >> jimmy: you can't laugh at me when i'm being serious. i'm acting. wrong!
>> what was it? >> jimmy: the answer is "b." do you yell wrong people? indifferent. [ laughter ] wrong! >> i'm not nasty. >> jimmy: yeah yeah. >> i just tell them, "i'm so sorry, you stupid." [ laughter ] no. oh, this is humiliating. >> jimmy: all right the last one. question three for $75,000. category sousaphone. >> we don't have a $75,000 category. >> jimmy: i made that up. [ light laughter ] but this is a real question. >> sousaphone? >> jimmy: sousaphone player, damon bryson, a member of the late night hip-hop band the roots is fittingly known by what nickname? is it "a" tuba gooding jr. -- [ laughter ] "b," donald trumpet, "c," mean banjo green or is it "d," harmonica fella. >> is it really one of those, the truth? >> jimmy: yeah. >> "a." >> jimmy: correct! it is a. tuba gooding jr.! [ cheers and applause ] you are the best. you guys, when we come back, snowballs are going to be flying around the studio. see you after the break.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey, everybody. i'm back with meredith vieira. and we're wearing the official opening ceremonies jacket and hat. which the usa delegation will wear for opening ceremonies. [ applause ] >> they're nice. >> jimmy: i wear this clubbing. [ light laughter ] i don't want anyone to notice me. meredith and i are about to see who has the olympic gold medal snowball throwing skills. >> oh, geez. >> jimmy: here's the deal. each of us will have five turns. after five turns, the highest score wins. okay? closest target is five points. the middle one, 10 points. and the far ay one, 25 points. then there's a moving roker. [ laughter ] that's worth 50 points. >> i'm going for that. >> jimmy: so if you are way behind, you have to go for the roker face. ♪ ro, ro, roker face [ laughter ] all right.
meredith you throw first. most points after five throws wins. we'll stand behind this guy. >> oh, geez. i don't have a good arm, though. >> jimmy: oh, come on. hey, all right. you are playing it safe, huh? >> yeah. >> jimmy: i'm going to rokie man. ♪ come on, roker! come on, buddy boy. yoo-hoo. does that count? >> that counts. >> jimmy: the audience says no. [ audience boos ] >> does that count? >> jimmy: no. here we go. come on, roke. [ audience ohs ] >> i'm going for roker, too, then. [ audience ohs ] you hit me in the head. >> jimmy: sorry, pal. >> come on, roker. oh! [ audience ohs ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: that was pretty good. how many have we got left? >> we've got lots. >> jimmy: oh, you got it. that's awesome. [ applause ] we're trying to hit al. did we got him?
yeah, we got him now. that's it, all right. watch meredith vieira at winter olympics right here on nbc. [ cheers and applause ] the ceremony's on february 12th. less than two weeks away. [ laughter and applause ] ♪ ♪ five, five dollar ♪ five-dollar footlong ♪ any, any, any ♪ five, five dollar ♪ five-dollar footlong ♪ any, any, any ♪ you c-c-can't go wrong you made subway $5 footlongs famous, so to thank you, we're making... any regular footlong a $5 footlong. get that? any regular footlong... piled high with flavor, $5. join the celebration. ♪ at subway a day on the days that you have arthritis pain, you could end up taking 4 times the number.
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think of it as an eco-nomical way to have fun and to get fit. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest is a talented actor who's currently starring in the critically-acclaimed comedy, "modern family." take a look. >> hey, dad, did you know that the accident was gloria's fault? >> yes. i mean, i wasn't there, but she's a horrible driver. if she hit ten cars, i wouldn't be surprised. >> if you knew that it was her fault, why did you get me involved? >> because someone has to tell her she's in the wrong and better you than me. >> that's great. here i am, thinking that my dad actually respects me as a lawyer. and really, you're just throwing me to the wolves. >> can't it be both? >> okay, dad, it doesn't bother you in the least that your gay son is the only one tough enough to stand up to your wife? >> go get them, rocky. see you later. >> your father and i had a moon landing in the locker room! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: say hello to jesse tyler ferguson, everybody!
♪ i just want to do you do you do you want to do me ♪ ♪ do me underneath the moonlight moonlight moonlight ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: very, very nice, good man, buddy. >> the roots. that's amazing. you should get them to play every night. [ light laughter ] they're awesome! oh, okay, i see. yeah, okay, good. >> jimmy: how are you, buddy >> i'm good. i was backstage urinating, as one might, before a talk show appearance. not number two, just number one. >> jimmy: i'm not gonna shake your hand -- >> no, no, listen, this is what happened. so like, i get paulie, your stage manager. i hear "mr. ferguson, are you in here? we need you in the bud light lime room in 60 seconds." so we're running, running, running. so that the hand i was waving in the bud light lime room was an unwashed hand. i have since washed it, though, so we're good. [ light laughter ] [ audience groans ] >> jimmy: why are you doing that? why would you say that? stop touching everything. [ laughter ] you we have any purell? >> i was literally running
down -- i swear to god i washed it. >> jimmy: i know. >> yeah, thank you. [ laughter ] yes, everyone should do this. >> jimmy: yes, absolutely, yeah. and cough, like this, in the crook of your arm. >> swine flu. >> jimmy: that's a great song. >> it is a good song. ♪ swine flue! >> not as good as groundhog day but very, very, very cute. >> jimmy: very catchy, yes. dude, "modern family" picked up for a second season. >> i know, it's crazy. >> jimmy: you are so good and so funny on that show. you're really knocking it out of the park. >> thank you so much. thank you. >> jimmy: are you are getting golden globe nominations? >> not personally, but the show has been getting them. we've lost everything. [ light laughter ] to "ee." but no, i'm actually a big fan of that show, too. but our director just won the dga award, which was really awesome. and he's like, "it's for all of us, i won it for all of us." i was like, "no, jason, it's for you, but thanks, that's sweet of you to say." >> jimmy: the director won, it's probably for him. >> it's mostly for him but it's pretty awesome. >> jimmy: do you like going to award shows and meeting all the -- and doing all the bits and -- >> i do, kind of. i feel bad, because i feel like i'm not getting star struck like i used to, when i first moved to l.a. although, i was driving up the pch the other day and one of the -- that's the pacific coast
highway, for your easterners. and the right lane was close off and, you know, people were merging. this means merging. and this car was trying to get in front of me and there was plenty of room. and so, i was waving her in, waving her in. she's like leaning out the window, trying to get my attention. i'm waving her in and i realize it's hilary swank. [ light laughter ] and so i'm like, literally like "two-time academy award nominee -- winner, come on in, come on." >> jimmyyeah. >> going like this, going like this. and she gets frustrated with me and then just keeps driving. and then i realized, i think she was trying to tell me that she liked the show -- >> jimmy: oh, really? >> and this is what she's getting from me. i'm like -- >> jimmy: "yeah, yeah, whatever. i don't care, just go!" >> yes, ye but i can'teally voice it, because it's not like i can be like, "i think hilary swank was trying to tell me i was talented." that just sounds pretentious, like "who am i?" >> jimmy: yeah. >> but, i think she was. i think she was. >> jimmy: oh, my god, ridiculous. >> i really do, i do. >> jimmyyou are ridiculous. now i saw you in the "putnam county spelling bee." >> yes. >> jimmy: you were fantastic that play. >> thank you very much. thank you. >> jimmy: it was folger, dan folger. >> anyone? no one. >> jimmy: no one? >> i was i"wicked." no, i wasn't, i was trying to
get more of a response than that. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, you weren't in that one, yeah. >> yeah, dan fogler. >> jimmy: yeah, he's great too but you were phenomenal in that. and do you miss theater? >> i do, i am going to do it again, this summer. i'm doing "shakespeare in the park" with al pacino. [ audience oohs ] [ applause ] that got response, yeah. >> jimmy: oh really? >> yeah, as if shakespeare is not intimidating enough already, with al pacino. >> jimmy: al pacino? oh, my gosh. >> pooped in my pants, basically. [ laughter ] i've never talked about going to bathroom this much ever, on tv. >> jimmy: yeah, urinate before and poop your pants on stage, fantastic. >> i don't even know. i do him like i do regis. >> no, that was very -- >> jimmy: i don't do -- it didn't sound anything like al pacino. >> it snowballed. >> jimmy: it should be fun with al pacino. >> i mean, come on. yeah. >> jimmy: that's so cool. >> that's the reason to do it. >> jimmy: yeah. do people -- because you are doing the show and it's about family stories. did your family pitch you ideas all the time? >> yes, hilarious. well, we based a lot of the stories on things that actually happened as writers. but my family was in town visiting and my aunt, who is hilarious, was pitching stories in the writers' room. like, my sweet little aunt from north carolina in, like, her midwest sweater was like, pitching stories.
>> jimmy: what was she -- in the writers' room? >> yeah, in the writers' room. >> jimmy: how did she get there? >> i took her in to just say "hello." and she's like, "i've got this story." and she sits down with the writers and so she's telling this story about my cousin who was talking about what she learned that day in school. and she's in the back seat. this was like years ago, she goes, "one plus one. the son of a bitch is two. two plus two, the son of a bitch is four." and so my aunt is like, "hold up." and she goes, calls a meeting with my cousin's teacher. and she is talking to the nun, who is my cousin's mh teacher and she's like "i'm just going to tell you what i heard. 'one plus one, the son of a bitch two.'" and the nun says, "let me stop you right there. it's 'one plus one, the sum of which is two.'" [ audience oohs ] [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: that is great. that's a great story. >> well, that might make it into the show. >> jimmyoh, it's great, i love it! you guys, "modern family" airs wednesdays at 9:00 p.m. on abc. jesse tyler ferguson, everybody! motion city soundtrack performs next! [ cheers and applause ] come on back! ♪ [ jim ] sam adams boston lager is my favorite
because it has so much flavor. so i wanted to design a glass that would enhance the taste of boston lager. we did a laser etch on the bottom. [ bob ] it releases the hop aromas. this bulb is for collecting aromas. and there's a little ridge on the inside. and that allows you to sense the hops as it enters your mouth. the way this hits your tongue, you really get the full flavor out of sam adams lager. having a boston lager in this glass was like tasting a boston lager for the first time again.
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guests just debuted at career-best number 15 on the billboard album chart with their latest release, "my dinosaur life," produced by mark hoppus from blink. they're here tonight to perform the song "her words destroyed my planet." please welcome motion city soundtrack. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ maybe you were right after all ♪ maybe i'm just bad news i've been drowning in memories call it residual blues i fell asleep watching ♪ ♪ veronica mars again ♪
♪ i still futz with that tourniquet i tried to squeeze on your dreams ♪ ♪ slung it on it's a perfect fit what do you suppose that means ♪ ♪ my parents keep asking when you're planning on coming around if we'd only stayed together ♪ ♪ i might not have fallen apart but the words you served destroyed my planet ♪ ♪ i stall before i start i stall before i start anything at all ♪ ♪ got a job at uncommon grounds i finally shaved off
that beard ♪ ♪ sold my x-box to jimmy down the street hell i even quit smoking weed ♪ i'm taking an online course i'm learning to speak japanese if we'd only stayed together ♪ ♪ i might not have fallen apart but the words you served destyed my planet ♪ ♪ i stall before i start i stall before i start ♪ anything at all the things that used to mean so much to me ♪ ♪ have gone the way of dinosaurs hopes and dreams and everything ♪ ♪ all i want for you to be is happy or something i guess anything is better ♪ ♪ than the time you spent
hoping i'd get it sorted out ♪ ♪ i sent you a postcard but the post office sent it back they said the building's ♪ ♪ been torn down i just miss what i thought we both had ♪ ♪ ♪ if we'd only stayed together i might not have fallen apart but the words you served ♪ ♪ destroyed my planet it's all my fault if we'd only stayed together i might not have ♪ ♪ fallen apart but the words you served destroyed my planet i stall before i start ♪ ♪ i stall before i start