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tv   Late Night With Jimmy Fallon  NBC  May 26, 2010 3:05am-4:00am EDT

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how you feeling? you guys feeling good? you guys doing great. all right, very good. welcome to "late night with jimmy fallon," everybody. happy tuesday. did you guys hear this? this is big tv news. kate gosselin has joined "entertainment tonight" as special "dancing with the stars" correspondent. [ laughter ] yep. it's a little awkward. it's a little awkward when the anchors are like, "so kate, how would you rate that last performance, excellent, mediocre or kate gosselin?" [ laughter ] a little awkward. man, this oil spill is still a total mess. the coast guard is now saying that 20 of these things called tar balls have been found off the florida keys. they're not sure if the tar balls are from the gulf coast spill. seriously? [ light laughter ] it's like finding a giant clock necklace and not being sure it's from flavor flav. [ laughter ] "yeah, it is." i can't believe this story. have you heard about this guy, richard blumenthal? he's a democratic candidate for senate in connecticut. it turns out he actually lied about serving in vietnam.
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[ audience boos ] not good. not good. in fact, today, he says he hasn't got this much attention since he became the first man to walk on the moon. [ laughter ] and that was a lot of attention. a lot of attention for him. yeah, that's right, richard blumenthal lied about serving in vietnam in several speeches. which i guess explains why his descriptions of the war sounded like wikipedia entries. [ light laughter ] he's like, "it was hard fighting with an annual rainfall of 93.6 inches." [ laughter ] "can you imagine, in a country that's the largest producer of cashew nuts in the world? i mean, that's --" [ laughter ] this is just insane. officials in naples, italy, believe that local pizza makers are digging up coffins from a cemetery and using the wood to heat up their ovens. [ audience groans ] which explains one restaurant's slogan, "naples pizza, it tastes just like grandma used to taste." [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ]
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that explains that. that explains the slogan. now i get it. check this out, there are rumors going around that simon cowell is going to be knighted by the queen in june. can't wait to see someone finally take the queen down a notch. [ laughter ] [ as simon cowell ] "you call that knighting? just cut out my eyes because i can't look at this. it was crap. it was totally dirivative." [ laughter ] "that's like someone getting knighted on a cruise ship. really." this is cool for anyone looking to drop a few pounds this summer. there's a new internet app that shows you how many calories you burn from tweeting. [ light laughter ] here's a hint -- it's zero. [ laughter ] a police force in germany is experimenting with vultures as an alternative to police dogs for finding dead bodies. [ light laughter ] most interested in how that turns out -- naples pizza makers. [ laughter ] "naples pizza, it tastes just like grandma used to." and another big sex scandal. after admitting to an affair
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with a staffer, indiana congressman mark sowder said he's leaving the office to focus on repairing his marriage and renewing his walk with the lord. and today the lord was like, "why don't you start without me?" [ laughter ] "why don't you just go -- i'll catch up with you on that walk." listen to this. iraq security forces say they have detained an al qaeda member suspected of planning an attack on the world cup in south africa next month. the man has already admitted that terror and destruction was his ultimate his ultimate gooooaaal! [ laughter ] aviation officials in europe announce new rules that will allow planes to fly through the volcanic ash if they get special approval. yeah, i'd love to hear the pilot on one of those flights. [ as a pilot over the intercom ] "okay, to your left, you'll see a massive ash cloud. and to your right, even more ash." [ light laughter ] "windows are sort of useless right now. i'm just -- i might as well just come back and hang with you guys i guess." [ laughter ] what movie they playing? they playing 'the squeakquel'?
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i love that thing." [ laughter ] "i don't know how the heck they got the chipmunks to sing. but that's pretty cool, man. they spent a lot of money." [ laughter ] i think it's vgi? is that what they call it? it's fantastic." finally, this is a true story. a woman in pennsylvania was running away from the cops and decided to hide out in a coffin at a funeral home. [ light laughter ] i guess she was only discovered later when this pizza place -- ladies and gentlemen, we have a great show. give it up for the roots! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey, everybody. welcome. we got a great show tonight. but first, i want to tell you about something exciting happening this friday. last year, something pretty incredible happened right here on our show. something magical. the world of smooth rock, giant sail bolts and champagne collided in a celebration of late '70s, early '80s music known as "yacht rock."
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in case you missed it, here's a clip. ♪ and there's such a long way to go such a long way to go ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ so we'll ride with the wind ride with the wind ♪ >> jimmy: there you go. bang, there you go. ♪ there he is. [ cheers and applause ] what a fun time that was. especially, christopher cross and michael macdonald doing "ride like the wind." that was amazing. well, had so much fun that we decided we have to do it again. ladies and gentlemen, i'm happy to announce, this friday, "yacht rock 2010!" [ cheers and applause ] that's right. yacht rock 2k10. we'll be celebrating all show-long. and best of all, special guest, robbie dupree will be performing the yacht rock classic "steal away." [ cheers and applause ]
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♪ why don't we steal away why don't we steal away why don't we steal away ♪ ♪ why don't we steal away why don't we steal away into the night ♪ only friday. it's only gonna happen on friday. [ laughter ] yeah, i don't want to you get too excited. so grab your captain's hats, and pour your champagne. this friday's going to be a party, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] it's going to be fun. tonight, tonight is when the party starts though. from "lost" the one and only matthew fox is here! [ cheers and applause ] come on. and it gets better. it does get a little bit better. from "glee," the very funny jane lynch is joining us. [ cheers and applause ] what? the yin and yang. it's what you need. the best on television. and we got great, great music from ray wylie hubbard, everybody! this guy -- [ cheers and applause ] he plays. he's a country dude. i love him. phenomenal. hey, everybody, it's time for "pros and cons."
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♪ ♪ pros and cons and pros and cons and pros ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: this is where we take a look at the stories and issues making headlines today and weigh the good with the bad. tonight's topic -- "outdoor summer concert festivals." that's right. the season's starting up again. all right. let's take a look at the "pros and cons." pro, the festivals can sometimes last days. con, your hangover can last weeks. [ laughter ] you got to party responsibly, higgins. pro, ticket prices can range from $20 to over $200. con, so can the bottles of water. [ laughter ] they do get pretty expensive. >> steve: they do. >> jimmy: pro, you're listening awesome music outdoors, in nature. con, it's like being in a giant leafy urinal. [ laughter ] pro, you get to hear funky music. con, the music is nowhere near as funky as the people. [ laughter ] that can be a problem sometimes. pro, you get to see a lot of white chicks with dreadlocks.
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[ light laughter ] con, in their armpits. [ laughter ] it's like having crystal bowersox in a head lock. [ laughter ] someone said that. i don't know what that means. pro, the drive there can be half the fun. con, on the drive home, even your gps lady sounds like she's on 'shrooms. [ laughter ] "you gotta take a left by the giant deer with the human face, and are you feeling this, too, man? this is crazy." [ light laughter ] pro, you don't have to dress i, just put on some flip-flops and you're good to go. con, unless you're this guy. [ light laughter ] come on, buddy. come on, buddy. come on, dude. come on, buddy. yeah! no, no, no. oh, no. [ laughter ] yeah. almost. >> steve: dave was not there. >> jimmy: almost. pro, many offer overnight camping so you can go to bed in a sleeping bag. con, and wake up with poison ivy on your man bag. [ light laughter ] [ audience groans ] is that a purse? what's a man bag? >> steve: what is that? is that like a european thing?
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>> jimmy: i think it's a european thing, yep. >> steve: oh, wow! >> jimmy: i think it happens when "you're-a-peein'!" ♪ ♪ why don't we steal away why don't we steal away into the night ♪ >> jimmy: all right. >> steve: whoo! ♪ whao >> jimmy: pro, three words -- port-a-potty. con, one word, "assplosion." [ laughter ] that's not a word. is that a word? >> steve: apparently, maybe it's a compound word. i think a logism. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: that is ridiculous. pro, there's always some people walking around naked. con, they're never the people you want to see naked. "hi, mr. and mrs. peterson." [ laughter ] pro, the memories can last a lifetime. con, so can the herpes. [ laughter ] [ audience groans ] that is true, that's true. hey, let's see how the guy with the flip-flops is doing. is he doing okay?
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come on, buddy. come on, get in there. this time you'll do it. nope, totally missed it on that one. nope. come on. oh. oh, no. oh, man! he couldn't even -- it's like they don't -- they're not even real. [ light laughter ] pro, you can see boobs being flashed left and right. con, two of them belong to your roommate gary. [ laughter ] somebody gotta get gary male spanx. get him some spanx. [ light laughter ] finally, pro, it can be an experience you can never forget. con, assuming you remember any of it. and that's the "pros and cons," everybody. [ cheers and applause ] we'll be right back with more "late night." come on back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody! welcome back. so i know that everybody loves -- whoa, what is that, smoke? we're doing that for something later in the show. okay. okay, tonight, we know everyone loves computers and they love the internet and stuff like that so what we just -- wait, what's this? smoke, you guys, too much smoke. the smoke machine's broken i think. you guys want to fix the -- gonna to fix this? there's too much smoke. [ hissing ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ]
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♪ hot pockets hot pockets are so good zero transfat for ♪ ♪ hot pockets a good source of calcium plus seven essential vitamins ♪ ♪ and minerals we love hot pockets ♪ ♪ hot pockets hot pockets hot pockets ♪ ♪ hot pockets hot pockets hot pockets ♪ ♪ good for a pepperoni pizza ham and cheese ♪
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♪ broccoli and cheddar run home home and eat one ♪ ♪ run home home one and eat one run home and eat one ♪ ♪ run home run home and eat one run home and eat one ♪ ♪ home home run home home run home ♪ ♪ run home and eat one good to see you come and eat the hot pocket ♪ ♪ hi, hi, hi caution, contents are still hot ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ what you gonna eat hot pockets hummm ♪
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we'll be right back with more "late night." [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ [ woman ] the word is really spreading. ♪ hey jared, first in line, huh? you knew i'd be first in line for this. [ male announcer ] spread the word, subway is now open for breakfast. try the western egg white muffin melt, made the way you want. build your better breakfast at subway. and now try a new summer flavor, the new orchard chicken salad sub. 8 grams of fat and part of a subway fresh fit meal, a simple way to enjoy eating better. subway. eat fresh. a simple way to enjoy eating better. boss: hey, those gecko ringtones you put on our website people love 'em! gecko: yeah, thank you sir. turned out nice. boss: got another one for you. anncr: at, it's easy to get a free rate quote, manage your policy, make payments or even file a claim! boss: now that's a ringtone.
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i'm sorry. why shouldn't my daughter be wearing white? [ male announcer ] need a moment? ♪ don't you think she should be dressed in warm colors? you know, you're right. she is the sunshine of my life. [ male announcer ] when you need a moment, chew it over with twix®. [ male announcer ] when you need a moment, a busy man kept to a busy schedule. [ male announcer ] this is steven, his day starts with his arthritis pain. that's breakfast with two pills. the morning is over. it's time for two more pills. the day marches on, back to sore hands, back to more pills. and when he's finally home... but hang on -- just two aleve can keep arthritis pain away all day with fewer pills than tylenol. this is steven, who chose aleve and fewer pills for a day free of pain.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody. for the last six years, our first guest has starred in one of the coolest shows on tv, "lost," which has its big 2 1/2 hour series finale this sunday night on abc. here's a look at tonight's second to last episode. >> if locke wanted desmond dead, why didn't he just kill him? >> who knows? maybe it's one of his rules. >> saw him on the sub. he said "he couldn't kill us." >> i've been wrong before.
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>> i killed him, didn't i? >> no, he killed 'em. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: say hello to matthew fox, everybody. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey! there you go, very, very good. thank you for coming on the show, buddy. >> thank you for having me. >> jimmy: appreciate it, pal. i didn't get to tell you last time be you hosted a great episode of "saturday night live." >> thank you. that was the -- most fun i've ever had doing anything. i had an absolute blast that week and everybody was so cool. you know, i just had totally a great time on that.
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>> jimmy: would you do it again? >> oh, god, in a second. oh, great, yeah. >> jimmy: you should go back. i was doing some research on you and that you're from wyoming? >> yep. >> jimmy: a ranch? >> my -- yeah, my dad still lives on the ranch that i grew up on. >> jimmy: really what part of wyoming? >> the northwestern part of the state. it's in the wind river valley -- a little tiny town called crowhart, wyoming. and he has about 130 acres and has gone through a bunch of different things over the years. that's the way farming is and ranching. you sort of have to adapt to whatever's working in the market. and at one point grew barley for coors beer. >> jimmy: did he really? [ scattered cheers ] that's a fun job for dad to have. >> yeah, actually -- >> jimmy: used to party when you were a kid? >> oh, yeah. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah -- [ laughter ] you had to, right? you have to, right? >> yeah. that's part of growing up in a place like wyoming. i mean, you start -- you start partying pretty early and pretty hard. >> jimmy: yeah, and -- [ cheers and applause ] >> yeah. >> jimmy: just get on a horse and just take off and -- >> well, there's a lot of that as well, yeah. [ light laughter ]
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>> jimmy: drunk horse driving? i don't know if there is a thing -- probably, yeah. >> yeah, but, you know, you have to travel -- i mean, town is like 60 miles away so i would always be staying with friends so i didn't have to do that drive and that would give me the freedom to pretty much goof off without having to get back into the house so -- >> jimmy: that's super. that's super crazy. how did you get to new york city from wyoming? >> i ended up going to columbia university here in new york. and -- you know, that was a huge transition for me. i did a year of private school in between at a school called deerfield academy. and i repeated my senior essentially did a post graduate year there. and then came on to columbia in new york. >> jimmy: oh, really -- and then just -- acting is -- wanted to ride horses? in new york? [ light laughter ] >> no, i actually got a degree in economics.
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>> jimmy: did you really? >> yeah. but i was constantly broke and -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: at least you knew how to add and subtract. "i owe a lot of money." yeah, yeah. >> well, i mean, my parents really couldn't help me -- put me through school, so the way the acting thing got started was i was really just -- it was motivated by finding a job that i could do that wouldn't take very much time that would pay me a good amount of money. so, i started doing tv commercials my junior and senior year at columbia. and -- >> jimmy: anyone we would have seen? >> my very first television commercials was a -- was a clearasil commercial. [ laughter ] i was -- i was not the guy that had the zit. i was the guy who made fun of the guy -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's a good gig right there. that is awesome. >> thought it was a good start. >> jimmy: yeah, absolutely that's a good -- what now led to "lost" and what's happening with this whole phenomenon which we'll talk about when we come back. >> okay. >> jimmy: more with matthew fox when we come back. i want to find out some secrets and good stuff. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ female announcer ] relax. recharge and restore.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back. we're back with the great matthew fox. we got to talk about "lost" here -- i heard this thing that jack -- your character jack was originally going to die in the first episode. >> yeah, there was a -- in a carnation of the script about two weeks before i came in where j.j. abrams and damon lindelof had this idea where they wanted to kill jack in like the second or third act of the pilot. >> jimmy: really? >> yeah and i think they gave it away -- they gave it to friends and family and people that were close to them and the feedback they got was, "you just can't do that. you can't start the show with this guy's eye opening and then kill him in the middle of it. so -- >> jimmy: yeah. >> so -- so, they rewrote it. and i came in and met them a couple weeks later. and that's how it all got started. >> jimmy: you always seem like the guy that -- you knew all the secrets that was going on with
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"lost" as an actor. as matthew fox. >> i faked a lot of that. >> jimmy: you did? that was a lie? that was a lie. >> i did know -- i had a really great experience with damon lindelof on the show and talking about jack shepherd. and every year, you know, we'd have a phone call before the season started. and he would give me the arc for the character over the year. in talking about jack, we'd be talking about the show. i did know quite a bit of what was coming. and i've always had this sort of final image of the series. and -- but how we were gonna get there, i didn't know the exact mechanics of that. >> jimmy: do other cast members talk to each other and be like, "what did you hear? am i going to get killed? or am i gonna --" [ light laughter ] >> i think there was a little bit of that -- you know, it was a show where people never really knew what was going to happen -- >> jimmy: next thing you know, you're the smoke monster. you know? what's going on? [ light laughter ] >> not good -- you don't want to be around the smoke monster -- nowhere near the smoke monster for sure -- >> jimmy: you've done this -- you were in hawaii for nine months out of the year, right, for six years? >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: that's a tight family. >> yeah, i mean, especially early, you know?
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we were all moving to this new place and leaving behind family and friends and other lives and so -- the first year we were really tight. and then -- and then we all started to hate each other's guts and so we didn't -- >> jimmy: no, no, no -- >> no, no, it was all good. yeah, great group, man, great group -- >> jimmy: how do you think fans are going to react to the last show, to the finale? >> well, you never know, i mean -- i personally think it's absolutely beautiful. and when damon told me about it a couple months ago, i was very moved by it and very surprised by it. and so, i was certainly very happy. you know, one of the great things about "lost," which i think has made it special, is that it has -- it has made people hypothesize and write out their own story. and so, there is the danger that the way it ends is not going to be the way that some people want it to end and those people might be disappointed. but i think if they're open to what the show actually is, it's a really beautiful ending. >> jimmy: wow, do you watch the
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show? >> no. >> jimmy: let me catch you up. so you are a -- [ laughter ] take you three days -- you got three days? i could explain it to you. are you going to watch the finale? plans for a big party or something? >> i'm just not very comfortable watching my own stuff. i mean, i obviously get the story from the scripts and i'm a huge fan of it so i look forward -- i've looked forward to those for the entire six years. but you know, the finale -- there might be something going on in l.a. this weekend and i will be there and i think damon and carlton and all the writers are having some sort of screening and i may hang out with them while that's going on, yeah. >> jimmy: that would be fun to watch with all the other cast members, see what you guys ended up doing. >> i mean -- >> jimmy: what a great body of work. you've got to be really proud of this. >> i am tremendously proud to have been a part of it. i really am. i think it's been a very special -- >> jimmy: a fun show to watch. i want to thank you on behalf of all the fans. really great. [ cheers and applause ] really great. really a lot of fun to watch. there's just so many -- so many questions left unanswered to "lost." we'll find out this weekend. i want to find out stuff now.
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>> okay. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: so, if you don't mind, i'm going to do a rapid question interview with you. an intense interview, if you will. >> i love it. >> jimmy: let's do this. ♪ >> lights come down -- it will be fun. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: kate -- kate or juliette? >> both at the same time. [ laughter ] [ audience ohs ] >> jimmy: come on! jacob or the smoke monster? >> both at the same time. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: are you jacob? >> yes. >> jimmy: in the finale, will we get to see vincent the dog or walt? >> both at the same time.
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[ laughter ] >> jimmy: all right. that glowing yellow cave, is it the source of all life or a log-flume ride? >> the source of all life. >> jimmy: yep. jack with the beard or without the beard? >> without the beard. that beard was -- it drove me insane, oh, my god. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i'm a big fan of that beard. >> oh, my god. that's the worst beard ever. >> jimmy: now, who shaved their chest, the character jack or matthew fox? [ laughter ] [ cheers ] >> the character jack. >> jimmy: okay. very good. the 2 1/2 hour finale, does it answer all the questions or is it all about jack's tattoos again? >> all about all jack's -- about jack's tattoos for sure. >> jimmy: what was more fun, trashing the lighthouse mirror or beating the crap out of ben linus? >> beating the crap out of benjamin linus. [ laughter ] [ scattered cheers ] >> jimmy: all right. favorite jack mannerisms -- do you like the shaky hands to the temple? do you like the extended eye flutter? or do you like the laughing -- [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> i like the laugh turning into the intensity. >> jimmy: okay. yeah, yeah, yeah.
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and finally, has the network asked you to star in a spin-off called "jack and kate plus eight"? [ laughter ] >> it's in the works. >> jimmy: very good, right there. the series finale of "lost" airs sunday at 9:00 p.m. on abc. matthew fox, everybody! jane lynch joins us next, come on back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ destroy them with lysol neutra air.
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no buts about it. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody. our next guest is a very, very funny actress, who was nominated for a golden globe for her role as sue sylvester on the fox hit show "glee." [ cheers and applause ] yeah. it airs tuesdays at 9:00 p.m. ladies and gentlemen, please welcome jane lynch, everybody. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ sweet jane sweet jane sweet jane sweet jane ♪ >> jimmy: welcome. >> thank you, james. >> jimmy: you look very pretty. >> oh, thank you. i feel pretty. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you are. you just -- from the upfronts party which is what -- basically networks show what's coming up.
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>> right, you just trot out your cookies for the advertisers, basically. and they whore us out. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: yes, did you trot out your cookies? >> yeah, i did. [ laughter ] i did! >> jimmy: you did, yeah -- >> yeah, and with no shame at all, actually. >> jimmy: i did it, too. yeah, i did it, yeah. but it went well? >> it was all right. you know, it's always a little weird. i had to do something on stage. and i was doing sue sylvester from a teleprompter. it was all right. >> audience member: whoo! >> oh, thank you. [ laughter ] well, we have this really weird thing, where the cast stands with the backdrop behind us. and people get in line to take their picture with us. and there's no interaction. they just walk up, and we're all smiling. take our pictures. and then, they parade them out. and it's just weird. they could have used, you know, cardboard cutouts but it was us. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah -- >> wasted ten perfectly good minutes of my life doing that. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: you just stood there, like, frozen smile? >> yeah, no interaction. >> jimmy: yeah -- >> next. >> jimmy: see, i do that, and then no one lines up for me. >> aw! [ audience aws ] >> well, they weren't lining up for me. they were lining up for those damn kids. [ laughter ] who have the best jobs of their
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life. >> jimmy: you're knocking it out of the park, by the way with this show. >> thank you. >> jimmy: you're so good. and you started in the theater? >> i did. >> jimmy: and then went to second city? >> yeah, well, i was -- you know, i was, like, doing the theater thing in chicago. and second city was just another audition that week. and i had never done sketch before. but i love it. and i kind of just fell into what i've been doing ever since which is ensemble comedy. and i love it. it's great. >> jimmy: i mean, it's phenomenal. and then, the christopher guest movies is where i started to know who you were. that's where i was like, "wow, you're phenomenal." oh, three christopher guest movies, right? >> yes. "best in show," "mighty wind" and -- [ cheers and applause ] ooh, thank you. and "for your consideration." >> jimmy: gosh, you were so good in that. >> thank you. >> jimmy: and most of that is improv, right? >> it's all improvised. the script looks like a regular movie script, but there's no dialogue. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: that's interesting. >> right -- it's like my first day, i was scared to death. jennifer coolidge, who i worked with in "best in show" -- who's awesome. >> jimmy: oh, she's phenomenal. [ cheers ] >> we, yeah. we showed up together, and we were scared to death. but, you know, we thought, after the fist day, there's nothing we did today he'll be able to use. but he's a wonderful editor. so you can be rambling and going all over the place. and he just puts it together and makes it look like -- you know, he cobbles a performance together for you.
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>> jimmy: and you met him because you did a commercial for kelloggs? >> right, kelloggs frosted flakes. [ laughter ] christopher guest directs commercials when he's not making fabulous movies. and it was stalking the tony the tiger kind of a thing. it was before the green screens. so we had just, like, a stuffed tony on a stick. [ laughter ] but, it was cute. they were cute commercials. >> jimmy: yeah, and then you just ran into him again? he was like -- >> i ran into him at a restaurant, like, six months later. and he said, "oh, i forgot about you, come to my office." and then, by the end of the day, i was going to vancouver, not that night, but soon -- to do "best in show." >> jimmy: that's rad. that's so good. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and you also got great acting advice from harrison ford. >> i did. >> jimmy: that must have been intimidating. >> he's a very intimidating guy. he's very, you know, i did "the fugitive" and that was shot in chicago. and it was my close-up. and i hadn't done a movie before. i didn't understand what a close-up was and he said -- i guess i'd done one take of the close-up. he said, "you know, if you open your mouth, no matter how smart you are, you look stupid."
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so he taught me to keep my mouth shut. because if you do this -- [ laughter ] a lot may be going on up here, but you look dumb. so unless you're playing a dumb person, close your damn mouth. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's great advice. >> that was the advice that harrison ford gave, yeah. >> i love that. also we were talking backstage. and you said a lot of people think you're other characters. >> yes. they think i'm another person in their life. >> jimmy: really? >> before "glee" -- i'm more recognizable because i'm on a television show. but before "glee," people come up and say, "oh, you know, what are you doing here? you're the provost of this small south florida university. what are you doing here in new york?" and i'm like, "no, i'm not. i'm not provost a small university in southern florida." [ laughter ] and they're like, "yes you are!" or "we went to high school together. remember so-and-so?" "i didn't go to high school with you." yeah, so they would think i was somebody, who i was not. >> jimmy: i hate that. i hate when people, like, come up to me. and i'm -- usually i'm nice to all my fans or anyone who comes up to me. and they go, "hey, where do i know you from?" i go, "oh, i don't know." they go, "come on." and they make you go through your resume. >> and then they go, "no." >> jimmy: yeah, and i go, "taxi"? and they go, "nope."
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"saturday night live"? >> both: "i don't watch that show. i think that show's stupid." >> jimmy: i don't own a tv. >> i love that. yeah, "what are you on?" and then i say i'm on "glee." "i don't have a tv." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: "what are you on?" >> how dare you set me up for that! >> jimmy: "you set me up for it. you're the one who asked me." >> yeah, i know. i hate it. i hate it. >> jimmy: but then they go, "i know where i know you. you go to molly's bar?" i go, "yeah!" "oh, yeah, i saw you there last week." yeah, whatever, yeah. [ laughter ] i have a drinking problem. that's really cool. but "glee" has blown up, gosh, sue sylvester. [ cheers and applause ] you knocked it out of the park. >> you're so sweet. >> jimmy: you've been phenomenal. everyone's talking about the "madonna episode." >> that was probably -- i'm totally biased but i think it was like the best hour of television. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: besides tonight. yeah. >> besides, of course, this show tonight. >> jimmy: but yeah. you were off the charts great. >> thank you. >> jimmy: when you got that role, how did they describe that to you? >> in the script, and i don't think this ended up in the pilot. but it said, "sue sylvester may or may not have posed for 'penthouse' and may or may not be on horse estrogen." [ laughter ] and i said, "i'm in, baby. i want to do it!"
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>> jimmy: horse estrogen. >> horse estrogen, yes. >> jimmy: gosh, you're knocking it out. and the kids are so -- did you get to hang out -- >> i don't hang out with those kids, no. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: not at all. >> no, they don't give me the time of day. i'm seething with jealousy when i'm on that set. because they have the best job in the world. but you know what? they totally deserve it. they're so talented. they work so hard when they're not dancing and singing and performing, they're recording and rehearsing. so, you know, i sashay in and out three days a week. and they work all the time. they're crazy. >> jimmy: everyone just sing on set? >> no, no, no. because for them, it's, like, "you better be paying them if they're singing." >> jimmy: oh, that's right. >> but for me, i'm free with my singing. [ laughter ] and i will sing the same phrase over and over again and driving people crazy. but i love to sing. and i probably have probably the worst voice on the set. but it's serviceable. >> jimmy: oh, stop. you sang with olivia newton-john? >> i did. >> jimmy: come on! that was great! >> are they trying to make all my dreams come true? >> jimmy: that is so good. really is! >> it was outlandish. you know, i was a big fan of hers. well, continue to be. and ryan murphy, the creator of our show. our lord and creator. yes, he's wonderful. and he loves olivia newton-john, too.
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we had that in common. we absolutely adore her. and she said yes. so here i am doing the "physical" video with olivia newton-john, herself. and she's as awesome in real life as she is in your fantasies. in my fantasy, she's very cool. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: she's very cool. now do you improvise -- >> don't take that to a dirty place. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, no, they did not. they were laughing with us >> okay. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: no, when you're on the show, do you improvise a lot of lines? >> no, i can't because they're -- do you notice, my lines, they go on and on and on. this guy named ian brennan, who is our -- one of our writers, created sue sylvester and writes almost every line, everything i utter. i am basically mouthing his inner mean girl. [ laughter ] so i can't improvise it. like, people say, "do sue." i can't. >> jimmy: oh, yeah, you can't do it. but gosh, you do it so well. >> oh, thank you. >> jimmy: i mean, it's so funny. such a well-written show. >> oh, thank you. i think it is, too. congrats, to all those guys. it's really good. we have a clip to show everybody how funny and clever. here, you're just giving advice -- the way sue sylvester would. to a nice student looking for help. >> oh, good, good. >> hey, lady-face. i notice you're weren't at
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cheerios practice yesterday and i don't look kindly on absenteeism. >> i'm so sorry, miss sylvester. it won't happen again. something happened yesterday that really upset me. it's my dad. he's the most important thing in the world to me. i love him. and i'm afraid that i might be losing him because of my sexuality. >> sexuality? how old are you, 16? have you ever even kissed a boy? >> no. >> have you ever kissed a girl? >> no. >> well, then how can you possibly know what you like? you see that's the problem with you're generation. you're obsessed with labels. so you like show tunes? it doesn't mean you're gay. it just means you're awful. [ laughter ] and there's only one person in this world, who can tell you what you are. >> me? >> no, me, sue sylvester. and she hasn't quite made up her mind about you. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: timing. timing is good. jane lynch, right there. "glee" airs tuesdays at 9:00 p.m. on fox. ray wylie hubbard performs next. come on back. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ male announcer ] fishing pole, it's been a while.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody, welcome back. our next guest is a veteran americana artist. his latest album titled "a: enlightenment b: endarkenment (hint: there is no c.)" performing the song "drunken poet's dream," please welcome ray wylie hubbard. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ i got a woman who's wild as rome she likes being naked and gazed upon ♪ ♪ she crosses a bridge she sets it on fire she lands like a bird
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on a telephone wire ♪ ♪ i'm gonna holler and i'm gonna scream i'm gonna get me some mescaline ♪ ♪ then i'm gonna rhyme that with gasoline it's a drunken poet's dream ♪ ♪ there some money on the table and a pistol on the floor ♪ ♪ a few paperback books by louis lamoure whisky bottles are scattered like last night's clothes ♪ ♪ withcigarettes papers and oreos ♪ ♪ my harmonica's got a busted reed oh my lips are chapped and about to bleed ♪
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♪ she says, that's nothing when she was a kid she danced with the dead at the pyramids ♪ ♪ i'm gonna holler and i'm gonna scream i'm gonna get me some mescaline ♪ ♪ then i'm gonna rhyme that with gasoline it's a drunken poet's dream whoa, whoa ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪
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♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ now i'll never pay back my student loan ♪ ♪ smelling like coors and cheap cologne she tells me not to worry about judgment day ♪ ♪ she says dying to get to heaven just ain't our way ♪ ♪ i'm gonna holler and i'm gonna
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scream i'm gonna get me some mescaline ♪ ♪ then i'm gonna rhyme that with gasoline it's a drunken poet's dream whoa ♪ ♪ i got a woman who's wild as rome she likes being naked and gazed upon ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: good job, buddy. that's what i'm talking about, buddy. thank you so much. ray wylie hubbard! [ cheers and applause ] check out his album "a: enlightenment b: endarkenment (hint: there is no c)" and see him live on tour all summer. i love this. my thanks to matthew fox, jane lynch. ray wylie hubbard! [ cheers and applause ] the greatest band in late night, the roots, right there. stay tuned for "carson daly."
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thanks for watching. have a good night. hope to see you tomorrow. bye-bye. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ 10, please. >> i think we're all going to 10. there's a crash on a deserted floor. i'm late for my show. >> destiny.
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>> you're working on the new show, too? >> jimmy: i promise i will get each and every one of you back to our floor. >> we have to go back. we have to go back! we have to go back! we have to go back! >> what? >> jimmy: i found a way off the floor. >> i'm building an elevator. >> miles, from the elevator? >> jimmy: where is he? >> dad?


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