tv Late Night With Jimmy Fallon NBC March 29, 2011 12:35am-1:35am EDT
captions paid for by nbc-universal television -- captions by vitac -- www.vitac.com ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that sounds like a stadium. a stadium full of crazy people. oh, my gosh, i love it. thank you, guys. welcome to "late night with jimmy fallon." what an audience. you guys are the greatest. thank you so much. it's going to be a fun show. hey, did you guys hear this -- in his weekly radio address, president obama says the u.s. has clear and focused goals in libya. he said he would share those goals with us as soon as hillary shares them with him. [ laughter ] i was just reading -- i was just reading about this, apparently, more and more companies have started accepting job and internship applications on twitter. here's a good rule of thumb. if you can fit your resume into 140 characters -- [ laughter and applause ] you didn't get the job. hey, prince william had his
bachelor party this weekend. [ cheers ] and it was surprisingly low key. 20 friends just hanging out at an estate. it was really tame. instead of doing shots, they grabbed teacups and were like, "sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip, sip." [ cheers ] ♪ [ rhythmic clapping ] [ light laughter ] this is a great crowd. i love this audience. good to see you, roots. how are you doing, buddy? [ cheers and applause ] hey, this is pretty cool. daniel radcliffe is getting great reviews for his broadway show, "how to succeed in business without really trying." meanwhile, the kardashians are getting great reviewing for actually succeeding in business without really trying. [ laughter ] i'm a little scared. this is a true story, you guys. the bronx zoo had to close its reptile house after a poisonous snake went missing on friday. [ light laughter ] yeah. apparently, the snake had been
digging a tunnel for years and hiding it behind the poster of a sexy eel. [ light laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] digging his way out. get this, a reporter in florida that was forced into a closet by joe biden's staff to keep him from talking to guests at a fund-raiser. the guy said it wouldn't have been so bad if biden wasn't all ready in there for the same reason. [ laughter and ohs ] listen to this, you guys. the census bureau says that 50 million hispanic people now live in the u.s. you know what that means, 800 million hispanic people now live in the u.s. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] the census bureau -- hey, there's a new magazine designed for gay military members. that's right. it's mostly just photos of privates. [ laughter ]
♪ la, la, la la, la, la la, la, la ♪ ♪ >> steve: majorly -- >> jimmy: finally -- >> steve: -- yes. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: -- i just read that lindsay lohan wants to drop her last name and go just by lindsay. that's when you know things are bad, when even names next lindsay vanish mysteriously. [ audience ohs ] ladies and gentlemen, we have a great show tonight! give it up for roots! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we have a big show for you tonight. oh, i love this guy. david schwimmer is here, you guys. he directed this new film, "trust." it is phenomenal. really, really good movie. a former ufc heavyweight champion, brock lesnar is here! [ cheers and applause ] and he's training for his next shot at the title. this is a bad man.
this other guy's back with more animals. i don't know why we keep having him on the show. he is insane. jeff musial is here. our buddy, jeff. [ cheers and applause ] we love him, we love him. plus, music from the legendary -- i am so excited about this -- vanilla fudge is on the show tonight! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ set me free why don't you babe ♪ oh, it's so good, you guys. hammond b3 organs back there. leslie is spinning around. it's gonna be a great show. now, the other night, i was watching the "colbert report," as i always do, sitting in my beanbag chair with a lukewarm glass of butter milk. [ light laughter ] and i saw this great story where stephen colbert auctioned off a portrait of himself and raised $26,000 for donorschoose.org. it's an online charity where donors get to pick how their money is used to help classrooms in need. it's a great cause and it reminded of why stephen and i became best friends for six months this past march 3rd. [ light laughter ] because, this is the kind of
thing he does. of course, this next clip is also the kind of thing he does, which catches you off-guard. here, take a look. [ cheers and applause ] >> folks, i've got to say, i am happy and thrilled to report that my best friend for six months, jimmy fallon, will be matching that $26,000 to donorschoose.org. [ cheers and applause ] wow. that is a lot of money. you are a good man, jimmy. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's so nice. um, but here's the thing. i never said that. [ laughter ] i think it's a good idea, but i don't like other people putting words in my mouth. >> well, well, well. [ cheers and applause ]
i guess i just don't know what best friends are for, jimmy fallon. >> jimmy: stephen colbert, what are you doing here? >> i came here, because i thought we were bfffsms. >> both: best friends for six months. >> yes. jimmy: we are, man. >> really? if you can't donate $26,000 of your best friend's money without asking him first, then what is the point of being best friends? [ light laughter ] may i remind you, james, you asked me to be best friends forever. i said six months. this is why i insisted on a trial period. [ laughter ] i feel stupid for trusting you. >> jimmy: you fell stupid? i trusted you. i said, "i love you," and you wouldn't say it back to you. [ laughter ] >> you know what's funny? how easy it is for you to say those three little words, "i love you."
and yet, for some reason, it's so hard for you to say those 11 little words that everyone wants to hear. "jimmy fallon is donating $26,000 to stephen's charity." >> jimmy: stephen, this goes both ways. if you're my best friend for six months do i get to say you're giving $26,000 to my charity? >> not until we deal with this, jim. [ laughter ] 'cause if we don't deal with this, i don't see how we're best friends for six months. >> jimmy: stephen, hold on, let's talk this out. >> no, i can not do this anymore, jimmy! i give, and i give, and i give your money to other people, and i get nothing back. but you seem willing to throw all of that away, 3 1/2 weeks of best friendship, and for what? >> jimmy: you can't even look me in the eye. >> i cannot look you in the eye, jimmy, it's too painful. plus i got to look at these cards over here. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] if we were ever best friends for six months, just do me this much --
think about what you're losing, jimmy. think about what you're losing. [ cheers and applause ] whoo! >> jimmy: he's right. [ cheers and applause ] he's right. best friends have to take care of each other. i think the only way to fix this is actually come up with this $26,000. but i'm going to need your help. in fact, i'm going to call the guys over at donorschoose.org, and we're gonna set up a special link where everyone of the fallon fans, or whatever we are calling ourselves. i have some names here. fallon-ites, fall-pals, fallon-istas, felonious-munks, late forest one, late- heads, late-mates, fallon's fun bags. [ laughter ] the 12-37 time slots? [ light laughter ] the late night shyamalan's? whatever. [ light laughter ] if we can raise $26,000 by this friday, i will promise that my
bff for six months, stephen colbert will come on this show and sing rebecca black's "friday" with the roots. [ cheers and applause ] that is a promise that i am making from him to you. all you have to do is go to donorschoose.org/ falloncolbertproject and give what you can. and stephen colbert will come on our show and sing one of the most important songs of our time. [ cheers and applause ] stick around, everybody. we'll be right back with animal expert, jeff musial! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ my contacts are so annoying. they're itchy, dry and uncomfortable. i can't wait to take 'em out, throw 'em away and never see them again. [ male announcer ] know the feeling? get the contacts you've got to see to believe. acuvue® oasys brand contact lenses. feel how hydraclear® plus keeps your eyes exceptionally comfortable all day long. it feels like it disappeared on my eye.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody. our first guest is an animal expert and borderline insane person who's back with some of his animal pals. ladies and gentlemen, we love him. please welcome jeff musial. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. nice to see you, buddy. >> nice to see you, buddy. >> jimmy: wow. >> isn't that awesome? >> jimmy: look at this guy. holy moley. >> what's up, jimmy? >> jimmy: how are you? nice to see you. >> this is a two-toed sloth. not a three-toed, even though they have three toes on their back, two up front, it's a two-toed sloth, found in south america. his name is chewbacca. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: chewbacca -- >> you know, like that noise -- [ wookiee sounds ] how -- do it. you know how they make the call? can you do chewbacca? >> jimmy: no. [ laughter ]
>> well, he's like -- you know, he's cool. they do everything upside down. they hang upside down. they breathe upside down. they sleep upside down. >> jimmy: can i pet him? >> yeah, feel his back over there. he's like a giant ewok. it's like real bristly, like fur. >> jimmy: yeah. >> it's so cool. feed him a piece of corn. he loves corn. >> jimmy: he does? [ light laughter ] >> yeah, just put it right in front of his mouth. watch this. he'll go to town on it. [ audience aws ] [ light applause ] isn't that awesome? >> jimmy: yeah, he's really like -- he's calm and -- >> yeah, he's just so neat. nothing like me. now -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, yeah. >> oh yeah, that's a little -- [ audience aws ] no, it's not aw. no. they're very slow moving, but they go up and they try to rip your face off. now, they -- [ laughter ] psych. this is -- >> jimmy: you couldn't cut his nails before you brought him over here? >> look at this. no, look at this. it's like after st. patty's day -- right? >> jimmy: that's not what anyone -- yeah, yeah, yeah. >> he wants another piece of corn. give him another piece of corn. >> jimmy: all right. >> look at those canines. you see those? >> jimmy: yeah, this is kind of scaring me now. >> look at him chomp that right up. oh, he almost got your finger. [ laughter ] he is so cool though, isn't he?
>> jimmy: i love this guy. >> two-toed sloth, named chewbacca, found in south america. >> jimmy: chewbacca -- >> they actually grow different types of moths and stuff in their hair and bugs and things, and they'll grow algae all over and help them camouflage. now, get this -- he'll be up in a tree, a harpy eagle comes in -- they grab them out of the trees. they drop into the water. they're expert swimmers. >> jimmy: really? >> you wouldn't think that, 'cause they're like a sloth. they hang upside down in a tree. real slow moving. >> look at those teethhough. it's like vampire canine, and they're expert swimmers. >> jimmy: what do they do? the back stroke? [ laughter ] >> the sloth stroke actually. >> jimmy: probably right. >> yeah, i'm going to pass him off though. you want to see another animal? >> jimmy: thank you so much. yes, i would love to. bye, chewbacca. oh, i love him. thank you, jeff. [ cheers and applause ] >> he's so cool. no problem. >> jimmy: wow, that was awesome. >> there you go. i'm going to move on. you want to see another animals? >> jimmy: sure. >> these are so neat. [ audience oohs ] >> jimmy: what are you -- >> i brought my fish tank from home. >> jimmy: that's heavy. >> these are called axolotls. they're an endangered, almost extinct, type of mexican salamander found in mexico -- only outside of mexa --
mexica -- mexican -- >> jimmy: it's okay. >> yeah -- [ laughter ] now, feel these. they're so -- >> jimmy: are these moving? >> yeah. look at this. they're like -- feel it. it's so neat. put your hands in. just feel. [ laughter ] they feel so cool. just your finger. >> jimmy: i don't want to. >> no, really. they're really cool. >> jimmy: i don't want to. >> just feel them. they're so -- >> jimmy: they scare me. >> they feel like real slimy boogers. >> jimmy: why would i want to feel that? [ laughter ] >> 'cause they're so neat though! just -- [ laughter ] if you put your hands in -- you can do it. just kind of pet them lightly. but don't -- >> jimmy: gosh! >> like this. then they go -- just like that. [ yelling ] [ laughter ] just kidding. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: why are you even saying that? >> sorry, that was so cool though. it's like they're electric shocking you. >> jimmy: yeah, thank you. it looks like those things you lay in the water and they just grow. >> yeah, exactly. like you get them out of the 50 cent machine like from k-mart or target or something? these guys -- they got those gills. do you see that? the way they're breathing? >> jimmy: they're like sea monkeys. >> they're just unbelieveble. >> jimmy: i've never seen anything like that. >> no, they're super, super rare. >> jimmy: what are they called again? >> axolotls. >> jimmy: i've never heard of them. >> yeah, they're just wicked little things, and they feel like boogers. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: where do you find them? >> mexico, outside of mexico --
>> jimmy: that's right, you couldn't say it. >> yeah, now -- [ laughter ] >> they -- i'm moving on to the next animal. >> jimmy: okay, sure. go ahead. do you want me to leave them over there? i'll move them over. >> yeah, sure. someone will come and get them. >> jimmy: okay. >> probably. >> i've got a bird. you want to see a bird? >> jimmy: i would love to see a bird. >> all right, cool. >> jimmy: how are you, buddy? >> how you doing? >> jimmy: good. >> good. >> i don't know where the guy is with the bird. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, that's all right. it's probably the same guy, maybe. >> no. thanks, andy. >> jimmy: hey, i know this guy. how are you, buddy? good to see you, pal. how are you? all good? >> that's the guy that breeds stuff in his basement. now -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what? >> this is miko. boy, he likes you, look at that crest. isn't that so cool? [ laughter ] now, miko, he is called a cockatoo. they're actually called sulfur-crested cockatoo. see that? they got that sulfur-crest, like the beretta bird. she usually talks. she'll be like, "miko is a poopy-head, yeah, yeah." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: why would they say -- >> she learned it at a day care. i don't know. that's what they do. so she remixes it sometimes. she's like, "miko is a
poopy-head, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah." it's a remix. >> jimmy: i know you want to live with me, don't you? [ laughter ] >> she really does like you. >> jimmy: how do you tell that? >> she's all puffed up. she's trying to show off for you. >> jimmy: don't do anything weird. [ laughter ] >> what she was gonna do is -- >> jimmy: do something weird? >> what they do is -- when they love somebody, they regurge their food up into their crop, and they spit it their mouth. open your mouth. watch. it's so cool. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: absolutely not. >> that means she loves you. >> jimmy: no, i'm not doing that. [ audience protests ] no! that's not going to happen. >> i'll pass her off. i'll move on. i got more exciting animals. >> jimmy: let the bird throw up in your mouth. [ laughter ] you're a weird audience. [ laughter ] >> you want to see something else cool? >> jimmy: yeah. >> these are cool, because they're cool. and this one here -- >> jimmy: what did you bring? oh, god. >> yeah, jimmy, jimmy. >> jimmy: what are you doing? what are -- oh, no. >> these are called giant african millipedes. look -- they roll up. they look like -- [ audience aws ] -- like a little debbie
cinnamon bun, right? [ light laughter ] yeah, except they're highly toxic. look at this. you can put them like this. [ jimmy yelling ] >> jimmy: ow! [ laughter ] ow! >> can you feel all the claws? >> jimmy: yes! >> look at all the legs. >> jimmy: no! [ laughter ] >> those are -- don't be weird. >> jimmy: don't be weird? >> look at that. >> jimmy: i'm going nuts. i'm going nuts. >> it's so cool. it's like those medical bracelets. [ jimmy yelling ] [ laughter ] so like -- everyone knows -- [ jimmy yelling ] [ laughter ] >> it's so cool. look at that. >> jimmy: get it off me, please. [ cheers and applause ] >> i'm sorry, i'm sorry. these guys -- they actually secrete -- >> jimmy: my god! >> they secrete a -- oh, look at it. it's on my hand. they secrete a liquid, and it will turn the color of your skin orange. isn't that awesome? >> jimmy: no! i have to shake hands with people. >> it'll burn. there's an extreme burn to it, but it will be fine. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: these are insanely gross. don't let these get lost here. >> i won't. they're cool. african giant millipedes, in africa, they call them chongololos. >> jimmy: oh yeah? >> yeah. and they're all -- >> jimmy: what the heck is that? it's corn. it's corn. >> oh, sorry. they actually -- monkeys will take these guys, crap -- crap -- "crap them in half?"
sorry. [ lauger ] rip them in half, rub them all over their body, and it works like off! you know, ke off!? you go camping, your mom is like -- [ spraying sound ] yore like, "can'breath ur mom's "sh like, up!" [ laughter yeg ] >> jimmy: i didn't go camping with my mom. what areou talking about? [ laughter ] >> i'm sorry. you know what i mean though. like when you're a kid and she keeps spraying you. you're like, "i can't -- all i taste is pine trees." >> jimmy: you need to go to therapy. [ laughter ] >> i'm putting these away. i'm moving on. you want to see another animal? >> jimmy: yes. >> all right. this one here, he's really, really, reallyool. immy: thank yo what do you go you alwaysave methfu for . >> yeah, ty his gueally sk. [ ught [ auence aws ] isncool'te g for him thlix. lix erlook it, te fjimmy. ity. >>: hi f.u. >> lk, you'rstds headack so he doesn't loose any juice. ght? they're called a ring-iled lemur. foundmadagattar, liisland- , got op o h [ laughter they'rlyou on this ofadag noo mo didke offhe coastof afri.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody. our next guest starred as ross on the mega-popular sitcom "friends." this friday you can see his work as a director when his new film "trust" hits theaters. please welcome david schwimmer, everybody. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thanks for coming on the show. >> yeah, just checking for animals. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: no, no, he took them all -- hopefully. who knows? that millipede -- one of them might have gotten out. >> nice.
>> jimmy: we're not sure. new york is your hometown, right? >> it is now, yeah. yeah. >> jimmy: wasn't it always? >> well, i was born in queens, but my -- [ scattered cheers ] yeah. but left when i was -- my parents got job offers in california. so i really grew up out there, and in chicago where i went to school at northwestern. [ single cheer ] yeah. woo. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: very woo-ing crowd tonight. [ light laughter ] >> as soon as "friends" was coming to an end about six years ago, i decided -- right, it's time to make a move out here. back home, so -- >> jimmy: that's awesome. [ cheers and applause ] you've got the beard. how long have you had the beard going? i like it. >> thanks. thank you, jimmy. >> jimmy: you're welcome. [ light laughter ] >> yeah. no, i grew it because -- i don't know. i was lazy. it was winter. my wife said, "yeah, no, i like it. keep it." so i said, "all right." so i've got it for a little while. i don't know. we'll see what happens. >> jimmy: that's good. i like that. do you know we have a credit in common? we were both in -- >> "band of brothers." >> jimmy: "band of brothers."
>> hell, yeah. >> jimmy: absolutely. captain dale dye. [ cheers and applause ] >> yeah, yeah. that's right. >> jimmy: that guy is -- tough as nails, that guy. >> yeah, we weren't in the same episode. i think you were directed by tom hanks. >> jimmy: yeah. >> i heard something happened with you driving a jeep or something, or not driving? >> jimmy: yeah, i don't know how to drive at all. i'm from new york. [ light laughter ] i'm awful. i had to drive a world war ii stick-shift jeep. i had just like two lines in "band of brothers." they're like, "good luck, boys," and then i had to start up, put it in first, the clutch and the gas. it took me 20 minutes to take off. [ light laughter ] it was so unheroic. and i'm playing this actual lieutenant george rice, and so anyways tom hanks goes, "just press the clutch in, and i'll have somebody push the jeep out of the way." [ laughter ] >> nice. >> jimmy: "you moron." so i go, "okay, all right. so i do my little bit. i'm so nervous. it's tom hanks. i go, "good luck, guys," and i forget to press the clutch, and that means the wheels don't turn, so these two guys are going -- [ laughter ] trying to push the jeep and my
head is going this far. [ light laughter ] "take care, guys." it was -- it was just awful. a lot of wide shots. >> that's what i heard. >> jimmy: they pulled it by rope. yeah, they pulled the jeep out of the way. it was so embarrassing, but gosh, you did a great job in that. >> thanks. >> jimmy: did you stay out in england for a while? >> yeah, i was directing my first film called "run fat boy, run." >> jimmy: absolutely. it was great. simon pegg -- it was great. [ cheers and applause ] >> thanks. i was in london for two years doing that, and i know you're a huge fan of british comedy. >> jimmy: i love it. >> i too, with simon pegg, and i know you're a fan of "little britain." >> jimmy: "little britain," you did -- you directed some "little britain." >> yeah, i did that for hbo. those guys are hysterical. >> jimmy: oh, i love them. british comedy is just phenomenal right now, with "the mighty boosh," and all those guys. >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: chris morris and all that stuff. it goes from british comedy, now you're directing this movie "trust." >> yes. >> jimmy: this is a serious -- this is an unbelievable movie. great job, by the way. >> thank you. >> jimmy: it was phenomenal. you want to tell everyone what it's about? >> oh, yeah. sure.
it's clive owen and catherine keener play the parents of this regular 14-year-old girl, who meets a boy online. after a few months, really develops a very intense romantic relationship with him, and then when she finally meets him alone, he turns out to be in his 40s. and what happens next really affects everyone in the entire family to a traumatic effect. >> jimmy: it's awful. it's really -- it's insane. i think you picked an angle that i haven't seen. it's like what would a 14-year-old girl think -- it's hard to even describe, because he like brainwashes her through online stuff. you don't know who to trust. you don't know -- >> hence the title, actually. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah. that's pretty good. >> it's really about, i guess, parenting in the age of technology. with everything changing as rapidly as it is, with every phone now or shortly will be a personal computer, i know it's a growing concern for people. so this film kind of tackles that.
>> jimmy: how did you get involved with this, because it's a serious subject. >> i've been involved with this group called the rape foundation for about 14 years now . i'm on the board of directors. i just met countless victims, child victims and their families. about seven years ago, we had this one father in the community speak at our fundraising event, and his story inspired really the film. it's really through the lens of a father/daughter relationship. that special relationship. >> jimmy: that's the part that i thought was amazing. she actually says to the dad, "leave me alone. get out of my room. don't talk to me. trying to break up me and my boyfriend." >> yeah. "that's my boyfriend, leave me alone." >> jimmy: not realizing that he is a predator, an online predator. he's done this to countless girls. >> yeah. funny stuff, you guys should -- >> jimmy: yeah. [ laughter ] it's deep stuff. it's really -- but i've never seen this angle, and i think you handle it so well. clive owen and catherine keener were -- and who's this girl? what's her name? >> her name's lianna liberato. she was 14 when we made it. she really is -- her performance was incredible. >> jimmy: what a performance. everybody, even the creepy predator guy is great. >> good.
>> jimmy: he's a creepy guy. he'll never work again, but it's good that he -- [ laughter ] man oh man, strong performances. i'm just like -- i was just watching it. i go, "oh my gosh. it was very, very cool and amazing stuff. congratulations. >> thank you. >> jimmy: and thank you for taking something that's taking a leap like this. this is great. >> no, my pleasure. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: a lot of people should see this. people are nervous. we have a clip of the movi "trust." here's a scene with clive owen and catherine keener, late at night. that's it. >> what are you doing? >> what are you doing? why are you down here when you should be up there with her? do you think finding this guy is more important and it's going to make her better? do you think -- >> well, it might or might save some other poor girl. >> i want this guy out of my house. i want him out of my house! >> you want me to go up there and talk to her? i've tried! she won't talk to me. >> she finally fell asleep.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest this evening has had a remarkable career going from ncaa division 1 heavyweight wrestling champ, to rising star in the wwe, to ufc heavyweight champion. here's a look at how this guy trains for a fight. look at this. ♪ >> when you're in here it's intense, you know? the one thing about brock is that he doesn't hold back. when he trains, he trains all out. he's different than a lot of people. he has no -- he has no governor switch, is how i like to say it. it's like, it's on, here i go. >> hang on tight, hang on tight. >> i love this [ bleep ]. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i need to get out of here. please welcome to the show one of the stars of "the ultimate fighter," which premieres this wednesday at 9:00 p.m. on spike, here's brock lesnar, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪
[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: wow. welcome to the show. >> thanks for having me. i feel like i'm sitting in my kid's chair. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. if you want you can move it. you can through the window. whatever you want to do. >> it's like i'm at home. >> jimmy: oh, yeah? >> yeah. >> jimmy: this is good. see? >> i like it. >> jimmy: this is for you. that is how you train? >> that's a portion of what -- that's just some conditioning stuff that i would do. >> jimmy: it's frightening to me. i would never -- if you were in my gym, i would quit the gym immediately and go, "arrest that guy." [ light laughter ] >> yeah, it's pretty violent. >> jimmy: gosh. now, you have a book coming out called, "death clutch." >> yeah. >> jimmy: this is like a --like a sappy romance novel, or? -- [ light laughter ] >> yeah, it's a romance about my life story. >> jimmy: no, you have a pretty interesting story, though. where are you from originally? >> i'm from webster, south dakota. a small town. i grew up on a dairy farm and, you know, my mom and dad were hard-working people.
i left webster en route to -- i started wrestling when i was 5 years old and followed my dream all the way to bismarck, north dakota. won a junior college championship there, and then went to minneapolis, won a division 1 national title in 2000. and then -- then i went to the world wrestling entertainment, had enough of that, it wasn't for me, and tried out for the minnesota vikings. and then i did some wrestling -- >> jimmy: you just wanted to played fool? i mean, gosh, this is insane. >> yeah, i'm crazy. i'm crazy. >> jimmy: you don't have to tell me that twice. yeah, yeah. [ light laughter ] in fact, i saw this. look at this tattoo that you've got on your chest there. what is that? just a blade? >> that's a sword. >> jimmy: some sword. and does this sword exist? >> somewhere -- somewhere it does. somewhere in my mind -- >> jimmy: you just made that up? >> -- somewhere in my mind i thought, "that would look good on my chest." >> jimmy: yeah. [ scattered cheers ] >> you know? >> jimmy: i thought the same thing. so i got one done on mine. [ scattered applause ]
>> i appreciate that. >> jimmy: we should never go to the pool together. that'd look weird. >> or the bar and then end up at the tattoo parlor. >> jimmy: exactly. yeah, yeah, yeah. now, "ultimate fighter" season 13, on this show on spike, you're coaching these young dudes to fight. >> yes. >> jimmy: and you're coaching against junior dos santos. >> yeah -- the show is a reality series. it's in its 13th season. and i was fortunate to be one of the coaches on the show. me and the other coach are going to be facing one another in a fight june 3rd in vancouver. but the show itself airs wednesday night -- it premiers. and we coached seven -- seven up and coming fighters that want a ufc contract. and these guys live in a house together for six weeks, they've got no television, no newspaper, no connection to the outside world. they've just got fighting, and that's it. so, they got -- if you can imagine 14 guys in a house, i'm excited to watch.
>> jimmy: i don't even want to live on that block. it's insane. but i mean -- the testosterone. i mean, the arguments that must go on. >> what happens at the house, i have no idea. so, i want nothing to do with that. i'm there to coach -- coach these guys. >> jimmy: so you don't see what they do at the house? >> i don't even know what going to happen. >> jimmy: so if someone's like, "who didn't do the dishes, man!? who didn't do the dishes!?" it's like, "why? sorry man." >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: see, that's -- yeah. i couldn't be a roommate there. that would be a different reality show -- throw me in -- [ light laughter ] getting beat up. i was going to ask you if you could teach me, maybe, a move? if you don't mind? incase i get -- [ cheers and applause ] -- into something. like maybe a submission hold? >> yeah, sure. yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: but don't teach me the book title, i don't want the "death clutch." >> in the fight world, something very basic, and an advantage you get on your opponent is to get behind -- take your opponents back. >> jimmy: okay. >> so, if you were to -- i'll demonstrate on you. just a version of the rear naked choke. and then you can attempt it on
me. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: rear naked choke? >> well, it's kind of a -- >> jimmy: you want the name -- yeah, go ahead, make fun of that. >> and then i'm behind you at the same time. >> jimmy: i will not make fun of it. >> it doesn't sound good at all. >> jimmy: i'm not going to make a joke. yeah, yeah, yeah. >> but it's just a matter of taking your opponents back -- >> jimmy: should i do it on you first? >> well -- yeah, yeah, i'll you, but i'm just going to show you how to --and you just clasp your hand like so, all right? >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. hurts all ready. >> so, if you were to take me down, and you got back, and you reached over -- >> jimmy: what's up? what's up sucker? [ laughter ] >> and just try to reach over -- yeah, yeah. something like that. >> jimmy: what's up, dude? >> and then you'd reverse him and end up like this. something like this. thanks everybody! thank you. vanilla fudge performs next. stick around while i choke jimmy fallon! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ [ male announcer ] cowhide dries out.
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you really don't want me you just keep me hangin' on ♪ ♪ you really don't need me you just keep me hangin' on ♪ ♪ you said when we broke up you just wanna be friends ♪ ♪ but how can we still be friends when seein' you only breaks my heart again ♪ ♪ there ain't nothin' i can do about it ♪ ♪ talkin' 'bout love get out my life why don't you babe you really don't want me ♪ ♪ you just keep me
you got a weather balloon with points? yes i did. [ ryan ] points i could use for just about anything. ♪ ♪ so i used mine, to get a whole new perspective. ♪ [ male announcer ] the new citi thankyou premier card gives you more ways to earn points. what's your story? citi can help you write it. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: my thanks to david schwimmer, brock lesnar, jeff musial, stephen colbert. vanilla fudge once again! [ cheers and applause ] and the greatest band in "late night," thot