i remember her red dress ♪ there's color tv and

♪ there's color tv and [ cheers and applause ] >> jay: yeah, vince gill! [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: from studio 6b in rockefeller center, the national broadcasting company presents --

tonight's guests are -- and featuring the legendary roots crew. and here he is -- jimmy fallon! [ cheers and applause ] captions paid for by nbc-universal television -- captions by vitac -- www.vitac.com ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: my goodness. hey, welcome. thank you so much. welcome to "late night with jimmy fallon," everybody. [ cheers ] oh, it's gonna fun tonight. it's gonna be good tonight. i feel it. thank you. hey, you guys. the republican --

the republican presidential candidates have really been fighting for attention this week. in fact, rick perry actually proposed cutting the president's salary in half. yeah. perry was like, "what do i care? it's not like it'll affect me." [ laughter ] speaking of rick perry, in a new interview, herman cain said that if rick perry were an ice cream flavor, he'd be rocky road. [ laughter ] i don't know, perry's -- perry's not really any flavor of ice cream. he's just the brain freeze part. [ laughter ] if you eat it too fast -- "commerce. it's the -- ed -- education. and -- oops. [ laughter ] scoops." that's the name of his ice cream shop. hey -- [ laughter ] [ cheers ] yesterday -- did you hear this? herman cain said that states should have the right to legalize medical marijuana. [ cheers ]

or as some stoners put it, "wait, he sells pizza and he likes weed? when can he start? this guy's fantastic. [ laughter and applause ] can i text in my vote?" [ laughter ] listen to this, vice president biden was in new york today for the second time in less than a week. just to see if he left his wallet at the m&ms store. [ laughter ] he was like, "i was over here by the leather jackets and i got distracted by the dancing m&ms, so --" hey, guys, i read that 14 million americans plan on eating at a restaurant for thanksgiving. yeah. 'cause when my aunts are screaming at each other and my grandpa is on a racist rant, my first thought is, "we should do this in public. [ laughter ] we should really -- people should see this. [ cheers and applause ] let's go." this is interesting. a new study found that people with higher iqs are more likely to use drugs.

which explains einstein's other theory, "e equals me having an awesome time at a rave." [ laughter ] that was his other theory. this isn't good. you guys, a company called cooper vision just recalled five million contact lenses because they can cause butt vision. [ light laughter ] i'm sorry? that is "blurred vision." these things are awful. these things are awful. [ laughter and applause ] just an absolute waste of my money. [ applause ] get this. there's apparently an upscale club in new york, where members eat beaver tail, hard-boiled duck eggs and lamb eyeballs. [ audience ews ] or you can go the cheaper route and just order a mcrib. it's up to you. you do your thing. [ cheers and applause ] i'm going to be me for a while. and finally, i read about a 90 year old woman and an 82 year old man who just went on a honeymoon in jamaica. on their door, they put a sign

that said, "do not disturb, unless it's been a couple of days." [ laughter ] we have a great show tonight. give it up for the roots! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we have an unbelievable show tonight. one of my favorite comedians of all-time, one of the best comedians in the universe -- oh, my gosh. you'll love him. everyone's list's top three. you gotta find this guy's name. martin short is on the show tonight. [ cheers and applause ] he is truly one of my favorite comedians ever. plus, i'm beyond excited to have them here. from "the muppets," kermit the frog and miss piggy are stopping by. [ cheers and applause ] it gets better. he is a giant rock star, the lead singer of r.e.m. michael stipe is in the house. [ cheers and applause ]

what a voice. what a guy. it's just gonna be a super fun show tonight. hey, guys. it's time for "late night hashtags." here we go. ♪ hashtags, hashtags hashtags, hashtags hashtags ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: these are lists on twitter where we give you the topic and you send in the tweets. so since thanksgiving is next week and everyone's getting ready to get their gobble on, i went to twitter and started a hashtag called, "new thanksgiving songs." all right. and i asked you guys at home to take a popular song and change the title somewhere so that it's more thanksgiving themed. we got thousands of tweets. it was crazy. it was coming in all night last night. it was a lot of fun. so thanks for the tweets. i really appreciate it. let's check out some of my favorite "new thanksgiving song" tweets from you guys. here we go. >> jimmy: this one's from @caitlinlovesnyc. her song is -- ♪ don't you wish your turkey was stuffed like me ♪ ♪ don't you wish your -- [ light laughter ] don't ya? [ light laughter ]

this one's from @whattheschmuck. [ laught ] so that name's taken. you -- [ laughter ] her song is -- ♪ this is how we chew it ♪ ♪ this is how we chew it ♪ no. ♪ this is how we chew it thanks, roots. [ laughter ] >> you're welcome. >> jimmy: this one's from craigadamslww. his thanksgiving song is -- ♪ all the single ladles all the single ladles all the single ladles all the single ladles ♪ [ laughter ] ♪ if you like it then you put some gravy on it ♪ ♪ and if you like it then you put some gravy on it ♪ [ laughter and applause ]

i'm a decent singer. [ cheers ] this one's from @twwatson. his song is -- ♪ i ate the carrots but i did not eat the cranberry ♪ ♪ no, no, no i -- ♪ i was doing the eric clapton version of that one. >> yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: this one is from -- oh, i love this one. this one's from @rrbindles. her song is, "moves like squanto." ♪ i got the moves like squanto i got the moves like squanto i got moves ♪ "moves like squanto." [ light laughter ] this one's from @stevenrrtx. his song is -- ♪ i'm bringing stretchy pants yeah ♪ ♪ my mother's cooking's going to make me fat yeah ♪ ♪ i'm bringing stretchy pants

yeah ♪ "stretchy pants." >> yeah. ♪ >> jimmy: go ahead, girls. put some -- put some gravy on it. go ahead, girls. put some gravy on it. ♪ >> talk to me, jimmy. >> jimmy: this one's a paul simon one. this is from @stevenmcneil. his song is -- ♪ 50 ways to use your butter ♪ [ laughter ] ♪ ♪ 50 ways to use your butter just put it on a biscuit ♪ [ cheers ] ♪ put it on a -- i don't know what else. i don't know. i only got up to one. ♪ put it on a roll, joe [ laughter ] i don't know. oh, i know this one. can you give me a little -- this one's from @quinn5823. give me a little "under pressure." ♪ ♪ nice, nice, gravy nice, nice, gravy ♪ ♪ all right, stop. ♪ everybody and listen

jimmy's back with the turkey in the kitchen ♪ no, i don't know. [ cheers ] why am i rapping? [ laughter ] oh, man. i can't rap. [ light laughter ] this last one here is from @tkimboss. and his song is -- ♪ because i got pie because i got pie because i got pie da, da, da, da, da, da, da ♪ ♪ i like thanksgiving because i got pie didn't eat the dinner because i got pie ♪ ♪ and now i'm too full and you know why because i got pie because i got pie ♪ ♪ because i got pie ya, da, da, da ♪ there you have it. those are tonight's "late night hashtags." to check out more of our favorites, go to latenightwithjimmyfallon.com/ hashtags.

we'll be right back with martin short. what! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ gobbling ] ♪ ♪ [ male announcer ] go-to gobble gobble gobble. always a favorite for turkey day. yellow tail. the go-to. [ gobbles ]

yellow tail. the go-to. not bad..only two meetings what's my today.ok like? can i walk to the belvedere hotel from here? here are directions to belvedere hotel. read me that text. new message from sarah russell:'see you soon' do you think it will snow today? it sure looks like snow today. say hello to siri..on the most amazing iphone yet. you want to save money on car insurance? ♪ you want to save money on rv insurance? no problem. you want to save money on motorcycle insurance? no problem. you want to find a place to park all these things? fuggedaboud it. this is new york. hey little guy, wake up! aw, come off it mate! geico. saving people money on more than just car insurance. cool! get 5% cash back...

at department stores now high five!! alright! activate your 5% cash back at chase.com/freedom hey, uh what's up with your naked toilet paper? yeeaah, i noticed that, man. inappropriate. naked toilet paper? i don't know what you're... your cottonelle roll just sittin' out? seriously... it's primitive, man. yeah, you're taking it for granted. just cover it up. huh. a roll cover...fancy. that stuff will make your day. toilet paper that nice? deserves respect. respect the roll. [ female announcer ] new cottonelle clean care toilet paper. get your roll cover at respecttheroll.com.

♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey! welcome back, everybody. that was a song called "stomp." it's a track from the roots' 13th album, "undun." [ cheers ] it comes out december 6th. preorder it today. this is going to be exciting. "undun" by the roots, everybody. oh, i love those guys so much. but first, our first guest this evening is an emmy and tony award-winning writer and performer. you know him from "sctv" and "saturday night live" and so many great movies. here's the one and only martin short! ♪ [ cheers and applause ]

♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: this is the whole reason why we have this. they love you. new york loves you. >> but do they mean it? >> jimmy: yes, they mean it. [ cheers ] >> i hate when i come across needy. >> jimmy: no, never. >> look how dapper you look. >> jimmy: oh, thank you so much. >> you look very good. no, no. because you -- well, you're in tremendous shape, aren't you? no, as someone who's let himself go. you -- and your -- he's got that michelle obama arms. they're tight. >> jimmy: they really are. yeah, yeah, yeah. >> the last time i was here, you had a bit of that susan boyle bloat. and i was concerned. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. right. >> because i mentioned it. >> jimmy: you did mention it to me more than once. i really appreciate that. thank you. >> no, i love jimmy. you know, jimmy. i love jimmy. and he's always been there for me to write a --

a line or a quip or a joke. like that thing i said about loving jimmy, he wrote that for me. it's a joke. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, i really did. now, how was -- i know, in canada -- i was going to say, "happy thanksgiving." >> well, happy thanksgiving to you. yeah. >> jimmy: but in canada, it's already -- >> yeah, it's happened. >> jimmy: it's already done. >> well, no. we have our thanksgiving. >> jimmy: when is thanksgiving? >> around july. >> jimmy: yeah. [ laughter ] christmas in april. which is followed -- is one week after halloween. and we do our traditions different. we stuff our turkey through the beak. >> jimmy: oh, is that right? is that how you -- i've never seen -- yeah. i've only been there once so i don't really know. >> eight football teams, two called "rough-riders," it's a different -- >> jimmy: it's a different kind of -- [ light laughter ] i always -- i tell everyone every time i see anyone, i say, "the funniest man on earth, martin short" and everyone agrees. because you are the funniest human on earth. [ cheers ] they know how to take that. martin short is the funniest man on earth and you are. and you can't help it. >> and you're talking earth. and let's say, if we found out there were funny people on venus, would it -- it would include all planets and things? >> jimmy: yeah, planetary. yeah, yeah, yeah.

>> believe me, there's a lot of people saying, "i don't get him. he seems pushy and desperate." you know, comedy -- >> jimmy: is that like a cop from "prime suspect"? >> yes, it is. i've never made it with cops in "prime suspect." >> jimmy: yeah. >> they -- "he seems -- and he seems needy. i liked him for about a half an hour in the '80s." >> jimmy: i barely liked -- ed grimley -- whatever the heck he called his -- the guy with the hair sticking up." >> "yeah, it's, like, a lot of energy. but i didn't see the point." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: but every time you do a character, it's -- even with your hair and your makeup and your wardrobe, something -- it's always the best. it's always -- you go for it. jiminy glick, you look like a large, effeminate talk show host. [ cheers and applause ] >> what do you mean, effeminate? >> jimmy: no, i said -- >> you said "effeminate." >> jimmy: eminent. >> oh, you said eminent? >> jimmy: eminent. >> oh, see i -- >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, no problem. no problem. >> because, you know, jimmy is married with four children. morgan, mason, matthew, and modine. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: matthew and modine are his last two -- the last two kids? >> yes. >> jimmy: yeah, that's right. >> morgan, mason, matthew and modine. >> jimmy: matthew and modine.

>> the last two -- the last two are twins. because he was a big fan of the film "birdy," staring matthew modine. [ applause ] >> jimmy: i once ran into jiminy glick. >> yes, you -- he interviewed you on broadway. >> jimmy: he interviewed me on broadway. it was one of the funniest shows i've ever seen in my life. and you were dead on. apparently, you were dead on the stage in this broadway show. >> no, i was dying. >> jimmy: you were dying. you were not dead yet. >> yeah, yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: and there was -- and i want to say it was marc shaiman's-- >> marc shaiman played me. >> jimmy: as a dead body. couldn't he just use a mannequin? or did he have to move? >> yeah. you've got to pay money for that. marc was in the show. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: so anyways -- i -- so he -- what happens is they get someone out of the audience to go up and be in the waiting room to visit martin short. and you come in as jiminy glick with balloons. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and i remember -- i remember -- so i'm sitting here and i'm like this and you come over and you go, "oh, my gosh. oh, my goodness. oh, my goodness gracious. look who it is. oh, my god. look who --

i can't believe you're here. i'm blanking on the name." [ laughter ] but i shook your hand and went -- "aren't you wonderful to see? um, someone had a hot dog. [ laughter ] it's good to see you. -- from behind, i thought it was katie lang." [ laughter ] >> no, i said, "you looked so damn boyish, at first i thought you were k.d.lang." >> jimmy: oh, that's exactly what is was. >> oh, i don't remember jokes. i only have four them. >> jimmy: god, they're phenomenal. but, i mean -- you do, from jiminy glick -- but, i mean -- "clifford," you have a funny story about "clifford," about how they transform you into a 10-year-old boy. >> i played a 10-year-old boy. yeah. >> jimmy: i mean, "clifford" is phenomenal. >> why, thank you. >> jimmy: no, "clifford" was, you know, a 10-year-old -- precocious 10-year-old boy. and the first day, you know, we were trying to -- anything that could make me look young, because i was like, you know, 45 when i did it or something. and so i had to play 10. so, one of the things he said, "well, wear shorts." and they said the night before, "if you can, like, nair your legs -- get all the hair off your legs so that when you wear shorts, you look like a little boy." 'cause remember, i wasn't 13, i was 10. so, pre-puberty.

and -- so then, i forgot to nair my legs. so -- and i was a little late the first day. and 'cause, you know, i was the producer too. so anyway, i get in there. >> jimmy: my goodness. >> and i said -- i said, "oh, i'm late. i'm sorry." we're a little bit behind. "why don't --" and i forgot to nair my legs, so i said, "why don't we do everything at the same time? we can do makeup. we can get the hair removal." and i didn't know there was a female hairdresser named chris lee and her assistant." and i said, "hey, guys," you know, "hi. i'm marty," and what. and the makeup artist i knew, john elliot. he was an old friend of mine. so, i said, "why don't we do everything together?" so i took off my pants. i was wearing boxer underwear. and then i put my legs up on the counter, like that. and i said, "okay, now ladies, if you can just nair --" so they're rubbing cream. meanwhile, i'm talking to john like this. john elliot. i'm saying, "hey, how are the kids?" and he's asking about my kids. meanwhile, the women are rubbing cream on my legs. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and they're rubbing the hair off. and i'm not looking.

this is -- ten minutes goes by. and then i -- they finish. and they're now washing the cloths in the sink. and i look down and my penis is hanging out of my -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, my god. >> and i had not moved. i had not moved one iota. [ cheers ] >> jimmy: oh, my goodness. >> so i said -- i said to chris lee -- i waited about two weeks. because i was mortified. >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. >> but i waited about two weeks. and about two weeks later, i said to chris lee, who is asian. i said to her, "hey, chris. that first day -- [ light laughter ] was -- was -- was my penis hanging out of my boxers?" and then when she said, "yeah, it was. and i tell you something. if i knew you then like i knew you now, i'd have shoved that thing back in." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: thank you. see? that's someone looking out for you. >> that's a friend. >> jimmy: that's someone looking out for you. more with martin short when we get back. not that much more. a little bit more. [ cheers and applause ]

♪ i wouldn't do that. pay the check? no, i wouldn't use that single miles credit card. hey, aren't you... shhh. i'm researching a role. today's special... the capital one venture card. you earn double miles on every purchase. impressive. chalk is a lost medium. if you're not earning double miles... you're settling for half. was that really necessary? [ male announcer ] get the venture card at capitalone.com and earn double miles on every purchase every day. what's in your wallet? cover for me. i have an audition. what's in your wallet? wait a second... with olay challenge that. new regenerist wrinkle revolution... relaxes the look of wrinkles instantly, and the look of deep wrinkles in 14 days. ready, set, smooth... regenerist. from olay.

[ jennifer ] here... this is my world. ♪ this place inspires me to be tougher... to stay sharper... to think faster. they may be just streets to you. but to me... they're a playground. ♪ ...loving you ♪ 'cause i'm alive, i can breathe, i can feel ♪

♪ i believe ♪ and there ain't no doubt about it ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] jimmy: we are back with one of the funniest and most talented guys around. this is mr. martin short. gosh, i love having you on. >> it's ridiculous. >> jimmy: it is just ridiculous. >> yeah. it's very strange. >> jimmy: you know what i missed? i haven't seen it but i want to see you and steve martin are going around, doing this thing. and gosh, you know i love steve martin as well. >> yeah, he's okay. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: you guys are really good friends. >> we are very good friends. we are very -- you know, it's -- he's -- well, you know. he was there when all three of my children were conceived. i mean, this is a very -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: wait a second. wait, wait. conceived? >> no, it's -- you know, listen. he's a huge talent. and it's -- it's intimidating knowing steve. especially because of the guns. you know, when you -- i remember the first time --

>> jimmy: he has a big collection. yes. >> yeah, you wouldn't think that. >> jimmy: yeah, no, no, no. yeah, yeah, yeah. >> no, i think he's -- i think it's safe to say he's a genius. >> jimmy: really? >> yeah. not -- [ cheers and applause ] >> i think it's -- not particularly true but safe. >> jimmy: it is a safe thing to say. yeah. >> i remember the first time i met him. i went to his house in beverly hills. he has a different house now. and i can say beverly hills. and you can't believe the art collection. there were two things i was struck by, the priceless works of american art and how loud the tv was blasting. both things didn't seem to make sense at all. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. yeah, yeah, yeah. >> but he's a good guy. you know what's cool about him? he's not afraid -- he's not afraid to punch someone else's kid. >> jimmy: oh! [ laughter ] >> it means he's of the people. >> jimmy: yeah, it certainly does. >> so we've been doing this show called "a very stupid conversation." >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. >> and we do some of our individual acts. and then we sit and talk. and then, at one point, there's

a grand piano and he says, "why is there a piano there?" and i say "well, i'm going to sing a song or two." "oh, you are? oh, that will take some time." he goes -- [ whistles ] they bring a cot onstage and he gets in bed. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i mean, gosh. he's just the greatest. >> jimmy: i want to know if you'd -- if you'd stick around. do you mind sticking around? >> do you know, i do. i have to go to this thing. >> jimmy: no, because here's the thing, though. [ laughter ] we're live on -- we didn't cut to commercial. we're actually still talking. >> no, but you know what, i have -- oh my god. i'm seeing "war horse" tonight. >> jimmy: no, i know. but you can still go see it. just, please -- can you stick around just for a little bit? >> i don't know if i can. >> jimmy: come on, martin short is here. [ cheers and applause ] do you mind? we love him. >> hey, does that mean more money? [ cheers ] >> jimmy: no. martin short, everybody! kermit the frog and miss piggy join us after the break. stick around! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ swing music plays ♪

bad news: men use soap that can really dry their skin. fear not, dove men plus care is here. it's the bar with one quarter moisturizing cream, so it cleans and leaves skin feeling moisturized. dove men + care. so it cleans and leaves skin feeling moisturized. ugh... ugh... ♪ ♪ aahh. aaahh! you will win this. faster, faster. ♪

yes. [grunting noise] the target 2-day sale starts next friday morning at midnight. are you ready?

♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guests are show business legends. they're returning to the big screen after 12 years with their new movie "the muppets." they're bigger and better than ever. they're everywhere. give it up for kermit the frog and miss piggy, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you so much. >> thank you, thank you. >> jimmy: thank you, than you.

>> how wonderful. hi martin, how are you? >> martin: nice to see you, kermit. >> yes, sir. >> you know, i have a story a lot like martin's first story. only i have no hair. i was completely naked. and i'm not anatomically correct. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. don't want to get into that story. don't get into that story. but i got some pictures that are not in here. look at these. oh, beautiful. >> yes, yes, yes. >> jimmy: miss piggy. [ scattered cheers ] >> jimmy: beautiful, beautiful. >> "new york magazine" was right to put me on their cover. i am a very generous person. >> jimmy: -- generous to put your face. >> yes, and i'm gracing you with my presence right now. >> jimmy: oh, thank you. [ cheers ] you're right. and now look at this. look at this handsome devil, right here. oh, yeah. [ cheers ] there they are. >> look at that. >> jimmy: very handsome. >> yeah, i probably should have shaved but -- >> jimmy: yeah, no, you look fantastic. i always want to know about you guys. do you mind me prying and getting deep? >> it just depends, but give it a shot. >> jimmy: well, i mean -- >> what's the question? >> jimmy: your relationship. >> yeah? >> yes?

>> jimmy: well, i mean, are you a couple, or are you married? >> well, i mean, there's two of us, so we are a couple. >> we are definitely a couple. >> there's a couple of us here. >> jimmy: couple of you there. >> we are very much in love. [ cheers ] >> yeah, we are, we are. i have to admit it. >> did you ever see another frog or pig more in love than us? >> that's true, that's true. not likely. you know, we actually have an understanding about our relationship, i just -- i don't always understand it. [ laughter ] >> he doesn't have to. i can understand for the both of us. >> jimmy: now -- there's was a big thing on facebook now, when eddie murphy -- >> right, right. >> jimmy: the oscars. you guys might host the oscars, would you -- >> you know, i'm glad they went with billy, although it'd be a lot of fun. but, you know, he and i are often confused. [ light laughter ] i think maybe it's the smile. [ laughter ] no? >> jimmy: that's actually pretty good. >> his is a little -- >> jimmy: that is pretty good, actually. >> yeah, yeah, i really don't want to host the oscars myself, because i'm afraid on a conflict of interest. >> what's that? >> well, i'm sure to be nominated this year, kermit. >> oh, of course, of course. yes. >> jimmy: yes, of course. you will be nominated, of course. [ cheers and applause ]

>> there's a lot of talk. >> jimmy: there's a lot of buzz, a lot of talk about miss piggy in this movie. now, "the muppets" -- this is amazing -- everyone's talking about this thing. it's a giant movie. it's out -- is it november 23rd, i think? >> 23rd. >> jimmy: november 23rd. >> that's a 2 and a 3. >> jimmy: everyone's talking about this. and it's a giant, big movie. is there cgi, 3-d in this? >> no, it's just us, right? >> i'm completely cgi, myself. >> jimmy: you are? >> piggy was actually -- >> i can't get enough. [ cheers ] wait, that doesn't really work, does it? >> very -- that's close, that's close. >> you know what, that misspelling things is all the rage on the internet. >> i actually trained for 3-d, though. >> jimmy: you did? >> i didn't do any. i wonder if i could get a close up. i'll show you. it's like -- hm. [ laughter ] ah. hmm. ah. >> jimmy: that's very good. >> that's 3-d. [ talking over each other ] something like that. >> jimmy: everyone is returning in this movie. it's giant -- right? in "the muppets"? >> oh, yes, yes. >> yeah, unfortunately.

>> jimmy: and everyone kind of looks the same. everyone looks good. i'm sorry, miss piggy, you look better. >> yes, she does. >> thank you, thank you. >> she does. [ scattered cheers ] >> yes, i have changed one or two things over the years. >> jimmy: what are you talking about. >> my legs, my hips, i got a new head. >> jimmy: you got a brand new -- yeah. [ light laughter ] you got a brand new head. that happens, that happens. >> yeah. >> jimmy: i want to show everyone a clip of this great movie, "the muppets." >> oh, yes. >> jimmy: it's coming out right before thanksgiving, november 23rd in all your theatres around the country, here. here's miss piggy and kermit in "the muppets." >> okay. >> mm. >> miss piggy? we're all out front practicing our acts and -- everybody expects you and i to do a duet. >> oh, that's so lovely but i'm afraid i can't. no, no, you see, i'm already doing a duets with my music partner. >> hola. [ light laughter ] okay, come on, rehearsal, let's go, we've got to break it up. >> excuse us. let's try those steps again, shall we? >> aye -- again.

okay, on my count this time, okay? in three, two -- wait for me! [ crash ] [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i can't wait to see it. "the muppets" is in theaters everywhere wednesday, november 23rd. [ cheers and applause ] kermit and miss piggy, everybody! >> thank you, thank you. >> jimmy: michael stipe joins us next, come on back. kermit -- [ cheers and applause ] ♪ oh, i come to the mall& talk about ford. how are you? good. i'm mike. about the escape& prepare yourself for what you are about to see. hi. 28 miles per gallon is a big deal, obviously. yes. that's a very big deal. it parks itself. really? remove your hands from the steering wheel oh, wow! want to touch it? go ahead, touch it. sure...oooo... ok, that's enough. get a ford escape with 0% financing for 60 months plus $500 cash back during the ford year end celebration. the dealership is like, well, they're everywhere& big blue ovals. ♪ ♪

[ male announcer ] go-to gobble gobble gobble. always a favorite for turkey day. yellow tail. the go-to. [ gobbles ] combines great odor protection with a lavender scent. amazing microcapsules absorb and neutralize odor releasing scent anytime you need it. all day long. secret scent expressions deodorant/antiperspirant. also in body splashes. take toast. spread with i can't believe it's not butter! add jacques.

he's french. mmmm. [ male announcer ] fresh butter taste that's irresistible. i can't believe it's not butter! chase freedom gives you 1% cash back. [ male announcer ] fresh butter taste that's irresistible. and the largest cash back card only gives you a quarter percent until you spend $3,000 every year. but you know, it's your choice, so... don't' get shortchanged. get your cash back. chase freedom. ♪ ♪ [ male announcer ] there are over half a million apps and counting on the iphone. apps that can take you anywhere and do anything. you might say there's no limit to what this amazing device can do. so the question to ask is -- why would anyone want to limit the iphone? [ phone beeping ] we don't. truly unlimited data for your iphone, trouble hearing on the phone? only from sprint. visit sprintrelay.com.

pnc virtual wallet gathers your spending and saving

in one place. credit and debit purchases, checks, bills, and other financial information. it lets you see the details as well as the big financial picture. so you can do more with your money. see what a complete view of your money can do for you at pncvirtualwallet.com. ♪ pnc bank. for the achiever in you. hey, jessica, jerry neumann with a policy question. jerry, how are you doing? fine, i just got a little fender bender. oh, jerry, i'm so sorry. i would love to help but remember, you dropped us last month. yeah, you know it's funny. it only took 15 minutes to sign up for that new auto insurance company but it's taken a lot longer to hear back. is your car up a pole again? [ crying ] i miss you, jessica! jerry, are you crying? no, i just, i bit my tongue. [ male announcer ] get to a better state. state farm. ♪ [ cheers and applause ]

>> jimmy: for 31 years, our next guest was the lead singer of one of the biggest bands in the world, the recently-disbanded, r.e.m. yesterday they released a 40-song career retrospective. "part lies, part heart, part truth, part garbage." please welcome michael stipe, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: welcome to the show. thank you for coming on again. >> thank you, jimmy. >> jimmy: it's always great having you on. have you met martin short and miss piggy and kermit the frog? >> no, we have not met. >> martin: we have not. we've not. >> i am a giant fan. >> martin: thank you. and do you like these two? >> yeah, we've never met, either. >> kermit: we haven't, we haven't. but i think we're from the same neck of the woods, down in the swamp. >> that's right. [ light laughter ]

>> jimmy: georgia, that is correct. >> that's right, that's right. >> jimmy: speaking of that, michael stipe, please tell me what -- i mean, this is an amazing collection but what happened? you guys disbanded and it just makes me sad. >> i know, it's a little bit sad. >> jimmy: did you know it was coming? >> well, yes. i mean, the -- the three of us kind of arrived at it around the same time kind of organically when we were on tour in 2008. it became an option. and so we -- you know, it's not like there was a day or a moment when we sat down and said, "that's it, we're going to call it." there was never a day. >> jimmy: there was never a throw-down fight, where you were just whipping a bottle of booze through a window or anything like that? >> no, nothing like that. >> jimmy: no. >> i mean, we are those people but not -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's not what ended it. >> no. >> jimmy: but i mean -- so, the last album you had, did you know that was it? >> yes. i mean, that record is, i think filled with -- the record is called -- >> jimmy: "collapse into now." yeah. >> i'm waving good-bye on the cover of it and nobody got that. >> jimmy: i did not get that at all, no. i thought you were saying "hi." [ light laughter ] you're saying good bye. >> i am saying hi.

>> jimmy: both, yeah. and "collapse into now." yeah, i guess i should have gotten some type of hint, yeah. are you -- are you like bummed? are you already like watching dvds of you. >> i'm a little bummed. i'm a little bummed. >> jimmy: "hey, i was doing that a couple of months ago." >> we were as good as these guys over here, the roots. >> jimmy: exactly, yeah. [ cheers and applause ] well, the thing about you is that -- the thing about you i think i love and that your fans love too, is that -- 'cause you started as, like an indie band from athens and here you are, you became the -- playing stadiums and sold out everywhere but you never changed your indie attitude or your artistic credibility. you always stayed true to yourself. and i respect that as a fan of yours. >> thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: always. always. the videos -- if you get the deluxe package of this collection, you see the videos. and just the videos you guys made are phenomenal. >> we kind of -- i mean, i'm not a sinatra fan, i never was. but we kind of did it our way. to steal a phrase from him.

>> jimmy: yeah. >> and i'm really proud. i'm really proud that we own, not only the triumphs and the high points, but also the mistakes and the low points. the number of times that we fell on our face over a 31-year career. >> jimmy: was there a time you thought you fell on your face? >> oh, my -- i mean. >> jimmy: no. [ laughter ] i would never know that. i'm like -- that would feel that way. i just thought -- i know you're -- >> well it's peaks and valleys. >> over 31 years you're going to go through high points and low points. >> jimmy: yeah. >> the last couple of records and the last tour for us was really a high point and we kind of looked at each other and went, let's go out on a high point. let's do it now. >> jimmy: where did you come up with the title of this? >> okay, that's -- peter buck, the great peter buck. >> jimmy: yeah. >> was asked several years ago, "define r.e.m." and without a blink he said, "part lies, part heart, part truth, part garbage." >> jimmy: part garbage. >> and i'm amazed that -- i'm a very -- you know me well enough,

i'm a very cyclical, tangential thinker and i'm not terribly articulate with my thoughts. so what takes me a thousand words to say, peter is able to summarize in eight. >> jimmy: in eight words. he just did it like that. he'd be great on twitter, yeah. [ laughter ] >> yeah, he would. >> jimmy: is there any song or anything that didn't make it? because i know you can only put so many songs on here. i mean, every fan's got to come up, "why didn't you put 'tongue' on the collection? that was my favorite one. that meant the --" you know, and you're like, "i like that one but --" >> "tongue" was me -- "tongue" was me trumping prince at everything he'd ever done in one song -- or trying to. >> jimmy: is that what that was? >> trying. i don't have a great falsetto but the song, for me, was -- it was the first song on "collapse into now." a song called "discoverer." and it was me -- i mean, i knew -- you know, i knew going into the writing of "collapse into now," that it was going to be our last record and we gave it the biggest push that we could. we tried really hard to make it as great as we could. so, it opens with the song of me coming to new york for the first time as a 19-year-old.

and recognizing in the city that -- like the opportunity and the possibilities that new york offers everyone who comes here to figure out who they are. and so "discoverer" was the song that i would have put on -- but i got voted off. >> jimmy: that being said, what a collection this is. and you just take the ride, when you listen to it. i mean, you have every single gigantic uber-hit song you have on there but also the good gems that you're like, "man, i can't believe that wasn't a number one hit when that came out." when it came out. i always think of the song that you played on "letterman" when you made your debut. you were on "david letterman," which is across the hall from where we shoot this. >> oh, yeah. we didn't have a name -- that song didn't have a name yet. i still -- i mean -- the way i looked when i was 19 years old. coming to new york for the first time and a fan of all the, you know, patti smith and television, the ramones and blondie and talking head and these were my heroes. and it's like -- i'm going to walk the street and i'm going to see these people. and i didn't, of course. [ laughter ] but --

i wore my best outfit from athens, georgia, which i bought at the thrift store. i had these green, pointy shoes. that were like church shoes from 1974 kind of green and pointy. and then i had these -- [ light laughter ] >> kermit: i know, i know. that's a great place for me to butt in but i'm going to let him keep talking. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: green, pointy shoes. >> kermit: yeah, sorry. >> but i had skin -- kermit, i had skin-tight, wide wale corduroy, banana-colored pants. >> kermit: wow, wow. >> piggy: you should try those, kermit. >> kermit: thanks a lot. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: i mean, that was your best outfit? >> and eye makeup, of course. but that was it. >> jimmy: and eye makeup, as well. >> yeah, yeah, i did it as best i could. >> jimmy: is that right? and this is in 1980? was that in 1980? >> '79. >> jimmy: that was '79. was the glam thing still -- has happened? >> no, it was over. i mean -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: you're just like, i wanted it to happen. yeah, yeah. well, you guys, you've got to pick this up. it is unbelievable. we love you and thank you for

all the work that you've -- >> kermit: oh, yeah. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: created and will continue to do. you're the best, buddy. michael stipe. "part lies, part heart, part truth, part garbage" is in stores right now. we're all here -- hey, you guys want to play a game of "passwords"? >> martin: "passwords"? >> jimmy: please! >> kermit: yeah, yeah. >> sure. >> jimmy: all right, yes! all right, when we come back, we're going to play a game, you guys. stick around! [ cheers and applause ] ♪

♪ when life gets busy... there are days where you want to give your immune system some support. try airborne. each serving contains 14 vitamins, minerals and herbs including zinc, echinacea, ginger, and a blast of vitamin c. it's the easy, great-tasting way to help support your immune system. try airborne. in fast-acting effervescent formula, and new super-convenient chewable tablets!

♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back to "late night." to my right is international movie star, miss piggy. ♪ [ cheers and applause ]

>> jimmy: now, who are you playing with, miss piggy? >> piggy: i'll be playing with emmy and tony award-winning entertainer -- really? wow. >> martin: it was a slow year. [ light laughter ] >> piggy: martin short, from ontario, canada! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> martin: thank you so much. >> jimmy: and to my left is the most famous amphibian on the planet, kermit the frog! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> kermit: thank you, thank you, thank you. >> jimmy: kermit the frog, who is your partner tonight? >> kermit: well, i am proud to say my partner is grammy award-winning musician michael stipe from athens, georgia! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] yes, yes, yes. and we're all here to play "password"! [ cheers ] ♪ >> jimmy: okay, i'll be your host. the rules of the game are very simple. i'll give each of you a password and each of you are about give a one-word clue and that's one word only, miss piggy, to get your partner to guess the password. the scoring starts at six points and we'll take away a point each time the clue -- [ light laughter ] -- passes to the other team.

you'll have five seconds to guess each clue, okay? here we go. remember, no part or form of the password can be used. it the clue is illegal, as determined by our judges, you'll hear this. [ buzzer ] >> piggy: mm! >> kermit: ah! >> piggy: oh! >> kermit: ah! [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: and you'll forfeit the turn. >> martin: i hope that doesn't happen, jimmy. >> kermit: a little shock in the chair. >> jimmy: all right. yeah, yeah, yeah. i'm sorry. [ light laughter ] the team with the most points after six words wins. is there any questions? >> piggy: umm -- >> kermit: umm -- >> michael: no. >> martin: yeah, when do we start, jim? >> jimmy: who is that character? >> i don't know -- but he's not a high iq'd guy. >> jimmy: oh, my god. >> piggy: oh, brother. >> jimmy: all right, here we go. >> piggy: can i play with somebody else, please? >> jimmy: no, no, no. [ light laughter ] [ talking over each other ] >> jimmy: you can do this. ready? here we go. first clue goes -- goes to kermit and miss piggy. here we go. don't look. [ whispers ] >> announcer: the password is -- >> kermit: oh, wow. >> piggy: okay, okay, okay. >> kermit: okay, let me think, here. who goes first? ladies first, ladies first. >> jimmy: yeah, miss piggy,

after you, please. >> piggy: okay, this'll be easy. [ clears throat ] dummy. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: that's the clue, martin. that is the clue. >> martin: oh, i thought she was just commenting on my career. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that is the clue. >> um -- uh -- dummy would be -- mannequin. [ ding ] [ cheers and applause ] >> kermit: unbelievable. oh, my goodness. oh, my goodness. >> martin: i pity your team! >> jimmy: oh, my goodness. that is unbelievable. [ talking over each other ] oh, my gosh, you got mannequin right off the bat. >> martin: i'm so glad you showed me the clues earlier. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: that is not true. that is not true. all right, now here we go. now martin and michael, you guys give the clues. clue number two. here you go. [ whispers ] here we go. >> announcer: the password is -- >> kermit: stop looking, stop looking. piggy, piggy, stop that. >> jimmy: miss piggy, you can't look at it. [ laughter ] you can't look at it. okay, now, martin -- martin and

miss piggy will go first. >> michael: all right, good luck. >> martin: if i only had a mirror. all right. eggs. >> piggy: benedict. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: very good, very good. >> piggy: was that it? was that it? >> martin: no, you're wrong. >> jimmy: here we go. >> kermit: okay, i'm not going to blink. >> michael: okay. [ laughter ] rasher. >> kermit: can i ask you to say that again? [ light laughter ] >> michael: rasher. >> kermit: rasser? >> michael: ra-sher. >> kermit: right. is that word? [ laughter ] i think i need a dumber partner. he's very smart. [ laughter and applause ] okay, eggs, rasher. egg? egg? i have no idea. >> jimmy: martin, now we're down

to four points. technically you've heard, "egg," you've heard -- >> martin: now, piggy, focus. ready? crisp. >> piggy: oh, no. no, it's not -- >> marin: it is -- >> piggy: bacon?! [ ding ] [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i'm so sorry. i don't know -- i will talk to the producers. i had no idea. >> kermit: i'm not allowed to say that word. >> jimmy: i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i will talk to the producers. >> kermit: i'm not allowed to say that word. >> piggy: sometimes winning's not fun. >> jimmy: all right. >> michael: we still have another chance, we still have another chance. >> jimmy: here we go, yes. here we go. here's the clue, right here. i will give it to miss piggy first and then i'll show kermit. >> kermit: don't do her any favors. [ whispers ] >> announcer: the password is -- >> kermit: okay, okay, okay. >> jimmy: good luck. >> kermit: we're going to get this. >> jimmy: kermit, you go first this time. >> kermit: okay, all right.

namaste. [ laughter ] namaste. >> michael: yoga. >> kermit: yeah! [ ding ] [ cheers and applause ] oh, wonderful, wonderful. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that was pretty good. that was pretty awesome. that's six points right there. >> martin: all right, here we go. >> jimmy: martin short, michael stipe, you have this next clue. good luck and -- [ whispers ] >> announcer: the password is -- >> jimmy: michael stipe, you will go first this time. >> kermit: okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. >> michael: thanksgiving. [ laughter ] >> kermit: ah, ah -- balloon. you see, i'm a macy's day balloon and when i see a big

thing on thanksgiving, i -- never mind. >> jimmy: i understand, i understand. >> kermit: okay, thanksgiving, thanksgiving. >> martin: look at the eyes. >> jimmy: hey, hey, martin, martin, martin -- [ laughter ] stop it. [ talking over each other ] all right, ready? >> piggy: it happens to everyone, martin. don't worry. >> martin: halloween. [ light laughter ] >> piggy: holiday? >> kermit: okay, okay, okay. >> jimmy: halloween. >> kermit: thanksgiving. okay. >> michael: squash. >> kermit: uh -- ornaments? no, no, that would be different. no, no. [ talking over each other ] >> piggy: i think i know it, i think i know it. >> jimmy: might be for the win too, if you get this. >> piggy: okay. >> martin: ignore "squash." ready? >> jimmy: martin!