tv The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon NBC June 16, 2017 11:34pm-12:36am EDT
[ cheers ] i know, i'm laughing at it too. i'm laughing at it. [ laughter ] >> steve: want some chocolate milk? >> jimmy: i'm your host -- who's been drinking chocolate milk? [ light laughter ] i'm your host jimmy fallon. hey, you guys, this sunday is father's day, you guys. [ cheers and applause ] and if you're just finding that out now, no the card won't get there in time. so don't worry anymore. [ laughter ] let's get to some news here, though. i saw that the trump organization is opening up a a patriotic hotel chain called "american idea." it's just like a regular hotel, but when you call the front desk to complain about something, the concierge says, "fake." fake. [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: wow. >> jimmy: fake news. it seems like everyday there's another crazy story coming out of the white house. i read that last month the "washington post" had over a a billion page views -- a a billion. >> steve: wow. >> jimmy: in a month! yeah. and that was just trump refreshing the page to see if they had written anything nice about him. [ laughter and applause ] "no, no, no, no.
fake." this was going viral yesterday. trump visited the supreme court and took a photo with all the justices. take a look at this. yeah, can we -- look at ruth bader ginsburg, can we zoom in on her? [ laughter and applause ] that is -- that is the face everyone makes when they see their tinder date in person. [ laughter and applause ] got a mustache. guys, i saw that this week marks the tenth anniversary of "the sopranos" finale. and the show's creator said he would be open to making a a prequel. [ audience oohs ] a lot of people are wondering what the characters would be like when they're younger. so, we actually released a a clip. but, take a look at this. ♪ >> and i'll promise you something else, on my old maid's grave. i get proof it was him, he's a a [ bleep ] corpse. >> jimmy: yeah, very, very dramatic. [ cheers and applause ] very, very dramatic. guys, i heard that the broadway play "six degrees of separation" is closing this weekend. [ audience aws ] yeah.
know someone, who knows someone, who knows someone, who did. [ applause ] either way, unfortunate news. i don't know what to make of this. i read about a new procedure where people swallow balloons to lose weight. yeah, sounds crazy, right. >> not really. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what's that? >> i mean, if you have to lose weight, you have to do what you gotta do. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: guys, check this out. i saw that boeing is looking to test technology for self-flying planes. [ audience oohs ] as soon as they heard that, pilots were like -- [ slurring ] "what makes this technology better than me? i'll fly -- i'll fly a plane." [ laughter and applause ] "you're the one -- you're the one who's flying a a plane." [ light laughter ] guys, as i mentioned earlier, father's day is on sunday. it is the day we celebrate everything we love about our dads. so, with that in mind, we sent our writer, jo firestone, down to the 30 rock plaza to talk to some dads and their kids. it's a segment called "tonight show dad talk." take a look at this. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
>> hey, jimmy. i'm down here at rockefeller plaza, and i'm gonna talk to some dads and their kids about father's day. how would you describe your kids? >> i would describe them as very kind and very well behaved. >> and how would you describe your dad? >> very kind and very well behaved. >> if your dad was a food what would he be, and why? >> he'd be a hendricks martini, slightly dirty, with blue cheese olives, up. [ light laughter ] >> do you think your dad has like a catch phrase? >> girls, be quiet! [ light laughter ] >> what's your dad's favorite thing in the whole world? >> mint. >> mint? mint, the flavor mint? >> yes. >> is his favorite thing? more than you guys? >> yep. >> yep. he loves mint more than all of us. >> he loves mint more than all of you. how would your dad dance, do you think, if he -- if he had to? >> moonwalk. >> you can moonwalk? come on. we gotta see it. we gotta see it. okay. there we go.
[ cheers and applause ] happy father's day everybody. i wish my dad was here. ♪ happy father's day, dad! >> thank you, jo. call me sometime! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: there you go. happy father's day to jo's dad, my dad, all the dads out there watching. keep up the good work. we have a great show tonight. give it up for the roots! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: it's off the rails! >> jimmy: yeah! guys, come back again next week. on monday, will ferell will be here. oh, we love will ferell. >> steve: oh! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: love to catch up with that guy. but first, we have a fun show ahead. joining us tonight, she stars alongside nicole kidman and colin farrell in the new film called "be
>> steve: yo! i love kirsten dunst. plus this guy's hilarious. from the animated movie, "cars 3", larry the cable guy is dropping by. [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: he was good. >> jimmy: mater? and we have great stand-up from nikki glaser! oh, yes! [ cheers and applause ] hey, guys i don't know about you, but i love podcasts. do you guys like podcasts? >> steve: love. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: they're a great way to pass the time, whether your on your way to work, or at the gym -- wherever. but the other day, i was scrolling through itunes, and i noticed that there's a lot of obscure podcasts that i've never even heard of. yeah, so i thought that maybe we could check out a few of them tonight. it's time for "tonight show podcasts." here we go. ♪ tonight show podcasts yeah ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: wow. >> jimmy: what's that? >> steve: you can't hear, 'cause you have headphones on. >> jimmy: i can't -- that's
headphones. [ light laughter ] >> steve: wow. >> jimmy: yep, there we go. >> steve: there you go, he plugged it in. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: they were both plugged in. oh, it's too loud. >> steve: oh, too loud. >> jimmy: our first -- our first podcast is called, "animal sounds with ricky gervais." [ light laughter ] now, this is a podcast where ricky gervais teaches common animal sounds to children. [ light laughter ] but he has a hard time keeping it together. so, let's -- let's give it a a listen. >> the cow goes "moo." [ laughter ] the dog goes -- ha-ha-ha! the dog goes -- ha ha-ha! the dog goes "woof," i can't believe it! [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: and there you go, it's fanta -- it's fantastic. >> steve: wow, how long is it? >> jimmy: it's -- it's 40 hours. >> steve: 40 hours? >> jimmy: 40 hours long. >> steve: wow, that's a long podcast. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: our next podcast is -- this is very popular. >> steve: it's very. >> jimmy: it's called librarian -- librarian fights. >> steve: oh. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: and it's a podcast where a pair of librarians get in a fight at the library. let's take a listen to them. [ whispering ] >> do you think you know more about books than me? >> i know i know more about books than you.
>> if i had to file you, i'd file you under "t" for "trash." >> i wouldn't even put you in the library, 'cause no one has ever checked you out. [ audience oohs ] >> your mouth is checking out a a book your body can't pay the late fees for. >> meet me by the card catalog, bitch. >> it's on. [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: that's fantastic. librarian fight. >> steve: wow. >> jimmy: this next podcast is from -- >> steve: there you go. >> jimmy: there you go. this next podcast is called "two guys from boston try to name the seven wonders of the world." [ laughter ] >> steve: two guys from boston try to name the -- >> jimmy: pretty self-explanatory yeah. >> steve: all right. >> jimmy: let's see if they can do it. >> steve: all right. >> the coliseum. >> the taj mahal. >> the great wall. >> you mean the green monster? >> no, i meant the other one. >> but you gotta admit, the monster's a wicked great wall too. >> hey, why come isn't fenway one of the wonders? >> yeah, make fenway a wonder. >> make it wonder. >> a wonder! >> make fenway a wonder! >> make fenway a wonder! >> jimmy: yeah! [ cheers and applause ]
this last -- this last podcast is called "the ray romano says candy podcast." [ light laughter ] it is a podcast where actor-comedian ray romano says the word "candy." [ light laughter ] let's check it out. >> candy. >> jimmy: there you go. [ laughter and applause ] fantastic. that's all we have for "tonight show podcasts." we'll be right back with "thank you notes" everybody! come on back! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ liberty mutual stood with me when this guy got a flat tire in the middle of the night. hold on dad... liberty did what? yeah, liberty mutual 24-hour roadside assistance helped him to fix his flat so he could get home safely. my dad says our insurance doesn't have that. don't worry - i know what a lug wrench is, dad. is this a lug wrench? maybe? you can leave worry behind when liberty stands with you™.
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these diseases can be managed or prevented when caught early on. because with better research, the right medicine, and with doctors who help keep me healthy to begin with, we will thrive. ♪ ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hey, welcome back, everybody. welcome back! hey, if you are looking for something cool, cool for your father, for father's day. why not get him, "dada" by jimmy fallon? [ cheers and applause ] see, it's great book. it is a great book. i don't want to spoil it. you haven't read the whole thing, though, right? >> steve: no. >> jimmy: it's like dada, moo. [ laughter ] it's your baby's first word will be dada. and you're trying to -- yeah. because this is a weird little competition. >> steve: you just try to get the upper hand. >> jimmy: well, yeah, when you have a baby. i mean, i'd love it, if the baby's said, you know, anything
great. >> jimmy: yeah, but dada most important. yeah. [ light laughter ] and now this one, if you get it mine has more, more drake. >> steve: wow! [ laughter and applause ] >> jimmy: more drake. 100% more drake. $89.95. >> steve: really? [ laughter ] >> steve: in stores now? >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. guys today is friday and that's usually when i catch up. with some personal stuff. you know, check my inbox. i return some e-mails and of course i send out thank you notes. now i was running a bit -- [ cheers and applause ] running a bit behind. so i thought if you guys wouldn't mind. i'd just like to write out my weekly thank you notes right now. its that cool with you guys? you guys are the best. [ cheers and applause ] hey there, james, how you doing? happy father's day to you. [ light laughter ] got any big plans this weekend for the kid? yeah. [ light laughter ] james, can i get some thank you note writing music, please? ♪ >> there you go, he got it. >> jimmy: yeah, he's holding it back. >> yeah, mr. cutie, that's what they call him. [ light laughter ] candy. candy.
[ light laughter ] >> candy. >> candy. >> candy. candy. [ light laughter ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, donald trump celebrating his birthday this week. which is appropriate since he always looks like he is blowing out a candle. [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: wall. >> jimmy: make a wall. wish. sorry, not sorry. ♪ thank you, jeff sessions' testimony about the russia investigation. if i had a joke, i do not recall what it was and i am not able to comment about it at this time. [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: i don't recall. i don't. >> jimmy: i don't recall. >> steve: i might have. >> jimmy: i might have had a a weekend with russian people, i don't remember. [ light laughter ] >> steve: i don't recall. >> jimmy: you don't remember that? i don't recall. i meet a lot of people.
♪ thank you, holding a seashell to your ear, for making me look like the ocean's dj. [ laughter and applause ] ♪ [ seagull sounds ] >> seagull. ♪ >> jimmy: thank you trying to kill a mosquito with your hands. for making me look like a dad trying to clap along to the beat. [ laughter and applause ] ♪ ♪ [ light laughter ] ooh.
♪ thank you, mummies for liking like tim gunn handed you a a 12-pack of charmin and told make it work. [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: fabulous. >> jimmy: make it work, jimmy. ♪ thank you, accidentally touching your friend's hand as you walk together. [ light laughter ] for making both of you suddenly think, what are we? [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: what is going on here? ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, adults who still call their dad, "daddy.' for managing to instantly creep everyone in the room out. it's like, oh, yeah. [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: daddy! >> steve: i don't recall. >> jimmy: i don't remember at all anything. >> steve: i could have called the russian "daddy," i don't recall. [ laughter ]
i believe in me too. ♪ i am the unicorn of your confidence ♪ hey, l'eggo my eggo.hat needs? uh uh. not c-c-c - cause i have the and i - i. that's a lot. raisins. really? what just happened here? you know the rules. i make the rules. know the rules. keep your eggo. l'eggo my eggo. i'm doing this for you, dad. thanks son. we, the device loving people want more than just unlimited data. we want unlimited entertainment. so we can stream unlimited action. watch unlimited robots.
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♪ [ cheers and applause ] jimmy: we are joined right now by an emmy and golden globe award nominated actress, who stars alongside colin farrell and nicole kidman in sofia coppola's highly anticipated new drama, "the beguiled" which is in theaters next friday, june 23rd. please welcome back to the show, kirsten dunst. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
>> jimmy: kirsten. >> hi. >> jimmy: you look gorgeous. welcome back to the show. good to see you. >> thank you. thanks for having me back, guys. >> jimmy: oh please, come on, well you're the greatest. i want -- i want to say congratulations on the emmy, and the golden globe nominations, you got all the nominations -- you got for, for "fargo." >> thank you. >> jimmy: you are fantastic in that. [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you. such a good show. thank you. >> jimmy: great show, but even -- even cooler than getting nominated for all the awards. something else even cooler happened. >> yes, it did. >> jimmy: yeah. >> yes, i got engaged, yeah. >> jimmy: you got engaged. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ tell me about him. >> i've got to keep things private a little bit, but yes, yeah i got engaged -- we got together a year afterwards. we became really good friends first. >> jimmy: alright so, jesse plemons. >> because i hear that's how you were with your wife, too. >> jimmy: yeah. >> that you became really good friend first -- >> jimmy: yeah. >> working together, and then got together after. >> jimmy: i think it's the best. >> yeah, cause you're like, i really love this person. >> jimmy: i like that person. i like hanging out with that person. >> yeah, i love hanging out with them. >> jimmy: jesse plemons, who's -- was on fargo with you, but he's a great actor. i just -- the movie with molly -- >> yeae'
so good. watch "other people." yeah. >> jimmy: yeah, he's great. no, he's banned from the show. no i'm just -- no, i love him. i'm a big fan but, you work on the show, and you're a couple in the show. >> yes. >> jimmy: and then, you just hit it off. >> yeah, we did. yeah. >> jimmy: so wait. what happened? tell me? >> well, we got engaged. >> jimmy: i know! i want to hear the -- >> i've got to keep some things private. you're making me nervous. >> jimmy: i want -- i want some juicy deets. i want some juicy deets. he proposed to you, right? >> yes, he did. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: really getting it all out now, yeah. how did he do it? can you tell me? was he nervous? did he cry? >> no, he didn't cry. >> jimmy: did you cry? look how red you're getting. >> i'm just seeing, his mom watches the show, my mom watches the show, like our friends. him being like, "don't say too much, babe." >> jimmy: i know. we won't -- i won't -- don't worry. don't worry. i've won't let you say too much. >> no, yeah, no, i was a little sick. >> jimmy: no, yeah, no. >> i was a little sick when he did it, which was funny so, but that's good. sickness and in health, you know? so that works. >> jimmy: exactly, yeah. he had you -- did he have you trapped -- were you like in bed? [ light laughter ] >> no, no, i wasn't that sick. >> jimmy: you n'
>> but it was like -- he was wait -- well i wasn't -- >> jimmy: did you know it was coming? >> no, well, i could tell my dad's face at christmas. he's a bad liar. >> jimmy: he is? >> yeah, like did you talk to jesse? he was like no, what are you talking about? >> jimmy: let's have a merry christmas. >> yeah. >> jimmy: my little girl's growing up. >> he got angry at me. no, he was angry. i was like, don't be mad at me. >> jimmy: oh -- i guess, yeah, whatever, yeah, i talked to him, i guess so, who cares? >> yeah, exactly. >> jimmy: whatever, merry christmas. >> yeah. that was the best. >> jimmy: but can you -- i mean, imagine a couple years back -- first of all i didn't even think that -- i mean did you even think about doing television? >> i mean i did. it was so good. yeah, when fargo -- when i was approached about fargo. i watched the first season, and it was amazing. >> jimmy: but you do giant movies. >> and then the writing was so good -- but people watch television now more so, i think people see your work more on television now. television is such good quality. you know what i mean? >> jimmy: it really is. yeah. >> you do a little indy it's like some people see it, but it's not the same. i think you reach a wider audience, and a lot, you know, better roles than a lot of films. >> jimmy: as youe
should i go with television? no, even bigger. you met the guy that you were going to marry? >> i know. seriously. okay. [ talking over each other ] >> jimmy: isn't that amazing. i think that's -- >> no, that is amazing, i'll name my kid fargo: season two. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: fargo season two. i love that that's the middle name as well. how do you watch stuff? do you watch tv? do watch it on -- >> i'll do netflix. i'll go to the theater. you know which theater i love actually. you know the alamo draft house? i go to one in texas. >> jimmy: what is alamo draft house? you can eat, and you get fried pickles, and you order a a cocktail. >> jimmy: do you guys know what that is? [ cheers and applause ] >> right? >> jimmy: you can get fried pickles and -- >> they're opening one in brooklyn. they're opening one in l.a. now it's you know, becoming a a bigger thing, but yeah -- you just like eat -- i'll go see bad movies just so i can sit there in the dark and eat like, where's my ranch? i always end up with ranch like all over myself. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: where is my ranch? where's my ranch? >> where's my ranch? >> jimmy: where's my ranch? i like, where's my ranch.
draft house. i want to talk about your film, first of all. >> okay, okay. >> jimmy: "the beguiled." it's sophia copola, who we love, and you worked with her now, three, four times?. >> yes, three times, i did a a cameo in one movie, but yeah, three times. >> jimmy: i think you guys work well together. >> well yeah, it's like old school. you know, you don't see that happen much these days, that people continue working together over, you know, their life. >> jimmy: yeah. >> but, yeah, i'm so lucky. i love working with her. >> jimmy: and she won -- >> best director at cannes, yeah. >> jimmy: cannes film festival. >> it was so funny. yeah, i was in italy, and she called me and she was like, you know, can you go accept the award for us. you don't know what you are getting when you go to cannes film festival, and she was -- she called me, and i was like, where are you? she's like i'm on coney island with my kids. so, that's where the best director at cannes was. >> jimmy: that's the mom. >> that's so sophia. >> jimmy: that what you've got to do. that's awesome. that's part of the thing. >> yeah, yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: well, what is "the beguiled" about now? >> it was actually a book, and a previous movie that clint eastwood starred in. and sophia saw it, and thought this would be a good remake to tell it from the women's perspective, instead of the
and, it's during the civil war, and this enemy soldier comes in and kind of turns the whole house upside down. >> jimmy: and colin farrell, who is just fantastic. >> yes, and he's like the only person naked in this. he's the objectified male. he was a really good sport about that. >> jimmy: it really was the opposite -- well yeah, good for you. >> yeah, we did total opposite, yeah, yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: yeah, why not man? it's a great cast too. >> nicole kidman. >> jimmy: nicole kidman. >> elle fanning. >> jimmy: elle fanning oh, we love her. >> i love her. she is so fun. >> jimmy: she is great. >> we had so much fun together. we became like sisters. yeah. >> jimmy: she's a pal. i want to show a clip. here's kirsten dunst and collin farrell in "the beguiled," in theaters next friday. check it out. >> in all my travels i have never come across such a a delicate beauty as yours. tell me something, will you, ms. morrow? it's okay. if you could have anything, what's your biggest wish? if you could have anything in the word, what would it be?
>> anything? >> yes. anything? >> to be taken far away from here. >> jimmy: that's what i'm talking about. [ cheers and applause ] kirsten dunst, "the beguiled" hits theaters next friday. larry the cable guy joins us after the break. stick around, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ business can be done from anywhere. in the palm of your hand, and at the source. however you move your business forward with business platinum, it's not about where you are, it's about where you want to take your business next. and nothing helps you like the resources and know-how of the business platinum card.
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: come on. >> thank you. >> jimmy: mater look at the shirt. i love it, man. >> thank you so much. mr. foxworthy, nice to meet you. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, that's yeah. tell jeff i'm trying something. yeah. >> that's freaking me out. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: is it weird? >> it's like you got dead bodies somewhere. you know what i mean? [ laughter ] i mean that's crazy. >> jimmy: just like hidden somewhere? yeah. what are you do -- >> i'll tell ya, i think i got to lose some pounds, jimmy. i went for a carriage ride today and the horse pulled a a hamstring. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's not good. are you getting ready for -- for the summer? are you gearing up for anything -- anything fun, any vacations? >> well, the summertime is my favorite time of year. >> jimmy: it is, right. >> and i'm taking my kids to the wisconsin dells waterpark. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i never been to the -- to a water -- >> you never been to -- never been to a waterpark? >> jimmy: no. >> y'all been to a waterpark? [ cheers ] >> jimmy: got to go. or
jimmy, that's never been to a a waterpark. picture everybody at wal-mart with bathing suits on. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: all right. >> waterpark. yeah, the waterpark. that's where i found out a a weiner twister wasn't a snack stand, at the waterpark. [ laughter ] they had one ride, i'm not kidding -- they go fast these waterparks. they had one ride, 70 miles an hour. you go up -- straight down. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah. >> i get halfway down, somebody's under britches and swim trunks went flying by my head. [ laughter ] i'm like, what the hell? i stood up. they were mine! [ laughter ] the good news was, though, i had the park all to myself for an hour and a half after that happened. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, good for you. lucky you. lucky you. yeah. >> but it's fun at the park. i almost got beat up at the waterpark. >> jimmy: oh, no. >> you believe that? >> jimmy: this is terrible. >> a family waterpark. somebody started -- >> jimmy: and you almost got beat up? >> well, i'm in line to get on this water ride. there is a dude latching on this big old inner tube. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and i'm like, "hey, hey, where did you get that big old inner tube?" [ light laug ]
he is like, "what?" i said, "that inner tube you got where did you get that?" he said, "that's my wife, you son of a bitch." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that will get you in trouble. yeah. that'll get you in trouble. i'm cool, man. >> my bad. my bad. my bad. >> jimmy: but where else can you go? then where do you take your kids? >> well, you know we got a big trip, planning on taking them to the zoo. going to go to a zoo. >> jimmy: love the zoo. >> ever been to a zoo? >> jimmy: i love the zoo. yes. >> you ever been to a zoo? [ cheers and applause ] if you've never been to the zoo before, just picture everybody at wal-mart with bathing suits on, all right. [ laughter ] let me tell you. i love the zoos, mr. foxworthy. i love the zoos. [ laughter ] i tell you. but i like a good zoo. you ever pay all this money to go the zoo? it's the worst zoo you've ever been to. >> jimmy: like a bad crappy zoo. >> yeah, just like regular animals. you know? [ light laughter ] it's -- you know you got a a parakeet over there, get a a kitty cat. you know? [ laughter ] you got a crippled llama in the corner. [ laughter ]
>> rhinoceros is just some fat kid with a chocolate covered banana strapped to his forehead. you know? [ laughter ] which, by the way, is the worst job i ever had in my entire life. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: well, look how you -- >> gotta say that. >> jimmy: look how you turned out. i mean you turned out fantastic. >> weirdest thing i have ever seen at a zoo before, was a a bunch of nuns and penguins staring at each other. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, my goodness. oh, god, i love having you on, man. i want you on every week. >> you know they got horses at zoos, have you ever, you ever -- you know they eat horses in some countries. >> jimmy: sure, absolutely, i do know that. >> you ever eaten a horse? >> jimmy: i've never eaten a a horse. >> i had a horse once. >> jimmy: you did? i didn't know i was eating it. and two days later, i got the trots. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: there you go everybody. >> the trots! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ thank you so much. thank you so much. >> jimmy: you know what i really want to? >> thank you. >> jimmy: i want to go, i want to golf with you. because i see you on these celebrto
and you are so -- you're great, but you're also having a good time. >> jimmy, how much do you love golf? >> jimmy: i love golf >> i used to hate it. and now i flat out love it. and i got to tell you, i was at -- people help you, too. i do the tahoe event. the american century tahoe event. >> jimmy: i saw you on that. it was on our network, nbc. >> the pebble beach one. i do a lot of charity events. >> jimmy: are going to tahoe this year? >> yes, i am. >> jimmy: in july? >> last time i was there i was having trouble with my distances. and i met hank haney. >> jimmy: the one and only. >> and he worked with me for 15 minutes. that's about it. and i'm not lying to you. i went back out on the course. i was throwing my clubs 20 yards further. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, no, no, no. >> it was amazing. >> jimmy: how is your -- are you good? are you a good golfer? >> let's put it this way. this is the good news about my golfing. if north korea launches a a nuclear weapon, chances are i'll already be in a bunker. [ laughter ] all right. so -- i don't have to worry about it. but i like the charity events. you know i want to one, i was just at one in des moines. a senior open charity event. and, i get that -- and those are cool because you raise a
help people. and i got there. and calloway cut me a check for 10 grand to not play their clubs. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: they don't want you going near them. >> you know you're a bad golfer when you make the golf channel and court tv in the same week. [ laughter ] you know what i mean? but i do, i love golf. it is one of the sports where -- when you get older, you know, and, you can't really do a regular sport anymore. you can't really play baseball. you can't bend down like you used to. you can't throw like you used to. >> jimmy: yeah. >> but golf is the one sport where you can still make a shot that a pro makes. you know what i mean? >> jimmy: absolutely. >> because you can get a nice shot. and the whole thing. plus, i love it for the exercise. you get out. you walk courses. i mean, look at me. i mean it's -- i've been -- [ laughter ] you can tell. >> jimmy: i can tell. >> i can tell i've been out there. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what, what do you shoot? what is your score? >> well, i am between a 86 and 91. my best score, i'll tell you what. i'm getting better as i go.
i played bay hill, and i shot and the last time i played bay hill, i shot a 71. >> jimmy: whoa! i mean -- >> that's right. >> jimmy: so you are getting better? >> well, i didn't play the last ten holes but -- >> jimmy: no -- [ laughter ] that's the way to shave the numbers off your score. >> it was pretty bad. >> jimmy: yeah, it was pretty bad. >> my caddie was throwing clubs. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: hey, happy father's day. happy father's day. because you have two kids? >> i like to do that after a a bad joke. >> jimmy: no, i love that caddie story. i going to take that one. you have two kids, as well. i have two kids. >> i do. i have two kids. >> jimmy: how old are they? >> my little girl's nine, going on ten. my little boy is ten going on ritalin. [ laughter ] and uh -- it is unbelievable. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. come on. that is un -- >> it's unbelievable. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: love this guy! i absolutely love it. i love it. >> i tell you the thing about kids. it's unbelievable how the lord can create something so beautiful. you just look at it, you want to cry and it changes your
life. you know? and then the next minute you just want to pull your hair out and punch a tree. >> jimmy: yeah. [ laughter ] >> and they get you so dadgum frustrated. and i remember one time the pope came out. i was mad at my kids. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and the pope came out and he said that married couples should start having more children. and i'm thinking, well, that's easy for him to say. the pope ain't got no kids. >> jimmy: yeah. [ laughter ] >> you know? how about this, jimmy? how 'bout i drop my kids off at the vatican for a couple hours -- [ laughter ] and you know, see if you can get grape jelly out of pope hat. how's that sound? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: grape jelly is in everything. that's great. [ applause ] oh, god. congrats. >> thank you. thank you. remain seated. thank you. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: congrats on -- [ light laughter ] >> don't rush the stage. >> jimmy: remain seated. [ laughter ] are you on tour with jeff foxworthy right now or no? >> i am. i'm actually with him at the desk right now. i tell you what -- that is -- [ laughter ] that is tripping me out, jimmy. tripping me out. >> jimmy: freaking you out a a little bit. yeah. >> jeff and i are doing a thing called the "backyard barbecue"
we've been touring together for a long time. and jeff and i tour together. we got our own sirius show together. >> jimmy: he's a funny -- >> "jeff and larry's comedy roundup." and so we wanted to do just something different for the families that they can come out. so we are going to take a a couple of classic bands out with us. it's going to be me and jeff, marshall tucker band. >> jimmy: i love marshall tucker band! >> and foghat. >> jimmy: ah! >> and then i think for a a couple days, eddie money's going to hop in there with us, too so -- >> jimmy: are you kidding me? come on. >> how awesome is that? >> jimmy: that's a party, man. [ cheers and applause ] >> yeah, i mean that's going to be fantastic. >> jimmy: let's talk about "cars 3." i know that's the reason why you're here. this is a -- i mean the first two made almost like a billion dollars or something crazy. >> oh, my gosh. >> jimmy: it is un -- or $500 million or something. it's nuts. it's the biggest movie in the world. [ light laughter ] >> it's like, the coolest movie ever. i love doing the part of mater. >> jimmy: but you have the best part. everyone loves your character. everyone loves mater. >> yeah, mater's fantastic. the only bad part about mater is i try to get into character. and so i put on 2-300 pounds every time we film one of these things. [ laughter ] i'm actually down 210.
the -- >> jimmy: you look great, by the way. >> that's how good i am. i'm the only guy that puts on weight to do voiceovers. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: method! method actor. [ cheers and applause ] >> that's right. >> jimmy: the academy award goes to larry the cable guy. please. honestly you are fantastic in these movies. do the kids freak out? because it is your voice. as no one can do the voice. >> they think it's really cool that dad's mater in the pixar movies. i mean it was a dream come true when i got it. i never thought it would ever turn into three movies, but it did. and, and -- this "cars 3" as far as the movie goes, it's my favorite movie. my favorite movie -- my inside my favorite movie is the first one. because that was the whole experience of pixar and meeting john lasseter. who's probably one of the sweetest men i have ever met in my entire life. i love him so much. but this third movie really wraps that first movie good. and i think people will really be pleased with it. >> jimmy: i am psyched. i can't wait to see it. i'm going to bring the kids. i want to showli
the tow truck, mater, in "cars 3." ♪ ♪ first you find a can from a rusty van bum-bum ♪ ♪ quicker than a dart make it into part bum-bum ♪ ♪ that's the way it done it's a lot of fun bum-bum ♪ ♪ lift 'em outta funk makin' sculptures outta junk ♪ [ beeping ] >> what's that? there we go. somebody's interrupting genius. well, hey there, buddy. >> mater! >> you know i was just thinking of you. and here you are looking right at me. you see me okay? one second there. hold on. let me see here. that better? >> looking you straight in the eye there, pal. >> jimmy: i mean, come on. [ cheers and applause ] i love you, man. larry the cable guy, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] "cars 3" is in theaters now. say hi to jeff foxworthy for me, please. >> will do. will do. >> jimmy: we'll be right back with stand-up with nikki glaser. stick around, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪
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sp everyone please welcome back to the show, the very funny, nikki glaser. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> thank you. thank you. guys. [ cheers and applause ] thank you. look at you all. you are too nice. you are too nice. oh, my god. thank you. thank you. i really appreciate that introduction because a lot of times when i get brought to stage, people say "comedienne" nikki glaser, which is not politically correct. we actually prefer flight attendant, so. [ light laughter ] yes, thank you. i had a female pilot the other day actually and as a woman i was just like, yeah, girl, get it. whoo-hoo. you know, but also -- [ cheers and applause ]
but also, like, are we going to be okay? [ light laughter ] but mostly like, yes! is there a guy in there with her? [ light laughter ] i was psyched. i love seeing that, but our male flight attendant, i'm sorry, our male stewardess, [ light laughter ] could not stop talking about it. we landed, i swear to god this happened. he is like, ladies and gentlemen, we just landed 20 minutes early. your female pilot found out there was a sale at the mall. [ light laughter ] i know. i could not believe it. i was the only one that was just like, what was that? like how dare you say that? you know, and then like, not tell us where the sale is, like where am i supposed to go? she's not the only broad on this plane. [ cheers and applause ] right? thanks, ladies. i was like, is it a bogo?
that's buy one, get one, in case you don't speak woman. [ laughter ] yeah, payless shoes. they're all about the bogo. they were built on the bogs and, it's like tom shoes where if you buy a pair, a pair goes to a poor person in africa, but with payless shoes if you buy a a pair, a pair goes to a poor person who is you. [ laughter ] so that is -- isn't that cool? so nice. [ cheers and applause ] i love that. so i don't have children, but i have two dogs, and i'm trying not to be one of those people that is like they're my babies, but they're breast-feeding. so, what do i do? [ laughter ] hmm. i love them so much. i post videos of them all the time on my instagram and then people freak out. they're like oh my god they're playing, but the big one is going to kill the little one. he bites her neck, but he's not really biting her neck. he does the same thing that models do on instagram. when they pretend at
you know, they'll be like, pizza, and they'll just kind of like, set their tooth on it. like, yeah, yeah, yummy, yummy. and you know they didn't eat it cause the caption is always something like, "refreshing,." and you're like, that's not a a pizza word. [ laughter and applause ] learn a pizza word. i love these dogs. i almost love them as much as my mentor jennifer aniston loves her dogs. yes. oh, oh, oh. uh, uh, uh. [ light laughter ] jimmy, you guys, uh. she's so sincere. oh. uh. [ laughter and applause ] uh, uh, uh. i'm very, very talented. uh -- no, but little known fact about aniston, her dog died, okay, and she got his name tattooed on her foot to
ever. my dogs pass, and so i'm putting them down next week. [ laughter ] flip-flop season is coming, am i right? like i gotta -- i -- you guy are sweet. i -- i recently quit my gym, and i'm super excited. it was a 24-hour gym. which sound good but is not. because you never have an excuse not to go. that's what i look for in a a gym. i want a gym that is like, playing a little hard to get. you know what i mean? [ light laughter ] like, i would actually start a a gym for people like me that, that, listen to it. so this gym is only open one hour a day. okay? and it is sometime in the middle of the night, but it changes. okay. the only way you will know it is open is we'll text you. you up? it's called "you up gym." okay? [ cheers and applause ] yes. yep.
2009. you're, you're not going to get a good workout. you kind of just show up and lay there. [ laughter and applause ] the equipment doesn't always work, you guys get it. [ light laughter ] i do. i hate working out. it's like, i mean, i do, i run. you know, if i'm chased. so that's something. you know? i have a friend who runs half marathons, and brags about it all the time, and i find it really hard to get excited, because she is like, oh i ran a a half marathon. i'm like i'm half proud of you. like turn around, and go back. you're not done. [ laughter and applause ] i'm like -- right? that's the only thing you can brag about doing something half of, right? it's, i'm like you got a 50% on a marathon, right. that's an f. like, you failed the marathon. i didn't run anything. got the same g
so i feel like -- my nipples aren't chafed, and i have all my toenails. i won. thank you guys, very much. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ nikki glaser! [ cheers and applause ] that's how you do it. her stand up special is available to stream july 4th on netflix. we will be right back, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪
♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: my thanks to kirsten dunst, larry the cable guy, nikki glaser, once again. [ cheers and applause ] july 4th on netflix. thank you, pal. no, i'm so happy. are you kidding me? come on. and, of course, give it up for the roots there, from philadelphia, pennsylvania. [ cheers and applause ] stay tuned for "late night with seth meyers." thank you for watching. have a great weekend. i hope to see you next week. bye-bye, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪
[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> announcer: from 30 rockefeller plaza in new york, it's "late night with seth meyers." tonight -- courtney love, from "beatriz at dinner," actor, john early, cooking with chef masa takayama, featuring the 8g band with jared champion. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. >> seth: good evening. i'm seth meyers. this is "late ight." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] fantastic to hear. and in that case, let's get to the news. the department of justice charged a federal contractor named reality leigh winner, yesterday, with leaking classified materials to the press about russia's meddling in the election. this is a confusing story, so