She climbed out of her grave last night. We had a hard time putting her back in. She does this once in awhile when she doesn't want to be in the same place for long, especially with a hunger that could not be ignored.
Her name was and still is Debbie Henderson, a true vegetarian at heart. She had tragically died in a car collision on I-95 up in Maine near Portland. She was only 20 years old and had started at the University of Southern Maine. She had wanted to become a Doctor, maybe a family Physician, but the truck she flew into carrying a few toxic chemicals said otherwise.
Debbie's remains were burnt badly like a piece of meat that's been on the grill so long. No reason for an autopsy or any type of medical investigation. Anybody going 80 miles per hour into a truck carrying toxic chemicals, well what's the point.
And all because she was late for a hair appointment at Jezebel Hair Salon. So much for that since the hair went first off her mangled body.
So she was stuffed, embalmed, and tossed in a coffin like a burnt Twinkie nobody wanted, but nicely dressed in a beautiful red dress. Her favorite color.
Soon after family and friends buried her in one of the main cemeteries of Portland, but a month into her settling in her coffin, Debbie, became restless.
She had dug through her hard oak coffin in a fit of rage and intense madness. She tore through the ground that had buried her six feet deep, then screamed insanely as she burst out of her grave, throwing dirt and grass all over her burial plot.
Once out of her final resting place, what a joke, she stood in the dirty red dress her family had supplied the funeral director with, and she just stood there overlooking the cemetery, then looking up at the bright full moon above her, shining moonlight down on her black burnt rotting body.
Debbie suddenly felt hungry, hungry for something other than the food she used to eat, something that called for her so far away from the graveyard that she was in.
And so Debbie walked and dragged her bad right leg with her through the grass and dirt of the cemetery towards the front entrance that would lead her out on to the main streets and to the sustenance she craved with the drool that dripped from her charred lips.
Out on the street she looked back and forth along the moving cars zooming back and forth in the dark with their headlights on. On the sidewalk she looked towards the right and saw a giant yellow sign standing in the sky that glowed in the pitch black darkness.
She growled with intense hunger as she moved towards the light, towards a very populated area, towards people that probably won't think she was no longer pretty and also might think she was some type of monster.
Once there she moved and dragged herself to the destination she had to be to get what she wanted. The hunger within her intensified as she came closer and closer.
She growled with hunger at the human before her, "I'll have 13 Big Macs and all the Chicken McNuggets you got."
Customers and Employees screamed and ran out of the McDonald's restaurant from all directions. And poor Debbie had to go cook her own food in the deserted kitchen cooking area, complaining already about the lousy customer service. Before she would leave she'd fill out a complaint form.
When found by Sheriff Harold T. Henderson he couldn't believe he was actually looking at a real life Zombie. And it being Debbie Henderson blew his mind, his own daughter, "Debbie?"
Debbie looked up at her own sloppy version of a happy meal and said, "Oh hi Daddy, I got hungry. I'm ready to go back to my coffin now."
Harold gulped with such bewilderment and dreadful sadness, "Um, okay sweetheart."
And so every weekend, mostly on a late Saturday night, the people of that small Maine town had to get used to a very hungry Zombie girl who hit all the fast-food joints and totally stayed away from the salad bar.
The moral of this story is… before you go to your grave make sure you have a full belly.