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Boodaism

Dave Booda

Dave Booda offers an unconventional and often controversial perspective on life, relationships and happiness. Each week he reads the essay that is also posted on his blog, boodaism.com.



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Boodaism
Apr 4, 2018 Dave Booda
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“Life is simple, but we insist on making it complicated.” ~ Confucious  When I think about the way I travel, I’m not surprised at how simple my set up is, I’m surprised as how complicated it is for everyone else. In many ways, minimalism has made me an outcast. There’s almost no material possession you […]
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Mar 8, 2018 Dave Booda
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Have you ever tried bailing out a boat you didn’t know was leaking? You see some water in the bottom of the boat, and you think “hey, I’ll get this water out”, so you grab a bucket and start bailing. Then you notice the water starts to fill up again. So you bail it out, […]
Boodaism
Feb 28, 2018 Dave Booda
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A true sign of intelligence isn’t how well you can explain your perspective, it’s how well you can articulate the perspective that opposes yours. I don’t care how well you can articulate your argument, show me how the other person is also partially right and I’ll listen. Show me that you’ve actually considered views from other […]
Boodaism
Feb 22, 2018 Dave Booda
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The other day I got to witness a “classic” conversation among women. It’s a conversation that’s been going on in different forms for hundreds of years. A few married women were counseling their single friend about how she could meet “the one”. They went through the usual topics, they asked her what she was looking for, […]
Boodaism
Feb 7, 2018 Dave Booda
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So often people come out of retreats, weekends or experiences and proudly declare “I’m transformed” — but I don’t believe them. It’s not that I don’t believe in transformation, I do — but we (especially spiritual people) love to mix up state change and life change. A state change is temporary, and while it may […]
Boodaism
Jan 31, 2018 Dave Booda
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No one likes throwing up. That feeling you have just before you vomit is one of life’s most unpleasant sensations, yet we all know how good it feels afterward. However awful the experience of purging was, we know that on some level it needed to happen. Welcome to the United States under President Donald J. […]
Boodaism
Jan 24, 2018 Dave Booda
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When it comes to understanding women — nothing beats primary source research. That’s why when I think about straight men who want to improve their love lives, I’d like to suggest something that may seem radical. I believe men would be better served if they hired a sex worker instead of a dating coach. I’m going […]
Boodaism
Jan 17, 2018 Dave Booda
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I’ve been a singer and musician for most of my life. My biggest influences have always been black singers, and as a white musician who never wanted to sound white, I’ve always struggled with feeling like a phony. This is a poem I imagine myself speaking to a primarily black audience, because as a performer […]
Boodaism
Jan 10, 2018 Dave Booda
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Here’s something that’s been blowing my mind lately. Video chatting. I know—seems like no big deal, but think back just twenty years ago—before cell phones were a thing and we had to share phone lines with our bratty siblings. If someone gave you a device that fit in the palm of your hand, and could video […]
Boodaism
Jan 4, 2018 Dave Booda
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As someone with relatively thick skin, I’d like to speak out about something that really bothers me — personal attacks on people we disagree with. I know it’s part of the deal, “haters gotta hate” and all, but wow — it’s incredible what we will say when protected by the anonymity of the internet. I […]
Boodaism
Dec 27, 2017 Dave Booda
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Consequences create motivation. At the end of my 45-day bicycle trip in September I settled into some new habits that I knew needed to happen, but I never had the motivation for them. For example — my finances have been a mess since I left the Navy in 2010. I’ve always known that doing a […]
Boodaism
Dec 20, 2017 Dave Booda
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Remember what it was like before we could comment on everything? Seriously, just think back twenty years ago. Someone would do something and if you had something to say you either had to say it in front of people (scary!) or not say it at all. How crazy was that?!? Today, we can leave comments […]
Boodaism
Dec 14, 2017 Dave Booda
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I don’t think I’m going out on a limb if I said that people who identify as spiritual tend to be more narcissistic. This isn’t a jab at spirituality, it makes sense and I’d like to explain why. Modern spirituality (in the way we use the term) has become popular because of a need to […]
Boodaism
Dec 6, 2017 Dave Booda
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I don’t understand how my parents live with the TV constantly on. Like many of my peers, I’ve grown accustomed to living without cable TV running in the background. It’s become so normal for me that when I find myself somewhere with a TV constantly on, it’s distracting and I have trouble focusing.  Maybe you […]
Boodaism
Nov 29, 2017 Dave Booda
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Without the internet, I would have never become a writer. That’s because growing up I thought I was terrible at writing. I got C’s for grades, and I found reading books and writing essays painstaking and tedious. Then along came the internet. Blogging, social media and away messages for AOL instant messenger became my canvas, […]
Boodaism
Nov 22, 2017 Dave Booda
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I’m sick of watching men “otherize” the perpetrators of sexual violence, as if they could never, ever be capable of something like that. In the last few weeks I’ve heard men say things like this. I’m so angry I could kill that guy right now. I can’t believe it, who would do such a thing? […]
Boodaism
Nov 15, 2017 Dave Booda
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Oh boy. I mean, listen — I wish I cared. In fact, just before I wrote this I was browsing YouTube and I stumbled on Sara Bareilles’ music video for “I Choose You” where she spontaneously shows up and sings for two couples getting engaged. It was super cute, and I even had some feels. I […]
Boodaism
Nov 8, 2017 Dave Booda
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*all commandments are subject to change 1. Don’t follow other people’s commandments. I know, right? What a weird f*****g way to start this off. 2. Question Everything Including the statement “question everything”, including me telling you to question the statement questioning the statement “question everything”. Are you confused yet? That’s the point. We need to […]
Boodaism
Nov 1, 2017 Dave Booda
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A few months ago I was part of a beautiful moment at the San Diego Superior Courthouse. Paula and I had gone to fill out paperwork, and in the waiting room we leaned on each other, shared stories and laughed together. I massaged her shoulders and she scratched my back. That all happened while we […]
Boodaism
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I meet people all the time that are disappointed. They’re disappointed when people aren’t honest, disappointed when people don’t keep their word, disappointed when people don’t respect each other, disappointed when it’s hard to find great romantic partners, disappointed when they receive bad customer service, blah blah blah… And hey — if that’s you — […]
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Oct 18, 2017 Dave Booda
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Many of you have read the article I Promise It’s Not ‘Lame’ To Ask A Woman for Permission, where I tell the story of how six years ago my insensitivity and ignorance left a woman feeling violated and hurt. What I haven’t told you is shortly after writing the article, I made the same mistake […]
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I really wanted to go to Iran this year. I love traveling — and being of Armenian heritage, I have a special place in my heart for middle eastern culture. That’s why next year I had been making plans to visit Iran (along with Armenia and Georgia) with my friend Amir, who is Persian and […]
Boodaism
Oct 4, 2017 Dave Booda
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Sometimes it’s time to move on from a romantic relationship, even when what you have is “good”. Maybe you’re in a relationship that’s happy. In fact, it may be happier than most of the other relationships you see. You’ve surpassed the standards set by your family, culture and your community on what a good relationship […]
Boodaism
Aug 3, 2017 Dave Booda
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In 2011 I took a trip that definitively changed my life — I rode a bicycle with 3 other friends from London to Greece (through Turkey). Before that I had considered myself a traveler but I really didn’t know what traveling was. I brought a tent, and I heard we were going to be “free camping”, […]
Boodaism
Jul 26, 2017 Dave Booda
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Some problems aren’t worth fixing. Sometimes the energy you give to something doesn’t equal the energy you receive, and it’s time to quit. Sometimes walking away is the solution, and sometimes the person initiating that has to be you. Some projects aren’t worth finishing. It takes courage to stop something that you’ve invested months, maybe […]
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I just got off the phone with an old friend of mine who I haven’t talked to in years. He called me to catch up, and share some appreciation for the way I show up online, which meant a lot to me, because he’s someone I really respect and love. Then he made a comment […]
Boodaism
Jul 12, 2017 Dave Booda
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I’ve always felt uncomfortable with gender expectations. The idea that I should be a certain way because I have a Y chromosome never sat well with me. Do I enjoy doing typical “male” things like fixing problems and opening stuck jars? Sure I do, but there’s a world of difference between being asked to do […]
Boodaism
Jul 5, 2017 Dave Booda
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Let’s start off with some radical honesty. I used to be a life coach — and many times I was “that” life coach. Some of you who have been following my blog for a while may even know that, and to you I sincerely apologize. I even had the phrase “you can have it all” […]
Boodaism
Jun 28, 2017 Dave Booda
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Today as I was spending time with an article I wrote called 4 Relationship Lessons From 4 Years of Marriage and I had a scary and exciting thought. I would totally do that again. That’s not to say I would fall in love with Paula (my ex-wife) again, but if the circumstances were right, I’d happily […]
Boodaism
Jun 21, 2017 Dave Booda
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Gerald is a retired CPS worker in his late 50s — and yesterday he was also my Lyft driver. Gerald spent 28 years investigating thousands of child abuse claims and now drives for Lyft to make some extra cash. I asked him what he learned working that job for so many years — hoping to […]
Boodaism
Jun 14, 2017 Dave Booda
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I never knew how luxurious my childhood home was until I met Paula. Paula was raised in a one-room apartment in Poland during communism, I was raised in a four-bedroom house in the suburbs of Massachusetts. Here’s a picture of it. I still remember the look on Paula’s face when we she saw it for […]
Boodaism
Jun 7, 2017 Dave Booda
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I’m sitting in the Amtrak lobby of Union Station in Los Angeles, about to board a 12-hour train to Oakland, California. There’s a man playing Billy Joel songs on the piano across the room, and I happily remove my headphones to enjoy his contribution. As I look to my left I see a young couple […]
Boodaism
May 24, 2017 Dave Booda
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I’ve been wanderin’ From coast to coast. I’ve been sleeping under the stars And tryin’ to make the most. Just a few possessions I carry on my back. I’m in love with the simple life There’s nothing that I lack. Still I do too much thinkin, From my point of view, I got too many […]
Boodaism
May 17, 2017 Dave Booda
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I used to think being in the military caused couples to break up. Between 2005 and 2010 I was a Navy Officer stationed on two different ships in San Diego and one of the things that initially shocked me about the Navy was how common divorce was. It seemed as though meeting a sailor who hadn’t been divorced […]
Boodaism
May 10, 2017 Dave Booda
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I am a religious man. My body is my temple, My soul is my altar. My thoughts are my prayers, My mind is my humble priest. My intuition is my bible, My conviction is my faith. My devotion is my salvation, My life is my offering. I am a religion of one.
Boodaism
May 3, 2017 Dave Booda
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Hey bro — check this out. I’m gonna tell you how totally awesome feminism is. Okay so maybe you’re like me and your initial reaction to feminism was an eye roll and a “who gives a f**k” — I get it. Some of the ways feminism is presented can be annoying. Some feminists hate men and some […]
Boodaism
Apr 26, 2017 Dave Booda
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A few months ago there was a consent scandal in my community. When I say scandal—I mean there was a long discussion on Facebook—started by one man who was angry that he had heard about some women having rapey experiences with men, and to him that wasn’t okay. And it’s not okay. My community and our […]
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Apr 19, 2017 Dave Booda
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My Dad is in his mid-60s, and the rate at which his friends are getting prostate cancer is staggering. It seems as though every time I talk to him he tells me about someone else who got diagnosed. It’s become so commonplace that I started to do research, and discovered that 1 in 7 men living […]
Boodaism
Apr 12, 2017 Dave Booda
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Most of the entrepreneurs I know are workaholics. Workaholism is an addiction to being busy. It’s a constant need for more — more growth, more revenue, more scaling, and like any addiction, there is never enough. Over time it becomes an obsession, and we are driven mindlessly by the idea that somewhere in the not-so-distant future […]
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Apr 5, 2017 Dave Booda
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Here’s to all the companies I never led, Here’s to all the women I never wed. Here’s to all the kids I didn’t sire, Here’s to all the coaches I didn’t hire. Here’s to all the books I didn’t write, Here’s to all the battles I didn’t fight. Here’s to all the degrees I never got, […]
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Mar 30, 2017 Dave Booda
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When I talk to people about open relationships the first question they usually ask is “how do you deal with jealousy”? It’s a great question, because jealousy is often hard to deal with. As open relationships become more popular and couples open themselves up to new experiences, everyone wants to be that partner who’s “not […]
Boodaism
Mar 22, 2017 Dave Booda
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How quickly we forget history. Lately there has been a rash of articles and videos accusing millennials of being selfish, entitled, narcissistic, lazy and having little to no attention span. They are right, and also completely wrong. That’s because millennials are all those things — selfish, lazy and entitled, but those character traits have nothing to […]
Boodaism
Mar 15, 2017 Dave Booda
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Let’s get this out of the way first. I’m a happily divorced, ethically non-monogamous guy who thinks marriage ruins relationships — so take what I’m saying with a grain of salt. What I’m going to suggest will be wildly unpopular among “normal” people, since it goes against everything we’ve been taught to believe about marriage. Ready […]
Boodaism
Mar 8, 2017 Dave Booda
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The world is inside you, And I hope that’s good news. Not just joy and beauty, Or the things that you choose. There’s nothing in others That you don’t possess, Although there are times You may not confess. Every emotion, Every kind of thought, Every part of nature, There’s nothing you’re not. So if you […]
Boodaism
Mar 1, 2017 Dave Booda
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As a musician, sometimes live music feels like Chinese water torture, because I notice all the ways the performers fall short of my hopes and expectations. I notice the gimmicks, the lack of originality and I notice the way people phone it in instead of really being present with the audience — and it drives […]
Boodaism
Feb 22, 2017 Dave Booda
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Let me see if I get this right… You don’t like that someone else is triggered because you judge their upset as trivial and meaningless. Makes sense. Then you call them out and become visibly agitated by the fact that they’re triggered. Now you’re triggered that they’re triggered. Hang on a sec… You don’t like that […]
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Feb 15, 2017 Dave Booda
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I’m writing this on Valentine’s Day, which is also Paula’s birthday. We just finished video chatting and catching up on each other’s lives and I felt a warm sense of relief. Many of the conversations over the last six months since we broke up have been painful – they would start out okay but quickly spiral […]
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Feb 8, 2017 Dave Booda
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The more I learn about true consent, the more I understand the essential role that privilege plays in getting it right. First it’s worth defining what I mean when I say privilege, because it’s a word that gets used a lot. Privilege is an advantage granted to or had by a particular person or group […]
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Feb 1, 2017 Dave Booda
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I consider myself a “poly” guy, which means I’m someone for whom a polyamorous lifestyle resonates with. I don’t consider myself a Tantra guy, yet I choose to spend a lot of time around people who really dig it. I just spent a month in Hawaii clearing chakras and talking sex magic with some of the […]
Boodaism
Jan 25, 2017 Dave Booda
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“One is fruitful only at the cost of being rich in contradictions.” ― Friedrich Nietzsche Too often we hang on to our beliefs and decisions far beyond when they have stopped serving us, and we do it out of a misguided notion that it’s honorable to hold the same belief for a long period of time. […]
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Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication. ~ Leonardo da Vinci One of the greatest joys in my life has been letting go. Whether it was my last days as a Navy Officer, moving to a new city or even the end of a romantic relationship, letting go has always been a life experience I cherish. For […]
Boodaism
Jan 11, 2017 Dave Booda
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There’s something so royal about going through airport security and not having to take your shoes off or take your laptop out of your bag. It’s funny how quickly we forget that this used to be the norm. Yes, I’m talking about TSA Pre-Check, and it’s glorious. As I sit here in the Hawaii sun […]
Boodaism
Jan 4, 2017 Dave Booda
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At a time when we can’t go ten minutes without hearing someone declare how they’re going to turn everything around and make 2017 their best year yet, it’s a radical notion to propose that we simply continue on the course we’re on. We live in a culture that’s obsessed with instant results. New Years comes around […]
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Dec 28, 2016 Dave Booda
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2016. What a crazy year this has been. While the purpose of this post isn’t to summarize what happened in the world, it’s worth mentioning that I believe we will look back on 2016 and it’s significance for many years to come. That being said, let’s talk about my life and Boodaism. In this report […]
Boodaism
Dec 21, 2016 Dave Booda
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Twas the night before Christmas and I was a mess, I had not done my shopping, as you can probably guess. My family did plan, for months in advance, And never left holiday shopping to chance. I wanted to charm them, I wanted to share, A wonderful gift, to show them I care. I thought and […]
Boodaism
Dec 14, 2016 Dave Booda
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I’d like to take a minute to appreciate how profoundly lucky I am. I’m writing this from Winchester, Massachusetts where I’m currently spending a month living at home with my parents. Winchester (as described by Wikipedia) is “an affluent bedroom community for professionals who work in the greater Boston area.” The median house value is $899,700 […]
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Dec 7, 2016 Dave Booda
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Letting go of who you think you should be and trading that in for who you want to be is the sexiest thing anyone can do. That’s what feminism means to me, and here are five reasons I get a tingle in my loins around short-haired*, independent women. * = not all feminists have short hair, […]
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Nov 30, 2016 Dave Booda
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Silver linings. That’s been the subject of my thoughts recently. I’ve been contemplating the ways recent events in the United States have effected positive change, and thankfully I’ve found some. Yesterday I saw another. I was walking through Natick, Massachusetts when I heard the revving of an engine. I turned to see a Jeep full […]
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Nov 23, 2016 Dave Booda
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A few years ago I finally realized how homophobic I was. I was shopping for clothes at a local mall. As I browsed the dress shirts, I made sure to avoid any that were too stylish. I remembered how my friends used to make fun of me if I was too fashionable so I picked […]
Boodaism
Nov 16, 2016 Dave Booda
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You are already an activist, you’re just too scared to hit the streets. You are already an artist, you’re just too scared to pick up a brush. You are already a singer, you’re just too scared to pick up the mic. You are already a writer, you’re just too scared to hit publish. You are […]
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Nov 9, 2016 Dave Booda
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We want to be one of the good ones. When women talk about the ways they’ve been mistreated, abused and made small at the hands of bad men, we secretly hope they don’t mean us. We hope they don’t notice the ways we haven’t been perfect. We are mostly confused about how to give women […]
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Nov 2, 2016 Dave Booda
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I had a lot of trouble writing an article this week. I made a promise to myself in December of 2014 that I would post every week to Boodaism and so far I’ve kept that promise (aside from a planned Sabbatical in February). But I knew this week was going to be a bitch. In […]
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Oct 26, 2016 Dave Booda
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CW: This contains description of an unwanted sexual advance. In 2010 a woman accused me of rape. Here’s the story. I met a woman in Houston while on tour as a musician. We exchanged numbers and when I came back to town a few years later I looked her up. We met for food, then […]
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Oct 19, 2016 Dave Booda
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Sometimes I forget why I travel. I like to think I do it for the amazing memories, and that’s partly true. I like to think I do it to expand my world, and that’s true too, but there’s one important reason that I seem to easily forget. I do it for contrast. Contrast means enduring […]
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Oct 12, 2016 Dave Booda
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Let’s talk about sex. In fact, I want to share something that I like sexually, and to be honest, it’s weirded people out in the past. They say it ruins the mood, they say I over do it, and they say I shouldn’t need that before sex. I guess you could even say it’s my sexual fetish. Ready? It’s talking. Yeah, […]
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Oct 5, 2016 Dave Booda
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I’m a snobby musician. I judge, I complain and I rant about how musicians should be better at their craft and pay more attention to the details. I even use the excuse that I have refined taste (which of course I do) but the truth is my critical mind also hinders my ability to enjoy music. […]
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Sep 28, 2016 Dave Booda
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This is for all the times I’ve stopped myself by trying to write something smart or profound. This is for all the times I had to stop making art because the bills on my desk got too loud to ignore. This is for all the times I tried to write something people would like, or […]
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Sep 21, 2016 Dave Booda
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Do you know the most dangerous man in the world? It’s not the man who is trained to kill, it’s not the billionaire who is obsessed with money and it’s not the zealot bent on converting everyone to his religion. The most dangerous man is the one who can’t get laid. That’s because when a […]
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Sep 14, 2016 Dave Booda
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Five years ago I heard some wisdom from a woman in her fifties, and at the time I thought she was crazy. “Dave, do you know why most people go on second dates?” She asked. “Because they like each other?” I replied. “No.” She said. “The reason most people go on second dates is one […]
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Sep 7, 2016 Dave Booda
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Being alone is a relief, but feeling lonely sucks. Being alone is a needed break from the hectic world that constantly demands our attention. It’s a cup of coffee and a good book while the kids are off at school. It’s a solo hike up a beautiful mountain with the sounds of nature keeping you […]
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Aug 24, 2016 Dave Booda
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Today I started reading Eat, Pray, Love, as one does when they are re-discovering themselves. I can relate a lot to Liz Gilbert’s description of her first marriage. I know what it’s like to not want to leave a relationship, while simultaneously not wanting to stay in it either. Her honesty and fresh perspectives are […]
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Aug 17, 2016 Dave Booda
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The people I pay attention to are the ones that can hold multiple perspectives. They are the ones that speak their truth, but also have the awareness to recognize that it's just one in a sea of truths.
Boodaism
Aug 10, 2016 Dave Booda
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We live in a culture that holds longevity as the primary measure of a successful relationship, but that’s like judging the success of someone’s life based on how many years they live.
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Aug 3, 2016 Dave Booda
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If you don’t jump, you don’t graduate. That was the thought running through my head as I prepared to plunge 33-feet down into a dive pool at the United States Naval Academy. I was terrified. My stomach was in knots, and I felt like throwing up as I slowly walked toward the long, cold metal […]
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Jul 27, 2016 Dave Booda
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The problem we face as people living in western society isn’t that we are failing to succeed, it’s that we’re playing a game that’s not worth winning. We work harder and harder to acquire more status, more money, more things, and all the while never realize that winning the game isn’t just impossible, but will […]