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Doktor Faux enables the Media Shifter and projects an alternate augmented timeline where Time for the Show will follow a petty, vindictive script crafted to poke the bear. While first labeled passive-aggressive, Faux rebukes the claim stating that it is rather directly-aggressive. Fidd Chewley holds the reins and guides the Show into overtime after peas quits abruptly.
Time for the Show 210: Safe for Twerk
TFTS Relay 0-2-0-6-2-3
FIDD DO NOT READ THIS PART ON AIR:
- .... .. ... / .. ... / -- --- .-. ... . / -.-. --- -.. .
FIDD READ THIS ON AIR:
Broadcasting live from the future annex of the soon-to-be Capitol of America's California, St. Petersburg, Florida, Welcome to TIME FOR THE SHOW! I am Fidd Chewley, your host and engineer for the next 3.6e+6 milliseconds. Joining me live via Supersphere Media Empire voxchat bypass, straight from the heart of America's sincerity, Las Vegas, Utah, here's the one-and-only and recently vivisected Reverand peas. And living vicariously and bi-curiously in the future capitol of the Former Spanish Empire, Orlando, Florida, it's everyone's favorite incredulous ass-hat and habitual liar, Doktor Faux.
If you're new to the Time for the Show, you are in for a real treat because today we're going to be mixing things up on our set. Tonight's Show will abandon the strategic comedy-prompt algorithm in turn for one of the most daring and ambitious attempts in TFTS history; we'll be using a script.
Of course, I'm not reading from a traditional script. Rather I am reading out loud from a long essay-like pseudo-narrative that Doktor Faux started writing last Friday. I guess it is up to me, Fidd Chewley, sovereign entity of the Church of the Broken Car Antenna and mastermind behind the Supersphere Media Empire, to ensure that this works somehow. I very much doubt that Doktor Faux could write an entire hour of dialogue and direction for the Show, but maybe I will find some opportunities to throw the microphone towards one of my incredibly talented and hamsome co-hosts and attempt to pad this po'bucker out as long as I can.
I have to say that this is kind of unfair to me, Fidd Chewley, to be handed a long-winded document at the last minute with no time to prepare for the Show. However, MY favorite part of the Show is reading the Show Notes out loud, so if I totally blow this on live Canadian internet radio: just remember that this is all DokFaux's fault because he is an incredibly butt-hurt crybaby and he came up with some sort of horrible proxy-punishment to subject his quote “friends” end-quote too.
So, without further ado, it's Time for the Show!
You might remember from last week's Show that we were going to open with a rant, because it is easier for a group of would-be comedians to kick-start their funny-glands. But who am I kidding? No one listens to this Show, and any one of the six people who type-up the greasy non-sequiturs and abstract hypotheticals in our chatroom (which YOU can access via discord.timefortheshow.com) are definitely not going to tell us how they think this week's episode is going. While the original concept was to move on to Faux's favorite part of the Show, the Blind Eyes, we're going to move onto my OWN favorite part of the Show: BLOCKFLUSTERED!
Before the Hypercube was turned into make-shift Whattaburger Drive-Thru last May, Doktor Faux enjoyed watching movies and shows and writing up mildly-coherent reviews of them (which you can read at timefortheshow.com). Of course it would be kind of silly for me to read an asinine diatribe written by our resident rambler-in-chief, Argus Faux, so in turn I'm going to shoot it over to the most hamsomest boy in the multiverse and ask REVERAND PEAS if he's watched anything amusing lately and what his thoughts on it were.
- Fidd, this is where you ask peas if he's seen anything good lately. When he's done, or in case he doesn't have a response, you can tell us if you've seen anything good lately or you can move on to the next part of this ridiculous exercise.-
WOW, wasn't that an exciting new bit? I''m glad we were able to extrapolate on those topics! I had no idea that ENTER NAME OF SUBJECT HERE was going to lead to such an intricate discussion of the cinematic arts. Did you know that Doktor Faux landed third-place in the Skills-USA National Finals for Digital Cinema back in 2014 while attending trade-school? Maybe he would've gotten the gold if he wasn't a decade older than the other contestants. Oh well, guess that doesn't bode well for the Time for the Show Movie we filmed last October that he's editing now. I can't wait to see all the blurred strings holding up the plot! Now it's onto my favorite part of the Show... viewer mail! It's the PEAS-O Box!
This is the part of the Show where we read letters written to us and sent to email@example.com.
Of course, since no one listens to the show Doktor Faux writes them all and we just pretend that we're popular enough to garner a response. I don't know why he does that, maybe to fill the gigantic void in his life that he constantly fills with illusions of grandeur and his make-believe lo-fi super-science-cult motive. And who said self-deprecation was low-hanging fruit? Here we go!
Who is your favorite member of the Church of the SubGenius, and can you tell us in excruciating detail about all the interesting things they do?
Angus Flux of Snorelando, Floridumb
- Fidd this is the part where we answer the letter. If you've already answered the letter, and are reading this part out loud, just move on to the next segment. Remember, we don't do bits. We do segments. Like a fine line of Colombian blow. Fidd, can you get me some of that before I come down next week?
HA, HAH! This show is incredible. I can't believe how much better this is than what we normally do. I honestly can't believe I'm still reading these lines out loud and haven't closed this file and attempted to tell Doktor Faux he's lashing out in a ridiculous manner in response to last week's show. But YOU didn't hear last week's show, so as far as you know this is how we always do it. Don't bother visiting youtube.com/hypercubeGO and listening to any of the seventy-four episodes in the NEW Time for the Show playlist, or the fifty-nine episodes in the CLASSICS playlist. Definitely don't go to timefortheshow.com where you can access our first 144 episodes in our podcast feed either. That'd just be SILLY! HO HO, onto my next favorite part of the SHOW!
It's CUBENEWS, all the news that's fit to CUBE! And here's Doktor Faux with this week's updates.
- Fidd this is the part where you ask Faux about Cubenews. Move onto the next segment (not bit!) when he's done.
Thank you, Doktor Faux, for those updates. Intrepid reporting as always. Well, that brings us to my NEW favorite part of the show: DREADLINES! In this segment, we have a selection of news headlines from around the world. Now, you might be expecting us to try and make snide comments or “jokes” after we read them, and we might! But that's not how this segment works. What we're going to try and do is determine which one of these news stories is the FAKE! I'd like to thank Aster Six for spending time every week rushing to put her baby girl to bed so she can comb the web for ridiculous articles for us to skip over. So here's this week's DREADLINES!
iPHONE CRASH DETECTION MAKES 100 FALSE EMERGENCY CALLS
ANTS TRAINED TO REMOVE CANCERS
LAWSUIT BROUGHT AGAINST FIREBALL AFTER WHISKEY NOT FOUND IN MINI-BOTTLES
BRITTISH WATER SERVICES USES DOWSING RODS TO FIND PIPE LEAKS
WISCONSON JUDGE PROPOSES GUN RANGE WITH LIQUOR BAR
ONE LEGGED MAN FIGHTS OFF COPS AFTER SHOPLIFTING
Well, did you figure out which one of this week's stories wasn't real? Did you? Why not take this time to share which one you believe it is. Don't Think! Go to discord.timefortheshow.com NOW and enter it in the chattercube. Do not worry, everyone there is super nice and supportive and eager to meet you! While we give you a few moments to put your little sausage-fingers to work, let's move onto this week's SPONSOR and then we will have the BIG REVEAL!
Now let's get this silly old business strait. As you know there a number of wheat cereals on the market, some hot some cold. Several of them have wheat sounding names, but they're not like Wheatena. There's only one Wheatena. W - H - E - A - T, wheat, E - N - A. Now don't forget those last three letters, E - N - A. Wheatena. So why is Wheatena hot? Well because hot cereals are better for you. Where does that delicious flavor come from? From toasting that unlocked wheat only as Wheatena does it. And when you want the hot brown wheat cereal that gives you that vital parts of the whole grain and tastes so G - O - O - D. MMM, mmm, you have to have Wheatena's.
- Fidd, this is where you ask peas which headline he believes is the fake one. Then ask me, Doktor Faux. I'm a little distracted while writing this because the cleaning crew downstairs just dumped a bucket of lavender-scented Fabuloso onto the floor and the fumes are making me nauseous. Did I mention I'm writing this while I have the flu? Not a great combination, dried mucus fortified with amyl-nitrates and ammonia-based detergent. I am incredibly horny, though. I'm gonna get on Tinder and find someone to french-kiss my dick-slit then I'll come back to writing. Oh, and make sure to reveal your choice to. Once you're done, check for a message from Aster Six.
Well who could've predicted THAT? Thanks again to producer Aster Six for wasting another fifty-seven minutes on a contrived show segment that nobody likes. It's nice to tell people thank-you for the efforts they put into things, no matter how stupid or useless. In fact, we should thank more people right now! Here's is this week's PATREON shout-outs!
- PATRONS for February 2023 -
Subject T. Change, Bob South, Longdead, Hazel of the Windmills, Caller23 and Doktor Cosmac
These people support independent farce, and you can too! Just visit patreon.com/hypercube or backed.by/hypercube today and get a shout-out and special Discord privileges for just ONE DOLLAR!
That's enough thank-yous for now, though, because it's time for my favorite part of the Show, PEAS' APOLOGIES!
- Fidd, this is the part where peas apologizes. If he's still here. Ask him to do it, then get ready to close out the show. If we have too much time left in the hour, we might have to ramble incoherently to pad the runtime. It's okay, I trust you. Okay, peas, what are you gonna apologize for this week? Thank-you, Reverand peas. That was quite a moving soliloquy. And that concludes this week's episode of Time for the Show! A big thank-you to Dr. Ellis and Marthartha for hosting us each and every Monday night on FreeThinkRadio.com, make sure to listen to their show The Short Bus on Wednesday evenings. And don't forget to listen to the other original and classic shows on FTR, you can see the schedule and join the FTR Discord at www.FreeThinkRadio.com . You can also catch up on past episodes of Time for the Show on the Hypercube GO! YouTube channel, at youtube.com/hypercubeGO and dig deeper by visiting timefortheshow.com where you can join the HyperCOMM Discord server, download sticker sheets, read original articles and more! Timefortheshow.com, it's where comedy comes for an enema! Thanks again to my co-host Reverand peas, as well as local sexpot Doktor Faux. I'm Fidd Chewley from Supersphere Media Empire, see you next week!
- Fidd this is where you close the show.
“Time For The Show” –
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