oh, uh, i think polly esther is as good as the next designer. oh, i'm glad you feel that way. [ ding! ] this time i'm gonna keep these in my hand. [ chuckles nervously ] abner! aren't ya ever gonna get up? what for? i want to talk to you. talk. well, how can you listen when you're asleep? same way i listen when i'm awake. [ doorbell rings ] ye-- yes? i don't know. i-i beg your pardon? i seem to -- i don't know. i think i'm lost. oh, well, don't let it bother you. people your age often forget. but i'm only 24. what?! abner! wake up! wake up! abner, there's an old hag at the door, and she says she's only 24! can you imagine a fashion expert not knowing anything about miniskirts or boots or synthetic fabrics? well, she was probably being funny. don't you think? no, phony. i tell you, that woman's a fake. mother, that's ridiculous. i can't understand you, samantha. your husband is in the clutches of who knows what kind of impostor, and you refuse to become alarmed. that's right. because darrin would never do anything to hurt me. then how is it that

. - [parrot] (mumbling) - mama, polly needs some water. - well, jackie, you get it for her. she's your parrot. besides, i'm busy. - what are you doing? - well, today is sunday, jackie. your uncle and your father's cousins are coming over for their weekly musicale. - i know that, mama, but what are you doing? - good. - now jackie, for heaven's sake, this time when i ask you to pass the sandwiches, just pass them. don't sell them. (audience laughing) now remember that. - alright, alright. gee, i can't understand you mama, always giving things away for nothing. ford to give away a few sandwiches. after all, your father is doing quite well in his tailor shop. - so if he's doing so well, how come last month he had to borrow five hundred dollars to buy a pressing machine? - jackie benny, he's your father. he's your own flesh and blood. he'll pay you back. - at 12% who's in a hurry? (audience laughing) (audience applauding) well, emma. emma, how's everything going? - oh, fine. do you think i made enough sandwiches? oh, i would imagine there is enough there for the whole-- jackie, w

i was with, uh, polly and fred loring seeley, and they sold to dan reeves. >> ah, that's right. >> while i was in okinawa. [ laughter ] it's true! i'm not kidding! >> you didn't know, and they-- >> i didn't know. >> well, i had an idea-- i don't think it would have made any difference, ya know, 'cause i was money-hungry, in those days. >> yeah. [ some laughter ] >> and i made a little cash, on that. >> d'you ever-- d'you ever play football? at any time in your life? >> i did. i played, in cleveland. i was the tackle. i was very limber. i could go around my own end. [ laughter ] well, it's vaudeville, isn't it? >> that's-- yeah. >> you really did, though. i didn't know that. [ chuckling ] you played football. >> i did. in high school. >> where're you gonna be, this thanksgi-- >> it was a lonesome end. >> yeah. >> nobody else in the team would talk to me. >> where're you gonna be, this thanksgiving? >> huh? >> where're you gonna be, this thanksgiving? >> this thanksgiving-- >> yeah. >> i'm gonna be in palm springs. i'm leaving, tomorrow, for palm springs. and play the harvey coleman g. >>

you forgot aunt polly. - oh, the hell with them! - polly, want a cracker? (audience laughing & applauding) - cut everybody out of my will. (audience laughing) - that's a lovely sentiment. aunt polly, would you care for some champagne? (audience laughing) well one thing, aunt polly's a cheap drunk. (audience laughing) - smile, mrs. naugatuck, it's new year's eve. nce laughing) - i must say, you know how to cheer a person up all right. (audience laughing & applauding) - maude findlay. - [maude] what did i tell you? didn't i say it would be fun-filled? look at all the guests. - yes, it's fun-filled, but you haven't said a single word to me since you came downstairs, and after all the trouble i went to with my costume. - oh, viv, honey, i'm sorry. now let me look at you. oh my, don't you look precious! i'm celebrating the happiest year of my life, when i was only five years old and my daddy loved me the most. he used to buy me dollies, and great big lollipops, and he took me to the park and he pushed me on the swings, and he would teeter totter with me. (audien

no, no -- "polly kong." ooh! that was such a good joke! whatever it is, if it wants a cracker, you better get it. thank you, min. we'll get back to you on that one. [ as rodney dangerfield ] my neighborhood was so tough, the guys used to bowl overhand. another friend got arrested. he did a perfect blue jay. ha ha ha! stop it, stop it! you're killing me! ha ha ha ha ha! this kid invites his friend over for lunch, and the kid says, "i don't like your mother." he says, "that's okay, just eat the vegetables." i'm gonna finish him off now! this blind guy walks into a department store with his seeing-eye dog. he picks him up by the tail and starts swinging him around. this guy walks over and says, "can i help you?" he says, "no, thanks. i'm just looking around!" [ sputtering ] mork, is he -- is he -- yes. yes, mind. milt's dead...because he had a lousy sense of humor. thank god it's all over! for adults with advanced non-small cell lung cancer or e.g.f.r. gene who've tried an fda-approved targeted therapy, this is big. a chance to live longer wi

. - then tom entered the house and kissed his aunt polly. (phone ringing) - it's the telephone. answer it. will you untie me, you little monsters? please untie me. - not part of game. tyler must untie self. - will you answer that phone? - what phone? - phone is that thing, that beige thing on top of the chest there. pick it up. - make fly. aw, wing fall off. - will you two stop this stupid game and pick up that phone? - bird not sing any more. - if i get myself loose ... (voice coming through phone) - make funny noise. - say, "hello." - to dead bird? - is that you, breer? - young lady, pick up the receiver and give it to me. - bird called breer by name! - hello? - mlor, give the telephone to mr. tyler, please. - bird want to talk to you. it sound like mack. - no, mack too big to fit in little box. - captain! captain, is that you? - mr. tyler, get a little closer to the telephone. i can hardly hear you. - are grunk and shad there? - no, they're not, and if you don't come soon- - i can't talk any longer, mr. tyler. we're in a little trouble. - (voiceover) attention, security guard