night with seth meyers." i'm your host seth meyers. and with me i have two of my writers amber and ben, welcome. >> thank you for having us. >> i love talking about "late night with seth meyers." >> seth: okay, great. i love talking about "late night with seth meyers" too. so, let get right to it. during the late-night monologue i made a joke about the news. what do you guys think? let's go to the clip. for an orangutan couple expecting a baby. and if you're curious what they want from crate and barrel, it's the barrel. >> seth: it's a i thought just a fantastic joke, what did you guys think? >> i thought it was an excellent observation. everyone knows donkey kong and they know he loves barrels. >> it's not the crate. it's the barrel. and that's why it's the punch line of the joke. it's a classic. off-guard, ben? when it was the barrel? >> well, i was for sure i was initially thinking, what is this, there's another monkey there. it's like, nope. it was the crate or the barrel. and it was the barrel. [ light l

[ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. >> seth: good evening, everybody i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] that's great. in that case let's get to the news, vice president joe biden said yesterday that he may run for office in 2020 telling reporters, quote, "what the hell, man."

>> seth: it is i, seth meyers. >> what is it you seek? >> seth: i need a joke. >> you go through jokes faster christie. the audience is erupting with laughter. >> seth: can i get a punch line for the gap joke. >> i'll do it but only because i lava you. >> give me the joke. that's a hot joke. get it? i'm a volcano. >> all your jokes are about being a volcano. >> can you put my jokes in the laugh factory. >> seth: what time is it? >> time for to you get a watch! >> seth: i hope this one rk. mip clothing store wen recently. experts say the fire caused over $30 in damage. boom! that's a joke! so we staple it, stamp it, ring the bell, check how the joke raven is doing on its journey. you don't know him, but that's so raven. and we put it in the completed joke bucket. [holiday music] when it's time to deck the halls in here the only place to go for outdoor gifts is cabela's christmas sale. get up to $60 off select game cameras. for everything on their list, shop in-store and online at cabelas.com. y2762y yvpy don't just eat yogurt... wear it. n

, i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers ] that's fantastic. in that case, let's get to the news. after reports surfaced that donald trump's transition team is in disarray, trump tweeted last night saying that he is the only one who knows the finalists

[ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. >> good evening. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] wonderful. just wonderful to hear. in that case, let's get to the news. well, it's official, kanye west doesn't like black people. [ laughter ] that's right.

, i'm seth meyers, this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] fantastic. fantastic to hear. in that case let's get to the news. donald trump began his post election victory tour last week. meanwhile, hillary clinton has wandered so far into the woods she found the blair witch.

>> announcer: this week on "late night with seth meyers." senator bernie sanders, mindy kaling, and music from megadeth. head over to itunes and subscribe to the "late night with seth meyers" podcast, and you'll get a closer look and more downloaded right to your phone, every day. marv, go make us a plate. 30. 1. we'll literally die of hunger b freaky fast 1 [ cheers and applause ] >> seth: my thanks to julie chen, billie lourd, maureen dowd, dave lombardo, and of course, the 8g band. stay tuned for carson daly. we'll see you tomorrow. ?? ?? >> carson: hello there. welcome to another edition of "last call." i'm carson daly here to guide you through the night.

, i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight? [ cheers ] that's fantastic. in that case, let's get to the news. after reports surfaced that donald trump's transition team is in disarray, trump tweeted last night saying that he is the only one who knows the finalists but only you can pick the winners. text your vote in now, and tune at 8:00/7:00 central. who knows? the next secretary of state could be you. [ laughter ] one of donald trump's potential attorney generals is reportedly already working on a plan to make muslims register with the government. does anyone see a problem with that? or do you nazi? [ cheers and applause ] vice president-elect mike pence had lunch together this afternoon, and just to piss him off, biden told the waiter it was their anniversary. [ laughter and applause ] according to a new poll, almost 60% of americans believe donald trump should compromise with democrats. like, instead of a wall at the mexican border, maybe a beaded curtain? [ laughter ] a

[ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. >> seth: good evening, this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] that is just great to hear. in that case, let's get to the news. donald trump was named "time" magazine's 2016 person of the year this morning. while hillary clinton was named runner-up. and when she heard, hillary

[ cheers and applause ] seth meyers.? ? g>> set how is everybody tonig? [ chee and applause doin fantastic. always nice when people are in mooon a mony. let's t to the news. donald trump will attend gural first week in office. one in washington d.c. and then

[ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. >> seth: good evening, i'm sh meye. this is "late night." how is everybo doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] that is -- good to hear. in that case let's get to the news. butterball turkey has set up it's annual thanksgiving hotline, where customers can call and ask for help. said one caller, "uh, how do you run a country?"

[ cheers and applause ] ladies andentlemen, seth meyers. >> seth: good evening. i'm seth meyers, this is "late night." how's everybody doing tonight out there? [ cheers and applause ] great to hear. in that case, let's get to the news. donald trump's administration reportedly has the most white male cabinet since 1989. and the most wigs since 1789.

, i'm seth meyers, this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] fantastic. fantastic to hear. in that case let's get to the news. donald trump began his post election victory tour last week. meanwhile, hillary clinton has wandered so far into the woods she found the blair witch. did not think the blair witch would look like such a classic witch, but there you go. donald trump reportedly invited the leader of the philippines to the white house next year despite the fact that he previously told president obama to go to hell. said obama, oh, i'm already there. [ light laughter ] i'm already there. this is exactly what i thought it would be like. donald trump has nominated ben carson to be his secretary development, or hud. incidentally hud is the sound that ben carson made when he heard the news. ben, donald trump is on the phone. hud? [ light laughter ] that's right, ben carson has accepted donald trump's offer to be secretary of housing and urban development, despite previously saying he did n

[ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. >> good evening. i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] wonderful. just wonderful to hear. in that case, let's get to the news. well, it's official, kanye west doesn't like black people. [ laughter ] that's right. at trump tower today. no word on what they interrupted each other about. [ laughter ] jeb bush told reporters today that he does not think russia influenced the election. and ifnybody knows about not influencing elections it is jeb bush. [ laughter and applause ] donald trump nominated exxon mobil ceo rex tillerson as his secretary of state, calling him an excellent choice. complimenting his own decisions. [ laughter ] "i'll have the fillet. medium rare. excellent choice." [ light laughter ] former vice president dick cheney, today, praised donald trump's secretary of ho state pick rex tillerson, calling him an inspired choice. so, tillerson has the support of dick cheney, vmi donald trump. that only leaves on person. >> excellent. [ laughter ] >> seth:

[ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. >> seth: good evening, everybody i'm seth meyers. this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] that's great. in that case let's get to the news, vice president joe biden said yesterday that he may run for office in 2020 telling reporters, quote, "what the hell, man." "what the hell, man." [ light laughter ] donald trump -- donald trump is reportedly considering a fast food ceo for labor secretary. "oh, i'm not the burger king," said newt gingrich. [ laughter ] donald trump said on twitter today that he wants to cancel plans to build a new air force one because he feels like it's costing too much money. well hey, if the wright brot could build a plane i'm sure the wrong brothers could too. [ laughter ] today in 1884 the washington monument was completed. and if george washington were here today to see it he would probably say, "that looks nothing like me." [ light laughter ] "what do the other ones look like? well let me see the lincoln memorial. well, that looks like him. i hate it." house spe

[ cheers and applause ] >> seth: good evening, i'm seth meyers, this is "late night." how is everybody doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] fantastic. fantastic to hear. in that case, let's get to the donald trump this weekend will give his first sunday morning news interview since the election. and it's a big sacrifice for him because sunday morning is usually when he tweets about "saturday night live." [ light laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] he'll find the time. he'll still find the time. during trumps sunday morning news interview he is expected to discuss the agenda for his first 100 days in office. said trump, wait, i have to be president for a hundred days? [ laughter ] i'm running a business. trump adviser, kellyanne conway, told reporters today that donald trump is a huge elton john fan. that can be cured, said mike pence. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] i know you're an elton john fan now. but together we can beat this. [ laughter ] donald trump's team is his inauguration. with one official saying they can quote, do better than kid rock. besides kid

[ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. >> seth: good evening, i'm sh meye. this is "late night." how is everybo doing tonight? [ cheers and applause ] that is -- good to hear. in that case let's get to the news. butterball turkey has set up it's annual thanksgiving hotline, where customers can call and ask for help. said one caller, "uh, how do you run a country?" president obama pardoned two turkeys for thanksgiving today. "thanks, man", said the turkeys. [ light laughter ] donald trump yesterday formally offered ben carson the position of "secretary of the department of housing and urban development", which is the first time trump has ever tried to get a black person in to housing. [ light laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] the macy's thanksgiving day parade balloons were inflated this afternoon. said one macy's employee. [ breathing heavy ] [ light laughter ] "can i go home now?" [ laughter ] that's right, tomorrow is the macy's thanksgiving day parade, and if there's one thing that can cheer hillary up right now, [ laughter and applause ] one of tomorrow