it's super true >> jimmy: i think it's true. >> when do i say >> jimmy: yes, now >> it's true >> jimmy: yeah [ bell dings ] [ cheers and applause ♪ >> very true >> jimmy: you were debuting a new look, and you're like, "here we come. >> but it was really good, you know i was with my dad and he said, like, "who is gwen stefani?" and that made me feel better >> jimmy: okay, good, good, good, yeah but, my dad lives on another planet and hasn't left the farm since 1992 [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's not bad, i love that. okay, here we go it's my turn which envelope should i open, guys [ audience responds how is it two for me and one for you? >> i like it >> jimmy: two, okay. two. "the last time i had a big mac was in 2006 with toby mcguire after an arctic monkeys concert. "the last time i had a big mac was in 2006 with toby mcguire after an arctic monkeys concert. [ laughter ] >> i feel you. >> there's no way you're not having big macs, dude. [ laughter ] you're too - >> jimmy: do i look like - >> you're cool boy fallon, man there's no way you're not out at 2:00 in the morning getting a ni

. >> jimmy: why? >> because i was the oldest person there by 30 years. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's weird, yeah. >> so that was weird. >> jimmy: pretend you have a kid, you can't find him. [ laughter ] >> exactly. that's even more creepy. >> jimmy: maybe so, yeah. >> i turn up, i saw bumblebee. >> jimmy: oh, yeah. >> the big yellow transformer, speaks in radio. >> jimmy: uh-huh? >> and i was so excited to see a massive transformers fan as a kid. you play 50 cent's "it your birthday." people whose birthday it is are coming up, he's dancing with kids, women. i'm there. i'm excited. [ laughter ] i'm very, very excited. phone out, selfie mode, ready to go. i go up. he plays "it's your birthday." i start dancing. i look up and bumblebee is giving me the stink eye. [ laughter ] i just look at him. the look he had on his face -- i think he hated me, man. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh! >> yeah, it's kind of weird. i haven't been able to get it out of my head. >> jimmy: for real? >> i'm thinking, if bumblebee is

jimmy, stay. jimmy -- you can do it oh >> jimmy: yes, i'm so happy something stopped. thank you. [ laughter ] i'm turning this off >> i -- i think its off. >> jimmy: yep. >> oh! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: okay, that's all right. what -- what's our last thing? >> oh, actually, you just turned it back on, jimmy >> jimmy: what is our -- >> so -- >> jimmy: what is our -- [ laughter ] >> our last thing is a thing that you actually -- this is an oculus quest i brought another thing for you to put on your head. >> jimmy: okay >> this is an oculus quest or the meta quest >> jimmy: yep. >> and - >> jimmy: excuse me. >> i want to talk -- let's talk about -- oh, jimmy [ audience oohs >> jimmy: thank goodness yeah all right. >> well, you don't -- let's put this one on. we got -- we got another one that is going to be working for a second, but -- >> jimmy: all right, i love the oculus i know this thing. yeah, this is -- this is virtual reality. >> this is virtual reality and i want to talk to you about the future of working out. you work out i mean, this guy looks like he works out, ri

. >> jimmy: wow. >> kurt vonnegut. >> jimmy: really? >> yes, one of my favorite novelists. >> jimmy: mine too, yeah. >> he's amazing. so he came. >> jimmy: did you talk to him afterwards? >> sure, he came backstage. i couldn't believe that he was there. because you know -- "slaughterhouse-five." "breakfast of champions." it was astounding to hear his take on what this show was. he compared it to a symphony with movements. you started here, then you went to allegretto, then here -- >> jimmy: what a compliment. >> it was. oprah winfrey came. >> jimmy: i don't know who that is. [ laughter ] >> letterman came twice. the first night he was sitting next to henry kissinger. there's a combination. [ laughter ] stupid henry kissinger, you know? henry came backstage with him. and it was the odd couple. what? this is wrong. "really, i loved the show, it was very moving, so moving, i really loved the show, i'd like you to meet my wife, say hello to billy joel." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's the worst letterman impersonation i've ever heard. [ laugh

>> jimmy: "oh, yeah! [ laughter ] ♪ it's the santa rap ♪ you want t a ball or a ba want a doll or a hat ♪ ♪ it's the santa rap ♪ >> steve: "a doll or a hat." >> jimmy: yeah, i love that. that was actually not bad. so i think that went back. you can play that one if you want to. [ light laughter ] >> steve: yeah >> jimmy: this one is a singer from the chicago area. anyone from chicago at all [ cheers ] then you might be familiar with the works of jan terri >> steve: oh, yes. [ laughter ] >> questlove: wait, what >> jimmy: there's jan and -- her leather jacket there riding a motorcycle a good head of hair on jan [ laughter ] >> questlove: yeah, that's a snyder >> jimmy: yeah wow. yeah, well, this coverage, you know what screams to me? holiday spirit >> steve: yeah [ laughter ] but if i see that, i think christmas time >> jimmy: yeah >> steve: yeah >> jimmy: you see this image and you go, "oh. >> steve: yeah well, when i close my eyes, that's what i see when i think of christmas, you know [ laughte

>> jimmy: well, i don't know i -- >> jimmy jimmy, this is -- >> jimmy: there's a mask >> no, jimmy -- >> jimmy: unused >> jimmy, that's not good enough come on. >> jimmy: how about this how about a tote bag >> no, i have that bag [ audience oohs i have that. >> jimmy: you have that? >> you gave that to josh, okay >> jimmy: oh >> come on >> jimmy: oh, i have something that i did not give to josh. [ audience oohs how about a sound sweatshirt you could -- you could rock this >> this -- this is warmer. getting warmer but i feel like it needs -- i'm talking about sparkly, shiny -- look, oprah gives out really expensive -- >> jimmy: yeah, but oprah is not on tv that much anymore. >> oprah just got really good. >> jimmy: she does specials. >> jimmy, jimmy -- oh, that's actually terrifying [ laughter ] by my daughter might enjoy it. >> jimmy: i'll get you - >> okay. [ laughter ] [ talking over each other >> jimmy: act -- act like you love it, please. >> thank you so. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: congrats on "anne boleyn." >> thank you >> jimmy: you're getting great reviews. you are doing -- i mean,

> jimmy: that's close to my number >> 646 - >> jimmy: yeah >> go ahead. >> jimmy: no, you have my number >> quest >> jimmy: you have my number we texted >> all right >> jimmy: i love your podcast because i haven't done stand-up in such a long time. >> yeah. i'm pulling out jokes from the podcast. because i work out jokes on the podcast. >> jimmy: i know, but i thought you were reaching for weapon [ laughter ] i don't know what i thought you were doing but you were doing this while i was going. and i go - uh-huh uh-huh yeah yeah and what do you think of it, man? but i haven't done stand-up in so long that i love listening to it. because you get a great comedian on and you talk about -- you tag tags or you talk about tags so if you have a great joke. you go, "yeah, that's good." or could end is this way >> yeah. >> jimmy: and then they go "yeah. or keep to it same way i just had it i'm not going to tag at all. and you kind of get in a nerdy fight, but it's funny. pete homes is i one of my -- >> pete homes is great roy wood j.r john mullaney. >> jimmy: john mullaney is fantastic. >> you tex

and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: very nice, thank you. hi, i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for joining us on another important night here at abc. i say it's an important night because it was -- "bachelorette men tell all night" here on abc. not only did they tell all, it was almost a fight. >> i've been able to provide for my mother, brother and sister, for my family. >> matter of fact, let's stop that right there -- [ overlapping speakers ] >> tell your sister to stay out of my dms. >> you got a problem with me? >> i do have a problem with you. >> jerry! jerry! jerry! >> how the hell did he get in there? [ laughter ] that wasn't the only surprise. after that, this pizza guy peter -- i have to hand it to him, we've been through i don't know how many of these men tell-all specials, and they're always basically the same deal. until tonight, when peter literally served vengeance on his nemesis, will. >> there is one more thing i would like to say. i have somebody here if i could bring somebody out. >> your sister? >>

i get at home - >> jimmy: yeah >> for my career >> jimmy: they remind you who you are. isn't that great i love mom i want to talk to you about your funny new animated series "santa inc." when we come back more with seth rogen, ladies and gentlemen. come on back for more "tonight show." [ cheers and applause ♪ 1, 2, 3...yay! ♪ “i got you babe” by etta james ♪ ♪ wait hold up! here it comes! alright, everybody stand up straight. okay now let me flip it. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ hey, uh, i didn't order any pizza. jake from state farm... after you saved me so much dough on insurance with that "parker promo” i devised a promo for you. here's the deal parker, state farm offers everyone surprisingly great rates. yeh, right. pepperoni pocketz, atomic brownie, cuckoo crustiez... there's no promo. just great rates. and a side of ranch. you're the man, man. when you want the real deal...like a good neighbor, state farm is there. with clean, fresh ingredients, when you want the real dea panera's new chickenbor, sausage and pepperoni flatbread is a mouthwatering explosion of yes

>> jimmy: how you doing? >> guillermo: fantastic, jimmy! >> jimmy: how's your son? >> guillermo: he's doing great! he's going to tae kwon do later on. >> jimmy: that's great. what does he want for -- never mind, all right. let's get to this, shall we? >> let's do it. >> jimmy: let's see it. bring in the cannon! ♪ ♪ oh, wow. >> this, jimmy, is a t-shirt cannon. >> jimmy: no kidding around, huh? oh, it's beautiful. >> yes. >> jimmy: does she have a name? >> no. can you help christen one for us? >> jimmy: let's see. let's call her -- we have to have something powerful. >> powerful yet refined. >> jimmy: like viola davis. [ applause ] let's call this viola davis. how powerful is viola? >> pretty powerful. >> jimmy: like if this thing were to fire into that video screen, what would happen? >> like, we could reach -- we think from this end zone, we would go out of the stadium through that opening at full power. >> jimmy: you tested it outside, right? >> outside, yeah. >> jimmy: can we see that? >> yeah, yeah you want to see it? yeah. three, two, one! >> jimmy: oh, wow

. >> jimmy: oh, my - >> oh, boy oh, boy. >> jimmy: really come on. >> this is amazing >> jimmy: oh, i -- it is amazing. i'm so happy you are here >> i am so happy to be here >> jimmy: you came all the way from madrid to see us. >> yeah. yeah >> jimmy: thank you so much. this is -- >> why not [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah this -- this is your first ever talk show -- late night talk show appearance? >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: i'm so honored [ cheers and applause >> can you believe this? my first talk show here -- >> jimmy: i'm -- >> -- ith jimmy fallon. you going to get back and chill, you know? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, it's chill it's just us talking >> it's chill, yeah. >> jimmy: what i've got to talk about it. congrats on the success of "money heist." >> thank you >> jimmy: i mean, this is -- [ cheers and applause >> it's been crazy thank you guys >> jimmy: when did you realize that it was -- it was just giant? >> well, i remember i was -- i was a uruguay. i was with my parents-in-law and my boyfriend and we were celebrating the new year's eve >> jimmy: yeah >> and it was crazy becau

. >> a fake jimmy, let's bring jimmy on. you know what? if he doesn't commit, okay -- if he doesn't commit, i think we should look into that. >> i do. i agree. >> i really do. >> jimmy: all right, now i'm not going to commit because i'm dying to see who the fake jimmy is. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] that would be fun, right? what are they going to come up with? lindell has been flying around the country, trying to get state attorney generals to sign his lawsuit so he can get it to the supreme court. he also says the republican national committee and fox news are trying to silence him. last night on one of these flights to who the tell knows where to get somebody to sign who the hell knows what -- lindell called into his own show, and that went just perfectly. >> i don't know, how am i coming in? >> loud and clear, the picture is perfect. loud and clear. >> am i squished at all? >> nope, you're good. you can pull back a little bit. but other than that, it's great. >> i think my head looks too big. [ no audio ] >> now you're breakin

, want to hear me do my dracula, jimmy >> jimmy: sure of course. let's hear it. >> okay. here we go "get that garlic away from me! it almost got on my cape." [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: that sounds great, nick i don't know what to say i can't wait to see this movie >> jimmy, guess who's gonna play frankenstein? >> jimmy: i don't know, who? >> aww jeez. i mean, oh cool. i mean, i just got struck by lightning. now i'm like all green and stuff. >> jimmy: wow, oh my gosh. john travolta is going to be playing frankenstein >> yeah. like, i'm just like, green freak, you know, i'm like a freaky green guy like eating brains or something. >> let's get one thing straight, jack frankenstein does not wear a a cape >> oh, come on, man. just because i'm green doesn't mean i can't wear a cape, right? sandy. >> back off. this is the drac show and don't you forget it! >> oh, man, your voice is kind of loud. right? i don't even know if i want to do this movie no more. no way >> way >> no way. >> way >> no way. >> i implore you, way. >> no. >> yes >> no, no. >> yes,

>> jimmy: how you doing? >> guillermo: fantastic, jimmy! >> jimmy: how's your son? >> guillermo: he's doing great! he's going to tae kwon do later on. >> jimmy: that's great what does he want for -- never mind, all right. let's get to this, shall we? >> let's domy: let's s it. bring in the canno ♪ ♪ oh, wow. >> this, jimmy, is a t-shirt cannon. >> jimmy: no kidding around, huh? oh, it's beautiful. >> yes. >> jimmy: does she have a name? >> no. can you help christen one for us? >> jimmy: let's see. let's call her -- we have to have something powerful. >> powerful yet refined. >> jimmy: like viola davis. [ applause ] let's call this viola davis. how powerful is viola? >> pretty powerful. >> jimmy: like if this thing were to fire into that video screen what would happen? >> like, we could reach -- we think from this end zone, we would go out of the stadium through that opening at full power. >> jimmy: you tested it outside, right? >> outside, yeah. >> jimmy: can we see that? >> yeah, yeah you want to see it? yeah. three, two, one! oh my gosh. it's like baghdad. i f

right now jimmy kimmel with >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight -- sandra bullock. bill burr. and music from lizzy mcalpine. and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you. hi. very nice. thank you. oh, i appreciate that. thanks. hi, i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thanks for joining us in southern california, where it's hot, number one. and i don't know if you saw this. something pretty crazy happened not too far south of us on interstate 5 friday. an armored truck was full of money, as they often are. somehow the door of the truck swung open while it was on the highway. and money started flying out everywhere onto the road. [ laughter ] this was in carlsbad. it was a literal money grab. people were pulling over. how the door to an armored truck flies open, i do not know. [ laughter ] the drivers had to be high, right? i mean, come on. [ laughter ] people were celebrating. unfortunately, these two locked their keys in their car and they got handcuffed. police did let them go. but for mo

and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi, thank you. very nice. hi, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] very kind. i'm jimmy, i'm the host. thanks for watching and thanks for coming. please relax. it was a rare cold and rainy day here in sunny los angeles. got down to the 50s today, it was cold, right? >> guillermo: yeah, very cold. >> jimmy: very cold. >> guillermo: yeah. >> jimmy: very cold. >> >> guillermo: very, very, very cold. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it wasn't that coal. and everyone came to work dressed as either a lumberjack or the little girl on the front of morton salt. [ laughter ] there's a lot of foul weather fashion happening. but rain, those aren't the droplets we need to worry about. in the past week, cases of covid in l.a. are up by more than 100%. the good news is, a vast majority of los angelenos have been vaccinated. and why? because we started sneaking it into botox shots. [ laughter ] the omicron variant is here. and no one has been hit harder than the owners of a little restaurant in west bend, wisconsin. >> the family restaur

. >> jimmy: this is fantastic. all right, i just want to make sure i'm doing it right. >> so you just settle down right here, all right? so - [ laughter ] so really -- you know, we'll get some - >> jimmy: i'm getting rid of this >> the whole box of tissues, okay so - magic music. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, exactly. you never thought you'd get magic music, but yeah, there were some -- >> so basically, you know -- so much of it is about, you know, keeping your eye on -- on what you are doing. so if i put this is in this hand or this hand, which hand would it be in >> jimmy: be in this hand. >> right ♪ or this one. i'll show you again. >> jimmy: wow! [ laughter and applause wait, wait, wait, wait >> we can stop we go -- we can -- we can one up it. now we have three of them. so it's -- >> jimmy: three. >> it's hard sometimes, because it is -- >> jimmy: yeah >> you have to put it in there first. but if you put it in this -- this one or this one >> jimmy: this one >> oh. >> jimmy: yeah what is going on [ cheers and a

. >> leon bridges was good too >> jimmy: yeah >> no, i'm kidding it was jimmy it was all you, jimmy. >> jimmy: yeah, it was me -- it was me, yeah >> i had so much fun, come on. [ cheers and applause no, you're -- and you know what is more amazing? you know, i don't know if you know, that's like maybe the first special ever like this done in that studio. and, you know, lorne michaels was the producer, and it was all of the "snl" crew and the writers and everything and - >> jimmy: he's the greatest. >> man, he's the greatest. like, sitting up in that room and watching him construct this thing. like, i'm going to win so many emmys, it's going to be crazy. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i want to show everyone a clip. here's "michael buble's christmas in the city. ♪ ♪ ♪ jingle bells jingle bells jingle all the way ♪ ♪ oh what fun it is to ride in a one horse open sleigh ♪ ♪ jingle bells jingle bells jingle all the way ♪ ♪ oh what fun it is to ride in a one horse open sleigh ♪ [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: michael buble, everybody! "michael buble's christmas in the city," th

and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you. hi, everyone. welcome. how are you doing? thank you very much. i'm immy, i'm the host of the show. thank you for coming. thank you for watching. [ cheers and applause ] that's very nice, i appreciate it. i'm curious to know, how many of you got your annual report card from spotify today? [ laughter ] you know this? spotify, if you don't know, sends you this year-end wrap up. it's a little breakdown of your listening habits for the year, which is fun, but weird. like, imagine if postmates did this. [ laughter ] you ordered out 220 times this year and ate more than 800 slices of pizza. it's a bit of an invasion. so this was my list. according to spotify, these were my top five artists for 2021. james taylor, the spinners, alabama shakes, huey lewis and the news, and billy joel. [ cheers and applause ] four of them are also my top five artists for 1985. [ laughter ] after they sent me this list, they also scheduled me for a prostate exam. [ laughter ] it was very strange. they might as well have sent me a text

>> jimmy: wow, i love you. all right, come on look at that >> hey >> jimmy: dude, you got to feel the love right there come on. >> yes thank you. yes. >> jimmy: i gotta feel the love >> i could feeling the love, man. thank you, man >> jimmy: will smith, come on! [ cheers and applause we love you, dude. >> that is fantastic >> jimmy: we love you, dude. all right -- >> oh, that's fantastic. >> jimmy: here's how it works. the roots are going to start playing a song one instrument at a time. >> ooh >> jimmy: and will and i can buzz in and guess as soon as you know the song. if you guess wrong, the other person gets a chance to steal. >> to steal? >> jimmy: yeah, you can play along at home. roots, let's hear the first -- am i going to get these, quest >> questlove: okay i don't know [ laughter ] are you going to get these >> jimmy: all right. >> questlove: we're going to see. >> jimmy: let's hear the first song all right, whenever -- whenever you are ready. >> questlove: two, three - [ laughter ] ♪ ♪ >> do you k

>> jimmy: wow. i was expecting an announcer to be like, "and starting at point guard 6'2" from bethlehem. [ laughter ] at 10:00 p.m. the neighbors asked him to turn it off, and he was nice enough to say -- >> "okay!" >> jimmy: we have a great show now. give it up for the roots, ladies and gentlemen ♪ [ cheers and applause [ cheers and applause ♪ >> jimmy: very nice. >> steve: nice one >> jimmy: i know that song it is monday, we're excited to be back. we have a great week of shows ahead. matthew mcconaughey will be here >> steve: yeah, all right, all right, all right [ cheers and applause >> jimmy: penelope cruz. >> steve: what >> jimmy: scarlett johansson, and reese witherspoon will all be joining us! [ cheers and applause but first, what a show we have for you tonight. she stars in the new movie "the lost daughter," in select theaters friday and on netflix december 31st. dakota johnson is joining us [ cheers and applause some good award buzz plus, he stars in the new animated movie "sing 2," wh

and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi, thank you. very nice. hi, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] very kind. i'm jimmy, i'm the host. thanks for watching and thanks for coming. please relax. it was a rare cold and rainy day here in sunny los angeles. got down to the 50s today, it was cold, right? >> guillermo: yeah, very cold. >> jimmy: very cold. >> guillermo: yeah. >> jimmy: very cold. >> guillermo: very, very, very cold. >> jimmy: it wasn't that cold. but it was wet. it was raining. either a lumberjack or the ed a- little girl on the front of morton salt today. [ laughter ] there's a lot of foul weather fashion happening. but rain, those aren't the droplets we need to worry about. because in the past week cases of covid in l.a. are up by more than 100%. the good news is, a vast majority of los angelenos have been vaccinated. and why? because we started sneaking it into botox shots. [ laughter ] the omicron, omicron variant, whatever they call it, is here. and no one has been hit harder than the owners of a little restaurant in west bend, w

>> hello, jimmy, how are you? >> jimmy: i'm good. i'm sitting here with your friend. >> i see my friend. you know, he's 35 years old. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: smoking is no good for you, daniel. [ laughter ] george, daniel was great in this movie. isn't he? i mean, come on, he is unbelievably good. >> yeah. he actually screwed it up for all the rest of us actors who do this [ bleep ] about how difficult our job is. he showed up, never acted before, he did everything in one take. >> jimmy: is that true? all in one take? >> yeah. >> jimmy: wow. [ laughter ] [ applause ] you didn't even know what a take was before this, daniel. >> no, i did. >> jimmy: so -- okay, so you guys -- i imagine you had a lot of fun on the set, right? >> yes. >> jimmy: yeah. and as far as batmen go, daniel, who is your favorite? ben affleck or george clooney? oh my goodness, wow. [ cheers and applause ] holy moly. george. george, i don't -- i -- i don't know if you're aware of this. but the woman sitting next to you? >> hm? what? >> jimmy: there's a woman sitting

. >> jimmy: why? >> because i was the oldest person there by 30 years. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's weird, yeah. >> so that was weird. >> jimmy: pretend you have a kid, you can't find him. [ laughter ] >> exactly. that's even more creepy. >> jimmy: maybe so, yeah. >> i turn up, i saw bumblebee. >> jimmy: oh, yeah. >> the big yellow transformer, speaks in radio. >> jimmy: uh-huh? >> and i was so excited to see, a massive transformers fan as a. you play 50 cent's "it your birthday." the guy running the controls is playing that. people whose birthday it is are coming up, he's dancing with kids, women. i'm there. i'm excited. [ laughter ] i'm very, very excited. phone out, selfie mode, ready to go. i go up. he plays "it's your birthday." i start dancing. i look up and bumblebee is giving me the stink eye. [ laughter ] i just look at him. the look he had on his face -- i think he hated me, man. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: oh! >> yeah, it's kind of weird. i haven't been able to get it out of my head. >> jimmy:

>> jimmy: well, i don't know i -- >> jimmy jimmy, this is -- >> jimmy: there's a mask >> no, jimmy -- >> jimmy: unused >> jimmy, that's not good enough come on. >> jimmy: how about this how about a tote bag >> no, i have that bag [ audience oohs i have that. >> jimmy: you have that? >> you gave that to josh, okay >> jimmy: oh >> come on >> jimmy: oh, i have something that i did not give to josh. [ audience oohs how about a fallon sweatshirt? you could -- you could rock this >> this -- this is warmer. getting warmer but i feel like it needs -- i'm talking about sparkly, shiny -- look, oprah gives out really expensive -- >> jimmy: yeah, but oprah is not on tv that much anymore. >> oprah just got really good. >> jimmy: she does specials. >> jimmy, jimmy -- oh, that's actually terrifying [ laughter ] by my daughter might enjoy it. >> jimmy: i'll get you - >> okay. [ laughter ] [ talking over each other >> jimmy: act -- act like you love it, please. >> thank you so. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: congrats on "anne boleyn." >> thank you >> jimmy: you're getting great reviews. you are doing -- i mea

. >> jimmy: wow. >> kurt vonnegut. >> jimmy: really? >> yes, one of my favorite novelists. >> jimmy: minute too, yeah. >> he's amazing. so he came. >> jimmy: did you talk to him afterwards? >> sure, he came backstage. i couldn't believe that he was there. because you know -- "slaughterhouse-five." "breakfast of champions." it was astounding to hear his take on what this show was. he compared it to a symphony with movements. you started here, then you went to allegre >> jimmy: what a compliment. >> it was. oprah winfrey came. >> jimmy: i don't know who that is. [ laughter ] >> letterman came twice. the first night he was sitting next to henry kissinger. there's a combination. [ laughter ] stupid henry kissinger, you know? henry came backstage with him. and it was loothe odd couple. what? this is wrong. "really, i loved the show, it was very moving, so moving, i really loved the show, i'd like you to meet my wife, say hello to billy joel." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's the worst letterman impersonation i've ever heard. [ laughter ] so kis

: sure >> jimmy: whatever it is >> steve: yeah >> jimmy: but, no, right now >> steve: cheetos. >> jimmy: these are like magic to me. [ laughter ] >> steve: so you eat one it's like magic >> jimmy: well, i think it's perfectly done it's perfectly dusted with cheetos dust >> steve: just with cheese >> jimmy: yes, it's perfectly -- >> steve: did you meet chester cheeto during the commercial >> jimmy: i got to meet him. >> steve: are you serious? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah >> steve: what is he like? >> jimmy: he's cheesy. [ laughter ] but anyways, i want to thank frito-lay for doing this with toys for tots, and for also giving everyone in our audience their own bags of frito-lay. [ cheers and applause ♪ let me see it. let me see 'em right there so we can get a good shot at it give 'em a good shake right there. it's a shared experience [ cheers and applause whoa happy holidays, everybody. we'll be right back with more "tonight show! [ cheers and applause ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ it's the most wonderful time of the year ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ when you've got your lay's that don't last many days ♪ ♪ 'c

♪ [ cheers and applause [ knock on door >> yo. >> jimmy: hey, matthew >> hey, jimmy. merry christmas, man happy holidays. >> jimmy: happy holidays any big plans? >> oh, yes i'm going home to spend some quality time with my family. >> jimmy: yeah, same i can't believe it's been two years since we've got to celebrate christmas together >> right i know, i can't wait to see everyone >> jimmy: i know, i'll tell you one thing though, this year's going to be a lot different than last one. >> it sure will, jimmy ♪ ♪ this christmas will b different than christmas from last year ♪ ♪ we're trading in th facetimes for some i person cheer i can't wait to see them ♪ ♪ the sights and sounds this christmas we're flyin back to our hometown ♪ >> jimmy: excuse me. >> hey >> jimmy: sorry >> out of the way. excuse me, hey let's go ♪ there is always that on neighbor that is way too har with his lights ♪ >> hey, matthew >> hey ♪ and your momma tells th family about every littl neighborhood fight ♪ >> there is book club drama. ♪ and your aunt pulls you underneath the

improv. >> jimmy: wow. is that normal >> is that -- yeah, and i go, "okay, so i've learned in improv --" again, number two, improv. always say yes >> jimmy: yes, yes >> if you got to keep -- so we have two rules now in acting >> jimmy: we're learning a lot from you tonight >> so much you're welcome >> jimmy: yeah, yeah of course. don't break and -- >> don't break and - >> jimmy: yes and. >> yes and of course. so he goes, "is that normal? and i go, "yes." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that's your answer >> that's my answer. because that's the rule. no, just yes >> jimmy: yes, okay. >> and in my mind i go - >> jimmy: nailed it. >> nailed it [ laughter ] >> jimmy: nailed it. >> nailed it, just like -- >> jimmy: is that normal yes. [ laughter ] >> and we drive for another minute and finally the take is over and i just have been basking i'm like, "wow, god, alana, you are in the movies now. look at what you just did. [ laughter ] that was incredible. and i go to turn to my fellow actors in the -- we call them actors my

>> jimmy: wow! >> steve: meow >> jimmy: well, here's some good news. dr. fauci said that the first data on the severity of the omicron variant is encouraging yeah, that's what passes for good news in 2021. [ laughter ] the new deadly virus variant is only worrisome people are like, "this calls for a tepid uncertain celebration. [ laughter ] yep, it's encouraging. which is positive enough to continue with your holiday plans, but vague enough to make you spend the entire time freaking out you're like, "did someone sneeze did someone sneeze?" [ laughter ] get this, according to new research, americans have experienced a rise in blood pressure during the pandemic you know things are bad when you go to cvs and the blood pressure machine is on lipitor [ laughter ] meanwhile, i read that 17 people on a norwegian cruise ship that docked in new orleans have tested positive for covid a company spokesman said, "we're all concerned and pretending to be shocked by this disturbing news." [ laughter ] on the bright side, norwegian promised customers out of all the cruise

hello, guillermo's brothers. >> guillermo: hello, jimmy. >> hello, jimmy! >> hello, jimmy! [ laughter ] >> jimmy: guillermo, what are your brothers' names? >> guillermo: this is guillermo. and this is also guillermo. >> jimmy: three guillermos? >> guillermo: well, you know what they say, "if it ain't broke, don't fix it." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that is true, they say that. in front of each guillermo are both the leading brand of animal nuggets and impossible chicken nuggets. our taste testers don't know which is which. that information is known only to us. okay, guillermos, everyone eat a nugget from the plate on your left, all right? there we go. all right. now, eat a nugget from the plate on your right. what do you think? how do you like those? >> guillermo: very good. >> very good. >> and crispy. >> jimmy: what if i told you, those are meat from plants? >> guillermo: delicioso! >> delicioso! >> delicioso! >> jimmy: delicioso indeed! there you have it. three out of three guillermos and one swarthy talk show host prefers impossible chicken nuggets. delicioso! [ cheers and

jimmy kimmelo's next. >> announcer: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- rob mcelhenney -- ariana debose -- and music from sting. and now, jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: i appreciate that. hi, welcome, thank you. thanks, guys. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thanks for watching. thanks for coming. that's very kind. thank you. that's right, sit down. you know, i was off last night, i was working but i was off from this show. i want to thank j.b. smoove for ki filling in for me last night. [ applause ] last night, if you don't know, we staged live revivals of the shows "facts of life" and "diff'rent strokes" last night. live on abc. they're both on hulu now if you missed it. we had an incredible cast. kevin hart, jennifer aniston, damon wayans, jon stewart -- i'm not going to go through all the names but they were absolutely great. and we also had some surprise guests. snoop the dog was with us. [ cheers and applause ] played arnold and willis' friends. and jason bateman and will arnett played tim and dink, a couple of fo

. >> jimmy: i know. everybody's here. [ cheers and applause ] and season 2 of "the great" premieres friday on hulu. elle fanning, everybody. we'll be back with little simz. [ cheers and applause ] we'll be back with little simz. [ cheerstype 2 diabetes ♪ing to manage your knocking y of your zo? lowering your a1c with once-weekly ozempic® can help you get back in it. oh, oh, oh, ozempic®! my zone... lowering my a1c, cv risk, and losing some weight... now, back to the game! ozempic® is proven to lower a1c. most people who took ozempic® reached an a1c under 7 and maintained it. and you may lose weight. adults lost on average up to 12 pounds. in adults also with known heart disease, ozempic® lowers the risk of major cardiovascular events such as heart attack, stroke, or death. ozempic® helped me get back in my type 2 diabetes zone. ozempic® isn't for people with type 1 diabetes. don't share needles or pens, or reuse needles. don't take ozempic® if you or your family ever had medullary thyroid cance

and now, jimmy kimmel! [ applause ] >> jimmy: hello. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for joining us on another important night here at abc. i say it's an important night because it was -- "bachelorette men tell all night" here on abc. not only did they tell all, it was almost a fight. >> i've been able to provide for my mother, brother and sister, for my family. >> talking about -- [ overlapping speakers ] >> tell your cyster to stay out of my bm. >> you got a problem with me? >> i do have a problem with you. >> jerry! jerry! jery! >> how the hell did he get this there? that wasn't the only surprise. after that, this pizza guy peter -- i have to hand it to him, we've been through i don't know how many of these men tell-all specials, and they're always basically the same deal. until tonight, when peter literally served vengeance on his nemesis, will. >> there is one more thing i would like to say. i have somebody here if i could bring somebody out. >> your sister? >> i'm sorry, what? >> you've been served. for defamation of character.

. >> jimmy: oh, my - >> oh, boy oh, boy. >> jimmy: really come on. >> this is amazing >> jimmy: oh, i -- it is amazing. i'm so happy you are here. >> i am so happy to be here. >> jimmy: you came all the way from madrid to see us. >> yeah. yeah >> jimmy: thank you so much. this is -- >> why not [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah this -- this is your first ever talk show -- late night talk show appearance? >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: i'm so honored [ cheers and applause >> can you believe this? my first talk show here -- >> jimmy: i'm -- >> with jimmy fallon [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, it's chill it's just us talking >> it's chill, yeah. >> jimmy: what i've got to talk about it. congrats on the success of "money heist." >> thank you >> jimmy: i mean, this is -- [ cheers and applause >> it's been crazy thank you guys >> jimmy: when did you realize that it was -- it was just giant? >> well, i remember i was -- i was a uruguay. i was with my parents-in-law and my boyfriend and we were celebrating the new year's eve >> jimmy: yeah >> and it was crazy because i went to this party and it was crowded a

>> jimmy: wow! >> steve: meow >> jimmy: well, here's some good news. dr. fauci said that the first data on the severity of the omicron variant is encouraging yeah, that's what passes for good news in 2021. [ laughter ] the new deadly virus variant is only worrisome people are like, "this calls for a tepid uncertain celebration. [ laughter ] yep, it's encouraging. which is positive enough to continue with your holiday plans, but vague enough to make spend the entire time freaking out. you're like, "did someone sneeze did someone sneeze?" [ laughter ] get this, according to new research, americans have experienced a rise in blood pressure during the pandemic you know things are bad when you go to cvs and the blood pressure machine is on lipitor [ laughter ] meanwhile, i read that 17 people on a norwegian cruise ship that docked in new orleans have tested positive for covid a company spokesman said, "we're all concerned and pretending to be shocked by this disturbing news." [ laughter ] on the bright side, norwegian promised customers out of all the cruise li

. >> jimmy: hello, i'm jimmy. >> wonya. >> lisa. >> samantha, nice to meet you. >> jimmy: it's nice to meet you too. thanks for meeting with me. boy, you're really festive around here, huh? >> it's like this all the time. >> it's our life. >> jimmy: i know you guys make a lot of movies about the holidays. i'm just imagining at this point, how many have you made? >> several hundred? >> several hundred, yeah. >> jimmy: it must be hard to keep coming up with fresh ideas, right? >> it is tough. >> jimmy: good news, i'm full of fresh ideas. literally jam-packed with them. i have some ideas i'd like to pitch you. okay? greg, have you had characters named greg? >> yes. >> jimmy: oh. [ laughter ] then it works. greg's girlfriend is taking him to meet her family over the holidays. but greg has a secret. every year at the stroke of midnight on christmas eve, greg turns into a gnome until new year's eve. will greg be able to impress her family as a hollow cement figurine? anything can happen when we go "gnome for the holidays." "there's no place like gnome." >> we've actually already been pitched

>> jimmy: right. >> even being the subject of that is just sort of the cost of doing business a little bit as an actor, but not my kids, don't do that, it's wrong, it hurts me and the family, stop that. [ applause ] >> jimmy: last time you were here, you said on the air that you knew where tom brady was going to go after the patriots. and then you told me during the commercial. and it was wrong. [ laughter ] >> it was. it was. >> jimmy: i want to know, can i ask a question, please? [ laughter ] >> yeah, go ahead. >> jimmy: were you lying to me? or was he lying to you? go ahead. >> that was a test. >> jimmy: that was a test. >> there's a leak. and i planted several different items. >> jimmy: i see. >> with several different people. >> jimmy: uh-huh? >> whichever one leaked, then i knew they were the source. >> jimmy: i see. >> spy trick. >> jimmy: do you remember which story you told me? >> you were the chargers. >> jimmy: i was? >> am i right? >> jimmy: half right, you said the chargers or raiders. ye

jimmy: oh, my goodness. listen to that come on. [ cheers ] welcome, everybody welcome, welcome, welcome. thank you. relax. welcome, welcome, welcome to "the tonight show. you're here. you made it. thank you for watching at home [ applause ] i appreciate it. well, guys, tonight in washington, d.c., president biden attended the 99th annual national christmas tree lighting. meanwhile the rockefeller center christmas tree was like, "uh, yeah, sure, that's the national christmas tree. [ laughter ] and this was special a real-life "elf on the shelf" made an appearance yeah he got up and said, "for last time, my name is pete buttigieg." [ laughter ] then organizers said, "sorry, here's the real elf on the shelf. and then he got up and said, "i'm sorry, for the last time, my name is dr. fauci." this is terrible [ laughter ] who is writing that's right by all accounts, it was a great time i mean, it definitely went better than boris johnson's tree lighting in the u.k this is real look at this >> five, four, three, tw

>> guillermo: i'm ready, jimmy. >> jimmy: okay. as another year comes to a close we do what we set out to do so long ago. we bleep and blur the big tv moments of the year whether they need it or not for all 12 months of 2021. it's this year in unnecessary censorship. >> that chorus of voices across languages and continents, we hear a common cry. a cry for [ bleep ]. simple [ bleep ]. >> turn to the person next to you and give them a hug. someone you don't go. go [ bleep ] somebody. go ahead and spread it out. [ bleep ] spreader. it's an [ bleep ] spreader event. >> so beautiful. >> beautiful, yes, in its way. >> no, i mean [ bleep ]. >> oh, my. >> just amazing. >> i know they are different tastes. and i also know you have hard [ bleep ]. soft [ bleep ]. i don't know if that makes a big difference in whether the [ bleep ] feels differently in your mouth. maybe we don't want to go down this rabbit hole, michaela. >> my old sponge bob t-shirt was covered in [ bleep ] stains. >> i can tell you myself that i've [ bleep ] five [ bleep ]

jimmy carter's legacy on equality in the world. guest: well, i think there is a reason that he has become a global icon and that is that for all of his shortcomings, all the warts, all of his political failings, he is not just a symbol of decency and peacemaking. look at just the place where that speech, which was one of his liberty university, founded by jerry falwell, who had done so much to defeat carter, he believes in reconciliation and human rights and equality and he has devoted most of his life to advancing those ideas. in that sense, he is a genuine inspiration to all of us, whatever one's party politics in a troubled time. not necessarily through political office he only held political office for 12 of his now 97 years, but throughout the rest of his life as well. he was trying to do what was right to advance these very deep and american inspired in many cases ideas, freedom, equality, peace. and this is an inspirational time and why when i was working on the book i always found carter to be a wonderful vacation from our

bush about jimmy carter, as well as jimmy carter on many occasions. but barack obama said very nice things about carter but at his 2008 convention, he didn't really want carter there or in 2012. so his involvement was minimal in part because of some things carter had been saying at the time and then carter felt kind of abandoned by obama when obama was president and a little hurt. at one point i said, early on in my conversations with jimmy carter, i said, how would you describe your relationship with president obama? this was when obama was still in office in 2015 and he snapped, i had none. that's the way he felt about it. and obama told me he basically didn't have the bandwidth, given everything going on, to have a real relationship with jimmy carter. but i think a lot of it was that carter was what i describe as a freelance secretary of state, which did a number of good things in the world, particularly in 1994 when he prevented wars in both haiti and north korea when clinton was president but if you're president, it's pretty hard to have this guy

sorry, kid. >> jimmy: all right. next question. >> zendaya, i was wondering who the best spiderman is in your opinion, toby mcguire? tell me what you think. >> i love the confidence. >> yo, zendaya. so -- um, listen. i am not going to get in trouble. i am not going to pick a favorite. but -- >> oh. >> jimmy: next question is from -- is from lucca. >> why are you not in the avengers video game? >> i'm so sorry i wasn't in it, man. you know what? they didn't pay me enough. >> jimmy: next question for benedict. >> do you go back in time to buy your clothes? >> [ bleep ]. um, no. >> jimmy: next for tom. >> spider man, if you had a fight with thor, how long would it be and who would win? >> that's such a good question. >> that is a great question. >> how long would it be is a weird part of it. but -- >> i hope it will be pretty quick and painless. i think he would -- he would batter me. no? hemsworth and thor. >> well, yeah, hemsworth, yeah. for sure. thor? i don't know. all right. next question. >> mj, are -- are you mad

and now, jimmy kimmel! >> jimmy: hello, i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for watching. thank you for coming. you picked an amazing night to be with us. as we welcome the cast of "spider-man: no way home." i am much more excited about this than a 54-year-old person should be. either my spidey sense is tingling, or i'm passing a kidney stone. you know, when i grew up, we didn't have spider-man movies. we had spiders. and mice. jacob battalon, tom holland, zandaya and benedict cumberbatch are backstage. benedict was nominated for a golden globe today. which is a weird one this year. because the golden globes ceremony will not be televised, and much of hollywood has shunned their parent organization, the hollywood foreign press association, after we learned that not only is it a completely fake and bogus organization made up of mostly grifters with blogs. turns out, they didn't have a single black member in the whole association. so this year, they decided to get a famous black person to announce the nominees. they put their heads together and said,

jimmy carter's legacy on equality in the world. guest: well, i think there is a reason that he has become a global icon and that is that for all of his shortcomings, all the warts, all of his political failings, he is not just a symbol of decency and peacemaking. look at just the place where that speech, which was one of his liberty university, founded by jerry falwell, who had done so much to defeat carter, he believes in reconciliation and human rights and equality and he has devoted most of his life to advancing those ideas. in that sense, he is a genuine inspiration to all of us, whatever one's party politics in a troubled time. not necessarily through political office he only held political office for 12 of his now 97 years, but throughout the rest of his life as well. he was trying to do what was right to advance these very deep and american inspired in many cases ideas, freedom, equality, peace. and this is an inspirational time and why when i was working on the book i always found carter to be a wonderful vacation from our

jimmy carter's legacy on equality in the world. guest: well, i think there is a reason that he has become a global icon and that is that for all of his shortcomings, all the warts, all of his political failings, he is not just a symbol of decency and peacemaking. look at just the place where that speech, which was one of his liberty university, founded by jerry falwell, who had done so much to defeat carter, he believes in reconciliation and human rights and equality and he has devoted most of his life to advancing those ideas. in that sense, he is a genuine inspiration to all of us, whatever one's party politics in a troubled time. not necessarily through political office he only held political office for 12 of his now 97 years, but throughout the rest of his life as well. he was trying to do what was right to advance these very deep and american inspired in many cases ideas, freedom, equality, peace. and this is an inspirational time and why when i was working on the book i always found carter to be a wonderful vacation from our