>> steve: let me see it. >> jimmy: why would i do that? >> steve: let me see it. oh, my god, it's great. [ laughter ] [ drum roll ] >> jimmy: all right. the 13th album. it comes out december 6th, so you can get on, you know, itunes right now. you know, just preorder it. it's called "undun." here it is. here's the cover. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ preorder this guy. >> steve: oh, my gosh. >> jimmy: you know what? you got to stuff your stockings. you got five stockings, you get five copies of "undun," and you're finished. >> steve: yeah. "thank you notes" and -- >> jimmy: put all the cds and "thank you notes," too. >> steve: and you're done. >> jimmy: and betty wright as well. but "undun" is spelled incorrectly. i love that. [ light laughter ] >> steve: is that a sandwich? >> jimmy: well, i don't know -- no, it's not a sandwich. >> steve: oh. >> jimmy: it's like mattresses. bunch of mattresses. >> steve: make it a sandwich. >> jimmy: is it a sandwich? >> it's a mattress, but -- >> jimmy: it is a mattress, but -- >> i like a sandwich better. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: t

: yes. >> steve: oh, my god. "songs about jane." he talks about all the time. it's great. >> jimmy: yeah. that's his favorite record. [ light laughter ] some celebrity news, there's talk that kim kardashian is having second thoughts about her divorce from kris humphries. [ audience oohs ] yeah. even brett favre was like, "hey make a decision and stick with it lady." [ laughter ] hey, come on. [ applause ] listen to this. you guys, a new report shows that police in new york makes 50,000 arrests every year for marijuana possession. which explains that new show "law and order: special funyuns unit." [ laughter ] have you seen that? >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: oh, it's good. it is good man. [ coughs ] they're more like webisodes, but still good. [ coughs ] yeah. >> steve: yeah. [ coughs ] >> jimmy: oh, my -- [ laughter ] now, i got -- yeah, yeah, yeah. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: bom, bom. i think that he's the murder. [ laughter ] [ cheers ] did he get bonged in a different pinches? >> steve: i think so. i don't know. b

steve feels they've copied me. in fact, steve feels even stronger. they've ripped me off, and -- and he's furious. plus, the deep philosophical difference between bill gates and steve jobs is steve has the temperament of an artist. he wants end-to-end control, wants to control the hardware, software, the device, everything so that you have a seamless, beautiful, integrated user experience. bill gates feels we should have more consumer choice. we'll create windows, but we'll license it to h.p. and dell and compaq and ibm and all sorts of computermakers -- >> it's a businessmen's -- >> there's more volume that way. >> and it works. by the end, microsoft has more than 90% of the market share. people think its model has worked better. then cycles turn. this is why it's a complex relationship. in the end, one of the scenes i love is because he really likes -- bill gates likes him, he likes bill gates. there's sort of a bond that comes from being a competitor. so bill gates visits him a few months ago when steve is sick, on medical leave. and they spend, y

>> steve: well, he might have. >> jimmy: whatever. >> steve: he should have. if he would have, everybody would know him. [ light laughter ] ♪ thank you, subscription cards that fall out of magazines, for allowing me to read and litter at the same time. [ laughter and applause ] i appreciate that. that's -- [ applause ] ♪ thank you, good and plenty candies. or as i like to call you, prescription licorice. [ laughter ] ♪ thank you, air mattresses, for being the least creepy thing that you can blow up and lie on top of. [ laughter ] there you have it. those are my thank you notes. [ cheers and applause ] we'll be right back with more "late night," everybody. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ [ jennifer ] no matter where you're from... ♪ ...elegance... ♪ ...is hard work. ♪ it's taking style... ♪ whatever you want me to ...performance... ♪ i'm gonna see you through ...and originality and making them look easy. ♪ i can breathe, i can feel ♪ i believe ♪ and there ain't no doubt about it ♪ it's all crossed out... it's 'cause i got everything on i

." >> steve: "oh my god!" >> jimmy: "yeah." >> steve: "wear that jacket!" that's classier than my jacket." >> jimmy: "the casino is closed. sorry. we'll do it tomorrow. you argue too much!" [ laughter ] >> jimmy: pro -- the casino is also connected to a race tack, so people are calling it a racino. a racino. con -- which i believe that's also the spanish word for tiny racist. [ laughter ] [ talking over each other ] >> steve: "-- uno racino." >> jimmy: "uno racino." >> steve: i saw that on "sabado gigante." >> jimmy: did you? >> steve: yeah. there's a character they have. tiny racist. >> jimmy: tiny racist, yeah. >> steve: like tiny -- >> jimmy: pro -- blowing the dice for good luck. >> steve: uh-oh. oh, no. [ audience groans ] [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: stop it. stop it, hey. you got that from herman cain's podium? >> steve: yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: where did you get that? >> jimmy: that's herman cain's. herman cain just had that. >> steve: herman cain mailed it to me. it's on c-span, he mailed it to me. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it came went r

steve feels they've copied me. in fact, steve feels even stronger. they've ripped me off, and -- and he's furious. plus, the deep philosophical difference between bill gates and steve jobs is steve has the temperament of an artist. he wants end-to-end control, wants to control the hardware, software, the device, everything so that you have a seamless, beautiful, integrated user experience. bill gates feels we should have more consumer choice. we'll create windows, but we'll license it to h.p. and dell and compaq and ibm and all sorts of computer makers -- >> it's a businessmen's -- there's more volume that way. >> and it works. by the end, microsoft has more than 90% of the market share. people think its model has worked better. then cycles turn. this is why it's a complex relationship. in the end, one of the scenes i love is because he really likes -- bill gates likes him, he likes bill gates. there's sort of a bond that comes from being a competitor. so bill gates visits him a few months ago when steve is sick, on medical leave. and they spend, you

walter was hired by steve or brought in by steve to do the job and i think steve chose him because of his gra va as the. >> you were there. >> i was there for a lot of it. still, i know, i think steve sort of pulled it over on him a little bit. >> i'm about two-thirds through the book now. >> are you mentioned in it? >> i'm in the footnotes. >> i didn't look in the footnotes. >> i'm sure you're in. how much of a role did his intuition play into it. >> what's your per sengs of the future of the even company without steve guiding it? >> we have four or five yeerps of timetables and roadmaps available and we're fine. you know what? they are. everybody has that. you've got plan for that. mora's law is going to take effect and you've got to expect that that's going to happen. they say, we have a bunch of categories and we haven't seen them and then the next week they drop itv. >> he was making changes every step of the way. >> they were. >> they're not going to have in anymore. >> there are people at apple that nobody knows about that steve worked with and groomed for 25 years that will be

>> steve: funny, but true. >> it's true. >> steve: great discussion today. i'd like to thank the panel. >> thank you. >> steve: great conversation. meanwhile, she walked away with a million bucks in her pocket. so why is a school superintendent about to collect unemployment? is this where your tax dollars should be going? and another shocker, retailers are putting the christ back in christmas. but are they just doing it to make a quick buck? if so, you okay with that? right back. [ male announcer ] the inspiring story of how a shippingiant can befriend a forest may seem lie the stuff of fairy tales. but if you take aw the faces on the trees... take away the pixie dust. take away the singing animals, and the storybook narrator... [ man ] you're ft with more electric trucks. more recycled shipping materials... and a growing number of lower emissions planes... which still makes for a pretty enchanted tale. ♪ la la la [ man ] whoops, forgot one... [ male announcer ] sustainable solutions. fedex. solutions that matter. ry ♪ >> gretchen: is this where we're su

. >> steve: no, that's not dr. seuss. >> jimmy: that's not theodore geisel, right? >> steve: no. he got his sleibel slorbeled. >> jimmy: i just saw this, guys. microsoft is apparently designing rooms for a hotel in france. you can tell the rooms are from microsoft. every time you open the window, they just freeze and need to be reinstalled. [ laughter ] >> steve: oh! >> jimmy: i kid, microsoft. some business news, campbell's soup announced that its profits fell 4% in the last quarter. when he addressed the company's shareholders, the ceo was like, "it's mm, mm, bad." [ laughter ] and finally, the tsa announced that it will give fewer security pat downs to travelers this week. so i guess on thanksgiving, you're just going to have to get groped the old fashioned way -- by your weird uncle hank. you guys, we have a great show tonight. give it up for, the roots! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, very nice. we've got a big show tonight. a very funny and very busy man, howie mandel is here. [ cheers and applause ] he always makes me laugh. he's a funny dude. one of my favorite

we'll go in focus with steve and elizabeth and victoria and mark and rick. steve, you are a perry guy and like the flat tax idea. how about this one? >> it is a good idea. less congress meets, the safer the republic is. and longer congress meets, more the government gets gummed up. a flat tax and undo obama care. the less they go to washington the better. they didn't know about air-conditioning that allow them to stay through the summer. >> mark, the less we see of these guys, the better? >> you know, david, it is spoken. perry is a part-time governor who is a ceremonial government and has little power and spoken like a person who works part-time with not much understanding of the complexity of federal government and how it is run. we have a 3.6 trillion dollar budget and two million employees in the federal government. how are we going to solve the problems on a part-time basis? it is a bigger economy now than when we started the country. >> bottom line, rich, would it help or hurt having these guys guys work time. >> i think governor perry's heart is in th

>> steve: i don't know. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: hey, guys, you know what today is? >> steve: what? >> jimmy: it's friday. [ cheers and applause ] got to get down. >> steve: i love friday. >> jimmy: that's usually when i catch up on some personal stuff. i check my inbox. i return some e-mails and, of course, send out thank you notes. [ cheers and applause ] running a bit behind. i was wondering, do you guys mind? can i write out some thank you notes right now? do you mind? is that cool? [ cheers and applause ] i love you guys. james, can i get some thank you writing note music, please?

>> don't listen to him, steve! >> ok, bon jovi, bon jovi, yes, and bees, do they hold the keys to striking a super debt deal? you'll only get the answer on cavuto. another you tube moment for new jersey governor chris christie. what teachers' unions are saying now that has him saying this. >> cut the crap! ok? nities across the country, from helping to revitalize a neighborhood in brooklyn to financing industries that are creating jobs in boston or providing funding for the expansion of a local business serving a diverse seattle community and supporting training programs for tomorrow's workforce in los angeles. because the more we can do in local neighborhoods and communities, the more we can help make opportunity possible. can make it from australia to a u.s. lab to a patient in time for surgery may seem like a trumped-up hollywood premise. ♪ but if you take away the dramatic score... take away the dizzying 360-degree camera move... [ tires screech ] ...and take away the over-the-top stunt, you're still left wit

with -- >> steve: you? >> pepperoni. >> sausage. [ ding ] >> jimmy: oh! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] the best. the best. betty white and the birthday girl are the best. the book. where's that book? the book is out right now, you guys. check it out. "hot in cleveland" airs wednesdays at 10:00. this wednesday at 10 on tvland. the one and only betty white, everybody. jack huston joins us next. happy, happy birthday. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ [ horse neighs ] you're leaving. it is my destiny. ♪ take this. it is a piece of me. ♪ [ male announcer ] it's movie time. with a wii twist. netflix now delivers unlimited tv episodes and movies instantly through wii and nintendo 3ds. all for only 8 bucks a month. seriously, what is it? cigarette? you coming? umm, nah you go ahead. i'm good. alright. ♪ [ male announcer ] every time you say no to a cigarette, you celebrate a little win. nicorette mini helps relieve cravings in minutes. so you can quit one cigarette at a time. nicorette mini helps you go from one

>> steve: eh-m. e-m, eh? >> jimmy: this cool guy, who's written a ton of books and actually has a new video game he's going to talk about. this guy is just cool. deepak chopra is here. >> steve: oh, come on. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: deepak chopra's video game, "leela." it's a video game. super cool. >> steve: can't wait. >> jimmy: and we got some great music. oh, these guys are unbelievable. m83 on the show tonight. [ cheers and applause ] beautiful. cool stuff. really good, really good. aw, i'm excited. what a fun show. jam packed with fun and goodness. and can you feel the good vibes from this audience and this studio. you feel the vibe. [ cheers and applause ] a lot of goodness. a lot of love. a lot of love in this room. a lot of you guys may know that we do our show from studio 6b here in 30 rockefeller plaza, and over the years, the studio has been used for tons of different things from texaco star theater to the news, but we recently found out that our studio used to be home to a video dating s

very good. [ light laughter ] >> steve: stool. >> jimmy: yeah, loose stool over there. >> steve: loose stool. [ laughter and applause ] ♪ >> i love you, jimmy! >> jimmy: i love you, too. [ laughter ] ♪ [ light laughter ] thank you, three-hole punches, or as i like to call you, confetti maker. [ cheers and applause ] i like those things. ♪ [ light laughter ] thank you, plastic grocery sack, for holding my delicious, nourishing groceries one day, and then dog poop the next. [ laughter and applause ] they're good. >> steve: versatile. very versatile. dog stool. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: dog stool. >> steve: yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: that's correct. ♪ thank you, arm wrestling, for being the manliest way to hold another dude's hand. [ laughter ] there you go, guys. those are my thank you notes! [ cheers and applause ] we'll be back with more "late night"! come on back! thank you. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ crunchy, roasted peanuts. meet soft, chewy caramel. for the energy to keep you going. who wouldn't want to be a part of that? payday. the sweet taste of energy. ♪ [ male announcer ] y

>> steve: no one. >> jimmy: silence. i actually heard a couple guys -- someone unwrapping a hard candy. they're like -- [ laughter ] anyone out there wear denim shirts? dead silent. at least they're honest. all right, good. >> jimmy: here we go. "thank-you notes." ♪ thank you, cheap bottles of wine, or as i like to call you, gifts. [ laughter ] >> steve: hey, that's your -- $3.99. ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, the tsa, for celebrating your 10th birthday this week. i got you a very special package. mine. [ laughter and applause ] "turn around." [ cheers and applause ] "bend over. put this blindfold on. sign this affidavit. i'm going to see if you've got anything." [ light laughter ] >> steve: must be made of felt. [ light laughter ] past tense of feel. >> jimmy: yeah, that's a good joke. >> steve: ah, denim. [ light laughter ] ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, rigatoni, for looking like regular pasta that put on corduroys. [ laughter ] [ applause ] thank you, accidentally hitting the caps lock button, for turning my normal e-mail abo

>> steve: yeah. he did leave a message, a bunch of messages for -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. who else called me? >> steve: george harrison from abbey road called. [ laughter ] the brawny paper towel guy called. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. [ laughter ] none of them left messages. >> steve: no, no, no. they just called. they said, i don't know, we'll return. i don't know. >> jimmy: that is so weird. as i was saying, happy birthday to vice president biden who turns 69 this weekend. when they saw him coming, white house staffers turned off the lights, hid behind the couch, and then waited for him to leave. [ laughter ] also, i'd like to wish a happy birthday to larry king. yeah. [ cheers and applause ] larry king. tomorrow, he turns 78 years old for the 300th year in a row. larry king, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] american tradition, he celebrated his birthday. go to a wide. i'm going to a wide shot. it's just so weird. [ whistles ] [ cheers ] >> steve: oy. >> jimmy: i don't know how to --

steve forbes. they have effectively chosen -- there are are some -- they did select right hand reagan who eventually would become president of the united states and last time around they did select john mccain who did back the party's nominee. >> gretchen: we know newt gingrich has been done well in the debates and there has been argument there are too many debate, but that's one of the reasons is because he does well. he has challenged president obama to a debate, except there is one little caveat. he says that he will come there just himself, but he's wondering whether or not president obama will also come with his teleprompter. >> steve: yeah. he made the comments over the weekend at a speech in florida down in naples and he said it would be a series of lincoln-douglas style debates and there was this excerpt from the newt speech who said, can you imagine him, the president, looking in the mirror, graduate from colombia, the greatest arrest particularity in the democratic book, how is he going t

but, he's trying out. >> steve: i thought it was the gecko now. >> jimmy: i don't know. >> steve: huh? [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: pro -- it's just a matter of time before you once again seeing someone driving hard to the hole and trying to score. con -- especially if you work for herman cain. [ audience oohs ] don't go there. >> steve: why would you go there? >> jimmy: why, for the fourth time, would you go there? >> steve: yeah. he's bought a bus and got a ticket to town and went there. don't go there. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: i've asked you numerous times not to go there. >> steve: please refrain from going there. >> jimmy: yet, you keep trying to go there. >> steve: please, elaborate -- >> jimmy: you went there. >> steve: -- elaborate to the palm. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: i've been there already, and i've done that. >> steve: well, why did you went there? >> jimmy: so, speak to the palm of my hand. >> steve: please, you are not all that and a bag of combustibles -- [ light laughter ] -- chips. >> jimmy: pro -- with no scheduled games, players don't have to travel to 30 di

. >> steve: yeah. they're pretty evenly matched at about everything. >> jimmy: kind of much exactly the same there. >> steve: but, now here's an interesting graphic. there you go. >> jimmy: nice. people make some noise. we got world famous ufc referee, herb dean in the house. let him hear it, herb dean. >> steve: oh yeah! >> jimmy: here we go, hairy hell has been unleashed. now approaching the ring, weighing in at 0.001 ounces with a record of 12 wins, no losses, and trying to set the record straight. hailing from under the nose of herman cain -- it is herman cain's mustache. >> steve: oh he just got a cue to do the hairy -- his for 13 years. >> jimmy: this 'stache just can't keep it in his pants. and his opponent, weighing in at 0.00 and a quarter ounces. with a record of 10 wins, no losses, and dozens of best selling video games worldwide. he's a plumber. he's got a brother. he's super mario's mustache. and he's won six others. >> steve: if there's a video game hell -- this violent test is getting to

paulsen is here with a soggy forecast, steve? >> we have areas where the visibility is zero and i think that will get chewed up here and we will go from a dense fog advisory to a wind advisory until 9:00 a.m. and there are signs some is beginning to move around, sunny and highs near 60s. here is sal. >>> it is strange to have this section of the east shore freeway be fog free where just a few moments ago it was loaded with fog. now some areas are not as foggy as other parts of the bay. at 5:31 let's go back to the desk. >>> well a community bids farewell to a fallen police officer. he was gunned down after chasing a bank robbery suspect, and we will have more on viewing this public memorial. >> reporter: if you take a look behind me, you can see all the chairs set up, thousand people are expected to attend including jerry brown and the high school basketball team. the officer was their coach. now the way people felt about him is clear by the huge amount of flowers left on the steps of the police department, where he worked for ne

. >> steve: sure. when you look at the department of health and human services with health care reform bill and where there is some suggestion that, for instance, the catholic hospital would have to provide contraception or perhaps perform an abortion, that flies in the face of what catholics are taught to believe. >> catholic hospitals, catholic charities, our schools provide first rate services and i believe it's the duty of government broadly to accommodate our religious beliefs and convictions and allow us to perform those services according to our light, even when we are engaged in a government contract because our catholic institutions provide excellent services, bring a lot to the table and we should not be at a disadvantage in competing for contracts or providing services just because we have religious convictions, convictions that are also based in reason. >> steve: sure. but when you look at contraception and when you look at abortion, sir, it does appear just on those two things alone, that

. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: yeah. >> steve: very nice dude. >> jimmy: very nice dude. a great actor, but super talented. him rapping is unbelievable, and he becomes his character, childish gambino. yeah. >> steve: wow. >> jimmy: that's his whole thing. and if you don't know who childish gambino is, write it down. because you'll know who it is after you see him tonight. and you go -- yeah. and take a picture. a mental picture. i mean, like, this guy is going to blow -- he's going to blow. he's already -- he sold out, like, some crazy show last night. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: like 800 million people last night. [ laughter ] >> steve: i think it's 1800 -- yeah, 1800 million. >> jimmy: yeah, whatever. 1800 million. i didn't read the e-mail. [ light laughter ] but anyways -- but today is friday, and that's usually when i do catch up my stuff. you know, i check my inbox. you know, i -- i like to send out some thank you notes. so, i was wondering if you guys don't mind -- [ cheers and applause ] -- i'd like to write out a few thank you notes. is that okay? can i write out a

>> steve. >> where do you live at, steve? >> except i think we would have gotten way more tazing as it were with the whole, "i'm going to pull my junk out and take a leak." i think that would have been a quick one-two for the tazing. >> ahhh! >> i mean, you really going to get up and try and take a leak? go to the bathroom in front of a police officer? i mean, no matter how much you've had to drink, are you really going to do that? i don't know. >> the officer isn't all that's real. the video is shot with the actual dash cam in the brother-in-law's very real police car.he has it get the vi processed at the station before giving it to mark. >> when he took at video in, initially the very first one, you know his coworkers immediately were like, when did that happen? when did this -- tell us the story. and so that was like the first sign that oh, man, this is really -- this could be good, you know. >> luckily mark's brother-in-law doesn't get in trouble. and steve is a success. >> something that's kind of funny and well produced

>> steve: billy mays. we used it based on that. >> brian: it always works for me. >> gretchen: is this next one ranked number two or 20? >> 20. >> gretchen: okay. tony little and the gazelle. >> working my butt off. i lean forward, i'm working my chest, the back of my calfs. and i'm working my heart and i'm working my loves. >> brian: entertaining and effectiveness. that looks good. >> $1.5 billion off that. is that unbelievable? >> gretchen: that is. >> infomercials to me are the most amazing piece of mini theater you've ever done, beginning, middle, end, it has to entertain and it has to be as compelling. >> steve: do people buy those because they want to get in shape or whether or not they can look like tony little? >> i think they get attracted to the energy -- figure, it's more exciting than what you're watching on either side of it. >> brian: people come up to me for bra advice and i always say, weak. there's an infomercial ranked 23 called ah bra. >> yes, if it hurts, you shouldn't be wearing it. >>

. >> steve: no! >> jimmy: yes. >> steve: no. >> jimmy: yes. [ in small voice ] >> steve: no. oh, we are. >> jimmy: yeah, we are. it's the last one. it's sort of a cookbook slash entertainment guide. "sober celebrations: lively entertaining without the spirits," by liz scott. [ light laughter ] it says, "lively entertaining without the spirits." okay i don't mind that. so, you don't want to have any drinks at your dinner party, that's fine. then don't put out glasses for booze. [ light laughter ] you're just taunting people. that's all the time we have for this edition of my "do no read list." [ cheers and applause ] if you have a book that you think should be on our "do not read list," i would like to see it. send your titles to our blog at latenightblog@nbc.com. [ cheers and applause ] we'll be right back with bill maher, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ [ gasp ] [ mom ] my husband -- he thinks it's a 3-sheeter. i say 1-sheeter. bounty can clean the mess with less. [ female announcer ] in this lab demo, 1 sheet of bounty leaves this surface as clean as 2 sheets of