(applause) >> jon: that's got to hurt. >> yeah. >> jon: that's got to hurt. >> it's tough but jon this is a moment to celebrate. >> jon: in what way. >> well, john, because it means we're catching up. white people have been watching their musical icons sell out to corporations for decades. it's the american dream. and we're finally achieving it. you go jay-z penney. yeah, man. and jon, jon, it's not like set only hip-hop star who is swapping his glock for soft bedding he made 100 million off his sugar water, dr. dre a quarter billion for his head phone business and you have seen ice cube's beer commercials? he's selling coors in the rockie mountains. it used to be [bleep] for the attitude, now it is [bleep] with altitude. >> jon: i thought of that but i figured it would probably be funnier if you said it. >> correct. >> jon: so you are saying we're just witnessing the maturation of rap as an art form. >> that's right, jon. our music rebels can't be rabel rousers forever. but he's still jay-z, it's just the next time you see him doing this, it may be for his new dandruff aad. he's got 9

>> jon: i know, maybe he indicated he -- >> jon, jon -- >> you don't even know what i was going to say. >> don't i know, don't i know what you were going to say. >> okay, fine, you probably do. actually, i think we do v if i may, we have a little more info. here is one of the candidate dave wilson's radio ads. >> this is killing the hopes and dreams of our chrn. >> i have had about enough of him. >> what are we going to do? >> i'm voting for dave wilson. >> jon: and here's dave wilson. (laughter) panel? >> racist. >> smart but racist. >> jon: jason jones. >> i'm going to go with creative. >> i think it's hilarious but it's totally racist. >> jon: okay right, big surprise there. >> excuse me? >> jon: you know, because-- you know, you are -- >> what? i'm what? >> jon: no, no because es -- >> what, what am i-- . >> jon: because he's not-- all i'm saying it would be nice if we could get some impartial judges in here. >> jon: let me just say this, no, no, no. you feel like you're not in a power position, i understand that. let's get some other judges in here. i think that might help. >> ser

. >> jon: oh, yeah. i do remember that actually. >> i feel bad for your mirror. >> god your face is so stupid. >> stupid face. you know metaphorically speaking. look at it. [ laughter ] >> jon: it is pretty (bleep) stupid. samantha bee, jason jones??? [cheers and applause] >> jon: welcome back to the program. [cheers and applause] for yet another installment in the award series gay watch. our first story tonight daughter of the former vice president liz cheney who is running for senate. now may be thinking to yourself that really doesn't sound so gay. [ laughter ] well, as you probably know cheney's sister is both gay and married and recently supporters of liz cheney's senate primary opponent mike enzi decided to make liz cheney choose sides. >> she's been attacked by superpack ads for being in favor of gay marriage. she appears on msnbc to campaign against the marriage amendment. >> jon: oh, my god she appears on msnbc that's basically the gay bath house of cable news. [laughter] that makes what she

jon stewart. (cheers and applause) captioning sponsored by comedy central >> jon: welcome to the show, my name is jon stewart. we have a nice one for you tonight. the great geoffrey rush will be joining us. let's begin tonight with healthcare.gov, rhymes with love. last we checked in the embattled obama administration was making a simple promise to the american people. >> by the end of this month we anticipate that it is going to be working the way that it will suppose to. >> it will take to the end of november for an optimally functioning web site. >> we will have it fully functioning by the end of november. >> jon: fully functioning by november? but as of now for some reason the site continues to give people hepatitis. we don't know. (laughter) well, today the president called a press conference to make a slight adjustment to the promise of a fully functional web site by photograph 30th. >> the web site will work much better on november 30th, december 1st than it worked certainly on october 1st.

. >> jon: yeah. what would be -- is there anything -- here is what i figure -- >> should my hands be on the desk like this. >> jon: no, no. but there's a little bit of turkey salmonella on here. >> i passed that. -- i passed that turkey backstage. >> jon: i don't blame you there. >> i thought for one second about putting it on my head and running it out. i thought, you have enough attention. it's time to rest. >> jon: if you put that turkey on your head and ran around and i don't know this for a fact. i'm in the a scientist or engineer but i think the internet would break. [laughter] people at home would just -- heads would come flying off. seriously we should talk about the movie. are we out of time? >> okay. >> jon: oh, okay. no, sit. the movies are great. >> thank you. >> jon: and i do know a little something about them. >> okay. [ laughter ] >> jon: you are in it. [ laughter ] >> mm-hmmm. they must have written you up a synopsis. you didn't get bullet points. what kind of -- what is going on here

nothing, jon. only hears the birds and the occasional jet. >> jon: he reas [cheers and applause] >> jon: welcome back. now -- i will say this, new york's mayoral race not the only election tomorrow n. virginia voters will decide between two truly remarkable gubernatorial candidates of their own. [ laughter ] somebody here is from virginia. al madrigal has more. >> virginia in tomorrow's governor's race she could give birth to another leader republican ken cucineeli or democrat mcauliffe. >> they are the worst candidates i've ever seen. >> apparently neither is fit to lead. >> for virginians it's a choice between a far right wing tea party social conservative and a democrat who has been guilty of sleazy business deals and questionable fund raiser. >> reporter: professionor we've heard this before? how bad could they actually be? >> i've never seen unfavorable ratings this tie for the candidates. less than 30% of virginians have a favorable of either candidate. if they were that bad i had to see it f

>> jon: poor woman. you know she got into politics thinking this may be a dirty unrewarding business but at least i'll never have to worry about going to work and being trampled by a crackhead. [ laughter ] and there's a reason rob ford may have been worked up by that particular city council meeting. >> the city council in toronto has just begun debating a measure that would strip a crack-smoking mayor of most of his powers. [ laughter ] >> jon: wait, smoking crack gives you powers? [ laughter ] are those powers an unquenchable thirst for crack? [ laughter ] with you oddly in mayor ford's case with great power comes very little responsibility. how did the council attempt to strip him of his powers turn out? >> ford went down 36 votes to five. >> jon: five votes. who voted to continue to give this man power? [laughter] i imagine he must have given an empassioned defense. >> his answer? >> this, folks, reminds me of when -- and i was watching with my brother-- when saddam attacked kuwait, you guys have jus

captioning sponsored by comedy central >> jon: i'm jon stewart. my guests tonight, john goodman. john goodman going to be joining us. before we start brief update on a story we were talking about yesterday, toronto mayor rob ford today clarified his earlier denials he had been caught on video smoking crack cocaine clarifying by admitting he had in fact been caught on video tape smoking crack cocaine. >> yes, i was smoking crack cocaine. do i? am i aam i am addict? have i tried it. probably in one of my drunken stupors. a crack user. i'm a social crack user. when i drink i smoke a little crack. obviously today the scandal was disgraceful and the only thing left for him to do. >> i was elected to do a job and that's exactly what i'm going to continue doing. on october 27th, of 2014, i want the people of this city to decide whether they want rob ford to be their mayor. [laughter] >> that's huge. [bleep] your sister. i'm going to stay married to you? [laughter] >> i'm hoping to continue [bleep] >> he decided, didn't he, good. i'm going to run for election. mayor ford, we need camera

. >> jon: oh, snap! did he use a magic marker to change clifford the big red dog to clifford the big red (bleep). for the record miss ferguson that crushed. sorry what did he do? >> plagiarism. >> he apparently lifted several lines of his speak directly from wikipedia. >> in the movie gatica in the too distant future eugenics is common -- vincent freeman is conceive and born the old fashioned way without the aid of genetic screening. >> jon: i'm going to pretend here that the thing we're supposed to be concerned about is that rand paul is supposed to be warning people -- he's warning the imunt a threat from an ethan hawke movie. they need rookie cops and for one day a year crime is legal and where -- um -- [laughter] days are broken. [ laughter ] and a world -- [laughter] (bleep). where the finest things come from brooklyn and i have no (bleep) idea. i don't know. i never -- how many of these -- all right. a lot of movies i haven't seen yet. as far as plagiarism goes and i'm sure there's a reasonable exp

(laughter) >> jon: no. >> it's a universal of microbes. >> jon: okay. hey, so is it true that the only way to kill a zombie is to shoot it in the head? >> jon, please, you can to the kill something that is already dead. without a functioning circulatory system distributing oxygenated blood, a zombie's muscles would si cum to rig more 'tis. they couldn't even stand let alone walk. they have no desire to eat brains because the fattiest tissue would have stopped producing the hormone helptin which triggers the sensation of hunger in the first place. just saying. (applause) >> jon: so if i get bit by a zombie i do turn into a zombie. >> of course not. zombieism can't spread through massification. >> jon: that is how they spread it? i always thought they had to bite you. >> no, being chewed on by a zombie. >> jon: good, because they spread it the other way, i mean-- we really would be in the middle of a zombie apocalypse right now. and quite frankly, i would be the leader. >> zombies are a good analogy for viral outbreaksment but when something bites you, yo

nothing, jon. only hears the birds and the occasional jet. >> jon: he really is Ë bxb$,℠,x applause]d >> jon: welcome back. now -- i will say this, new york's mayoral race not the only election tomorrow n. virginia voters will decide between two truly remarkable gubernatorial candidates of their own. [ laughter ] somebody here is from virginia. al madrigal has more. >> virginia in tomorrow's governor's race she could give birth to another leader republican ken cucineeli or democrat mcauliffe. >> they are the worst candidates i've ever seen. >> apparently neither is fit to lead. >> for virginians it's a choice between a far right wing tea party social conservative and a democrat who has been guilty of sleazy business deals and questionable fund raiser. >> reporter: professionor we've heard this before? how bad could they actually be? >> i've never seen unfavorable ratings this tie for the candidates. less than 30% of virginians have a favorable of either candidate. if they were that bad i had to

>> oh, they really needed this one, jon. obama just really needed a win. >> jon: it's been a rough couple months with the president. >> the whole mess with the nsa, congress holding up his appointments ant healthcar.gov roll out was pathetic. >> jon: nightmare. >> a disaster stuffed in a traf industry wrapped in inexmp tense. they call the a cluster (bleep) now this softwear glitch. >> jon: what is that? >> when you try to sign up for obamacare your computer punches you in the dick. [laughter] >> jon: what if you don't have -- >> in your dick. [ laughter ] i mean -- how do you not think about that when you design a web site? obama just wants something to go right for a change. he is so desperate for a win he is playing call of duty on easy to rack up achievements it's a punk move. >> jon: it is a punk move. it's (bleep). i would never do thank i know. his staff is trying trying to cm up. they have him on the white house basketball court right now trying to build up his confidence. >> jon: did they lower the rim for him? >> y

. >> jon: oh, yeah. i do remember that actually. >> i feel bad for your mirror. >> god your face is so stupid. >> stupid face. you know metaphorically speaking. look at it. [ laughter ] >> jon: it is pretty (bleep) stupid. samantha bee, jason jones [cheers and applause] >> jon: welcome back to the program. [cheers and applause] for yet another installment in the award series gay watch. our first story tonight daughter of the former vice president liz cheney who is running for senate. now may be thinking to yourself that really doesn't sound so gay. [ laughter ] well, as you probably know cheney's sister is both gay and married and recently supporters of liz cheney's senate primary opponent mike enzi decided to make liz cheney choose sides. >> she's been attacked by superpack ads for being in favor of gay marriage. she appears on msnbc to campaign against the marriage amendment. >> jon: oh, my god she appears on msnbc that's basically the gay bath house of cable news. [laughter] that makes what she said o

nothing, jon. only hears the birds and the occasional jet. >> jon: he rs is [cheers and applause] >> jon: welcome back. now -- i will say this, new york's mayoral race not the only election tomorrow n. virginia voters will decide between two truly remarkable gubernatorial candidates of their own. [ laughter ] somebody here is from virginia. al madrigal has more. >> virginia in tomorrow's governor's race she could give birth to another leader republican ken cucineeli or democrat mcauliffe. >> they are the worst candidates i've ever seen. >> apparently neither is fit to lead. >> for virginians it's a choice between a far right wing tea party social conservative and a democrat who has been guilty of sleazy business deals and questionable fund raiser. >> reporter: professionor we've heard this before? how bad could they actually be? >> i've never seen unfavorable ratings this tie for the candidates. less than 30% of virginians have a favorable of either candidate. if they were that bad i had to see it

(cheers and applause) >> jon: welcome to the daily show, my name is jon stewart. nice show for you tonight. our guest diane ravitch here to talk bed case and he education reform. ladies and gentlemen, there are many consequence to its growing cascade of revelations about our nation's spying activities. most recently the bugging of german chancellor angela merkel's cell phone and lederhossen drawers. (laughter) and the fact that the united states pretended to be her onlean boy friend for two years. two years-- ! but perhaps i never realized how acute and dire the fallout of this may be until i saw this shocking story. >> russian leaders are denying reports of spying on overseas leaders. they are accused of passing out bugged gift bags at last month's g-20 summit. >> jon: bugged gift bags! before all these revelations we could have jumped all over this story with good old-fashioned american con desession and smug superiority, thrown out a little boris and natasha reference. done a little yaukoff smirnoff, in russia gift bag rummage through you, but now-- (laughter)

>> jon: very tasty. >> you are a reasonable man. >> jon: it's very, very tasty. apologize. truce. chicago and new york. [cheers and applause] >> there we go. >> jon: thank you. i appreciate that it's very tasty. new york pizza is very good. let's face fact we're not california. california pizza that is -- (bleep). i say with this all due respect to california that is a pile of (bleep). i will tell it what you ain't -- >> it ain't chicago pizza. >> jon: thank you ax a [cheers and applause] >> jon: welcome back to the show. [cheers and applause] it was quite tasty. [ laughter ] let me explain something very quickly. here is how badly rob ford -- [laughter] -- has (bleep) canada. >> this might come as welcome news for toronto this morning when it comes to cocaine and politics, canada has no monopoly. >> jon: toronto, canada s now the go-to shorthand reference for cocaine stories. me and my friends tonight are going to canada, if you know what i mean. we're going to canada tonight, if you know what i'm talking about. we're going to canada and get so elected. so elected. tell me what p

. >> jon: oh, yeah. i do remember that actually. >> i feel bad for your mirror. >> god your face is so stupid. >> stupid face. you know metaphorically speaking. look at it. [ laughter ] >> jon: it is pretty (bleep) stupid. samantha bee, jason jones ,x [cheers and applause] >> jon: welcome back to the program. [cheers and applause] for yet another installment in the award series gay watch. our first story tonight daughter of the former vice president liz cheney who is running for senate. now may be thinking to yourself that really doesn't sound so gay. [ laughter ] well, as you probably know cheney's sister is both gay and married and recently supporters of liz cheney's senate primary opponent mike enzi decided to make liz cheney choose sides. >> she's been attacked by superpack ads for being in favor of gay marriage. she appears on msnbc to campaign against the marriage amendment. >> jon: oh, my god she appears on msnbc that's basically the gay bath house of cable news. [laughter] that makes what she sai

>> jon: what? what? >> people applauding for a man on the way out. [ laughter ] but i'm 76 years old. what you have to understand, jonathan from whenst i cometh, when people cursed, the next thing is somebody was going to hit you. >> jon: what? >> now there's a whole new culture. people curse and they laugh. but for me when you were cursing i started crying. >> jon: no. >> yes because -- >> jon: i wasn't cursing it was yiddish. [ laughter ] >> yes! yes! [laughter] now i have some friends -- jewish friends. so i'm sitting with julius olnick and his wife in their home and she made something for us to eat. [ laughter ] and so, so she says something -- so she's so forth and so on and it's a [pretending to speak yiddish] so i said to her, "what is a [pretending to speak yiddish]? she said, "well it's like a beef stew with carrots and potatoes." >> jon: i know what you had. >> i said, why why didn't you sy that? she said it's not the same. you said well you said "[pretending to speak yiddish [i said supp

jon: thank you ax é9;'úhhpnp' @át2il@n[n [cheers and applause] >> jon: welcome back to the show. [cheers and applause] it was quite tasty. [ laughter ] let me explain something very quickly. here is how badly rob ford -- [laughter] -- has (bleep) canada. >> this might come as welcome news for toronto this morning when it comes to cocaine and politics, canada has no monopoly. >> jon: toronto, canada s now the go-to shorthand reference for cocaine stories. me and my friends tonight are going to canada, if you know what i mean. we're going to canada tonight, if you know what i'm talking about. we're going to canada and get so elected. so elected. tell me what political body has joined the queen city in the electoral nose candy club. >> about 30 minutes a u.s. congressman is due in court to face a charge of cocaine possession. >> jon: a u.s. what -- shouldn't be too surprised we all remember the school house rock on how a bill becomes a straw. which congressman got bust there'd? >> elected with 62% of the vote in naples florida. >> republican trey radel. >> jon: trey radel was partyi

jon: thank you ax applause]d >> jon: welcome back to the show. [cheers and applause] it was quite tasty. [ laughter ] let me explain something very quickly. here is how badly rob ford -- [laughter] -- has (bleep) canada. >> this might come as welcome news for toronto this morning when it comes to cocaine and politics, canada has no monopoly. >> jon: toronto, canada s now the go-to shorthand reference for cocaine stories. me and my friends tonight are going to canada, if you know what i mean. we're going to canada tonight, if you know what i'm talking about. we're going to canada and get so elected. so elected. tell me what political body has joined the queen city in the electoral nose candy club. >> about 30 minutes a u.s. congressman is due in court to face a charge of cocaine possession. >> jon: a u.s. what -- shouldn't be too surprised we all remember the school house rock on how a bill becomes a straw. which congressman got bust there'd? >> elected with 62% of the vote in naples florida. >> republican trey radel. >> jon: trey radel was partyi

we'll be right >> jon: havior. a certain news network shall remain nameless has been occasionally, like when there's a break in news incident there are fans out in the streets and guesses that [bleep] might be happening. >> we can look at this chopper right here if we can. this is apparently some kind of rescue chopper. >> look at the cars that are coming. something these happened. we don't know what it is. >> it's really bad. what is it. >> i think it's important we praise them for doing things we like even if we like them for fa facetious and nefarious action. >> it's time for the day award but before we get there let's go to the couch. [laughter] >> jon: let me real quick, what we're about to watch, what we see is a seam pull mechanical docking issue that could have taken care of during the commercial break but they look at it as an opportunity. >> every day we're working for even better company and to keep our commitment. and we made a big commitment to america. in fact, we've invested over $55 billion here in

>> jon: good thing or bad thing? let's go to the analyst flippy the coin. [ laughter ] what do you say flippy? [laughter] bad! what are thediede odds. beautiful thing about good slash bad is like beige it goes with everything n. an equally unsatisfying manner, legal stories. >> jody arias on the witness stand for 18 straight days. is it a good thing or a bad thing? >> jon: my guess is for 18 days she didn't get to kill anybody else. [ laughter ] i'm going to go with good thing. remember that complicated story about jp morgan take over washington mutual and bear sterns? watch it become a lot less complicated. >> somebody needed to do something to prevent a systemic breathdown -- breakdown and jp morgan took over those banks just like wells fargo -- >> can you just say is that a good thing or a bad thing? [laughter] >> jon: and make it snappy, nerd! [laughter] we don't have all day. well, actually we do literally have all day 24 hours 7 days a week. but still good or bad! and wear a tie! [laughter] now watch wolf blitz

( cheers and applause ) >> jon: welcome back. you know, i believe it was old toam jefferson who said the will of the people is the only legitimate foundation of any government. so what happens to elected officials who flout that will? what happens tho those who don't? jason jones files this report. >> american politicians serve at the pleasure of the people, and just one wrong move can end your career, whether it be this or something far worse. -- voting your conscience. >> i was serving as the president of the colorado state senate. we passed commonsense gun safety legislation and i was recalled for that. >> live in colorado. why would do you that? >> because it was the the right thing to do. >> in the wake of a tragedy morse forced gun safety regulation on an unwilling populous and was booted from office in a recall election. political strategist jim spencer thinks passing those laws was ( bleep ) spiewpped stooupped. how dangerous is it to vote against popular even .? >> it's usually political suicide. >> i could shoot yoursel

jon: it friday. i'm jon scott. the house prepares to vote today on its own fix, to the broken, if you like it you can keep it promise. this is 24 hours after president obama's about face announcement that millions of americans can keep their canceled policies for another year. republican senator fred upton's bill would let insurers keep selling plans that obamacare would otherwise ban. he is a congressman. i called him a senator, the president of course threatening to veto that bill. some house democrats are saying it is not a viable solution. here is minority leader nancy pelosi. >> fact is for al fuss and all the muss everybody said how the upton bill would -- it does not mandate that insurance companies must keep those people in their? their insurance policies. it is only masquerade and trojan horse coming in to undermined the affordable care act. jon: let's see if there are any trojan horses storming the white hose gates right now. senior white house foreign affairs correspondent wendell goler is on the north l

jon: angela, thank you. >> thank you, jon. jon: patti ann. patti ann: reknowned auction house sotheby's kicking off its first car auction in 10 years. some of these automobiles are works of art. jenna lee got a sneak-peek. let's look. >> today we have something really special to show you on "happening now," a few weeks on the program we talked about the car auction in nebraska where 50 classic cars were auctioned off for a total of $500,000. today, we have how the other half lives. where one classic car is being auctioned off for a starting bid of $500,000. come on. ♪ there are 34 cars in this check shun. we wanted to focus a little bit on the american cars, the cars with an american story. tell me a a a little bit about s lincoln. >> you picked a good american car. this is a one-off design. this interior has great design elements including totally hidden dashboard. that piece of metal actually raises up and covers the, all of the instrumentation inside of the car. >> can you plug in a cell phone charger into that? >> no. but i can actually