wow it's nice to get back to basics. w p3 portable protein ck from oscar mayer th 13g of rious protein. it's p3, it's oscar mayer. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ (cheers and applause) >> stephen: welcome back. thank you so much! thank you! (cheers and applause) thanks so much! folks, i love the olive garden. it really evokes the authentic cuisine of one of my favorite spots in italy -- the olive garden in rome. (laughter) and like the slogan says, when i'm there, i'm family. which is why, when i'm there, i watch tv in my underwear. (laughter) unfortunately, my favorite chain just got kicked in the meet -- in the meatballs. >> a major investor attempting a takeover of olive garden releasing 300 pages that slam the restaurant chain's food and service. >> the investment group ripped into the company for everything from soggy salads to tasteless pasta. >> in what would be a dangerous insult to hurl at most italian cooks, it calls the pasta mushy and unappealing. >> they might as well say we're not even italian. >> stephen: of course, olive garden is italian! their corporate headquarters are in orland

wow it's nice to get back to basics. w p3 portable protein ck from oscar mayer th 13g of rious protein. it's p3, it's oscar mayer. ( cheers and applause ) >> stephen: welcome back, everybody. thanks so much. nation, folks, you know, it is nearly impossible to contemplate the true horrors of war. so instead, let's look on the lighter side of arial bombardment in tonight's smile file of death. ♪ ♪ ha-ha-ha! tonight, the story slapping a grin on my skull is about our arab allies in the war on terror. you are all brave men, with one exception. >> we learned today one of the pilots in the operation is a woman from the united arab emirates. mayor mariam al-mansouri flies an f-16. >> she is the first fighter pilot in the united arab emirates. she flies an f-16 and is a u.a.e. team leader. >> stephen: yes, a female fighter pilot flying airstrikes for the u.a.e. she has shattered the glass ceiling. and the rest of the building as well. folks, i'm thrilled about this lady pilot-- or pil-ette-- because i've been a longtime supporter of women's equal right to fight in wars instead of me. ( lau

wow it's nice to get back to basics. w p3 portable protein ck from oscar mayer th 13g of rious protein. it's p3, it's oscar mayer. >> stephen: welcome back, everybody, my guest tonight has been making americans laugh for five decades and he does an amazing bill cosby impression. please welcome bill cosby. (cheers and applause) mr. cosby, thank you so much. pleasure to be here. thank you so much. really, i-- thank you so much for being here tonight, sir. >> yes. >> stephen: not all of our guests look this nice. not everyone has an insignia on their pocket. i really appreciate you putting some effort in. >> betsy ross asked me if she wanted to-- if she could, do a flag. i aid no. -- i said no. >> stephen: you turned down betsy ross. >> yes. >> stephen: so who did the flag? >> betsy ross did the flag. >> stephen: right. >> because george washington heard that i turned her down. (laughter) >> stephen: okay, okay. >> so-- . >> stephen: he pulled strings. >> she sewed strings. (laughter) >> stephen: potato, potato sir. >> no, not the same. tomato. tomato, tomato, parade. (laughter) >> stephe

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