. >> steve: w-t-f. >> jimmy: w-t-f. >> steve: yeah. better learn it now, kid. >> jimmy: yeah, alphabet blocks. this next one was sent in by daniela solano murphy in san diego, california. she was watching her local news and spotted this important story. [ cheers and applause ] what were -- what were we eating? what have we been eating for years? >> steve: yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i don't understand what -- [ light laughter ] soylent green, yeah. >> steve: soylent green. >> jimmy: next one was sent in by christopher baker in corner brook, canada. he was shopping -- [ cheers ] really? [ laughter ] >> steve: hey, corner brook. >> canada! >> jimmy: oh, canada. sure. [ laughter ] >> steve: canada. like, corner brook -- >> jimmy: that's a little specific, yeah. [ light laughter ] and let's see what he found. there's -- [ laughter ] >> steve: there we go. [ applause ] >> jimmy: perfect model. >> steve: yeah. perfect model for that. >> jimmy: he can model for any size. >> steve: any model, yeah. he can model any size. >> jimmy: as long as

steve weatherford! steve: good to be back. rosanna: how are you? steve: i'm doing good. rosanna: i haven't seen you so much. steve: be here at 8:15 to get makeup on and get ready, i show up at 7:45. i want to make sure i see my friends. good to be back here. rosanna: are you having a great summer? steve: having a great summer spending a lot of time for the family for first time in like 19 years. i'm not in training camp. i mean that started when i i'm almost 34. almost 20 years of training camp. for me not to be in it this year i thought would be very strange. that was the worst part of the job. nobody wants to be in training camp. rosanna: okay. you played for the giants and jets. a little melancholy you're not doing it this year? steve: no, you know what? there is very few people during the course of their career that get to walk away from the nfl when they want to. not good enough, but for me it was, you know, i made the decision i wanted to pursue another passion in my life in fitness and public speaking and you know, just kind of entrepreneurial stuff. and so for me

. >> steve: w-t-f. >> jimmy: w-t-f. >> steve: yeah. better learn it now, kid. >> jimmy: yeah, alphabet blocks. this next one was sent in by daniela solano murphy in san diego, california. she was watching her local news and spotted this important story. recipe -- now made with real ingredients." [ cheers and applause ] what were -- what were we eating? what have we been eating for years? >> steve: yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i don't understand what -- [ light laughter ] soylent green, yeah. >> steve: soylent green. >> jimmy: next one was sent in by christopher baker in corner brook, canada. he was shopping -- [ cheers ] really? [ laughter ] >> steve: hey, corner brook. >> canada! >> jimmy: oh, canada. sure. [ laughter ] >> steve: canada. like, corner brook -- >> jimmy: that's a little specific, yeah. he was shopping for triple xl underwear. and let's see what he found. there's -- [ laughter ] >> steve: there we go. [ applause ] >> jimmy: perfect model. >> steve: yeah. perfect model for that. >> jimmy: he can model for any size. >> ste

steve? >> steve: an armed man uses a sharp blade and threatens a convenience store clerk during a robbery during a robbery in an east bay city. and police are asking for the public's help in identifying the suspect. >> steve: here's video of the masked man armed with a knife, convenient store on oak grove road in concord. investigators say they have a limited description of the suspect. this is video from our helicopter partnership with abc 7 news. >> steve: this happened just before 2-am yesterday. the video shows the clerk alone in the store, when the robber walks in holding a weapon in his hand. and he gets away just minutes before a concord police officer made a routine check of the business. an armed man uses a sharp blade. and threatens a convenient store clerk during a robbery in an east bay city. >> steve: police are asking for the public's help in identifying the suspect. as kron4's haaziq madyun shows you.the crime was captured on six people are now in custody in connection with a

swanky -- >> steve: swanky. >> jimmy: swanky. >> steve: swanky hanky. sorry. >> jimmy: no spanky hanky. "you've been in the bathroom a a long time there, greg." "just call me hank." >> steve: "just call me hanky." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: "we shouldn't have invited spanky hanky over. what do you want with it?" >> steve: "what is he supposed to do?" [ laughter ] >> jimmy: "swanky. looks fantastic. fashionable, hair combed." >> steve: "velvet jacket. swanky hanky's the best." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: we're down to our last one. this is a children's book. this is good. anyone with kids out there this is a book called "rhymes with duck." >> steve: oh!. >> jimmy: you got truck, luck, buck. >> steve: cluck, muck -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what else rhymes with duck? >> tariq: i got one. >> jimmy: what's that? what is it? yeah? >> jimmy: yeah? >> tariq: f -- >> jimmy: yeah? >> tariq: f -- >> jimmy: you got one? [ laughter ] you got one? forget it, tariq, don't worry about it. that's all i have for this edition of my "do not read list." [ cheers and applause ] do yo

swanky -- >> steve: swanky. >> jimmy: swanky. >> steve: swanky hanky. sorry. >> jimmy: no spanky hanky. "you've been in the bathroom a a long time there, greg." "just call me hank." >> steve: "just call me hanky." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: "we shouldn't have invited spanky hanky over. what do you want with it?" >> steve: "what is he supposed to do?" [ laughter ] >> jimmy: "swanky. looks fantastic. fashionable, hair combed." >> steve: "velvet jacket. swanky hanky's the best." [ laer this is a children's book. this is good. anyone with kids out there this is a book called "rhymes with duck." >> steve: oh!. >> jimmy: you got truck, luck, buck. >> steve: cluck, muck -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what else rhymes with duck? >> tariq: i got one. >> jimmy: what's that? what is it? yeah? >> jimmy: yeah? >> tariq: f -- >> jimmy: yeah? >> tariq: f -- >> jimmy: you got one? [ laughter ] you got one? forget it, tariq, don't worry about it. that's all i have for this edition of my "do not read list." [ cheers and applause ] do you have a book that you think should be on ou

>> steve: yeah! >> steve: talented guy. >> jimmy: good rapper. good actor. and i'm very excited about this. fresh off their history-making performances at the summer olympics in rio, we have the five members of the gold medal-winning united states women's gymnastics team on the show! [ cheers and applause ] they are fantastic. i love those guys. just awesome. we always do something different here on "the tonight show," so we're gonna play a a giant new game with them, maybe our biggest game ever. [ cheers ] did you see rehearsal at all? yeah. tariq, you're gonna play it with us? >> tariq: yeah, man. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it's going to be fun. i don't want to tell you what it is, but it's -- [ light laughter ] it's another level, yeah, yeah, yeah. guys, it's time to take a look at the stories making headlines today, and weigh the good with the bad. it's time for "pros and cons." here we go. [ cheers and applause ] taking a look at the pros and cons of returning home with a a gold medal. [ light laughter ] are their cons? the olympics are over. you'd think ha

. >> steve: all of 'em. every single one. >> jimmy: "uh, i'm an entrepreneur. [ laughter ] my name's chad, and right now i'm currently an entrepreneur. and i entrepreneu from my mom's basement. [ laughter ] a lot. i entrepreneu all day long." this one is from the nfl and cvs. >> steve: okay. >> jimmy: they both wrote, "when you see this, you know it's september." nfl posted a picture of a a football game. cvs posted a picture of christmas decorations. >> jimmy: coming soon. might as well get it now. >> steve: only 180 shopping days. >> jimmy: cheap, cheap, cheap. >> steve: cheap, cheap, cheap. >> jimmy: cheap! this next one is from the department of defense and the pentagon. they both wrote, "the worst traitor in american history." the department of defense posted a picture of edward snowden. the pentagon posted a picture of the verizon guy who now does sprint commercials. [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: i know, that's crazy. >> jimmy: what's the deal with that? >> steve: he's like benedict arnold, no le

steve: yeah, yeah. pretend it's not there. >> jimmy: look, is it here? >> steve: my god, where is it? i don't see it. oh, your hand. >> jimmy: no, my hand's there, yeah. but look, ready? >> steve: ready? >> jimmy: keep looking. close your eyes for one second. now look back. [ laughter ] >> steve: where'd it go? where'd it go? ?? [ applause ] >> jimmy: magic. he does stuff like that. no, he's much better than that. you'll freak out. anyways, friday, you gotta come it's going to be great. but first, we have a great show tonight. this guy is just the best. from the new amazon pilot called "i love dick." [ laughter ] >> steve: oh! kanye! >> jimmy: kanye-o! ? me say kanye say kanye say kanye say kanye ? >> steve: hey, wait a second. >> jimmy: i'm not wearing my glasses. the new amazon pilot, it's called "i love dick." dick is -- he plays a a character, dick. >> steve: okay. oh, he plays a character. okay. >> steve: he's lovely. >> jimmy: yeah. but if he wasn't, he's just playing a character. he's the nicest

. >> steve: all of 'em. every single one. >> jimmy: "uh, i'm an entrepreneur. [ laughter ] my name's chad, and right now i'm currently an entrepreneur. and i entrepreneu from my mom's basement. [ laughter ] a lot. i entrepreneu all day long." this one is from the nfl and cvs. >> steve: okay. >> jimmy: they both wrote, "when you see this, you know it's september." nfl posted a picture of a a football game. cvs posted a picture of christmas decorations. [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: very early. >> jimmy: coming soon. days. >> jimmy: cheap, cheap, cheap. >> steve: cheap, cheap, cheap. >> jimmy: cheap! this next one is from the department of defense and the pentagon. they both wrote, "the worst traitor in american history." the department of defense posted a picture of edward snowden. the pentagon posted a picture of the verizon guy who now does sprint commercials. [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: i know, that's crazy. >> jimmy: what's the deal with that? >> steve: he's like benedict arnold, no less. wh

. >> steve: w-t-f. >> jimmy: w-t-f. >> steve: yeah. better learn it now, kid. >> jimmy: yeah, alphabet blocks. this next one was sent in by daniela solano murphy in san diego, california. she was watching her local news and spotted this important story. "denny's upgrades pancake recipe -- now made with real ingredients." [ cheers and applause ] what were -- what were we eating? what have we been eating for years? >> steve: yeah. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i don't understand what -- [ light laughter ] soylent green, yeah. >> steve: soylent green. >> jimmy: next one was sent in by christopher baker in corner brook, canada. he was shopping -- [ cheers ] really? [ laughter ] >> steve: hey, corner brook. >> canada! >> jimmy: oh, canada. sure. [ laughter ] >> steve: canada. like, corner brook -- >> jimmy: that's a little specific, yeah. [ light laughter ] he was shopping for triple xl underwear. and let's see what he found. there's -- [ laughter ] >> steve: there we go. [ applause ] >> jimmy: perfect model. >> steve: yeah. perfect model for that

jennifer: the steve: nacchio. jennifer: this happens every now and then, last night baseball fans will risk anything to get a foul ball. >> this is what happened in pittsburgh. pirate fan, carrying food attempts to make a one-handed catch got a face full of nachos. everyone grabs phone, it spreads the whole world, his got a ball. steve: we don't know that. you never know these days. jennifer: all right. >> there you go. jennifer: that is our news for tonight. i guess we'll see you tomorrow. steve: take care. >> have a good night. at the the lincoln summer invitation sales event, it's time to relax. from the moment you take your foot off the brake, the brake stays engaged and you stay put. taking the legwork out of stop and go traffic. and even hills. that's the more human side of engineering. this is the lincoln summer invitation, hurry in now to your dealer for limited time offers. lease a lincoln mkx for $349 a month first kid you ready? by their second kid, every mom is an expert, and more likely to choose luvs

. >> steve: all of 'em. every single one. >> jimmy: "uh, i'm an entrepreneur. [ laughter ] my name's chad, and right now i'm currently an entrepreneur. and i entrepreneu from my mom's basement. [ laughter ] a lot. i entrepreneu all day long." this one is from the nfl and cvs. >> steve: okay. >> jimmy: they both wrote, "when you see this, you know it's september." nfl posted a picture of a a football game. cvs posted a picture of christmas decorations. [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: very early. >> jimmy: coming soon. might as well get it now. >> steve: only 180 shopping days. >> jimmy: cheap, cheap, cheap. >> steve: cheap, cheap, cheap. >> jimmy: cheap! this next one is from the department of defense and the pentagon. they both wrote, "the worst traitor in american history." the department of defense posted a picture of edward snowden. the pentagon posted a picture of the verizon guy who now does sprint commercials. [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: i know, that's crazy. >> jimmy: what's the deal with

>> steve: james! >> jimmy: i didn't write it. >> steve: james! you didn't think about home base either. t-ball. [ laughter ] ♪ 10, for being the world's rgest showing me what it'd look like if the macy's thanksgiving day parade had a kim kardashian balloon. [ audience ohs ] [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: what is that, james? >> jimmy: james! >> steve: what is that supposed to mean? >> jimmy: he did write it. >> steve: this guy is crazy. insane in the membrane. ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, san diego chargers logo, for looking like an emoji toupee. [ laughter and applause ] that's a good idea. >> steve: classic. >> jimmy: that's a good idea. >> steve: they should do it. >> jimmy: that should be our next app. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: emoji toupee. >> steve: emoji toupees. ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, michael phelps, for winning the gold in the 200-meter butterfly, the 4x200 relay, and the 100 meter resting bitch face. [ applause ] >> steve: that's like acting. "i'm angry! i'm going to slam!" [ light laughter ] "gonna win another medal!" [ laughter ] â

. >> steve: all of 'em. every single one. >> jimmy: "uh, i'm an entrepreneur. [ laughter ] my name's chad, and right now i'm currently an entrepreneur. d basement. [ laughter ] a lot. i entrepreneu all day long." this one is from the nfl and cvs. >> steve: okay. >> jimmy: they both wrote, "when you see this, you know it's september." nfl posted a picture of a a football game. cvs posted a picture of christmas decorations. [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: very early. >> jimmy: coming soon. might as well get it now. >> steve: only 180 shopping days. >> jimmy: cheap, cheap, cheap. >> steve: cheap, cheap, cheap. >> jimmy: cheap! this next one is from the they both wrote, "the worst traitor in american history." the department of defense posted a picture of edward snowden. the pentagon posted a picture of the verizon guy who now does sprint commercials. [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: i know, that's crazy. >> jimmy: what's the deal with that? >> steve: he's like benedict arnold, no less. who's he doing the

>> steve: yeah! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: music from florida georgia line. >> steve: wow. >> jimmy: that's gonna be good. and we're gonna launch our brand new app. we're launching an app. >> steve: oh, my gosh. >> jimmy: it's fun, it's silly, it's free -- it is free, right? yeah. [ light laughter ] but we've been working on it, it's totally dumb and it's really fun. later this week, we have -- barbara streisand will be here. [ cheers and applause ] alec baldwin -- alec baldwin, jessica alba will be stopping by. [ cheers and applause ] it's gonna be a good week. [ cheers and applause ] but first, we love this woman. she is one of the all-time greats in country music. there is nobody else like her. dolly parton is here tonight! [ cheers and applause ] >> steve oh! >> jimmy: "pure & simple" is the new record. we're gonna catch up with dolly and then later in the show she's going to perform a song off her new album "pure & simple." dolly parton in the house, ladies and gentlemen. [ cheers and app

steve: that's right. melissa shows us why cider makers would rather use less than perfect produce. >> reporter: on a beautiful country road in upstate new york sits an apple orchard. the home where brooklyn cider house products are made, recognized for more than just their delicious beverages. >> obviously it's a pretty funny and catchy slogan. >> reporter: a catchy slogan with a deeper >> a twin star has been reducing the use of pesticides and sprays. the lower amounts, the apples may not look perfect or as big as what a supermarket wants, but the less pesticides, the apples will taste better. >> got a little blemish. >> i'm not sure how many stores would take them. handful of stores and restaurants. >> our cider is an equal opportunity beverage. it doesn't care what the apples look like. only the flavor. >> reporter: their all natural production approach is a first of its kind in the industry. >> i want to make great apples. i want to make apples with explosive flavor because that's what you need to mak

swanky -- >> steve: swanky. >> jimmy: swanky. >> steve: swanky hanky. sorry. >> jimmy: no spanky hanky. "you've been in the bathroom a a long time there, greg." "just call me hank." >> steve: "just call me hanky." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: "we shouldn't have invited spanky hanky over. what do you want with it?" >> steve: "what is he supposed to do?" [ laughter ] >> jimmy: "swanky. looks fantastic. fashionable, hair combed." >> steve: "velvet jacket. swanky hanky's the best." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: we're down to our last one. this is a childr b anyone with kids out there this is a book called "rhymes with duck." >> steve: oh!. >> jimmy: you got truck, luck, buck. >> steve: cluck, muck -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what else rhymes with duck? >> tariq: i got one. >> jimmy: what's that? what is it? yeah? >> tariq: f -- >> jimmy: yeah? >> tariq: f -- >> jimmy: you got one? [ laughter ] you got one? forget it, tariq, don't worry about it. that's all i have for this edition of my "do not read list." [ cheers and applause ] do you have a book that you think should be

. >> steve: all of 'em. every single one. >> jimmy: "uh, i'm an entrepreneur. [ laughter ] my name's chad, and right now i'm currently an entrepreneur. and i entrepreneu from my mom's basement. [ laughter ] a lot. i entrepreneu all day long." this one is from the nfl and cvs. >> steve: okay. >> jimmy: they both wrote, "when you see this, you know it's september." nfl posted a picture of a a football game. cvs posted a picture of christmas decorations. [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: very early might as well get it now. >> steve: only 180 shopping days. >> jimmy: cheap, cheap, cheap. >> steve: cheap, cheap, cheap. >> jimmy: cheap! this next one is from the department of defense and the pentagon. they both wrote, "the worst traitor in american history." the department of defense posted a picture of edward snowden. the pentagon posted a picture of the verizon guy who now does sprint commercials. [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: i know, that's crazy. >> jimmy: what's the deal with that? >> steve: he's lik

steve: milk. everywhere. >> in july 2018, they'll come out with new labels that give you more information about the added sugars. this is the first time the aha is coming out with the expert recommendations for kids between 2 to 18. for them, it's really important to try to be as strict as possible in following the guidelines. there's a strong correlation that if you have more of these added sugars, you're more to develop obesity, insulin resistance, high blood pressure and perhaps eventually heart disease. so it is important. steve: we grew up in the sugar generation. everything was full calorie soda, sports drinks, candy all day long. it's a habit. it's hard to quit when you get older. >> even for me, i feel like, you know, we were taught to have lots of carbs, that should be the majority of the diet. and if they substitute more, they may not -- especially for kids under two. the recommendation is they shouldn't have added sugars. since that might be the time you develop your taste for certain t

it is flip cup. >> steve: right. >> jimmy: but also slip n' slide. [ laughter ] >> steve: so you have to flip them while you slip? >> jimmy: you have to -- you have to flip -- you have to drink, flip, and then slip, and then flip. and then slip and then flip. >> steve: drink, flip, and slip. that's why it's called slip n' slip. >> jimmy: no. [ laughter ] that's why it's called -- >> steve: slip and flip. no? flip and swip. [ laughter ] whatever it's called. >> jimmy: yeah, that's what it's called. >> steve: yeah, i love that game. >> jimmy: it's going to be fun. >> steve: yeah, fun. >> jimmy: that's what i'm saying. [ cheers and applause ] then on friday, right after the olympics' opening ceremony -- this is big. jerry seinfeld will be here! [ cheers and applause ] seth rogen will be here. [ cheers and applause ] and jason derulo will be here. >> steve: oh! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: it's a big show on friday. also, we're going to have a lip sync battle between me and seth rogen. >> steve: ooh. [ audience oohs ] >> jimmy: that's a good show. but first, we have a fantastic show

>> steve: james! >> jimmy: i didn't write it. >> steve: james! you didn't think about home base either. t-ball. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: thank you, airlander 10, for being the world's largest aircraft, and also showing me what it'd look like if the macy's thanksgiving day parade had a kim kardashian balloon. [ audience ohs ] [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: what is that, james? >> jimmy: james! >> steve: what is that supposed to mean? >> jimmy: he did write it. >> steve: this guy is crazy. insane in the membrane. ?? >> jimmy: thank you, san diego an emoji toupee. [ laughter and applause ] that's a good idea. >> steve: classic. >> jimmy: that's a good idea. >> steve: they should do it. >> jimmy: that should be our next app. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: emoji toupee. >> steve: emoji toupees. ?? >> jimmy: thank you, michael phelps, for winning the gold in the 200-meter butterfly, the 4x200 relay, and the 100 meter resting bitch face. >> steve: that's like acting. "i'm angry! i'm going to slam!" [ light laughter ] "gonna win another medal!" [ laughter ]

>> steve: james! >> jimmy: i didn't write it. >> steve: james! you didn't think about home base either. t-ball. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: thank you, airlander 10, for being the world's largest aircraft, and also showing me what it'd look like if the macy's thanksgiving day parade had a kim kardashian balloon. [ audience ohs ] [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: what is that, james? >> jimmy: james! >> steve: what is that supposed to mean? >> jimmy: he did write it. >> steve: this guy is crazy. insane in the membrane. ?? >> jimmy: thank you, san diego chargers logo, for looking like an emoji toupee. [ laughter and applause ] that's a good idea. >> steve: classic. >> jimmy: that's a good idea. >> steve: they should do it. >> jimmy: that should be our next app. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: emoji toupee. >> steve: emoji toupees. ?? >> jimmy: thank you, michael phelps, for winning the gold in the 200-meter butterfly, the 4x200 relay, and the 100 meter resting bitch face. [ applause ] "i'm angry! i'm going to slam!" [ light laughter ] "gonna win another medal!

>> steve: james! >> jimmy: i didn't write it. >> steve: james! you didn't think about home base either. t-ball. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: thank you, airlander 10, for being the world's largest aircraft, and also showing me what it'd look like if the macy's thanksgiving day parade had a kim kardashian balloon. [ audience ohs ] [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: what is that, james? >> jimmy: james! >> steve: what is that supposed to mean? >> jimmy: he did write it. >> steve: this guy is crazy. insane in the membrane. ? >> jimmy: thank you, san diego chargers logo, for looking like [ laughter and applause ] that's a good idea. >> steve: classic. >> jimmy: that's a good idea. >> steve: they should do it. >> jimmy: that should be our next app. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: emoji toupee. >> steve: emoji toupees. ? >> jimmy: thank you, michael phelps, for winning the gold in the 200-meter butterfly, the 4x200 relay, and the 100 meter resting bitch face. [ applause ] "i'm angry! i'm going to slam!" [ light laughter ] "gonna win another medal!" [ laughter ] than

. >> steve: right. >> jimmy: but also slip n' slide. [ laughter ] >> steve: so you have to flip them while you slip? >> jimmy: you have to -- you have to flip -- you have to drink, flip, and then slip, and then flip. and then slip and then flip. >> steve: drink, flip, and slip. that's why it's called slip n' slip. >> jimmy: no. [ laughter ] that's why it's called -- >> steve: slip and flip. no? flip and swip. [ laughter ] whatever it's called. >> jimmy: yeah, that's what it's called. >> steve: yeah, fun. >> jimmy: that's what i'm saying. [ cheers and applause ] then on friday, right after the olympics' opening ceremony -- this is big. jerry seinfeld will be here! [ cheers and applause ] seth rogen will be here. [ cheers and applause ] and jason derulo will be here. >> steve: oh! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: it's a big show on friday. also, we're going to have a lip sync battle between me and seth rogen. >> steve: ooh. [ audience oohs ] >> jimmy: that's a good show. but first, we have a fantastic show tonight. seriously, this -- one of the guy. you're going to see it on the show.

>> steve: james! >> jimmy: i didn't write it. >> steve: james! you didn't think about home base either. t-ball. >> jimmy: thank you, airlander 10, for being the world's largest aircraft, and also showing me what it'd look like if the macy's thanksgiving day parade had a kim kardashian balloon. [ audience ohs ] [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: what is that, james? >> jimmy: james! >> steve: what is that supposed to mean? >> jimmy: he did write it. >> steve: this guy is crazy. insane in the membrane. ? >> jimmy: thank you, san diego chargers logo, for looking like an emoji toupee. [ laughter and applause ] that's a good idea. >> steve: classic. >> jimmy: that's a good idea. >> steve: they should do it. >> jimmy: that should be our next app. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: emoji toupee. >> steve: emoji toupees. ? >> jimmy: thank you, michael phelps, for winning the gold in the 200-meter butterfly, the 4x200 relay, and the 100 meter resting bitch face. >> steve: that's like acting. "i'm angry! i'm going to slam!" [ light laughter ] "gonna win another meda

swanky -- >> steve: swanky. >> jimmy: swanky. >> steve: swanky hanky. sorry. >> jimmy: no spanky hanky. "you've been in the bathroom a a long time there, greg." "just call me hank." >> steve: "just call me hanky." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: "we shouldn't have invited spanky hanky over. what do you want with it?" >> steve: "what is he supposed to do?" [ laughter ] >> jimmy: "swanky. looks fantastic. fashionable, hair combed." >> steve: "velvet jacket. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: we're down to our last one. this is a children's book. this is good. anyone with kids out there this is a book called "rhymes with duck." >> steve: oh!. >> jimmy: you got truck, luck, buck. >> steve: cluck, muck -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what else rhymes with duck? >> tariq: i got one. >> jimmy: what's that? what is it? >> tariq: f -- >> jimmy: yeah? >> tariq: f -- >> jimmy: yeah? >> tariq: f -- >> jimmy: you got one? [ laughter ] you got one? forget it, tariq, don't worry about it. that's all i have for this edition of my "do not read list." [ cheers and applause ] do you have a book tha

>> steve: james! >> jimmy: i didn't write it. >> steve: james! you didn't think about home base either. t-ball. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: thank you, airlander 10, for being the world's largest aircraft, and also showing me what it'd look like if the macy's thanksgiving day parade had a kim kardashian balloon. [ audience ohs ] [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: what is that, james? >> jimmy: james! >> steve: what is that supposed to mean? >> jimmy: he did write it. >> steve: this guy is crazy. insane in the membrane. ? >> jimmy: thank you, san diego an emoji toupee. [ laughter and applause ] that's a good idea. >> steve: classic. >> jimmy: that's a good idea. >> steve: they should do it. >> jimmy: that should be our next app. >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: emoji toupee. >> steve: emoji toupees. ? >> jimmy: thank you, michael phelps, for winning the gold in the 200-meter butterfly, the 4x200 relay, and the 100 meter resting bitch face. >> steve: that's like acting. "i'm angry! i'm going to slam!" [ light laughter ] "gonna win another medal!" [ laughter ] ?

. >> steve: oh! [ cheers and applause ] come on. >> jimmy: david spade will be on our show. [ cheers ] the kids from "stranger things," will be on the show. [ cheers and applause ] harry connick jr.! >> steve: what? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: meg ryan jr.! [ cheers ] you don't want to miss a a junior. but first, we have a fun show tonight. we love it when she stops by. she's the coolest. from the new movie "mechanic: resurrection," jessica alba is here tonight! [ cheers and applause ] always the best. >> steve: a delight. >> jimmy: jessica and i are going to play a brand new game called roomba pong. [ audience oohs ] >> steve: fancy. >> jimmy: yeah, it's fun. plus he's the bestselling comedy recording artist of all time. and he has a new standup special available now on netflix called "jeff foxworthy and larry the cable guy: we've been thinking." [ laughter ] jeff foxworthy is here tonight! [ cheers and applause ] he's a funny, funny man. >> steve: funny man. >> jimmy: always makes me laugh. j

swanky -- >> steve: swanky. >> jimmy: swanky. >> steve: swanky hanky. sorry. >> jimmy: no spanky hanky. "you've been in the bathroom a a long time there, greg." "just call me hank." >> steve: "just call me hanky." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: "we shouldn't have invited spanky hanky over. what do you want with it?" >> steve: "what is he supposed to do?" [ laughter ] >> jimmy: "swanky. looks fantastic. fashionable, hair combed." >> steve: "velvet jacket. swanky hanky's the best." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: we're down tr this is good. anyone with kids out there this is a book called "rhymes with duck." >> steve: oh!. >> jimmy: you got truck, luck, buck. >> steve: cluck, muck -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what else rhymes with duck? >> tariq: i got one. >> jimmy: what's that? what is it? yeah? >> tariq: f -- >> jimmy: yeah? >> tariq: f -- >> jimmy: you got one? [ laughter ] you got one? forget it, tariq, don't worry about it. that's all i have for this edition of my "do not read list." [ cheers and applause ] do you have a book that you think should be on our next "do no

>> steve: what? >> jimmy: it gets better than that! >> steve: what? we're gonna catch up with alec baldwin who is just hitting homers left and right. and then barbra and alec are going to sing a fantastic duet off her the new album. >> steve: oh! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: history -- history in the making. herstory. >> steve: herstory, please. >> jimmy: herstory in the making. barbra streisand knows how to do duets. what was that one with donnmm ? enough is enough is enough ? ?? [ cheers and applause ] ?? ?? ? good bye good bye good bye ? ? enough is enough is enough ? >> jimmy: oh, the best. that's my jam. that's my workout song. >> steve: that is everyday. you have it on constant loop. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. on a constant loop and i run show hashtags." here we go. ? hashtags hashtags ? [ cheers and applause ] ? no sunshine ? >> jimmy: ah, forget it. this is the best. what's the other one? ? no sunshine ? ?? ? we don't stand a chance enough is enough is enough ? [ cheers and applause ] ?? >> jimmy: i don't know. i don't even remember it.

swanky -- >> steve: swanky. >> jimmy: swanky. >> steve: swanky hanky. sorry. >> jimmy: no spanky hanky. "you've been in the bathroom a a long time there, greg." >> steve: "just call me hanky." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: "we shouldn't have invited spanky hanky over. what do you want with it?" >> steve: "what is he supposed to do?" [ laughter ] >> jimmy: "swanky. looks fantastic. fashionable, hair combed." >> steve: "velvet jacket. swanky hanky's the best." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: we're down to our last one. this is a children's book. this is good. anyone with kids out there this is a book called "rhymes with duck." >> steve: oh!. >> jimmy: >> steve: cluck, muck -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what else rhymes with duck? >> tariq: i got one. >> jimmy: what's that? what is it? yeah? >> tariq: f -- >> jimmy: yeah? >> tariq: f -- >> jimmy: yeah? >> tariq: f -- >> jimmy: you got one? you got one? forget it, tariq, don't worry about it. that's all i have for this edition of my "do not read list." [ cheers and applause ] do you have a book that you think should be on our

-steve: i'm steve grafton. lemonis: i was just trying out some of your furniture. steve: nice. lemonis: who do you primarily make your furniture for? steve: interior designers. lemonis: and so a customer cannot come here and buy this stuff? steve: this is stuff that i've had from years ago, and i just put this showroom together over the last six to nine months. and what i need is to merchandise this with current inventory that we sell today. lemonis: so this is essentially a showroom that has furniture that you can't buy. they're a custom manufacturer, so this warehouse is not a showroom. it's just a bunch of unclaimed furniture. how long have you been in this building? steve: since 1964. 50 years. my dad, my dad. lemonis: oh, your dad. okay. steve: he's here, actually. lemonis: i would love to meet him. steve: i would love for you to meet him. go ahead. -papa! -esteban: hey! lemonis: how you doing, sir? -esteban: so far, so good. -lemonis: your name? esteban: esteban grafton. lemonis: nice to meet you, sir. -esteban: nice to meet you. -lemonis: wow. esteban: well, i've been he

." >> steve: oh! >> jimmy: perfect for anyone who's ever said, "you know, i know a few things about dish clothes, but i'm hungry." >> steve: for knowledge. >> jimmy: my brain's hungry for knowledge. i'm hungry to know more. >> steve: i got to read about them dishcloths. what do you got? >> jimmy: well, you know i'm talking about this right here. classic granny square, fast favorite. faucet angel. nubby, nubby mesh. >> steve: love it. >> jimmy: everyone's favorite, stormy waters. >> steve: oh, love that one. >> jimmy: no. swanky -- >> steve: swanky. >> jimmy: swanky. >> steve: swanky hanky. sorry. >> jimmy: no spanky hanky. "you've been in the bathroom a a long time there, greg." "just call me hank." >> steve: "just call me hanky." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: "we shouldn't have invited spanky hanky over. what do you want with it?" >> steve: "what is he supposed to do?" [ laughter ] >> jimmy: "swanky. looks fantastic. fashionable, hair combed." >> steve: "velvet jacket. swanky hanky's the best." [ laughter ]

>> steve: yeah! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: music from florida georgia line. >> steve: wow. >> jimmy: that's gonna be good. and we're gonna launch our brand new app. we're launching an app. >> steve: oh, my gosh. >> jimmy: it's fun, it's silly, it's free -- it is free, right? yeah. [ light laughter ] tune in tomorrow to find out about it. but we've been working on it, it's totally dumb and it's really fun. later this week, we have -- barbara streisand will be here. [ cheers and applause ] alec baldwin -- alec baldwin, jessica alba will be stopping by. [ cheers and applause ] it's gonna be a good week. [ cheers and applause ] but first, we love this woman. she is one of the all-time greats in country music. there is nobody else like her. dolly parton is here tonight! [ cheers and applause ] >> steve oh! >> jimmy: "pure & simple" is the new record. we're gonna catch up with dolly and then later in the show she's going to perform a song off her new album "pure & simple." dolly parton in the house,

. >> steve: all of 'em. every single one. >> jimmy: "uh, i'm an enre [ laughter ] my name's chad, and right now i'm currently an entrepreneur. and i entrepreneu from my mom's basement. [ laughter ] a lot. i entrepreneu all day long." this one is from the nfl and cvs. >> steve: okay. >> jimmy: they both wrote, "when you see this, you know it's september." nfl posted a picture of a a football game. cvs posted a picture of christmas decorations. >> jimmy: coming soon. might as well get it now. >> steve: only 180 shopping days. >> jimmy: cheap, cheap, cheap. >> steve: cheap, cheap, cheap. >> jimmy: cheap! this next one is from the department of defense and the pentagon. they both wrote, "the worst traitor in american history." the department of defense posted a picture of edward snowden. the pentagon posted a picture of the verizon guy who now does sprint commercials. [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: i know, that's crazy. >> jimmy: what's the deal with that? >> steve: he's like benedict arnold, no less. who's

." >> steve: oh!. >> jimmy: you got truck, luck, buck. >> steve: cluck, muck -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what else rhymes with duck? >> tariq: i got one. >> jimmy: what's that? what is it? >> jimmy: yeah? >> tariq: f -- >> jimmy: yeah? >> tariq: f -- >> jimmy: you got one? [ laughter ] you got one? forget it, tariq, don't worry about it. that's all i have for this edition of my "do not read list." [ cheers and applause ] do you have a book that you think should be on our next "do not read list" i would like to see it. send your titles to our blog at donotread@tonightshow.com. we'll be right back with more ?? ? ? hey, is this our turn? honey...our turn? subaru outback. (avo) love. it's what makes a subaru, a subaru. get zero percent on select subaru models during the subaru a lot to love event, now through august thirty-first. get ready... to show your roots. with root touch up from nice'n easy it blends with leading shades, even salon shades. in just 10 minutes. so pick your shade. and show the world you

. >> steve: yeah, yeah. pretend it's not there. >> jimmy: look, it here? >> sve: my god, where is it? i don't see it. oh, your hand. >> jimmy: no, my hand's there, yeah. but look, ready? >> steve: ready? >> jimmy: keep looking. close your eyes for one second. now look back. [ laughter ] >> steve: where'd it go? [ applause ] >> jimmy: magic. he duff keoes st no, he's much er tn that. yoll f out. anyways, frida y got ce e the show it's going to be gat. bufirst, we ve grehow tonight. this guy is just the best. from the new amazon pilot called "i love dick." [ laughter ] >> steveoh! kanye! >> jimmy: kany ♪ msay ny y kanye say kanye say kanye ♪ >> steve: hey, wait a second. >> jimmy: i'm not wearing my glasses. the new amazon pilot, it's call "i lo dick." dick is -- he playa a character, dick. >> steve: okay. oh, he plays a character. okay. >> jimmy: no, he's not -- he's the nicest dude ever. >> steve: he's lovely. >> jimmy: yeah. but if he wasn't, he's just playing a character. he's the nicest de ever. "ie d

steve? steve: it continues. thank you, sharon. the only place to be comfortable this weekend was inside in air conditioning. alison: all that time we spent keeping cool may be making us hotter. we'll explain. steve: and then women aren't the only ones watching their biological clocks. the procedure more men are introducing dunkin's new cold brew coffee, steeped slowly in cold water for small batches with an ultra-smooth, full-bodied flavor. discover the craft of cold brew today and keep on. america runs on dunkin'. what i love about the tempur-breeze bed is it's cool. sleep cooler, wake more refreshed, discover the new tempur breeze. learn how you can change your sleep by requesting a free sample of tempur material. call or click today. i'm robert de niro and new york is my home. it's the best place to visit in the world and now it's the easiest, because now there are new tourism guides on the road, and on your phone that make it easier to find the places you love. find great dining, take the ultimate road trip and see why i love

i'm sure steve is watching this griming. steve loves this kind of stuff. ste and i think, again, steve bannon, i tweeted this morning, imagine one of the worst people you know is heading up a presidential campaign. that's where i am at this morning. that's not a commentary on what it means for the trump campaign but it is commentary on the perverse relationship between breitbart news and trump and the perverse relationship between steve bannon and the readers at breitbart who were informed for months that he was not on the trump train and not only object the trump train but indirect pose. >> i'm sure he's looking at this or trump folks will look at this and say, you're sour grapes. >> is it sour grapes? sure, i don't like steve. i think he's a jerk. but as far as being sour grapes with regard to breitbart, they are what they are. they are trump and i made quite a bit of money to write one piece a day but decided it was more important to not support the reporters. being on the right, i always thought the right was better than this. there are lots of outlets

. >> steve: all of 'em. every single one. >> jimmy: "uh, i'm an entrepreneur. [ laughter ] my name's chad, and right now i'm currently an entrepreneur. and i entrepreneu from my mom's basement. [ laughter ] a lot. i entrepreneu all day long." this one is from the nfl and cvs. >> steve: okay. >> jimmy: they both wrote, "when you see this, you know it's september." nfl posted a picture of a a football game. cvs posted a picture of christmas decorations. [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: very early. >> steve: only 180 shopping days. >> jimmy: cheap, cheap, cheap. >> steve: cheap, cheap, cheap. >> jimmy: cheap! this next one is from the department of defense and the pentagon. they both wrote, "the worst traitor in american history." the department of defense posted a picture of edward snowden. the pentagon posted a picture of the verizon guy who now does sprint commercials. [ laughter and applause ] >> steve: i know, that's crazy. >> jimmy: what's the deal with that? >> steve: he's like benedict arnold, no les

>> steve: all right. in fourth place -- >> steve: with 20 balls the yellow team, tariq and donald. [ sad tuba ] [ cheers and applause ] in third place, number three, with 24 balls, jimmy, simone. [ sad tuba ] [ cheers and applause ] all right. number one team with the score of 30, it's very close, 30 to 29 -- is the blue team. >> oh, we won! ♪ yeah! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: oh, come on. we let her win. we totally let you guys win. we talked before the show. so, yeah. >> yeah, right. >> jimmy: congratulations. >> okay. >> thank you. thank you. i see how it is. >> jimmy: super cool. don't worry about it. we bronzed out. that's good. we bronzed out. we figured we bronzed out. that's the way we did it. >> steve: yeah that's how we do it. that's how we roll. >> jimmy: that's the way we do it. we threw it. my thanks to donald glover, simone biles, aly raisman, laurie hernandez, gabby douglas, and madison kocian. dolly parton joins us after the break. stick around, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] â

that's not even them. >> steve: really? >> jimmy: no, just random -- [ light laughter ] >> steve: just two random kids? >> jimmy: two random babies, yeah. >> steve: and they love the roots, that's great. >> jimmy: yeah, they love the roots. yeah. [ light laughter ] as you guys know, i love watching tv, especy [ light laughter ] and the other day, i came across this really great one called "bonk." it's sweeping the nation. it's basically they take pictures of celebrities and they bonk them. well, it's hard to explain. just watch and enjoy. ?? >> jimmy: hello, i'm chris vander bonk. and welcome to "bonk." we have lots of celebrities to bonk today, so let's get things started. adam levine. i hear the voice and it's [ light laughter ] the olympics are over. so let us honor these amazing olympians. [ bonk ] [ light laughter ] did you say ryan lochte or ryan bonk-me? [ bonk ] it's time for the world's fastest bonk. the bald bonk. [ bonk ] let's see that in slow motion. [ bonk ] commentator, bonk costas. [ bonk ] ? play that bonky

good evening i'm pam moore. >> steve: and i'm steve aveson. the body was found this morning. and police say they are looking into it as a homicide. >> pam:kron-4's hermela aregawi joins us live from the mall tonight. with what we know about their investigation. >> pam:hermela? >> reporter: the managers said there were cameras inside the shopping mall and on the exterior as well so the answer could be there. the body was found at 10:15 a.m. on jeffrey st. the examiner's office ruled a homicide and police are working to identify the victims of that they can notify it is his next of kin. >> i initially was like where? how? demand? when did this happened? and no one found out about this until now. >> i hope that they find out what happened. but will pull the camera footage. i hope someone was not murdered. i would hope that this did not happen and men. >> reporter: we will stay on this story and more on the investigation. >> pam: thank you for that report tonight. >> steve: a san leandro teenager that is believed to have run away over the weekend. is still missing. her family is

steve? >> pam: next, we look at the future at professional sports in oakland. tonight, some encouraging news. >> pam:tonight. significant much uncertain future of oakland's sports teams. >> steve: we know the warriors are almost certainly headed to san francisco. but today.news concerning the raiders and a's is making headlines. grant lodes is here to break it all down. >> grant:tomorrow a's big wigs.including majority owner. john fisher will tour the howard marine terminal location near jack london square. >> grant:they want to see if it's a viable location for a new baseball stadium. >> grant:oakland mayor libby schaaf has been touting this location.despite it being about a mile from the closest bart station. she and other city officials will not be part of the tour, which will be lead by the port of oakland and will focus on issues such as engineering, soil, and the seawall >> grant:the a's have toured this site before and it's just one of a handful of locations, including the coliseum th

steve: prosecutors say that the story of ryan lochte is bogus. the authorities say the olympic swimmers were vandals as opposed to victims. story has unraveled bit by bit and it may have been too cover of h sharon crowley has more on what officials say has happened. reporter: it is an ever evolving story. the latest tonight was that the rio de janeiro police are recommending an indictment against the u.s. olympic swimmers ryan lochte and james feigen for falsely reporting a happened. reporter: this is what happened following the interrogation of ryan lochte and james feigen. four olympians including six-time gold title winner ryan lochte lied when they claimed that they were robbed at gunpoint, returning to the olympic village on sunday. and the police said that there is not was not a robbery but a dispute between for drunk americans who trashed a gas station bathroom and then tried to leave without paying for the damages. surveillance video shows the athletes entering the bathroom. gas station employees come to the floor and then they exit the o

swanky -- >> steve: swanky. >> jimmy: swanky. >> steve: swanky hanky. sorry. >> jimmy: no spanky hanky. "you've been in the bathroom a a long time there, greg." "just call me hank." >> steve: "just call me hanky." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: "we shouldn't have invited spanky hanky over. what do you want with it?" >> steve: "what is he supposed to do?" [ laughter ] >> jimmy: "swanky. looks fantastic. fashionable, hair combed." >> steve: "velvet jacket. swanky hanky's the best." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: we're down to our last one. this is a children's book. this is good. anyone with kids out there this is a book called "rhymes with duck." >> steve: oh!. >> jimmy: you got truck, luck, buck. >> steve: cluck, muck -- [ laughter ] >> jimmy: what else rhymes with duck? >> tariq: i got one. >> jimmy: what's that? what is it? yeah? >> tariq: f -- >> jimmy: yeah? >> tariq: f -- >> jimmy: yeah? >> tariq: f -- >> jimmy: you got one? [ laughter ] you got one? forget it, tariq, don't worry about it. that's all i have for this edition of my "do not read list." [ cheers and a

>> steve: yeah! [ cheers and applause ] [ imitating vuvuzela ] [ imitating vuvuzela ] [ laughter ] >> jimmy: guys, today's friday, and that's usually when i catch up on some personal stuff. you know, i check my inbox, i return some e-mails, and of course send out thank you notes. [ cheers and applause ] well, i was running a bit -- running a bit behind, so i thought, if you guys wouldn't mind, i'd just like to write out my weekly thank you notes right now. is that cool? you guys are the best. [ cheers and applause ] thank you. i got my pen. i got my -- i got my note cards here. james, can i get some thank you note writing music, please? ?? >> steve: look how happy he is. >> jimmy: yeah. how patriotic he is. he wore his -- all his black, uh -- >> steve: his black plaid. >> jimmy: his black plaid, yeah. exactly, yeah. ?? thank you, nbc's coverage of the olympics in rio de janeiro, for allowing me to watch bob costas profile athletes, see matt lauer interview gold medalists, and most importantly, hear t