you ain't fred sanford! that's fred sanford. huh? that's right. that's fred sanford. she's all yours, fred. what's the matter with you, grady? the matter with you, lady? come here! what's the matter with her, grady? grady, what's the matter with you? grady, what's the matter with her? lady, what's the matter with you? oh, fred! betty: open this door, fred sanford. i'll have the law on you! i'll sue you for breaking a promise. you'll be sorry, fred sanford! hey, that woman was either crazy or drunk. it's a little of the first and a lot of the second. well, you see, that was part of my game plan. now, i figured that if i got her as drunk as she was the night she was out with your father, then she would remember that i was not fred sanford. well, how come she thought i was fred sanford? well, like you said, she's either crazy or drunk. [knock on door] uh-oh, there she is again. now, if that's her, i'm going to call the police. that's a good idea, grady. it is the police! well, let them in. hey, how you doing grady, lamont. hey, smitty, hoppy, what's happening? hey. how a

you think i'm fred sanford. [laughing] that's so funny! no? no. who are you, darling? laurence olivier? oh, fred, i could never forget that scraggly beard. or that cologne you were wearing. what was it? brut. ooh! that's it. and you smelled like a brute that night. you rubbed your scraggly beard against my face and i remember thinking to myself, ver felt so good. yeah, uh, please, my leg is going to sleep. [stammering] now, listen, miss horseton, heston. yeah, well, whatever it is, uh, look, you see, i am not fred sanford. he's in st. louis.

he's going into who's who fred sanford, you a heathen. the first time you been on your knees in the history of your miserable life and you kneel to a pagan item. listen, esther, this ain't no pagan item. it's a legacy. that's what it is, a legacy. and i wasn't--i wasn't kneeling down prayin'. i was workin'. ha ha ha! work. don't make me laugh. let me tell you something, esther. every time i see you, you make me wish that birth control was retroactive. now. what'd you--what'd you come here for to bug me anyway? i didn't wanna see your old weasel face. what's this ugly mess? ugly mess? ugly mess. what's the name of this ugly mess? i call it...esther. watch it, sucker. listen, esther, i don't wanna make you mad. because when you get mad your bottom-- your bottom lip look like you wearin' a brown turtleneck sweater. listen, now, let me tell you this, esther. now, you can look at this and you can look at that, but if you look at my tower, you're gonna put 50 cents in the hat. you ain't gettin' no money out of me, fred sanford. oh, no? oh, no.

fred sanford. your age? 40. would you repeat that, please? fred sanford. how old did you say you were? 50. education? uh, yes indeed. how much, mr. sanford? well, i figure about 60 bucks a day. no, no, no. how much education have you had? did you go to college? almost. high school? you're getting closer. junior high? how about junior low? i see. do you have a trade? how much will you give me for this whistle? just what kind of work were you expecting? well, i don't want nothing too messy, you know, like brain surgery. i don't want that. no problem. and see, airline pilotry, that's out. mm...mr. sanford, let's be realistic. you are totally lacking in the education and/or skills necessary to qualify for most of our placement opportunities. to say nothing of your age, which falls well outside the optimum actuarial median. well, thank you very much. now, look here, sister. give it to me straight. i have one job open for you as a hydro automotive maintenance technician. well, that sounds good. where is it? the jiffy car wash. happy wiping. heh heh heh heh. happ

but you, fred sanford, you old fish-eyed fool... don't you ever set foot in my house again. oh, glory! you old heathen. back to your cave, you old bat! listen, let me tell you something right now, pop. yes, all right then, son. ok. huh? yeah. anything you want me to do, i'll do because i want you to do anything i tell you to do. what's the matter with you, pop? well, see, it's like this, son. let me explain. like what? how's this sound? now, you've heard of the zanies. song, comedy and dance. lamont: right. well, bowlegs and i, we're song and comedy. and you are dance. pop, i-- popeye ain't got nothing to do with this. see, bowlegs is in trouble,

sanford. uh, call me fred. oh, thanks, fred. [telephone ringing] oh, i'll get it... fred. julio fuentes, big time tycoon. sanford and fuentes. oh, yeah, yeah. channel 14, right. oh, that's great. yeah, that's right. i talked to you before, yeah. ok, we'll have it for you by next week. thank you very much. good-bye. who was that, ju? hey, man, that was a tv station-- channel 14, man. they said that it's gonna cost us $90 the late movie. hey, beautiful. hey, we can handle that, can't we, pop? sure we can. don't cost us but 45 bucks. hey, hey, wait, wait. you got 2/3 interest, right? so that means 2 of you gotta pay $60. i pay $30. that's 2/3, right? oh, no, no. you got that wrong. see, that's when you're sharing the profits, see. the expenses are different. well, how do you figure that, man? it's just business mathematics. it's the law of the-- of the triangle. see, uh, you have one piece over here, and we have 2 pieces. see, we put our 2 pieces together, and it comes to a point. so shove that point in your ear. hey, pop, would you stop fooling around when we're trying to do

i won't be fred sanford the junk man. i'll be fred sanford the junkie. hey, pop, you gotta think positive, man. rest and take it easy, and i'll do all the work. well, let's just say for some strange reason, the tests prove that i don't have a bad heart. well, in that case, you'll be able to do some of the work around the house like sweepin' and dustin' and moppin' and washin' that truck and cleanin' out those cabinets and hangin' curtains and takin' those things down that are supposed to be-- ohh! now i really feel bad. where's the pain, pop? is it in your heart? it was in my heart. but after lookin' at you 2, it moved further down. john, we're giving you a raise. that's fantastic! but i'm gonna pass. are you ok? honey, you got another present. no thank you, dad. time warner cable internet gives you more of what you and those little data hoggers want. like ultra-fast speeds up to 300 megs. that's 50x faster than dsl. this internet speed is sick. get 50 meg internet starting at $39.99 a month. call now. and with home wifi, the whole family can be online a

fred, this is sonny cochran. sonny, this is fred sanford. hello, sonny. hey, mr. sanford. good. and that's um, uh, um... lamont. yeah, that's lamont. sit down, sonny, have a little sit down. yeah, sit down, sonny, have a little sit down, right here. that depends on who you ask. if you ask me, i'm a lawyer. well, who says you're not a lawyer? the state of california. but sonny knows more law than most judges. go ahead, ask him anything, fred. well, look here, sonny. now, lamont here got a traffic ticket, and he's innocent. now, what should he do about it? well, 2 viable options immediately suggest themselves. he can either pay the fine or fight it. oh, did you hear that, fred? man, that was real talk! look, look, look. i'm gonna pay the fine just like i did the last 2 and just skip all the hassle. you have 2 prior tickets? yeah. within the past year? yeah. if you have 2 prior tickets within the past year, do you know what this means? what? this means that this is your third ticket. i told you he was good! man, he's good! under california law, you're only allowed 4 tickets in one

[inaudible] you better watch yourself, fred sanford. you've been sinning and transgressing all your life! if the lord want to strike you down, he'll find you. even if you have to go to las vegas. well, he better not come to las vegas this weekend, 'cause frank sinatra is in town, and all the rooms are filled. you know, pop, aunt esther's right, man. when your time comes, it comes. earthquake or no earthquake. oh, glory! like the bible says, "there's a time to live, and a time to die. a time to sow, and a time to reap." and a time to shut up, and a time to creep out. i'm shutting up, and i'm creeping out. you old heathen. well, son, i better be going, 'cause i don't wanna miss my bus. hey, pop, can't i talk you out of it? i think you're-- i think you're acting foolish. if your mother and i had known we were going to have a son that didn't know the difference between careful and foolish, we'd have been a little more careful would you say no to a lot more money? [excited scream] you just won a million dollars! no thanks. or no to more vaca

nobody misuses fred sanford. i know how to handle this thing, i'll just call that old clancy fitzgerald down there and when i get through being mean and lean like joe green, i'll watch him crumble under my pressure. - count, count. - eight, nine, 10, 11, 11, 11, 11... - 12! - eight, nine, 10, 11, 11, 11, 12. - that's fine. - oh, hi, grady. - how you doing? - oh, fine. - how do you like this ring that i borrowed from the "y"? - hey, grady, what are all these people doing here? - oh, those are fight fans, and they paid 50 cents to watch junior work out. - you mean to tell me they paid 50 cents to watch him skip rope? grady, they can go down to the schoolyard and see it for free. - hey, buddy. he's been jumping rope for half an hour. how about some action? - [yerby] hi, lamont. ht promoter, got your fight canceled. - he did what? where is he? - [lamont] in the house. - fred, what did you do? - shh! yerby, i'm concentrating on the schedule for junior's personal appearance tour. - tour? - right. i figure we can cover

fred sanford. lamont sanford didn't have nothing to do with it. he's a nice son. he's coming over from choir practice. sure. and then tonight, he's gonna collect some money for the march of dimes. he's a good boy, i'm telling you. many a time i saw him sit down and just read the bible... and draw pictures of jack webb. hey, fred. hey, smitty, hoppy. do you know this guy? of course we know him. you should have picked up on that, maury. he's a friend of ours. yeah, really. hey, uh, listen, maury, could we talk to him for a minute? sure, but keep an eye on this ring. yeah, ok. evidence. all right. hey, fred, what happened? we heard you got picked up on a 459-- breaking and entering. that's true. every number of it. i can't believe you're the tiptoe burglar. well, i am. but how? the tiptoe burglar struck in new york last week. that was me. well, how did you get to new york? man: hey, rollo, baby, what's happening? hey, what's going on? they got me on a bum wrap, baby! drinking too much! hey, pop, what are you doing here? lamont, go home. go home? would somebody tell m

oh, well, i'm fred sanford, and i'm president of, uh... sanford's junky junkyard, inc. won't you please come in? thank you. yes, come right in and sit down over here. relax. do you care for a snack or anything like that? i think i got some rice in the cupboard. pop, stop. no, thank you. if you don't mind, i'd like to get right down to business. i'm sure you're aware by now that my company has been buying up property on this block. oh, really? yes, and since you are the last party to come to terms, you can understand our desire to quickly conclude negotiations. yes, we understand. yes. listen, you mean everybody else has signed up but us? we're the last ones left? perty. however, we also realize that there is a certain amount of sentimental value involved. the sentimental value. yes. so i think you'll agree that we have been quite fair in our offer. $20,000? we feel that's reasonable. don't you? [serious voice] ah, yes, that's very reasonable. perhaps...perhaps we should sign, father. i think i have a pen in the drawer. to have found one. here you go, do--deed--dad. you

why you want to insult me, fred sanford? have called you a pickle-headed, evil-doing heathen, but i didn't. that's right, fred, she didn't. and i could have called you a frog-eyed, fish-eating fool, but i didn't! and i could have called you a monkey-faced, fat-bottom gorilla, but i didn't. so now i will, you fat-bottom gorilla-faced ape. now, wait a minute now! this is a-- aunt esther, this is a welcome home party. everybody's here to have a good time. well, let's have a good time. what it is, pops. ask your mama what it is. i'll bet she don't even know. come on, pops. cheers. cheers? that what you want? yippee yippee yay yay! look who got out of jail today! come on, pops. you want some more? do you? all right. bim bam boom! hey, man, come on. come on. let bygones be bygones, man. no, let's let good-byes be good-byes. bye! bubba: hey, fred! nice seeing you, man. yeah, it's good to see you, bubba. and good your old lady let you out of the house tonight. oh, man, she didn't let me out of the house, i ducked out of the house on

you can fool some of the people some of the time, but fred sanford always. ? fools rush in where wise men never go ? ? i'm gonna buy a thoroughbred and make a lot of dough ? ? la da da da ? he's so dumb and so smart at the same time. well... good-bye, general lee. here you go. 70 bucks. fred, please take care of him. ok. and here's his papers in his hat. right. good. you got a real... you got a real bargain there, fred. [feigning crying] calvin! good-bye, grady. oh, ho, ho. hey, you know, in all the years that i've known him, that's the first time we've ever had a real conversation. he's mine, grady. you're looking at a million dollars worth of horse. oh, yeah? where is it? behind this one? no, grady. this one. oh, this horse don't look like he's worth anything to me, fred. that's because you don't know nothing about horses. see, this ain't just a junk wagon horse. this is a racehorse. this is a racehorse? that's right. well, i'll tell you what, fred. you see, he ain't racing anymore. well, you can say that again. he ain't racing anymore. say--say, fred, will

uh, this is fred sanford, lamont's father, of sanford and son. oh, what you got in the pot, pops? oh, it's just some stew that i fixed, and i was sitting at home alone and i thought i'd bring it over. y'all didn't eat yet, did you? uh, no, uh, all we had was peanuts and potato chips. oh, that ain't no good food. that's the kind of stuff you take to the zoo to feed the animals. look here, smell this. yeah. ooh, i just love onion stew! oh, and i'm hungry enough to eat that whole pot. that's good. it's a good feeling to know somebody's enjoying your cooking while you at home, all alone, lonesome, and by yourself. well, wait now, you can't just leave all this here and go home alone and sit! yes, he can, girls. you love doing that, don't you, pop? well, good night, pops. no, wait a minute, wait a minute, look here, wait a minute. let me serve it, and then i'll leave in a little bit, and i'll just serve it to you. y'all got anything to drink? ench furniture polish. "bourougoleg" or something. hey, look here, reach inside my coat here. reach right in there. both: ripple! yay! this is wha

watch your mouth, fred sanford. i didn't come here to be insulted. tell me where you go and i'll follow you there. oh, shut you, you old fool. who you calling a fool? what are you doing here anyway? i just came over to bring some of my homemade preserves. to preserve that. you may think your face is a prize, but it looks just like a brillo pad with eyes. now where should i put this? watch it! this is for lamont. well, you came to the wrong place. try next-door over at the cockroach hilton. and what is that supposed to mean? it means that lamont and i had a discussion about mine, his, and ours. he said what's his is mine and what's mine is his. i said, no, what's mine is mine and what's his is mine. now mind your own business. i don't believe it. you kicked your son our of his house? i didn't kick him out of here. thine own son! bones of thy bones! and mouth of thy mouth. why don't you shut your face? fred, if you won't listen to me, you can at least heed the words of your late wife. she's up there right now looking down at all of this. she's saying,

esther: open this door, fred sanford. hold your horses. [knocking on door] i said hold your horses. what is-- hello, uncle fred. elizabeth. i'm named after aunt elizabeth. you know, she died the year before i was born. y-you're the spitting image of elizabeth. that's what my daddy says. [kiss] thanks so much for letting me stay here with you. you--you even smell like elizabeth. go get her bags and stop smelling her. ooh, what is that i smell smelling so good? oh, that's bean sauce for the spaghetti. uncle fred, we're having spaghetti for breakfast? no, honey. for dinner. oh, well, uh, uncle fred, i can't eat here tonight. see, i'm meeting my roommates for dinner. well, why can't you meet them after dinner? oh, um, ahem, because, uh, we have so many things to arrange and talk about and everything. well, well, then, why don't you do this? why don't you invite them over here? and since i'm like your father here in los angeles, it'll be a pleasure for me to meet your friends. uh, it'll be too much trouble. really. no, no. i'll just make more sauce. no, that's too much work. no, i can ha

sanford? i'm not gonna call it that. i got some tricky names that i'm gonna put in there. want to hear them? no. good night, pop. i know what i'll call it. i'll name it after you: "the day of the jackass." captioning made possible by sony pictures television ? good times ? ? anytime you need a friend ? ? good times ? ? anytime you're out from under ? ? not getting hassled, not getting hustled ? ? keeping your head above water ? ? making a wave when you can ? ? temporary layoffs ? ? good times ? ? ? good times ? ? scratching and surviving ? ? good times ? ? hanging in a chow line ? ? good times ? ? ain't we lucky we got 'em? ?

but you, fred sanford, you old fish-eyed fool... don't you ever set foot in my house again. oh, glory! you old heathen. back to your cave, you old bat! listen, let me tell you something right now, pop. yes, all right then, son. ok. huh? yeah. anything you want me to do, i'll do because i want you to do anything i tell you to do. what's the matter with you, pop? well, see, it's like this, son. let me explain. like what? how's this sound? now, you've heard of the zanies. song, comedy and dance. lamont: right. well, bowlegs and i, we're song and comedy. and you are dance. pop, i-- popeye ain't got nothing to do with this. see, bowlegs is in trouble, and we're not gonna let him down for no reason. he needs us. and listen, i owe him a favor for the rest of my life because he introduced me to your mother. i didn't know that. you didn't know that? i could've swore i told you. ? the way you treated me ? ? i know i'm not to blame ? ? oh, jelly, jelly, jelly ? ? jelly stays on my mind ? ? jelly roll killed my papie ? ? it run my mama stone blind ? ? whoa, yeah ? thank you. thank you,

this is fred sanford. sanford. s-a-n-f-o-r-d period. yeah. i gotta get a doctor out here right away to 9114 south central avenue. yeah. uh, who? it's my son. his head is killing him. how old? uh, he's 2. uh, thank you, miss. bye. pop, why did you tell the woman i was 2 years old for? because they move a little faster when it's for a kid. i don't know, fred. today is wednesday, and that doctor might be out there on the golf course somewhere. no. this ain't one of them highfalutin, high-class beverly hills doctors. well, where is he? mr. sanford. yeah, doc. you sure got here in a hurry. well, luckily, i was in the neighborhood. where's the baby? uh, right--right over here. how long has he had the mustache? uh, since he was one. pretty big for 2 years old, isn't he? yeah. i used to give him that kind of bread that helps you grow 8 ways. uh, what difference it make how old he is anyway? i'm a pediatrician. oh, i'm methodist myself. hey, i'm terribly sorry about the mix up, doctor. well, as long as i'm here, maybe i can help. all right. i hope so.

i'm lamont sanford, fred's son. oh, yes. say, listen. did i hear you tell my father that he only had 6 months? well, as a matter of fact, i was stretching it a bit at that. just take it, and be thankful he's got that much time. you know, grady... being that you're his best friend, you know, i--i thought you should be the first to know. i--i can't believe it, lamont. but you know what they say... sooner or later, your number's bound to come up. it was... it was just so sudden, grady. [sobbing] yeah. just like my cousin waldo. he was walking down the street one day, in the prime of his life, and in a second, wham, bam, boom. heart attack? no, someone dropped a set of drums on him. well, i just don't want you to say anything to him about it, grady, you know? because it'd just get him upset. lamont, i won't say a word. things will be like they always were. we'll be...close. arm in arm. side by side forever. good, grady. good. [sobbing] lamont? yeah? can you catch what he has? 'cause if you can, i'm not going near him. oh, here he comes now,

it's up to you, fred g. sanford. uh, yeah, it's up to me. man: curtain! second man: tv! tv? tv? tv? no, curtain? take the curtain. uhh... listen, i should keep-- i shouldn't take that curtain 'cause there could be a zonk behind that curtain. and lamont likes tv. but he don't watch it as much as i do. i already got a tv but--but i might wind up with nothing, grady. umm, tv or the curtain. fred, you take the tv because that's what you wanted your whole life. my whole life? i ain't even lived my whole life yet, grady. and besides, i gotta get something nice for lamont. hey, grady, should i take the color tv or the curtain? ohh! tell me what--you what? i can't tell you that. what are you, a bigot? it's up to you and there's only one way to find out. what? the box or the curtain? well, i ain't takin' no chances. hold it! hold it! you can't go down there! no, no! wait a minute! you can't! you can't! hey, wait a minute! hey, you can't do that! stop that! hey, grady! hey, bubba, look! i won a gold watch! a diamond watch! come here and look at it! i won a diamond watch! and i won something f

fred g. sanford-- mover of junk, present holder of this stinking cigar, and servant to this dummy. say, why don't you have a seat there, mr. cambridge? ou? correct. and we've learned that the radio station reported public opinion to your call at 90% positive. and all morning long, my office has been having phone calls, telegrams. it's incredible. well, that's nice and everything, but it's, you know-- nice? what do you think of that, mr. sanford, huh? hold this. ah. now shove it up your nose. lamont, i'll get to the point. you are the perfect candidate to run for the office of state assemblyman in this district. assemblyman? me? hey, man, i didn't even graduate from high school. oh, well, lamont, that doesn't matter. you're down to earth. you should run for deodorant. look, i... i appreciate all the nice flowery speeches you're making, mr. cambridge, but i'm just not interested. now, lamont, i beg you to reconsider. your state is calling you. no, man-- definitely not. oh, well, all right. i guess i'll just have to cancel your fundraising dinner. fundraising? your state is calling yo

the lead character, fred sanford, played by redd foxx, was created as a black version of "all in the family's" lovable bigot, archie bunker. >> in 2013, hannah hargrove is struggling to revive the dallas junkyard she just inherited after her father is killed in a bar fight. >> she was worried in the beginning, after he passed away, that she couldn't do it. ♪ >> and while hannah is trying to keep the business from going under, she's also ready to move on in other facets of her life. her wedding is set to take place just six weeks after her dad's funeral... in the junkyard! >> at the end of the day, i wanted it to be at the place that i, my heart was. and my heart was here. >> describe the dress. >> so, silk chiffon, strapless, sweetheart neckline with a blue bow. >> how did you feel in it? >> like a princess. i felt beautiful. >> with the help of a lot of people, we made this junkyard look like a magical place... ♪ ...with draped chiffon. and i made a 70-foot train. it was beautiful. >> and then... [ thunder crashes ] >> it poured the day of the wedding, but it stopped raining abo

it's an oasis ron fred 46 is regular. i think it's magnificent. got boats we can use and fishing equipment and bicycles and anything else you might want to do. all for veterans and active duty. from a mom's journey and memory of a son, overtime as i was healing from my grief i started realizing that some of the veterans and active duty were still struggling with loss of brothers in arms. it gives me place to think about and relax with it. its a place to heal. lloyd sowers, fox 13 news. >>> and my warriors place nonprofit organization. one of just few of its kind in our nation. we have more information if you'd like it at www.fox13news.com. here's live look outside right now meteorologist jim weber will have check check on forecast and tell us if clouds will hang around. stay with us. millions of tax dollars. your money but what is it and are company should treat you like family... [phone rings] operator: health care customer service caller: hi this is patricia ramirez. operator: oh, patricia! colleague: i love patricia! colleague 2: when is she ge