jimmy: yeah. >> questlove: you might perform. >> jimmy: yeah. [ laughter ] >> questlove: do it. >> jimmy: if you guys let me on stage, yeah. [ laughter ] it's always a great time. go check out the roots at the gramercy theatre if you're in town, in new york city. [ cheers and applause ] try to get in. try to get in. if you know somebody -- i don't know if i can get in. oh, also, guys, mark your calendars, set your dvrs, we're taking "the tonight show" on the road to minneapolis for a a special live show on super bowl sunday. >> steve: oh! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] ♪ sunday, sunday, sunday! >> jimmy: it is a big, big, big show. we have dwayne "the rock" johnson. he's going to be there. >> steve: whoa! [ applause ] >> jimmy: the cast of "this is us" will be there. >> steve: oh! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: and the star of this year's super bowl halftime show, justin timberlake will be there! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ >> steve: oh! >> jimmy: we're going to be talking to justin. he's go

all right. [ laughter ] >> oh, jimmy. oh, jimmy. >> jimmy: all right, i won't let you down. i'll try not to. >> c'mon, jimmy. >> jimmy: i don't know, man. i don't know. i don't know but this is -- this is an object. >> is it english? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, it's in english, yeah. >> all right. >> jimmy: wait, okay, wait, where am i? okay. [ laughter ] tariq, don't do anything weird, man. [ laughter ] i swear i'll get you back, man, i really -- don't ny >> jimmy: stop. [ laughter ] all right, ready? >> yeah. >> jimmy: here we go. >> yeah. line, hanger -- [ laughter ] christmas tree. oh, a man -- a man with a a snowman -- [ laughter ] a hat man -- a hat -- a man with a hat -- i need some -- oh, gosh. he's on a mountain. a man with a hat on a mountain. [ laughter ] he's the cow man -- he's an elf on a cow? yes? [ cheers and applause ] an elf on a shelf? >> jimmy: yes! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] [ laughter ] >> wow. >> jimmy: patton, you're up next. here you go. >> i'm up next? >> jimmy: yes, you are up next. this is the headset. >> oh, man, you did great, jimmy. >> jimmy:

>> jimmy: yeah -- >> don't do it? >> jimmy: no bleep. you can do it. >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: yeah. >> shut the [ bleep ] up, donny. [ light laughter ] that's a koan. >> jimmy: that's a koan? >> yeah, man, as you get into this, you'll see, you know. >> jimmy: yeah -- >> my favorite was -- that's just like your opinion, man. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: i love that. that is a good one. >> yeah, that's good one. >> jimmy: that's just like your opinion, man. >> yeah, yeah. >> jimmy: i love having you on. i could talk to you for three hours. but i have -- >> yeah, i know. >> jimmy: i can't but i love you. i love you. >> all right, okay. >> jimmy: i love having you on. >> show a clip, man. >> jimmy: i want to show a clip of your movie, "the only living boy in new york." here is jeff bridges. it's in theaters friday. check this out. >> how old is mimi? >> she's 22, she just turned 22. >> she's young. >> yeah. >> she's at an age where defense mechanisms are very strong, despite her outer veneer, she's ruled by fear. like so many of us at that t

>> jimmy: why? what's up? >> well, you know jimmy, it's 2017. forward #ustoo. [ laughter ] saying that santa groped them, or stood under the mistletoe and whipped out his yule log. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: all right, all right. yamaneika, any final thoughts? >> yes. maybe this year, instead of focusing on santa's skin color, we focus on what he really represents like joy, and peace, and love. and let's just agree that santa that comes down your chimney can be whatever the hell you want him to look like, you know? and in my instance, he looks like idris elba. >> jimmy: all right. there you go. [ cheers and applause ] yamaneika saunders, everybody. yamaneika, thank you. ♪ yamaneika saunders. guys, check this out. i read that ikea is teaming up with an electronics company to make home speakers. but you should be careful, because if you turn the bass up too high, all of your ikea furniture will fall apart. [ light laughter ] [ applause ] and finally, you guys, the other day, louisiana senator surrounding the gop tax bill when he made a pretty intere

jimmy: elsa! >> elsa! >> jimmy: all right, there you go. [ laughter ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] all right, dangerous sports. >> oh, okay. >> jimmy: one, two, three. rugby. >> football. >> jimmy: wait -- [ audience ohs ] i think it's the same thing in australia. >> depending where you're from. >> jimmy: it works, it's a a jinx! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> more kisses, more kisses. >> jimmy: tools. one, two, three -- >> chainsaw. >> jimmy: jimmy fallon. there you go, yeah. [ laughter ] there you go. i thought you were going to say, i thought we were going to get a jinx on that one. here we go. >> no, never, never. >> jimmy: nicknames you call your spouse, one, two, three -- honey. >> love. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: one, two, three -- >> mi amor. >> jimmy: cutie. [ laughter ] >> is your wife spanish? >> jimmy: yes. >> te quiero. okay, one more time. >> jimmy: one, two, three -- >> darling. >> jimmy: despacito. >> despacito. [ laughter ] [ applause ] >> jimmy: all right, we gotta come up with it. he

>> jimmy: it is the last one. >> steve: okay. >> jimmy: yeah. >> steve: aw, i'm sorry. >> jimmy: the last poll asked, is oprah qualified to be president? 20% said, um, are you kidding? 30% said, you know who the president is now, right? [ laughter ] 50% said of course she's qualified to be president. [ cheers and applause ] that is all the time we have for "tonight show polls." we'll be right back with more "tonight show." stick around, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ your all you can eat riblets. okay. enjoy. thanks. ♪ ♪ when i touch you like this ♪ and i hold you like that. ♪ it's so hard to believe ♪ baby, baby, baby. ♪ if you touch me like this ♪ and when you hold me like that. ♪ all you can eat is back, baby. applebee's. eatin' good in the neighborhood. resolution #1: binge more. join the un-carrier, and get four unlimited lines for forty bucks each. with netflix included. watch however you want. on your phone, tablet, or tv. let's rock this joint! [ gasps, laughs ] you eve

. >> jimmy: your name is din? >> dinzell. >> jimmy: okay. this is one of our writers, his name is gary. every year he interrupts our don't encourage him. he interrupts dressed as this ridiculous character he made up called the hanukorn. >> i did not make it up. god make the hanukorn. >> jimmy: it doesn't matter, we don't have time for this. >> do not treat me like matt damon. [ laughter ] the people want to see the hanukorn, right? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: all right. i will give you 60 seconds. >> how about 80? >> jimmy: what a negotiator. all right, 80. all right, okay, all right. >> the song we worked on, we have to do it fast because i don't have much time. ♪ i hope that you enjoy my song it's going to be a blast ♪ listen very carefully i have to sing it fast ♪ ♪ ♪ the most melodic melody that you have ever heard ♪ ♪ the hanukorn's official 80 favorite jewish words ♪ ♪ bagel ♪ lean corned beef on rye ♪ oy vey ♪ dreidel gimle rosh hashanah ♪ circumcision ♪ shekel shekel ♪ barbra streisand ♪ fiddler

and now, take it easy -- there's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: hi. thanks a lot, i appreciate it. i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thanks for watching, thanks for coming. it's friday night. let's try to make the best of it. hey, you know there's a bomb cyclone on the east coast. and it's never a good sign when weather has the word "bomb" in it. temperatures are below zero in new england right now. people are huddling around tom brady's perfect smile to try to stay warm. [ laughter ] schools are closed. flights are grounded. there was more than a foot of snow on the ground in boston yesterday. and flooding too. they had snow and flooding. the kind of weather no person should ever drive in unless you don't have a choice because it's your job. >> it's just after noon in boston, you can see this right here is floodwaters coming out of the boston harbor. it's not even high tide yet. we've already had to move our cars twice. at one point the water was as high as the hood of our suv. what are you doing driving in this? >> i'm working for stub hub! [ lau

. >> jimmy: classic. yeah, exactly, yeah. [ laughter ] >> i'd say, "honey, you don't understand, this is a great chapter, here." i'm re-reading it. [ laughter ] light up again, you know. >> jimmy: and then when you were done. >> and then i stopped -- and i just stopped. i didn't do any -- oh, but that was the other thing is i also think it was just based on this sort of stubbornness. you know, i really -- 'cause i decided since the last time was, you know, such a a failure, i decided this time that i was -- that i was going to quit smoking and lose weight. >> jimmy: so, you've done both? you quit smoking and you lost weight? >> i did. i've lost weight -- i lost weight. now i quit, you know, about a a year ago, some -- somewhere around then. so, now i've put it on, because now i just sort of gave up on the losing the weight part. [ light laughter ] but it really did work at the time. i lost weight and quit smoking. and i'm telling you it's a a great thing. >> jimmy: but the good news is that this man has w

"jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- aaron paul. from "modern family", sarah hyland.mmy kimmel. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: welcome. welcome. hi everybody. welcome to the show. thanks for watching. thanks for coming. [ cheers and applause ] tell you what -- [ cheers and applause ] -- those of you visiting, you are here on a special day here in hollywood award season is in fill bloom nominations for academy awards came out today, nominees -- you know, a lot of people didn't think i was going to make it, they were wrong. i am hosting the oscars again this year. [ cheers and applause ] and i have to say something. i'm excited. i can't wait to see who accidentally wins best picture. most went to water 13 nods, best picture, best director and outstanding achievement in fish penis design i'm glad "shape of water" got so many nominations finally hollywood is recognizing a monster other than harvey weinstein. i think that's great. [ cheers and applause ] members of the weinstein family here tonight? is that what happened? there ar

all right. [ laughter ] >> oh, jimmy. oh, jimmy. >> jimmy: all right, i won't let you down. i'll try not to. >> c'mon, jimmy. >> jimmy: i don't know, man. i don't know. i don't know but this is -- this is an object. >> is it english? [ laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, it's in english, yeah. >> all right. >> jimmy: wait, okay, wait, where am i? okay. [ laughter ] tariq, don't do anything weird, man. [ laughter ] i swear i'll get you back, man, i really -- don't do anything. [ laughter ] >> tariq: jimmy, look out! >> jimmy: stop. [ laughter ] all right, ready? >> yeah. >> jimmy: here we go. >> yeah. line, hanger -- [ laughter ] christmas tree. oh, a man -- a man with a a snowman -- [ laughter ] a hat man -- a hat -- a man with a hat -- i need some -- oh, gosh. he's on a mountain. a man with a hat on a mountain. [ laughter ] he's the cow man -- he's an elf on a cow? yes? [ cheers and applause ] an elf on a shelf? >> jimmy: yes! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] [ laughter ] >> wow. >> jimmy: patton, you're up next. here you go. >> i'm up next? >> jimmy: yes, you are up next. this is the he

jimmy: holy -- >> questlove: each night, new acts. >> jimmy: wow. >> questlove: yeah. >> jimmy: did anyone film it or anything? >> questlove: yeah, we filmed. >> jimmy: you got some stuff? >> questlove: yeah. >> jimmy: yeah. you've got to put it together. i mean, this is the hardest working band in show business. the roots. [ cheers and applause ] we love those guys. guys, it is monday. we're very happy to be back. we have a huge week of shows ahead. tomorrow night, chrissy teigen and i will be going head-to-head in the best friends challenge. [ cheers and applause ] then later in the week, sam smith will be here. i love sam smith. [ cheers and applause ] magician, dan white, will be stopping by. [ cheers and applause ] and we have music from liam payne and rita ora. oh, yeah. [ cheers and applause ] and then this weekend, we are traveling, we will be in minneapolis. [ cheers and applause ] we're going to do a live show. ♪ we'll be doing a live show after the super bowl. justin timberlake will be there. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ the cast of "this is us" will be there. [ cheers and appl

alexa, launch "tonight show." >> jimmy: hey guys, jimmy fallon here. just wanted to say a quick hello and welcome you to "the tonight show." >> thanks, jimmy. you can play the latest monologue, listen to jimmy's thank you notes, find out which guests will appear on upcoming episodes, or hear show information. which would you like? >> jimmy: alexa, play thank you notes. >> jimmy: guys, today is friday and that's usually when i catch up with some personal stuff. i check my inbox -- >> jimmy: yeah! it works! [ cheers and applause ] it's amazing. it works! alexa, home. [ light laughter ] alexa, home. alexa -- [ light laughter ] anyways. [ laughter ] it's a great gift. [ light laughter ] i love this thing. i feel like everybody should have one of these in their home. if you go to amazon.com, you can find out more. it's really great. >> wait, jimmy. aren't you forgetting something? >> jimmy: oh, that's right. thank you, alexa. i almoor studio audience is going home with their very own amazon echo show! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ you know what's up. come on!

>> jimmy: yeah, exactly. there's a lot of memorizing in there. >> yeah. >> jimmy: unless you're using cue cards, but i mean, there's a lot of sermons and -- >> yeah, we -- i mean, first day was a sermon of joy and what it was or is to be a a davidian. and that was a nine-pager. and i think just scripture and everything is hard to kind of wrap your mind around it. you know, i had whiteboards all over the house with the scripture and the monologues and -- >> jimmy: what did you use for research? like old tapes from him? >> yeah, recruitment tapes. so obviously there are his -- there's a bunch of his sermons online that you can see. and then the dowdle brothers, who wrote and directed it, sent me just an insane amount of material. and then you get into his back-story of him as a kid, raised seventh day adventist. his mom was 14 when she had him. he had memorized the bible by 17. >> jimmy: memorized the whole thing? >> memorized the bible. yeah. >> jimmy: wow, wow, wow. >> so, it's a very enigmatic, complex story

>> jimmy: why? what's up? >> well, you know jimmy, it's 2017. and any day now, i'm sure one of the elves is going to come forward #ustoo. [ laughter ] saying that santa groped them, or stood under the mistletoe and whipped out his yule log. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: all right, all right. yamaneika, any final thoughts? >> yes. maybe this year, instead of focusing on santa's skin color, we focus on what he really represents like joy, and peace, and love. and let's just agree that santa that comes down your chimney can be whatever the hell you want him to look like, you know? and in my instance, he looks like idris elba. >> jimmy: all right. there you go. [ cheers and applause ] yamaneika saunders, everybody. yamaneika, thank you. ♪ yamaneika saunders. guys, check this out. i read that ikea is teaming up with an electronics company to make home speakers. but you should be careful, because if you turn the bass up too high, all of your ikea furniture will fall apart. [ light laughter ] [ applause ] and finally, you guys, the other day, louisiana senat

. >> jimmy: stephanie -- >> we got this. >> yes. >> jimmy: triple h. >> no. >> jimmy: you are up. >> all right. >> we got this. >> i'm going to bring a stand if that's okay. >> jimmy: yeah, perfect. >> all right? >> jimmy: okay, i understand. >> okay. >> jimmy: now, triple h, you chose the song "seek and destroy" by metallica. >> right. yeah. [ cheers ] >> jimmy: stephanie, you chose "how far i'll go," the theme from the moana soundtrack. [ cheers and applause ] >> it's not like you don't know the song. >> jimmy: let's see what you'll be singing right now, please. come on. please! please! yeah! [ cheers and applause ] this is fantastic. stephanie, whenever you are ready. >> oh, come on. >> jimmy: whenever you're ready. this will be fine. ♪ ♪ i've been staring at the edge of the water long as i can remember never really knowing why ♪ [ laughter ] ♪ i wish i could be the perfect daughter but i come back to the water no matter how hard i try ♪ [ cheers ] ♪ every turn i take every trail i track every path i make every road leads back ♪ ♪ to the place i know where i cannot

. >> jimmy: oh. >> it was very emotional. >> jimmy: oh. >> you know? because those were the steps where gianni was -- you know, where he died. actually, where he was dying. because actually he was declared dead maybe 40 minutes after he got shot. >> jimmy: oh. >> so for me, it was very difficult not to think that maybe during, you know, those minutes that he was lying on those steps, he might have been -- i mean, he was unconscious, but maybe he was listening. he was listening to all the chaos and all the pain around him. >> jimmy: oh. >> so that haunted me for a a while. but at the same time, it was beautiful to be at the house. a house that represents his legacy. and there was a day that we were shooting four scenes at the same time. then i looked, there wasn't a a balcony, there wasn't a room. ricky wasn't where i'm shooting a scene. and then at the end we kind of, like, got together and thought, this house was built for creativity. you know? and maybe -- i mean, we kind of, like, rejoiced in the thought that maybe he was looking down on us and sayi

. >> jimmy: love combs? >> no, just love. >> jimmy: just love? >> just love. >> jimmy: okay, all right. love it's going to be. >> just say it, love. >> jimmy: if i call you i'll go, "hello, love." >> hello, is this jimmy? hello? it's me. >> jimmy: all right, i like it. i like that. so there wasn't like a commotion with your pr people who said, hey, we got to focus on you need to have one name? >> they're the ones that made me try to do a retraction. >> jimmy: we've unretracted the retraction. >> i've unretracted the retraction. i've taken the brother off the love, i'm just love. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: love, are you still, i apologize if this question is too personal. but are you still eating applesauce every single day? >> yes. >> jimmy: you are? >> yes. mott's applesauce. >> jimmy: you don't have some certainal chef come in and make you a special organic, chopped-up. you have mott's. in the individual or the jar? >> it's in the individual cups. >> jimmy: in the individual. do you ever get crazy and eat more than one mott's applesauce?

>> jimmy: yes. >> she is going to save us, jimmy. >> jimmy: she's going to save us? >> absolutely. >> jimmy: all right, well, give me an example, what would she do with north korea? >> okay, first of all, if oprah is elected president, we are not going to war with north korea, we're not going to war with no place where black women get their hair from, okay? [ laughter ] i ain't going to war with no country that keeps my hair popping. [ laughter ] plus, you know she's going to fix that busted prison system that keeps black men in jail 20% longer than white men for the same crime. she going to be up there going, "you get a pardon, you get a a pardon, you get a pardon!" [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you get a pardon! everyone's getting -- that's great news. >> yeah. >> jimmy: and too, she would be the first female president. >> yes and we also get our first, first man. well, actually since stedman and her aren't married, stedman will technically be the first side piece. [ laughter ] come on now, ya'll know oprah don't let him sleep over. he going to have to take tha

jimmy kimmel has and net benning. > good night, everybody. >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight, annette bening, director paul thomas anderson, "this week in unnecessary censorship," and music from sylvan esso. and now, more than ever, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: welcome. that's very nice. hi there, i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thanks for watching. thanks for coming. i dreamed about you last night. that's very nice. i have did say, i'm excited. i had a big day. i hosted hq trivia today. you play hq on your phone, you're aware of it? [ cheers and applause ] if you don't know, hq is a trivia app founded by a pair of developers who wanted to answer a relatively simple question which was, how can we make 500,000 people feel stupid all at the same time? [ laughter ] if you've ever seen a group of people gathered around a phone at exactly 3:00 yelling "genghis khan, it's genghis khan!" you've seen people playing hq. i hosted today and it was fun. i read the questions, i gave the answers. you feel a lot smart where you already know

. >> jimmy: yes. >> silkwood. >> jimmy: yes. >> sophie's choice. >> jimmy: yes. >> oh, god. >> jimmy: no. that was george burns. >> see, i can't remember last thursday. i can remember the olden days. >> jimmy: that one wasn't in there either. >> okay. out of africa. >> jimmy: yes. >> um, cry in the dark maybe? >> jimmy: no. >> why? why? >> jimmy: you forgot the first one. you remember the first one? >> no. >> jimmy: they say you always forget your first one, right? >> the first nomination? >> jimmy: yeah. >> i thought that was the french lieutenant's woman? >> jimmy: no, it wasn't. that was the third. it was the deer hunter. oh, i'm so sorry. i'm going to have to keep this oscar for myself. but that's okay. you probably have enough. >> oh, damn. >> jimmy: well, i'm sorry you didn't win but -- >> i'm sorry my mike popped out. >> jimmy: yeah, i'm sorry it all happened. it's okay. it will be all right. you know what? we'll do it again live at the oscars. you practice. >> okay. >> jimmy: we'll see if you can win the prize that night. >> thank you. >> jimmy: it's great to see you. congratu

. >> jimmy: we're very humble people and we don't care. we want everyone to win. >> jimmy, jimmy. stop with the accent. >> jimmy: okay, got you. [ laughter ] okay. >> oh, my god, i could never do that. >> jimmy: timothee, you -- you start. [ talking over each other ] >> okay, here we go. and -- >> okay, wait -- >> oh, god, you hit it. >> go, go, go! >> okya, all right. a -- a smelly -- >> stink eye. pink eye. >> yes, stink eye. >> okay. >> don't give me that one. give me this. okay. not long trousers. >> jimmy: shorts. >> yeah, and they're really -- >> jimmy: short shorts. >> yes. >> jimmy: wow. [ laughter ] i mean, it's not that i know that -- >> you don't wear that. >> it's a movie and it's -- what lights do. what do lights do? >> uh -- flash. >> stars! >> "stars wars." uh -- "star trek." >> two words, and it's what lights and stars do. >> um -- flashing lights. >> no, no, no. >> flash eyed, star eye -- give me, give me! >> okay, okay. >> what does light do? [ beeping ] >> black lights also do this. >> i -- star -- i don't know! what it -- what could it possibly be? >> flashligh

> thank you. >> jimmy: that is a good bit. >> yeah. >> jimmy: i like that bit. >> jimmy: my turn. let's start the standup generator of jerry seinfeld roles. [ beeping ] [ cheers and applause ] >> "star wars." >> jimmy: interesting. "star wars." this is your take on "star wars." >> this is a little bit i have on "star wars." this was a bit -- it was a a pretty good bit. it didn't quite make it into my set, but i always liked it, thought it was funny. >> jimmy: okay, i'm going to do it right now. here we go. it's on cue cards. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ thank you very much. thank you. [ laughter ] okay. [ laughter ] okay, people. [ laughter and applause ] i watched a lot of "star wars" with my kids, don't care for it personally. i can say that publicly, because they were never going to put me in "star wars" anyway. [ light laughter ] i'm wrong for the tone. you don't want a character in "star wars" that says things like, you know -- [ laughter ] i don't think we need all the back-flipping, and the lightsaber duels, not really a a very effective combat technique. doesn't hurt your o

jimmy kimmel. >> jimmy: hi. i want to know how you're doing. >> i'm okay, i'm alive, that's the most important thing. >> jimmy: to be honest, you don't look okay, your arms and legs appear to be missing. >> they are not missing, they are right over there. >> jimmy: all right, well, you seem to be taking this very well. >> it's not too bad. i lost weight. >> jimmy: you lost weight. well, god bless you for looking on the bright side of this situation. not many people can do that. i'm glad you're okay. sorry you can't take selfies anymore. i guess that's the worst part of it. >> i can still take selfies, i just need to use this stick. cheese! >> jimmy: oh, my goodness. this guy's got the worst luck. we're going to take a break. [ cheers and applause ] when we come back, my cousin sal meets cirque du soleil and in this week in unnecessary censorship too. so stick around. we'll be right back. ♪ ♪ [ applause ] you doing your taxes? oh... yeah. trying to sneak them in between set ups. why are you using turbotax? hm

. >> jimmy: why is that? >> i don't know. >> jimmy: how old are you. >> 25 at the ends of the month. >> jimmy: you're old enough. >> i should know by now. >> jimmy: what's the hold up. >> my family haven't filled me with confidence they're amazingly supportive but just the mention of taking a theory test had he crack up laughing at the idea of me behind a wheel, it's hilarious to them. >> jimmy: are you clumsy. >> yeah i am. >> jimmy: maybe it's better you don't drive. >> i think it is for everyone. to be honest. >> jimmy: like acting don't you have to drive when you're acting. >> yeah it's interesting, i heard that sort of old school thing they ask you can ride a horse you say yes. so the same applied, you are asked you can drive you just say yes. and i got found out. >> jimmy: by who? >> on the set of a film called "detroit" i played a racist police officer and one of the requirements apart from being a i bigoted psycho path is that i needed to drive. there were couple moments on set where it was less than

>> jimmy: all right, yeah, yes, sir! >> now! >> jimmy: yes, sir. >> again! >> jimmy: yes, okay! [ cheers and applause ] one, two, three, flip. [ cheers and applause ] okay. i'm good with it. i'm good with it. >> sorry, sorry, sorry. sorry, sorry. [ applause ] ♪ come on! i don't want to get your suit wet. >> jimmy: yeah. well, okay. just a little sticky down there. okay. [ laughter ] one, two, three. oh, yeah. >> that was like -- i mean, that was like -- >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah. >> go ahead, go ahead. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: here we go! >> oh, i would have won that one. >> jimmy: no -- trust me, i know what it feels like. yeah. yeah, no, trust me. >> there it is. >> jimmy: for the win! one, two, three, come on. oh. [ applause ] >> there we go. >> jimmy: is there more water in your glass? [ laughter ] i got basically splashed in the face with water just there. >> it's a talent. >> jimmy: oh, man. >> oh [ bleep ]. last one, man. [ cheers ] ♪ >> jimmy: one, two, three! flip! what! [ cheers and applause ] >> whoa! >> jimmy: boom! [ cheers and applause ] whew-hoo! [ l

>> jimmy: it is the last one. >> steve: okay. >> jimmy: yeah. >> steve: aw, i'm sorry. >> jimmy: the last poll asked, is oprah qualified to be president? 20% said, um, are you kidding? 30% said, you know who the president is now, right? [ laughter ] 50% said of course she's qualified to be president. [ cheers and applause ] that is all the time we have for "tonight show polls." we'll be right back with more "tonight show." stick around, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ your all you can eat riblets. okay. enjoy. thanks. ♪ ♪ when i touch you like this ♪ and i hold you like that. ♪ it's so hard to believe ♪ but it's all coming back me. ♪ baby, baby, baby. ♪ if you touch me like this ♪ and when you hold me like that. ♪ all you can eat is back, baby. applebee's. eatin' good in the neighborhood. resolution #1: binge more. join the un-carrier, and get four unlimited lines for forty bucks each. with netflix included. watch however you want. on your phone, tablet, or tv. let's rock this joint! [ gasps, laughs ] you ever feel like... cliché foil characters scheming aga

and now, you've been warned, here's jimmy kimmel! >> jimmy: thank you. hi, i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thanks for watching. thanks for coming. do you feel the holiday spirit enveloping you like a slanket right now? christmas is ten days away, which means we only get to hear that mariah carey song 75,000 times. [ laughter ] it occurred to me last night as i was putting my daughter to bed that the little drummer boy, you know the little drummer boy, this kid brought drums into a baby's room. [ laughter ] he just strolls in, shall i play my drums for you? starts pah-rumping. completely unacceptable. where were this little drummer easiest boy's parents when this was going on? this morning -- my daughter's 3. they had their holiday performance for preschool. her class is called the ladybugs. the ladybugs perform two songs. "here comes suzie snowflake," which is just a terrible song. [ laughter ] and a hanukkah song that was even -- no one has ever heard this song before or will ever hear it again. i don't know where it came from. we got there early i

. >> jimmy: no, you do not. >> actually, i do. >> jimmy: you do. >> i'm joking. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: who knows with you? you've got a lot of family members. >> i probably do. >> jimmy: are you going to be there for the olympics? will you be there at that time? >> i think we will for maybe part of it. >> jimmy: oh, that's fun. do you think you'll get to go to anything? >> no. >> jimmy: you won't get to see -- >> only when you travel with robert downey do you get to see anything. >> jimmy: is that true? >> yeah. because he puts in days where you can see some things. >> jimmy: i like that. that's smart. he has the clout to do that. >> he's ironman. >> jimmy: he's ironman. [ laughter ] so you'll go there -- but you won't be with robert downey. >> we will not. >> jimmy: that's unfortunate. maybe ask him to come along. >> michael, lupita. we don't have that same clout yet. >> jimmy: you will have it soon. i saut movie, and i loved it. i thought it was great. "black panther." the music is great and the whole thing is great. and all i could think of the whole time is i wish i was black pant

[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you very much. very nice. i'm jimmy. i'm the host of the show. thank you for coming. [ cheers and applause ] thanks for watching. thank you for -- really, thanks. [ cheers and applause ] for braving the elements to be here tonight on a rare -- a rare rainy day in southern california. it's dangerous out there. i'm glad we're all inside. i really am. this is why we do this show indoors. anybody watch the college football championship game last night? [ applause ] what a game. it was such a good game. i did the unthinkable. i turned off "the bachelor" to watch it. [ laughter ] which is normally unacceptable. but the alabama crimson tide rallied from i think 13 points to beat georgia in overtime to win their fifth national title in nine years, which is amazing. no time left in regulation. alabama misses an easy field goal, would have won them the game. it seemed like it was a devastating blow, but they taped their broken hearts together and followed with this touchdown to seal the deal. take a look at this. >> try to make up

>> jimmy: what's, that kellyanne? we can't hear you. it's jimmy kimmel. >> oh, hi, jimmy kimmel. happy trumpiversary. >> jimmy: yes. happy anniversary to you too. >> remember this outfit? >> jimmy: how could anyone forget that outfit? it was incredible. >> i wore it to the inauguration. >> jimmy: yes, i remember that very, very well. >> the biggest crowd in history got to see me rocking gucci in the red, white, and bluecci! where the [ bleep ] is the vodka? >> jimmy: it's in your hand, kellyanne. tell us what's going on at the party. >> you're looking at it, jimmy. we're dlinking delicious trump vodka and getting [ bleep ] hole drunk. >> jimmy: why does donald trump sell vodka if he doesn't even drink? >> i don't know. why do you tell jokes when you're not even funny? >> jimmy: oh, that's a very good point. oh, what is joe camel doing there? >> he's a lobbyist, jimmy. he's an important lobbyist. joe, give me a smoke, you hairy bitch. we are so excited to be celebrating everything we've achieved this past year. >> jimmy: what have you achieved this past year? >> have you never hea

jimmy kimmel, jimmy fall honor mckenzie fallon? i'm not upset that there are all the people that don't know the name of the show. what puzzles me is the 2270 people who chose mckenzie fallon. is that even a person? it sounds like an outdoor apparel catalogue. but it is very popular. it is almost as popular as the game we're going to play next. a miracle struck. when the clock struck midnight, the sale of recreational marijuana became legal and just like that, millions of fake cases of insomnia were cured. marijuana is now fully legal for recreational purposes. hundreds lined up to play. they delivered to it your house. and by the way, real stoners don't like up in front of a store on the day it becomes legal. real stoners line up maybe four days later if they even remember. we came up with a game to play. we're going out to the streets. one of the people you're looking at right now is high. shockingly, two of them aren't. when we come back, we'll rye to guess which person it is as we play quote who's high." who's hi" " (chris) the

. >> jimmy: patty, you and gal get up. >> all right. >> jimmy: now you both -- >> okay. >> jimmy: get the same clue -- >> tariq: okay. >> jimmy: and we -- >> okay, well that's -- >> jimmy: whatever team gets it wins the whole shabang. >> six. >> tariq: so then team tariq wins. got it. [ laughter ] >> okay. >> jimmy: we're going to do it. we're going to do this. i promise you. >> okay. cool. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: wait, wait, wait. stop! she started already. [ talking over each other ] >> okay, so look at her in the meantime because i didn't. >> tariq: it's a song. >> okay, ready? >> jimmy: ready. >> it's a song. >> jimmy: song. yeah. >> tariq: oh -- dragon. "godzilla." uh -- >> jimmy: attack. love. >> tariq: hair, hair. i'm a panther, lion, tiger. "eye of the tiger." tiger -- i'm a tiger. >> jimmy: "the lion sleeps tonight." ♪ [ cheers and applause ] oh, my goodness! that's how -- we redeemed ourselves. >> yes. >> jimmy: we did it! gal gadot, right there! patty jenkins! tariq trotter! we'll be right back, with sam rockwell, ladies and gentlemen. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ hello, al

, someone call jimmy dad. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no. no one has ever done that. so interesting. >> okay. >> jimmy: so interesting. mom, though? is that a thing? >> yeah, like mom and dad. oh, goals. relationship goals, mom and dad. >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. >> i feel so old, sorry. >> jimmy: no, please. are you kidding me? you're a baby. >> oh, god. >> jimmy: chrissy, we love you. >> i love you guys. >> jimmy: i want to show everyone a clip. here's ally from fifth harmony performing in thursday night's episode of "lip sync battle." check this out. ♪ dance the night away live your life and stay young on the floor ♪ ♪ dance the night away grab somebody drink a little more ♪ ♪ >> can i get the booty shake again? >> yeah! yeah, sure. [ cheers and applause ] just for you, chrissy. just for you. >> i can't. >> jimmy: exactly. just for you. chrissy teigen! [ cheers and applause ] >> that's my girl. >> jimmy: i don't know if you have the same -- same vibe i'm feeling, but i feel like maybe we could be besties. >> i absolutely think so. >

>> jimmy: no. >> oh. >> jimmy: i think nannies is really funny. >> no. no! me! >> jimmy: yes! crushed on that one, man. >> that's terrible! >> jimmy: that wasn't even that funny. >> that wasn't even that funny. nannies. >> next prompt -- >> nannies. >> the worst curse, every full moon you turn into blank. [ light laughter ] time to vote. >> who do i vote for? >> one of those is really good. >> jimmy: oh! it's a tie. >> a tie. >> jimmy: all right. ♪ >> up next, the title of a a drama clearly gunning to win an oscar. >> jimmy: i cry a lot. >> vote now. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: come on. come on, man. that's cheap. that's cheap. that's a cheap laugh. >> the musical. >> jimmy: i've got to vote for it. yeah, i gotta vote -- [ talking over each other ] all right. >> a boner! [ cheers ] >> bang, bang! >> that was perfect. >> jimmy: you got quiplashed! tariq, well done, man. >> you know what that means. >> you know what that means. we need more women on this panel. [ cheers ] >> next prompt, a terrible vacation idea, going to visit the museum of blank. >> i didn't -- i didn't answer. >

right now on jimmy >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight -- aaron paul. from "modern family", sarah hyland. and music from ajr. and now, right on time, here's jimmy kimmel. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: welcome. welcome. hi everybody. welcome to the show. thanks for watching. thanks for coming. [ cheers and applause ] tell you what -- [ cheers and applause ] -- those of you visiting, you are here on a special day here in hollywood award season is in fill bloom nominations for academy awards came out today, nominees -- you know, a lot of people didn't think i was going to make it, they were wrong. i am hosting the oscars again this year. [ cheers and applause ] and i have to say something. i'm excited. i can't wait to see who accidentally wins best picture. most went to water 13 nods, best picture, best director and outstanding achievement in fish penis design i'm glad "shape of water" got so many nominations finally hollywood is recognizing a monster other than harvey weinstein. i think that's great. [ cheers and applause ] members of the weinstei

[ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: that's very nice. i'm jimmy. i'm the host. thank you for watching. thank you for coming. thanks for everything you've done. [ cheers and applause ] that's very nice. guillermo is away on assignment. guillermo is off at nfl media day today. i hope you had a good weekend. i had a good weekend. it was quiet here in l.a. this weekend because for the first time in 15 years the grammy awards were in new york. they left us and went to new york. and i don't know if location had anything to do with it, but the ratings for the grammys were way down. they were down by 24%. which is a shame. i'll tell you why. because the energy -- forget the grammy awards themselves. the energy the performers were radiating before the show on the red carpet was so powerful i assumed this was going to be the biggest show yet. >> with me now. what's going on? >> what's going on? >> how are you? >> i'm good. >> yeah? what are you feeling tonight? >> feeling normal. >> yeah? what are you going to do inside? you excited about what the night's going to bring t

jimmy kimmel. >> jimmy: hi. i want to know how you're doing. >> i'm okay, i'm alive, that's the most important thing. >> jimmy: to be honest, you don't look okay, your arms and legs appear to be missing. >> they are not missing, they are right over there. >> jimmy: all right, well, you seem to be taking this very well. >> it's not too bad. i lost weight. >> jimmy: you lost weight. well, god bless you for looking on the bright side of this situation. not many people can do that. i'm glad you're okay. sorry you can't take selfies anymore. i guess that's the worst part of it. >> i can still take selfies, i just need to use this stick. cheese! >> jimmy: oh, my goodness. this guy's got the worst luck. we're going to take a [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] when we come back, my cousin sal meets cirque du soleil and in this week in unnecessary censorship too. so stick around. we'll be right back. ♪ ♪ [ applause ] you doing your taxes? oh... yeah. trying to sneak them in between set ups. why are you u

[ cheers ] >> jimmy: so funny. >> so sorry. >> jimmy: that's unbelievable. >> so sorry. >> jimmy: the winners right there, me and cole sprouse! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] we're talking with lily tomlin and jane fonda after the break. stick around, everybody! come right back! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ touch is how we communicate with those we love, but when your psoriasis is bad, does it ever get in the way? embrace the chance of 100% clear skin with taltz. taltz is proven to help people with moderate to severe psoriasis achieve completely clear skin. with taltz, up to 90% of patients had a significant improvement of their psoriasis plaques. in fact, 4 out of 10 even achieved completely clear skin. don't use if you're allergic to taltz. before starting, you should be checked for tuberculosis. taltz may increase risk of infections and lower your ability to fight them. tell your doctor if you have an infection or have symptoms, or if you've received a vaccine or plan to. inflammatory bowel disease can happen with taltz, including worsening of symptoms. serious allergic reactions can o