WEBVTT 00:00.000 --> 00:04.640 Live in full color. 00:07.640 --> 00:10.760 From Hollywood, The Red Skelton Show, brought to you by 00:12.040 --> 00:15.520 Pet Milk Company, makers of double rich pet evaporated milk. 00:17.400 --> 00:19.400 Pet instant nonfat dry milk. 00:20.640 --> 00:22.560 And Pet Ritz frozen pie. 00:24.440 --> 00:28.080 The Red Skelton Show with David Rose and his orchestra and Red's guest stars 00:28.080 --> 00:30.600 Reed Hadley, Amanda Blake and Benny Baker. 00:32.520 --> 00:35.680 Now, here he is, the star of our show, Red Skelton. 00:44.560 --> 00:45.520 Thank you very much. 00:45.520 --> 00:47.720 Thank you very much and good evening, ladies and gentlemen. 00:48.000 --> 00:50.040 I still have a little cold. 00:50.400 --> 00:51.680 I took a shower last night. 00:51.680 --> 00:52.800 I must have got my feet wet. 00:54.480 --> 00:54.880 The. 00:54.880 --> 00:55.120 The. 00:57.960 --> 01:02.480 The tonight our show has to do with school, and I got to say one thing, 01:02.480 --> 01:06.840 I love school when I was a kid, I used to walk four miles to school every day, 01:06.840 --> 01:08.280 but I never learned anything. 01:08.600 --> 01:10.360 School was five miles away. 01:14.880 --> 01:16.320 They used to play hooky quite a bit. 01:16.320 --> 01:19.400 And one day a student officer walks up, he says, haven't you been missing school? 01:19.400 --> 01:20.120 I said, not a bit. 01:20.120 --> 01:22.040 I think like children like to learn. 01:22.040 --> 01:25.960 One day I took Valentina over to the library and I'm sitting there, I'm reading 01:25.960 --> 01:28.720 and all of a sudden, here she comes over and she puts down a little piece of paper 01:28.720 --> 01:30.880 and she goes away and she comes back a couple minutes and puts down another piece. 01:30.880 --> 01:32.360 I said, what on earth are you doing? 01:32.360 --> 01:34.120 She says, there's a book over there. 01:34.120 --> 01:34.880 It's kind of big. 01:34.880 --> 01:35.680 I can't carry it. 01:35.680 --> 01:37.600 I'm bringing it over one page at a time. 01:40.920 --> 01:42.320 I like kids stories. 01:42.320 --> 01:42.960 Give me my hat. 01:42.960 --> 01:43.600 Give me my hat. 01:43.600 --> 01:45.320 Here's what I used to do in vaudeville. 01:45.320 --> 01:47.640 And being that the Seabees are here, I'll do it for them. 01:47.640 --> 01:50.560 Because, you know, they're all young fellas, they've never heard these old jokes. 01:54.560 --> 01:56.560 This little kid says, I don't know what it is. 01:56.560 --> 01:57.960 Nobody will tell me anything. 01:57.960 --> 02:00.280 I want to learn, but they won't tell me. 02:00.280 --> 02:02.640 For instance, I say to my mommy, where do I come from? 02:02.640 --> 02:03.840 And she won't tell me. 02:03.840 --> 02:07.160 And finally I says, I want to know where do I come from. 02:07.160 --> 02:10.040 So she says, look, you see this little seed? 02:10.040 --> 02:12.920 What if you were to plant that, it would grow. 02:12.920 --> 02:15.400 Well, a few days later, I was eating an apple. 02:15.400 --> 02:17.680 And I came to the Seabees. 02:17.680 --> 02:19.880 And I said to myself, I'm going to raise some kids. 02:26.480 --> 02:28.880 So I take the Seabees and I put it in some dirt. 02:28.880 --> 02:30.400 I put the dirt under the bed. 02:30.400 --> 02:31.720 I went back two days later. 02:31.720 --> 02:34.200 I was never so embarrassed in all my life. 02:34.200 --> 02:36.200 What do you think is walking around? 02:36.200 --> 02:37.000 Ants. 02:37.000 --> 02:39.000 What do you think is walking around? 02:39.000 --> 02:39.600 Ants. 02:45.600 --> 02:47.600 So it helped me if they weren't my own kids, 02:47.600 --> 02:49.000 I would have stepped on them. 02:59.000 --> 03:01.600 Another thing I liked about school was, 03:01.600 --> 03:05.400 any time there was a parade, school was always let out early. 03:05.400 --> 03:08.000 Or we didn't go to school at all to get to see the parade. 03:08.000 --> 03:10.600 I remember as a little boy, I never actually watched 03:10.600 --> 03:11.600 the parade. 03:11.600 --> 03:13.000 I watched a little old man. 03:13.000 --> 03:16.000 And he sort of told us, the kids who couldn't quite 03:16.000 --> 03:18.200 see exactly what was going on. 03:18.200 --> 03:20.400 I would like to do that for you now. 03:20.400 --> 03:22.400 And you have to imagine all these different things. 03:22.400 --> 03:37.400 And I'll be the little old man. 05:22.400 --> 05:41.400 Hey, look at us. 05:41.400 --> 05:43.400 We're taking a crack at college. 05:43.400 --> 05:47.400 And all these lessons really give us pain. 05:47.400 --> 05:52.400 We're drinking in the facts from the book of knowledge. 05:52.400 --> 06:04.400 And filling up your empty little brains. 06:04.400 --> 06:06.400 Who cares for Play-Doh? 06:06.400 --> 06:12.400 We'd much prefer a cute tomato who looks like her. 06:12.400 --> 06:14.400 All the boys ought to grow up. 06:14.400 --> 06:16.400 They've got us so upset. 06:16.400 --> 06:20.400 Those adorable creatures want to be teachers' pets. 06:20.400 --> 06:24.400 The things we're learning will help, they say. 06:24.400 --> 06:28.400 When we start earning our weekly pay. 06:28.400 --> 06:32.400 But these feathers we hear are made for the ear of bugs. 06:32.400 --> 06:52.400 There'll be no sheepkins for us. 06:52.400 --> 06:56.400 Tonight, Red Skelton will play the fool. 06:56.400 --> 07:00.400 Ask Glenn, we'll find him right back in school. 07:00.400 --> 07:04.400 Now we'd better be quiet, cause he's gonna start to show. 07:04.400 --> 07:06.400 So, let's move. 07:06.400 --> 07:08.400 Let's travel. 07:08.400 --> 07:19.400 Let's go! 07:19.400 --> 07:22.400 Now there's something new at your grocery store. 07:22.400 --> 07:26.400 New Pet Instant. 07:26.400 --> 07:28.400 New Pet Instant nonfat milk. 07:28.400 --> 07:31.400 America's new sparkle and vitality drink. 07:31.400 --> 07:35.400 That gives you and your family more of the fun of feeling good. 07:35.400 --> 07:39.400 For New Pet Instant is rich in the protein that revitalizes you. 07:39.400 --> 07:43.400 And it's instantized a new exclusive way. 07:43.400 --> 07:47.400 Instantized, so it mixes almost faster than you can stir. 07:47.400 --> 07:52.400 Every drop of New Pet Instant nonfat milk is rich in protein. 07:52.400 --> 07:56.400 The complete protein that rebuilds and revitalizes you. 07:56.400 --> 08:01.400 Refreshes you more than fresh whole milk, because the high calorie fat is gone. 08:01.400 --> 08:06.400 It's great for a family to have the snap and sparkle that makes life more fun. 08:06.400 --> 08:10.400 So help keep your energy high with New Pet Instant nonfat milk. 08:10.400 --> 08:13.400 In this new blue flavor saver package. 08:13.400 --> 08:39.400 New Pet Instant. 08:39.400 --> 08:43.400 And so Mr. Oliver, having successfully completed our course, 08:43.400 --> 08:46.400 it is our pleasure to present you with this diploma, 08:46.400 --> 08:49.400 which signifies your qualifications as a civil engineer. 08:49.400 --> 08:52.400 Oh, thank you Dean Treadway, thank you. 08:52.400 --> 08:54.400 That'll be $200 please. 08:54.400 --> 08:56.400 Oh yes, yes, there you are. 08:56.400 --> 08:58.400 Oh, I'm so proud. 08:58.400 --> 09:01.400 Just think only two weeks ago I was delivering papers. 09:01.400 --> 09:03.400 And today I'm a civil engineer. 09:03.400 --> 09:07.400 And we're very proud of you too Mr. Oliver. 09:07.400 --> 09:17.400 We here at Treadway University know that you're going to be a very successful engineer. 09:17.400 --> 09:21.400 After all that wonderful training, I don't know how I can fail. 09:21.400 --> 09:28.400 I'm going right out and build a bridge or a tunnel or something. 09:28.400 --> 09:31.400 Oh, oh yes, yes. 09:31.400 --> 09:37.400 Say, that's a handy little gadget. 09:37.400 --> 09:39.400 A bridge. 09:39.400 --> 09:41.400 All he can build is a bonfire. 09:41.400 --> 09:43.400 If he's smart he'd use that diploma. 09:43.400 --> 09:47.400 If he was smart he wouldn't be here to begin with, the sucker. 09:47.400 --> 09:51.400 Oh well, another graduate, another $200. 09:51.400 --> 09:55.400 Professor Treadway, I think we may be getting a new student. 09:55.400 --> 10:11.400 I hope this one wants to be a brain surgeon, it's our most expensive course. 10:11.400 --> 10:17.400 I thought I wrote the words myself, I don't know who did the lyrics. 10:17.400 --> 10:22.400 I hope this guy wants to be a brain surgeon, but he needs one. 10:22.400 --> 10:25.400 Did you wish to enroll for one of our courses Mr. 10:25.400 --> 10:28.400 Kadiddlehopper, Clem Kadiddlehopper. 10:28.400 --> 10:30.400 How do you spell that name? 10:30.400 --> 10:33.400 C-L-E-M, Clem. 10:33.400 --> 10:35.400 I mean how do you spell Kadiddlehopper? 10:35.400 --> 10:41.400 Wrong every time. 10:41.400 --> 10:45.400 I just got that myself. 10:45.400 --> 10:48.400 Ask him that, he didn't even get it. 10:48.400 --> 10:51.400 You didn't care much for it either did you? 10:51.400 --> 10:54.400 Alright, let's get on with your application Mr. Kadiddlehopper. 10:54.400 --> 10:57.400 We've got to ascertain your scholastic requisite. 10:57.400 --> 11:00.400 You wouldn't dare. 11:00.400 --> 11:07.400 Take it easy Clem, Professor Treadway merely wants to know if you have proof that you've been to school. 11:07.400 --> 11:13.400 Oh yes, I have proof. 11:13.400 --> 11:18.400 I studied in Pittsburgh. 11:18.400 --> 11:23.400 You'd think I'd be in St. Vincent's Slippery, wouldn't you? 11:23.400 --> 11:27.400 Yes, I had a teacher boy that really swung a wicked hickory stick. 11:27.400 --> 11:30.400 Of course I can't tell you where she swung it. 11:30.400 --> 11:34.400 What kind of marks did you get? 11:34.400 --> 11:37.400 Black and blue. 11:37.400 --> 11:43.400 She said she was going to knock my brains out, but I think she had a bad sense of direction. 11:43.400 --> 11:47.400 Don't you hit me, I didn't do that. 11:47.400 --> 11:50.400 Here's a list of the courses that we give. 11:50.400 --> 11:53.400 Just pick any profession that you like Mr. Kadiddlehopper. 11:53.400 --> 11:56.400 Any of them at all, I cover my eyes? 11:56.400 --> 11:58.400 Oh no, that's another kind of a test. 11:58.400 --> 12:01.400 Well this is going to be rather tough, rather tough. 12:01.400 --> 12:02.400 Why? 12:02.400 --> 12:03.400 I can't read. 12:03.400 --> 12:08.400 We know that Clem, why don't you just close your eyes and pick one blindfolded. 12:08.400 --> 12:11.400 Oh, I can leave them open and do that. 12:11.400 --> 12:16.400 Here, we just write... 12:16.400 --> 12:19.400 Boy, I think I picked a tough one. 12:19.400 --> 12:23.400 I picked surgery, I just removed the finger. 12:23.400 --> 12:25.400 You better choose a different profession. 12:25.400 --> 12:31.400 I can't, I got nothing else to point with. 12:31.400 --> 12:36.400 You know Mr. Kadiddlehopper, I think that you might make a very fine dentist. 12:36.400 --> 12:39.400 A dentist? Hey, that's a good idea, good idea. 12:39.400 --> 12:45.400 Yes, now I'd like you to take these home and study them and we'll expect you here tomorrow morning for your final exam. 12:45.400 --> 12:49.400 Oh boy, a dentist, boy, I'll be good at that, especially pulling uppers. 12:49.400 --> 12:50.400 Especially uppers? 12:50.400 --> 13:07.400 Yes, I used to be the head boy at the pet milk company. 13:07.400 --> 13:09.400 I see, yes. 13:09.400 --> 13:15.400 And then when this doctor removed your appendix for the third time, you became suspicious. 13:15.400 --> 13:17.400 That's what I don't blame you, madam. 13:17.400 --> 13:20.400 Yes, we'll investigate the situation right away, thank you very much. 13:20.400 --> 13:22.400 Another treadway, graduate? 13:22.400 --> 13:24.400 Third complaint this week. 13:24.400 --> 13:30.400 We'll soon have enough evidence against them to crack that phony diploma mill wide open. 13:30.400 --> 13:35.400 Now listen, when that idiot gets here, let's see that he passes his test one way or the other. 13:35.400 --> 13:42.400 Right. 13:42.400 --> 13:45.400 Very funny teeth, very funny teeth. 13:45.400 --> 13:48.400 The uppers yet said to the lower, we must be in Capistrano. 13:48.400 --> 13:53.400 I feel another swallow coming. 13:53.400 --> 13:56.400 Stop sneering, will you? 13:56.400 --> 13:59.400 Here, an apple for the teacher, an apple for the teacher. 13:59.400 --> 14:00.400 Well, thank you. 14:00.400 --> 14:01.400 That's right, all right. 14:01.400 --> 14:03.400 Are you prepared for your examination? 14:03.400 --> 14:06.400 Yes, sir, but I got to tell you something, this dentistry stuff is tough. 14:06.400 --> 14:08.400 Why, it's like pulling teeth. 14:08.400 --> 14:11.400 Well, let's see those dentures that we gave you yesterday. 14:11.400 --> 14:13.400 Oh, the dentures, here they are. 14:13.400 --> 14:17.400 Hey, you hungry little ass, go in there. 14:17.400 --> 14:19.400 All right, let's go on with the examination. 14:19.400 --> 14:20.400 Sit down, please. 14:20.400 --> 14:23.400 Yes, sir, I'll be very happy. 14:23.400 --> 14:25.400 I meant on the chair. 14:25.400 --> 14:28.400 Well, beak up, beak up. 14:28.400 --> 14:38.400 I'm a petty officer, you know. 14:38.400 --> 14:43.400 For your first question, tell me, how many teeth does a human being have? 14:43.400 --> 14:49.400 Wait just a minute, would you like to see an imitation? 14:49.400 --> 15:02.400 Now, to you that don't mean nothing, but it kept me out of the service. 15:02.400 --> 15:04.400 What was your question, though? 15:04.400 --> 15:08.400 Well, ma'am, I would like you to tell me, how many teeth does a human being have? 15:08.400 --> 15:10.400 How many does a human being have? 15:10.400 --> 15:11.400 Say, that's a toughie. 15:11.400 --> 15:16.400 I can tell you how many I have. 15:16.400 --> 15:20.400 I think you're close enough. 15:20.400 --> 15:26.400 You thought this was going to be like Playhouse 90 when you took it. 15:26.400 --> 15:37.400 One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve. 15:37.400 --> 15:38.400 That's all the teeth you've got. 15:38.400 --> 15:41.400 That's all the fingers I've got. 15:41.400 --> 15:44.400 You can use two toes for that. 15:44.400 --> 15:48.400 Now, for your final question, this concerns operational procedure. 15:48.400 --> 15:49.400 Oh, yes? 15:49.400 --> 15:51.400 Okay, let's see now. 15:51.400 --> 15:52.400 That's going to be a real good one. 15:52.400 --> 15:53.400 Just a minute. 15:53.400 --> 15:56.400 I haven't asked you the question yet. 15:56.400 --> 16:01.400 Well, that's going to be great because now even the questions stump me. 16:01.400 --> 16:04.400 Now, there are three major types of fillings. 16:04.400 --> 16:07.400 We find that porcelain is used on the front teeth. 16:07.400 --> 16:08.400 Porcelain on the front teeth. 16:08.400 --> 16:11.400 That gold is used in root canal work. 16:11.400 --> 16:12.400 Root canal work. 16:12.400 --> 16:15.400 Now, tell me. 16:15.400 --> 16:17.400 Tell me, where do we usually find silt? 16:17.400 --> 16:23.400 Under the loom ring. 16:23.400 --> 16:27.400 I told him to hook that tongue, too. 16:27.400 --> 16:31.400 Please. 16:31.400 --> 16:33.400 Give him his diploma. 16:33.400 --> 16:35.400 Yes. 16:35.400 --> 16:41.400 Clem Kadiddlehopper, having fulfilled all the requirements of our course, 16:41.400 --> 16:45.400 I now grant you this diploma and license to practice dentistry. 16:45.400 --> 16:50.400 Well, this is as happy as I was the day I got my Section 8. 16:50.400 --> 16:52.400 I need that diploma. 16:52.400 --> 16:57.400 Oh, you know, this really touches me. 16:57.400 --> 16:58.400 How do you like that? 16:58.400 --> 17:01.400 Already I'm a dentist and I pull my first teeth already. 17:01.400 --> 17:13.400 Banana cream pie, a very special dessert. 17:13.400 --> 17:18.400 Smooth, tempting, delicious, and quick and easy to make with double-rich PET. 17:18.400 --> 17:20.400 Handiest milk you can get. 17:20.400 --> 17:23.400 More blendable than any other form of milk. 17:23.400 --> 17:28.400 PET evaporated milk is so rich it whips higher, fluffier than cream. 17:28.400 --> 17:33.400 It blends in smoothly to make this filling extra light, extra delicious. 17:33.400 --> 17:35.400 PET's so handy in so many ways. 17:35.400 --> 17:37.400 It's perfect in your coffee, too. 17:37.400 --> 17:44.400 Want the recipe for banana cream pie and many other quick and easy dishes you can make better with handy PET? 17:44.400 --> 17:48.400 They're in Deliciously Yours, Mary Lee Taylor's new cookbook. 17:48.400 --> 17:53.400 For a free copy, send a card with your name, address, and the words Deliciously Yours 17:53.400 --> 17:58.400 to PET Milk Company, Box 888, St. Louis 1, Missouri. 17:58.400 --> 18:03.400 And for food that's tempting good, always reach for Double-Rich PET. 18:03.400 --> 18:12.400 Handiest milk you can get. 18:12.400 --> 18:19.400 I know my cue. 18:19.400 --> 18:25.400 Well, I gotta hang this diploma. That's what I gotta do. 18:25.400 --> 18:29.400 Oh, let's see. Gotta be sanitary about this, you know. 18:29.400 --> 18:32.400 Here we are. There we are. 18:32.400 --> 18:36.400 Oh! Boy, that's a hot one, isn't it? 18:36.400 --> 18:38.400 Well, there. Sales no good. 18:38.400 --> 18:48.400 Dr. Knittelheimer. 18:48.400 --> 18:49.400 Dr. Knittelheimer. 18:49.400 --> 18:51.400 Say no more. Sit right down. Sit right down there. 18:51.400 --> 18:52.400 No, but you don't understand. 18:52.400 --> 18:53.400 Yes, I understand. 18:53.400 --> 18:54.400 No, I came here to tell you something. 18:54.400 --> 18:56.400 Yeah, just open it. There you are. 18:56.400 --> 18:59.400 Hey, you got nice teeth, but I'll have to pull them out and take a look at the roof. 18:59.400 --> 19:02.400 No! 19:02.400 --> 19:03.400 You trying to tell me something? 19:03.400 --> 19:07.400 I'm trying to tell you that I'm your new assistant. The agency sent me over. 19:07.400 --> 19:10.400 Oh, well, tell them to send over some customers. That's what I mean. 19:10.400 --> 19:12.400 Well, that's what I came in here to tell you. 19:12.400 --> 19:13.400 Oh, you did? 19:13.400 --> 19:14.400 There's a patient waiting outside. 19:14.400 --> 19:15.400 He is? 19:15.400 --> 19:16.400 Yes. 19:16.400 --> 19:20.400 Oh, well, he's nailed. 19:20.400 --> 19:25.400 Someone got their heads on the wrong end. 19:25.400 --> 19:28.400 There we go. Up there. 19:28.400 --> 19:30.400 And then the customers. 19:30.400 --> 19:32.400 Oh, doctor, I'm so glad you have no idea how I've been suffering. 19:32.400 --> 19:34.400 This toothache's kept me awake for a whole week. I haven't had a nap for a night. 19:34.400 --> 19:37.400 Oh, shut up. 19:37.400 --> 19:40.400 Oh, you're a windy old bird, aren't you? 19:40.400 --> 19:42.400 There you are. You sit right back there. 19:42.400 --> 19:44.400 I'll have to pump you up just a little there. 19:44.400 --> 19:51.400 Open your mouth a little wider. 19:51.400 --> 19:59.400 Thanks a lot, Miss Kinney. 19:59.400 --> 20:02.400 You've got to do something about this pain. I can't stand this suffering anymore. 20:02.400 --> 20:03.400 I can't stand this suffering. 20:03.400 --> 20:06.400 Neither can I. 20:06.400 --> 20:08.400 There we are. What have we got? 20:08.400 --> 20:10.400 That's a mirror. You examine the teeth with it. 20:10.400 --> 20:12.400 Oh, you examine the teeth with it? 20:12.400 --> 20:15.400 Good heavens, that's the worst set of teeth I've ever seen in my life. 20:15.400 --> 20:18.400 What do they do, fill them with coal? 20:18.400 --> 20:21.400 Good heavens. Look at those fangs. Look at them fangs. 20:21.400 --> 20:23.400 You want to see some fangs? 20:23.400 --> 20:24.400 Turn the mirror around. 20:24.400 --> 20:25.400 What for? 20:25.400 --> 20:29.400 You're looking at your own teeth. 20:29.400 --> 20:33.400 No wonder they're so bad. I only paid a dollar for them. 20:33.400 --> 20:36.400 Bump teeth, you know. Bump teeth. 20:36.400 --> 20:39.400 Oh, say, that's the worst cavity I've ever seen in my life. 20:39.400 --> 20:40.400 Where? 20:40.400 --> 20:43.400 That big round tooth with a hole in it. 20:43.400 --> 20:48.400 Doctor, that's a lifesaver. 20:48.400 --> 20:50.400 Well, we'll get it out of there. 20:50.400 --> 20:51.400 That isn't sanitary. 20:51.400 --> 20:55.400 Well, I'm not going to eat it. 20:55.400 --> 20:59.400 For heaven's sake, here, I'll let you eat the way I can work on you a little bit. 20:59.400 --> 21:14.400 I've been waiting a long time. 21:14.400 --> 21:17.400 Hey, come down over there. 21:17.400 --> 21:19.400 All right, hurry it up. We've got to get out. The cops are on the way up. 21:19.400 --> 21:21.400 I told you we should have left yesterday. 21:21.400 --> 21:23.400 I wanted to see if I could sell a few more diplomas. 21:23.400 --> 21:25.400 Yeah, yeah, well, let's go. Let's go. 21:25.400 --> 21:29.400 All right. 21:29.400 --> 21:30.400 Going somewhere, gentlemen? 21:30.400 --> 21:33.400 Yes, as a matter of fact, we are. 21:33.400 --> 21:38.400 Yes, we're going up to San Francisco to open up a branch of Treadway University. 21:38.400 --> 21:40.400 You're going to San Francisco, all right, 21:40.400 --> 21:43.400 but you're going to spend the next few semesters at Alcatraz. 21:43.400 --> 21:45.400 Your little diploma mill is going to stop grinding. 21:45.400 --> 21:47.400 Now, just a minute, gentlemen. 21:47.400 --> 21:51.400 I'll have you know that Treadway University is a legitimate institution of learning 21:51.400 --> 21:52.400 and not a diploma mill. 21:52.400 --> 21:54.400 All of our graduates are fully qualified. 21:54.400 --> 21:55.400 No, they are, eh? 21:55.400 --> 21:56.400 Yes. 21:56.400 --> 21:58.400 Like that Dr. Clem Kadiddlehopper? 21:58.400 --> 21:59.400 Oh, what about him? 21:59.400 --> 22:02.400 We just got a complaint from a woman that he tried to pull her tooth out. 22:02.400 --> 22:04.400 Well, what's wrong with pulling out a woman's tooth? 22:04.400 --> 22:07.400 Through the ear. 22:07.400 --> 22:09.400 I don't know what you're talking about. 22:09.400 --> 22:14.400 All I know is that Dr. Kadiddlehopper graduated at the head of his class. 22:14.400 --> 22:16.400 Why, he's the kind of a dentist I'd go to myself. 22:16.400 --> 22:18.400 Oh. Oh, you would, eh? 22:18.400 --> 22:20.400 Yes, I... 22:20.400 --> 22:22.400 Now, just a minute. 22:22.400 --> 22:27.400 We'll set up an appointment right away for you. 22:27.400 --> 22:29.400 I've got to get this diploma home. 22:29.400 --> 22:34.400 Last time I did it, that nurse came in just as I started to drive the mail and she opened the door. 22:34.400 --> 22:38.400 Oh, Dr. Kadiddlehopper. 22:38.400 --> 22:40.400 Wait till I get this thing hung up here, will you? 22:40.400 --> 22:42.400 There, that ought to do it. 22:42.400 --> 22:47.400 There we are. 22:47.400 --> 22:48.400 What's up? 22:48.400 --> 22:50.400 There are a couple of gentlemen outside to see you. 22:50.400 --> 22:51.400 They got teeth? 22:51.400 --> 22:52.400 Yep. 22:52.400 --> 22:54.400 Send them in. 22:54.400 --> 22:56.400 Come in, gentlemen. 22:56.400 --> 23:04.400 You didn't know your cue either, huh? 23:04.400 --> 23:07.400 Well, Professor Treadway. 23:07.400 --> 23:10.400 I'd like you to meet a friend of mine, Mr. Turner. 23:10.400 --> 23:14.400 Oh, I hope your daughter wins the Academy Award. 23:14.400 --> 23:18.400 Dr. Kadiddlehopper, Professor Treadway has such confidence in your ability 23:18.400 --> 23:21.400 that he has chosen you as his own personal dentist. 23:21.400 --> 23:26.400 Oh, well, Dr. Treadway, you'll never live to regret this. 23:26.400 --> 23:30.400 That's what I'm afraid of. 23:30.400 --> 23:32.400 I'll give him a complete checkup. 23:32.400 --> 23:33.400 Complete checkup. 23:33.400 --> 23:34.400 What's wrong with my teeth? 23:34.400 --> 23:35.400 Open your mouth. 23:35.400 --> 23:36.400 No. 23:36.400 --> 23:37.400 Open your mouth. 23:37.400 --> 23:38.400 No. 23:38.400 --> 23:39.400 Well, you don't want to... Close your eyes, will you? 23:39.400 --> 23:41.400 Well, why should I close my eyes? 23:41.400 --> 23:44.400 You don't want to see this bloody mess, do you? 23:44.400 --> 23:45.400 Come on, open your mouth. 23:45.400 --> 23:46.400 Open your mouth. 23:46.400 --> 23:47.400 No. 23:47.400 --> 23:48.400 I'll put a little bit of toothpaste on him. 23:48.400 --> 23:51.400 Oh! 23:51.400 --> 23:53.400 Why, his teeth are perfect. 23:53.400 --> 23:56.400 Those are the most beautiful choppers I've ever seen in my life. 23:56.400 --> 23:58.400 Absolutely nothing wrong with his teeth. 23:58.400 --> 23:59.400 They're perfect. 23:59.400 --> 24:03.400 But your gums have got to come out. 24:03.400 --> 24:07.400 Mr. Dr. Kadiddlehopper, I thought you were going to drill Professor Treadway's tooth. 24:07.400 --> 24:11.400 No, I'm going to pull him out and then drill his life better out here. 24:11.400 --> 24:12.400 Just hold still. 24:12.400 --> 24:13.400 We'll only take a minute. 24:13.400 --> 24:15.400 Oh, just a minute. 24:15.400 --> 24:17.400 Your teeth stretch. 24:17.400 --> 24:18.400 Well, no, Doctor. 24:18.400 --> 24:21.400 And I've got to eat the tongue. 24:21.400 --> 24:24.400 Breathe! 24:24.400 --> 24:25.400 Just hold still there. 24:25.400 --> 24:26.400 We'll only be a minute here. 24:26.400 --> 24:27.400 We'll only be a minute. 24:27.400 --> 24:33.400 There you go. 24:33.400 --> 24:37.400 Take care of the supper crowd back east. 24:37.400 --> 24:38.400 There you are, Snapper. 24:38.400 --> 24:43.400 I think he's done a misdeed. 24:43.400 --> 24:46.400 Now, Dr. Kadiddlehopper, do you have gas? 24:46.400 --> 24:47.400 Do what? 24:47.400 --> 24:48.400 Do you have gas? 24:48.400 --> 24:51.400 A little bit, yes. 24:51.400 --> 24:54.400 I think it's them hard-boiled eggs and spinach I've been eating. 24:54.400 --> 24:56.400 That's what gets me every time. 24:56.400 --> 24:59.400 Doctor, he means this gas for extraction of teeth. 24:59.400 --> 25:00.400 It's called laughing gas. 25:00.400 --> 25:01.400 Laughing gas? 25:01.400 --> 25:03.400 Yes, it's the gas that makes you laugh. 25:03.400 --> 25:04.400 Oh, well, thank heaven. 25:04.400 --> 25:11.400 Medical science has now found a cure for Ed Sullivan. 25:11.400 --> 25:13.400 I'll just lay back and start counting again. 25:13.400 --> 25:14.400 Here we go. 25:14.400 --> 25:15.400 Hey, hey, hey, wait a minute. 25:15.400 --> 25:16.400 Hey, it blew up. 25:16.400 --> 25:17.400 Watch it. 25:17.400 --> 25:18.400 It's still alive. 25:18.400 --> 25:19.400 Watch it. 25:19.400 --> 25:20.400 Here, watch it. 25:20.400 --> 25:21.400 Watch it. 25:21.400 --> 25:22.400 Watch it. 25:22.400 --> 25:23.400 Watch it. 25:23.400 --> 25:24.400 Watch it. 25:24.400 --> 25:25.400 Watch it. 25:25.400 --> 25:26.400 Watch it. 25:26.400 --> 25:27.400 Here, here, here. 25:27.400 --> 25:28.400 What are you doing? 25:28.400 --> 25:29.400 Here. 25:29.400 --> 25:53.400 Hey, hey, hey, what are you doing? 25:53.400 --> 26:09.400 Hey, hey, hey, what are you doing? 26:09.400 --> 26:29.400 Hey, hey, hey, what are you doing? 26:29.400 --> 26:49.400 Hey, hey, hey, what are you doing? 26:49.400 --> 27:04.400 Hey, hey, hey, what are you doing? 27:04.400 --> 27:17.400 Hey, hey, hey, what are you doing? 27:17.400 --> 27:20.400 Hey, help! 27:20.400 --> 27:24.400 Hey, help! 27:24.400 --> 27:27.400 Hey, help! 27:27.400 --> 27:28.400 What are you doing? 27:28.400 --> 27:29.400 Hey! 27:29.400 --> 27:30.400 Hey! 27:30.400 --> 27:31.400 Hey, what are you doing? 27:31.400 --> 27:32.400 Help! 27:32.400 --> 27:33.400 Help! 27:33.400 --> 27:34.400 What are you... 27:34.400 --> 27:35.400 Hey, can you hear me? 27:35.400 --> 27:36.400 I'm getting kilia everywhere. 27:36.400 --> 27:37.400 Help! 27:37.400 --> 27:38.400 Hey! 27:38.400 --> 27:39.400 No, I'm not telling... 27:39.400 --> 27:40.400 I... 27:40.400 --> 27:41.400 Heaven's in denn of bleed. 27:41.400 --> 27:42.400 れた shy gugaladiso. 27:42.400 --> 27:43.400 Let all man, be mu herbal angel, 27:43.400 --> 27:44.400 and all sheep beh- 27:44.400 --> 27:45.400 frullf guynomoguh- 27:45.400 --> 27:46.400 glogiegahnomogu 27:46.400 --> 27:57.040 ♪ 27:57.040 --> 27:59.180 Well, being that we have the Seabees here tonight, 27:59.180 --> 28:01.980 I can't fool you folks any longer. 28:01.980 --> 28:03.620 This is not really a parrot, 28:03.620 --> 28:05.180 it's a seagull sunburned. 28:05.180 --> 28:08.120 ♪ 28:08.120 --> 28:10.020 We would like to thank the makers of Pet Milk 28:10.020 --> 28:11.420 for making our visit possible 28:11.420 --> 28:12.600 and remind you that they bring you 28:12.600 --> 28:15.800 the Red Skelton program two weeks from now. 28:15.800 --> 28:16.800 The, uh... 28:16.800 --> 28:19.460 Next week we'll be brought to you 28:19.460 --> 28:20.600 by our alternate sponsors, 28:20.600 --> 28:21.860 the makers of Johnson's Wax, 28:21.860 --> 28:24.040 who also bring you the Steve Allen Show. 28:24.040 --> 28:25.100 Now, I want you to say, 28:25.100 --> 28:26.640 thanks to Pet Milk, come on. 28:26.640 --> 28:29.700 Say, thanks to Pet Milk, real pretty like, come on. 28:29.700 --> 28:31.540 Remember the birds, remember the birds, 28:31.540 --> 28:33.340 the ones they eat, yeah. 28:33.340 --> 28:35.620 Come on, here, come on, here you go, 28:35.620 --> 28:37.220 come on, come on, get down, get down, get down. 28:37.220 --> 29:03.240 ♪ 29:03.240 --> 29:04.880 This nation joins in congratulating 29:04.880 --> 29:06.180 the youngest arm of its Navy, 29:06.180 --> 29:08.520 the Seabees, on their 16th anniversary celebration 29:08.520 --> 29:10.520 this week at the home of the Pacific Seabees, 29:10.520 --> 29:11.620 Point Wainimi. 29:11.620 --> 29:13.720 Portions of the preceding program were pre-recorded. 29:13.720 --> 29:41.100 ...