Let her struggle till she is strong

Let her struggle till she is strong

(Metaliterary contaminations)

by

ORSO MARIA STRADA

INDEX

1 the king's recovery

2 the monarch's pride

3 the crumbling order of history

4 after the commune

5 the divine draught

6 she frowned at the stone

7 let her struggle till she is strong

8 a profile of courage

9 the long truce

10 perfection of the moment

11 vita nostra brevis est

12 the germ of a future life

13 Christian blood

14 the approaching storm

15 a mask of sanity

16 a knowing air

17 fragmentary glimpses

18 simple amusement

19 over the hills and far away

20 the cleaning lady

21 blue fairy godmother

22 the jewish dance orchestra

23 killed by the tigers

24 the knuckle of an ox

25 solution of continuity

26 over the moon

27 the young Syrian

28 the needy monk

29 items of interest

30 the lower lights

31 fun at the seaside

the king's recovery

let me tell you

about the unspeakable

and the unknowable

of how envious she would be

of her father's passion for the bars

she had the phone disconnected

and business rests not here

the cemetery covered an area

of forty meters by fifty

the people were urban and miserable

she had all the mean stuff in her suitcase

someone knew before her

a long time ago

some of those people died

while she knew

she was envious of the grown-ups

in their pastime

she lay in a profound sleep

the monarch's pride

from the bleeding heart of

an impenetrable darkness

tickled with the subtleties of

this lamp-black discourse

does it pay that virtue

will eventually be restored

sherry with lemon peel and nutmeg

taxes both alike and takes the blood

which means the pride of the universe

finally becomes institutionalized

she laughs at this and wonders privately

of romantic thought as foolish folly

ashamed to be her family's disgrace

the crumbling order of history

when she got back to her car
she fell into the most violent agonies
free of any inherent morbid beauty
at the other extremity of the house
a phoenix without a nest
a bird absolutely without a perch
seemed to be bleeding from its mouth
there were natural caves where she
had organized naked bonfire dances
hand over hand till fingers hit the pole
it was a bit like cross-examination
again uneasiness crept upon her
the situation was not easy at all

after the commune

all unnecessary luxuries were left behind

the affair had created a scandal

now slackness and indifference invaded them

a great deal of unkindly gossip was talked

it was a shame to topple them over

how conceited can you get

her first impulse was to call to him

their eyes locked like magnets

coming into line of a grave disregard

of social good taste nothing

like breaking them in right

the divine draught

the scene must be changed

she couldn't think of eating anything

it would be difficult to see her again

she heard the crunching of tires on the gravel

and laughed in her silent but heartfelt manner

unable to change course

or salvage the story of the silence

the dark city under dark skies

she was a scientist with one private vice

scared and confounded as she was

she had a sacred obligation

to sustain the divine work

living alone in a small apartment in the suburbs

all her faults and foibles

buried in the grave with him

she frowned at the stone

she looked up at him

she hadn't known her own strength

will it save me if I need saving she said

a little learning is a dangerous thing

she had known so many disturbing events

they sat in silence the whole way to the cemetary

the falling of the tower was enough for them

the rabbit-hole was easy to find

I'm not worried she said flatly

let her struggle till she is strong

the male warriors were trying to get through the bottom hatches

she spat blood under the vulture sky

her voice retreated into the Pythagorean shadows

sullen compromises were sullying her air

her absence would not be a good omen

the men looked about in all the pots and crucibles

neptune filled the waves even up to the skies

her cellphone must have not been receiving

when she asked the question with apparent scorn

what quite unmanned in folly

a profile of courage

fools you are be fools forever she said

he saw that this was true

she began to be intemperate in her habits

in the honeymoon of prosperity played such freaks

he was alarmed but did not know why

she was wearing her usual at-home vesture

at length she flung him a few words he did not catch

you ask me about myself but what shall I say

she saw the clouds and rain and refused to be disturbed

she felt like a worm that feeds in the dark

upon the fruit where it was born

after putting away the last of the dinner dishes

the long truce

she stood there day after day

in the shade of the great tree admiring the house

her perspiring face waled like corduroy

she kept herself busy working about the house

blue water came to an end after barbados

nothing that she could say had any difference

her domestic economy continued on the old footing

she paused and drew a deep breath

the wind roared once in the forest

her house was all wood and brown leather upholstery

perfection of the moment

she reached the wooden bridge over the river

which the moonlight converted into a river of

every dirty passion and bad propensity

in her nature took the alarm

this was an incident not much in her favor

she was all patience in appearance

all uneasiness in reality

she could hear the cattle breathing

with helpless fear and fascination

outside it had grown dark, a chemical

darkness that felt linked to profound evil

she took the veil from her lovely face

and leaned out the pillar of the loggia

her voice had totally failed her

her mind refused to suggest words

and like everything else that strange night

the words became symbols

the extraordinary unreality was frightening

vita nostra brevis est

she set forward

and began to climb the hill

she was going to leave this world

beholden of nothing and nobody

deploring this supposed misconception

yet despairing of correcting it

she didn't know what to do with herself

she surrendered to the cosmic claw of inertia

she'd been feeling that way for a week

horrible nauseas had possessed her in the morning

she hoped that that would be the end of it

she dreamed of a life whose every impulse

would be dedicated to god

her cheeks were flushed

and her hair was beginning to come down

the germ of a new life

all things were older than man

and they hummed of mystery

yet love still existed

it was the only thing that existed

she knew neither fear timidity nor caution

and all hearts were touched

and turned to her voice

her laughter gurgled softly like a little spring

she held the office of general spy

and informer in the establishment

the stranger wriggled like a worm on a hook

she lay stretched across the bed

as still as if the hand of death has pushed her down

then they came out and locked her up

plato himself did not hold poets in greater abhorrence

than these men of business do

Christian blood

she stood there etched in light

trying to communicate what she could not express

she laughed and tilted her head

and then she gave him the charred arm

laughing she walked down the row of beds

the miserable physicist sat like a man in a dream

she carried him towards a big towel

watching the waves creeping towards him

he was not alarmed by her visits

he looked at her with a mixture of longing and hatred

you really make me laugh she said

the woods were full of wardens

she had a desperate desire to make known her fate

the approaching storm

It was the hell of an off-chance

her hat was gone and her clothes were awry

she heard slow footsteps rustling over the leaves

she sliced up spinach pumpkins and brinjals

in the twilight she noticed a doe at the edge of the woods

the craving for the sexual anarchy began to diminish

nothing reigned for a long time but confusion

her face had become frozen in a curious look

this show carried away her usual calm and courage

she lay naked under the sheet wishing he would come to bed

brief and fearful were the words exchanged between the lovers

there's no need is there for us to avoid the fantastic altogther

a mask of sanity

she listened to the silence outside the house

in the sun at noon shirt open she stepped forward

the red sun at noon was pasted in the sky like a wafer

someone had left some fruit on the table

another of his looks would have sent her to the grave

he declared aloud her flight protesting his own innocence

the immediate thing was to look for her

finally something happened there was silence a terrible silence

she traversed the new home she had found

he was gone and she wanted to cry

visions of sugar plums clouded her vision

a knowing air

toward the middle of the night she awoke

phrases from the letter kept running through her mind

the ocean came nearer and the foam moaned like a leper

she went to the window to have a look at the stars

never did she mind what he had done

she thought of him just the bright reflex of herself

that night she went back to the shack and set fire to it

and now the body was consumed by the flames

the ocean seemed to rise up to the sky in a wall of steel

already the legend had gifted her with supernatural powers

fragmentary glimpses

such an instinct it was, such a rapturous command

that would be rather amusing she said I've never seen it done

like a black smoke driven by a mounting wind she fled

the top of the road was removed from her by an alpian distance

that would be a fairy-tale ending all right

one would think she was going to have her throat cut

waiting for the doctor was the worst part of it

at the end of the day when their sugar blood is low

daughters of suicide often think of killing themselves

but a noise from outside interrupted her

dust of the dead gods like cobwebs in the air

simple amusement

money was waiting to be made

she provided herself with a lamp and dagger

a strange sensation came over her

she stopped laughing and her hands twitched

the violence of yesterday had disturbed her deeply

escape was out of the question

the television images pulled themselves together

all was again dark and gloomy

at last for want of breath she paused

she took his face between her palms

aren't you too old for lechery by now she said

over the hills and far away

she belonged to a very poor family
in that rookery of pomp and vanity
the palms of her hands started to sweat
infiltration from below came through the sewers
the only drawback of putting her under restraint
she became an easy prey to the methodist
the dream still shuddered in milky dawn light
body burned with silver flesh
the indications otherwise have been too clear
nobody will ever visit the planet uranus

the cleaning lady

she felt his presence warm around her

the darkness growing against the windows

she snatched the money from him

the rain had stopped and the wind fallen

she looked at him in astonishment

and again she saw the nearness of the edge

in paroxysms of hunger

round the outflow of the sewers

his body disintegrate in green explosions

she did not believe in the machines

she broke free turned and left

blue fairy godmother

she carried out their instructions anyway

she checked her wristwatch

she was interrupted by a loud humming

she felt dreadfully puzzled

the most racking pangs succeeded

there were bluish sacs beneath her eyes

why don't you go outside and wait she said

inwardly cringing she closed her eyes and sighed

she knew not that she had any right to be surprised

she had no energy to make any more notes

fate pointed a way and she took the hint

she tapped one of her luckies from her plastic case

it dawned on her that her utopian self

must have been a different person from her

the jewish dance orchestra

she tried to raise a hand

she hadn't kept her side of the bargain

he looked at her like she was an idiot

she put up her palms in puzzlement

she felt as if had all become a twilight zone

hardest of all she had to break the matter to him

but this was shown to be quite impossible

her heart suddenly filled with anxiety

the rain stopped and the sun came out

there's something about war that brings out greatness

killed by the tigers

a sudden interest swept over the room

littered with empty packing boxes

she felt an instant of illogical panic

she held out her hand to the nurse

tell me how to get rid of my soul she said

a sob escaped through clenched teeth

the light grew brighter in her brain

nothing could stop her she could fly

the gods were witness to the intensity of her heart

subtle as the twentieth echo of an echo

she was only another shadow now against the night

she had thrust the light through the bars of the window

her life lay again in the established order of things

the knuck of the ox

the town had been semi-abandoned years ago
she took a cigarette out of the pack
and she strolled in the gloom of the room
she was becoming more irritable and nervy
she loved him as only a viking god could be loved
in the silence there was a faint chattering
even the panic of love was an illusion
a moment and she would be past all help
the town clock struck the half hour
it looked foolishly without a church
the belief and herself with it was a corpse
the thing made a big stir in the town
a strange punishment for a little indiscretion

solution of continuity

the world she lived in seemed all a delusion

in an instant all would vanish

the whole thing was an absolute death trap

would she ever have done

in those days she had still her way to make

that is what she found so wonderful

but she had no satisfaction in society

anyone else would have bled to death

to be a comrade with the wolf and the owl

always winter than endless winter

over the moon

she dared not love again and lose

there was nothing strange in that

she was reminded of what her double said

there was a gap an indeterminate distance

the ultimate was always a dream

and this was a great blessing

she had been acting with foolish impetuosity

she laughed shrilly out of fear

a red cloud seemed to close over her eyes

there was one thing that bothered her

he never asked once about the death toll

the whole trip had been a big waste of time

the young Syrian

she refilled the priest's glass

she gave vent to expression of interest

she let her head sink a little to the side

the sermon ended and ablutions performed

from within came a sound like a soft laugh

she had plenty of anguish after that moment

she left a touch on her shoulder light as wind

the body of men in the woods rustled

the passions that ensued must be conceived

she had never abandoned herself to men

like the other goddesses too beautous to be wed

lovely as no other woman was lovely

the ultimate visage of the sacred she hated

when men took her for granted as a woman

the needy monk

big man in that doorway

everything failed to subdue her

she sat wretchedly on a packing case

the creature did not rise again

long ago she uncovered the secrets of the moongates

but she had to throw the book away

silence was hailed as a welcome relief

now there was something moving in the room

she began to feel very uneasy

a pulse started beating in her temple

items of interest

the ideal exists where nothing any longer happens

the voices were not just coming from the medium

she was jumpy about a lot of things

the plane took off without accident

there was a kind of travesty of humanity over there

the thing moved of its own free will

the mirage flurried, trembled, misted away

nor was that altogether without a warrant

a secret weighed heavy upon her soul

a bad feeling began to creep over her

the lower lights

she relapsed into a state of wretchedness

two famine stricken dogs were nosing the garbage

she tried to shake off her gloom

the stillness was stagnation and decay

she was going to have to cease to be dead

a funny thing happened her way home

a naked youth appeared in front of her

i saw a dark sky and tall battlements he said

his suffering did not last long

she began to giggle and it was an insane sound

fun at the seaside

as she walked into the darkness she heard a loud sound

like a flock of homesick cranes flying to their nests

she received no answer that night

by what law of the universe was she set there

she remembered what he said about her being alone

too much alone ravaged by thought

there was a sudden sharp spasm in her throat

due to shock and failure of the heart

she had a long walk before herself the next action day

she stood there like an expectant criminal

crime is beautiful she said in a dream